The Blind Date
by Eediva
Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times. Thorinduil, Glorester, and more... Warnings: references to m-preg and non-con in later chapters. Some OOC simply because this is an AU.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 1/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con in later chapters. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

Alrighty then, this is the first(second but I pretend the other doesnt exist) LOTR/Hobbit ficcy that I've written. And to be honest I don't know where the hell this fiction has spawned from...

* * *

Chapter 1

* * *

"You know they'll kill us when they get back tonight," a tall, thin dark haired elf smirked, looking down at his old friend; a hobbit by the name of Bilbo Baggins.

"Serves them right," Bilbo said, taking a puff of his pipe weed, "Thorin shaved my feet!"

"Why are you complaining?!" Elrond scolded, running a finger across the smooth, hairless skin above his left eye. "At least you can hide your feet! What am I to do about my eyebrow!? I still do not believe Thranduil shaved my eyebrow right off! I look like a fool! Elladan and Elrohir suggested shaving my right eyebrow so they look equal! Those brats…"

Bilbo choked on the smoke from his pipe weed, chuckling weakly.

"Well I better get going, I need to pick up the boys and Arwen- Legolas is staying over tonight," Elrond smiled, "Such a sweet boy- I still don't understand how he is related to that dreadful troll. Shaving my eyebrow…"

* * *

"What do you think, Leggy?" Thranduil sighed, observing him self in the mirror. He stood before a mirror, dressed only in green leggings, holding two different coloured robes. "Should I go with the green robes, or perhaps try the maroon?"

The young elf shrugged at his father, chewing on a braid of blonde hair. "Pink ones."

"I don't have pink ones," Thranduil grunted, "and get your hair out of your mouth, pen-neth!"

"But it taste like water!"

"Well, of course it does," Thranduil sighed, "I just gave you a bath, I need you to be nice and clean before I send you to uncle Elrond tonight."

"Where are you going?" Legolas asked. "Are Elladan and Elrohir going be there ada?"

"They do live with uncle Elrond so yes," Thranduil smiled, "I'm going on a date with a friend of a friend of Uncle Elrond's."

"Are you going to marry her?"

"It's a him and no," Thranduil smiled, kissing the young elfling on the forehead, "I'm just going to go and have dinner with him and then we will see what will happen."

"If you marry him, will he be my new ada?" Legolas asked, frowning, "I don't want a new ada, I like you!"

"Oh, my beautiful boy," Thranduil smiled, collapsing on his bed. "Come here and let me hold you! I will always be your ada!"

The youngster grinned and jumped into his father's arms. "I love you ada!"

"I love you more!"

* * *

"FÍLI! Give me back my brush!" Thorin roared, chasing after the cheeky dwarfling. "Do not make me spank you! FÍLI!"

"That's Kíli!" the older of his two nephews pouted, Thorin stopped and stared for at Fíli for a moment before he resumed his yelling and chasing.

"KÍLI! KÍLI!"

Kíli giggled, making his way towards the bathroom, Thorin hot on his tail, but before Thorin could grab hold of the dark haired child, Kíli tripped over the rug, falling flat on his face.

"Oh Kíli," Thorin sighed when his younger nephew began to whimper. The dwarf dropped on one knee and pulled the child to his feet, turning the boy around to face him. "Are you okay, my little one?"

Kíli sniffed and nodded, holding his arms out for a much-needed embrace. Thorin pulled him into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"Come now, uncle Glóin and Gimli will be here soon," Thorin smiled, "And I made spaghetti!"

Kíli pouted, and Fíli sighed, "Not again!"

"When you're older you can cook for us Fíli!"

"Can't you tell uncle Bombur to cook for us?" Fíli sighed, Kíli nodded vigorously. Kíli had been silent since the death of his parents less then a year ago, opting not to talk. Though he had come a long way since; getting even a nod was nearly impossible several months earlier.

"Now, come on, it isn't that bad?"

"It was still crunchy last time uncle," Fíli grunted.

"Oh shut up," Thorin grumbled.

* * *

"Hello uncle Elrond," Legolas smiled, hugging the older elf around his leg.

"Mae govannen, Little Green Leaf," Elrond smiled, patting the boy's head. "Have you been a good boy for your father?"

"Aye," the boy nodded, his eyes narrowing as he looked up at one of his favourite uncle. "What happened to your eyebrow?"

Elrond was saved from answering as his twin sons came stampeding into the room and carried a giggling elfling with them to the next room!

"What happened, indeed," Elrond said glaring at his friend. Thranduil smiled, "I will get you for this, you know that right?"

"I'll just shave your other eyebrow off," Thranduil shrugged. Elrond shook his head; recognizing the younger elf's expression, he looked apprehensive nervous.

"Are you ready for this?" Elrond asked, suddenly wondering if the date was the best way to get the elf back. It was after all the first date the other elf was going on since the incident. Elrond winced; he had not thought this through. "You can call and cancel if you like."

"No, no," Thranduil said, shaking his head, "It has been five years, I think it's time I moved on. If I do not like him, well… I just wont go out with him again. I mean how bad can it be- it's not like he's an orc or anything!"

"Yeah," Elrond giggled nervously as he followed Thranduil out to the door. "Have a good time, old friend."

"I will," Thranduil nodded, before he flung his arms around the older elf, uncharacteristically. Elrond hugged him back tightly. "Call me, if Legolas needs me."

"I will," Elrond smiled.

"Don't hesitate, in fact I will call you-"

"Meldir, calm down, he is in safe hands here,"

"I know, I just-"

"I understand, this is the first time you have left him alone since that day," Elrond said carefully. "You needn't worry, the boys and Arwen adore him as do I; he is like another son to me."

"I know," Thranduil nodded, smiling helplessly, "I- I should go before I change my mind."

"Go on, and enjoy yourself," Elrond smiled, "Let yourself get to know this man. Who knows, he might be just what you need."

"Have you met him before?" Thranduil asked, heading slowly down the three steps.

"No, like I told you he is a friend of a friend of mine," Elrond smiled. "Do you recall meeting Bilbo Baggins?"

"The hobbit?"

"Aye," Elrond nodded. "Thorin is an old friend of his."

"Okay, I will see you later," Thranduil smiled, "Thank you, Elrond."

"You are most welcome," Elrond smiled back warmly as Thranduil entered his car and finally drove off. Elrond grabbed his head in both hands melodramatically. "I am such an idiot! What was I thinking!?"

* * *

"Oh- I'm late!" Thorin grunted, "Kíli, let go of my foot! I need to leave- uncle Glóin will look after you tonight! And look cousin Gimli is here! Hello Gimli!"

"Hullo unca Thorin!" Gimli said in a deep growly voice. The two grown dwarves chuckled at his bear-like voice!

"Come now, Kíli," Glóin took a hold of Kíli who flailed in his arms as Thorin dove for the door. The youngster had trouble separating from his uncle, but the dwarves knew he had to learn, one way or another. "You're alright laddie, Thorin will be back soon enough."

"Bye Fíli, bye Kíli," Thorin said as he closed the door and raced down the staircase, cursing the broken elevator in his old apartment block. He finally reached the ground level, racing past his brother-in-law's red Toyota Prius that he now used to travel with his nephews, and to his old motorcycle. He revved up engine and drove off.

Of course, being Thorin Oakenshield he lost his way.

Twice.

* * *

Thranduil sighed, thirty long minutes had past since he had arrived. He sat in a booth, lonely. His date hadn't arrived.

His date had stood him up.

Thranduil was ready to get up and leave when the bell jingle behind him sounding the entrance of a being. Thranduil looked over his shoulder and found a dwarf- definitely not his date. Elrond wouldn't dare set him up with a dwarf. Would he? Thranduil's thoughts raced to Elrond's _eyebrow_.

_Oh dear._

"Thrandurin?"

_Oh Valar._

"Are you Thrandurin?" Thorin asked, eying the elf distastefully. He was going to kill Bilbo. He set him up with a fucking elf!

_Oh Eru._

Thranduil imagined himself choking the life out of Elrond.

"I am- I mean, it's Thranduil," the elf responded, sputtering his response. He was glad his father wasn't present to witness that feeble response. The dwarf sat opposite of the elf eying the taller yet thinner being. Piercing blue eyes, ridiculously long blonde hair that he had clipped back into a loose ponytail, he was dressed in a rather expensive looking robe that looked out of sorts in the café but oddly enough it looked good on the elf. Thorin smiled slightly; at least the elf was easy on the eyes. "You must be Thorin."

The dwarf nodded, as Thranduil took him in. Dark, wavy locks, with two long and thick braid behind his dwarfish ears; and oddly enough a beard that wasn't the standard foot long beard that most dwarves possessed. His was short, complementing his features. The dwarf was handsome; Thranduil couldn't deny it.

"So uh, have you ordered?" Thorin decided at least to be civil to the elf. If he enjoyed himself Bilbo's prank would backfire on the sneaky little hobbit! Just like the last prank the blasted hobbit played on him.

"No, I was waiting for you," Thranduil said softly.

"Sorry, I lost my way, twice," Thorin shrugged, "not that good with finding places."

Thranduil smiled, awkwardly, "Perhaps a GPS would be a useful investment."

"I have one, still got lost," Thorin smiled weakly at the elf.

"Are you boys ready to order?" the waitress asked. Thorin quickly glanced at the menu as Thranduil ordered a salad with chips and a Sprite. Thorin was surprised the elf drank anything but water.

"Yes, I'm_ starving_! Uh, yeah, I'll get a large steak, with gravy and chips, and a large coke," Thorin said, "And can we also get some of those garlic prawns, Sue, and garlic bread."

"No worries," the waitress responded, before she walked off. Thranduil raised a brow.

"You know her?" he asked, softly. The dwarf nodded.

"I come here often, _I work down the road_," Thorin responded, "They have great steak, and the prawns are to die for."

Thranduil nodded, "I don't eat meat that often."

"Which explains why you ordered rabbit food," Thorin chuckled. Thranduil looked at the dwarf with a raised brow. It was then Thorin noticed how thick and full of life they were. They reminded him of Bilbo's feet. The dwarf started chuckling louder.

"What is it?" Thranduil asked, confused.

"I just- your eyebrows remind me of Bilbo's hairy feet," Thorin said with out thinking.

"What?!" Thranduil asked, his eyebrows narrowing, offended. He rather liked his eyebrows- they were full of sass!

"Not that they are hairy," Thorin said, laughing harder when he noticed the glare he was receiving. "It's just I shaved his hairy feet two weeks ago; I believe that's why he set me up with an elf!"

Thranduil frowned; but something occurred to him and he smiled. "I believe Elrond did the same to me- I shaved off one of his eyebrows. Hence why I am with a dwarf."

Thorin lost it by now, smacking the table in mirth as he roared with laughter.

"One eyebrow only!? Jokes on them," Thorin said as he sobered up, "I'm rather enjoying myself and my company."

Thranduil blushed slightly, when the prawns and garlic bread arrived. He watched as Thorin picked up a prawn- it was still in its shell. The dwarf pulled it apart and ate the meat inside before he picked up a second.

"Eat, elf," Thorin smiled, pushing the plate closer to the elf. Thranduil eyed the prawns curiously when Thorin held a pealed prawn forward. "Here try it."

Thranduil tentatively took the prawn from Thorin's hand, their fingers touching for the slightest moment. The elf put the prawn to his mouth and took a bite. He chewed softly and then swallowed the small morsel. It was a pleasant flavour, the texture was bearable and soon enough he had finished the rest of the prawn. No sooner he swallowed the last bit Thorin held another to his mouth; the elf opened and took the prawn in, feeling the dwarf's rough finger rub against his bottom lip.

"It's good?"

"It's good," Thranduil nodded as their dinners arrived. Thranduil smiled when Thorin licked his lips and eyed his steak. The two ate in silence, comfortable with the other's presence. Thranduil felt relieved at how the date was going; it wasn't the best place to have a date, as it was in no way romantic but he was enjoying himself. He was terrified of leaving his son alone- sure he had left him alone at school during the day, but this was different. This was the youngster's first sleep over, the first night away from his son. Something occurred to Thranduil all of a sudden interrupting his brooding.

"I don't understand, how did you get lost when you come here often?" Thranduil asked. Thorin blushed.

"I have a terrible sense of direction," Thorin shrugged, "I don't usually drive here, I walk so I think I took the wrong street or something the first time."

Thranduil smiled as he took a sip of his drink.

"So what do you do?" Thranduil asked. The man was a dwarf, he was pretty sure he worked in a mine but he was an elf and he was no toy maker.

"Supervisor at a mine," Thorin responded, "The mines down the road belong to my cousins Oin and Glóin. They're brothers."

Thranduil's head tilted, "Do all dwarves names rhyme?"

"No," Thorin responded, but then he thought about it. "Nori, Dori, Ori… Bombur, Bifur, Bofur… Zippy, Wippy and Flippy… Okay most do. I think my siblings and I were the exception."

"Flippy and Wippy?" Thranduil repeated. Thorin smiled. "I am an only child… What are your siblings names?"

"My brother's Frerin, and my sister's name was Dís," Thorin said, his voice low and full of melancholy. Thranduil looked up at the dwarf with wide eyes. "My mother and father were slain by orcs when we were children. My sister was in a car accident."

Thranduil frowned sadly, "I'm sorry… my mother was slain by one years when I was still a child."

"Yet still that man refuses to do anything about them," Thorin sighed, angrily.

"I've heard rumours," Thranduil said softly, his eyes darting around nervously. "The Steward allows them because they aid his cause."

"Considering they killed the king all those years ago," Thorin growled, understanding the elf's tenseness; but they were in safe territory- no one in this café like orcs- Thorin knew being a regular customer of the place. The last time an orc walked in, it hightailed out from all the glares it received. "I wonder what happened to his boy; I do hope he is well and safe."

"It would be nice to see the return of the King," Thranduil nodded, he stretched in his seat slightly. "Shall we leave? Perhaps a walk is in order?"

"Aye, I'll take care of the bill," Thorin said. Thranduil opened his mouth to object but Thorin stuff the last piece of garlic bread in the elf's mouth. Thranduil made a noise of protest behind the bread. "I will pay this time- and the next. I have the beard after all."

"Are you saying I am the woman of this relationship?" Thranduil asked, playfully.

Thorin chuckled, "You are wearing a dress."

"It's a robe, Hairball," Thranduil laughed.

"Come, let us bask in the moonlight,"

"Well, aren't you romantic," Thranduil smirked. Thorin winked at the elf with a smirk of his own.

* * *

Well that was chapter one. Errr, I don't know which depths of hell this fiction came from but yeah, I had to get it out of my system. Hell, the bloody thing has a sequel in the works right now! The entire story has been written and I'll be updating every few days, simply because I like to keep people on their toes and annoyed.

Yes, Oropher is alive in this fiction- why, because I want him alive, that's why! Actually there is a reason but that reason will be revealed in later chapters. There will be many cameos from many of the characters of both LOTR and the Hobbit, and that's both characters from the book and from the movies. There will be a few OC characters that you'll meet in the later chapters, but they're not that important to the plot. I just added them because I needed more characters. Apparently there wasn't enough…

I know some people will wonder why they(Thorin and Thranduil) get along so quickly- that's obvious. No dragon, no reason to dislike each other. Also in both their minds, this way Elrond and Bilbo's revenge backfires!


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 2/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con in later chapters. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 2

* * *

**_Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Ding Dong._**

Elrond made his way to his front door, when it rang once more. It was most likely a very angry Thranduil; the elder elf was at a loss on what to do- how could he be so foolish to send such a vulnerable elf on a date with a dwarf?!

"Is it ada?" Legolas asked as he ran after Arwen. Elrond smiled in relief as he pulled open the door to find his two other best friends arguing at the door. He was **not** ready for Thranduil to return yet.

"How many times must I tell you not to ring the door bell so many times!" the darker haired elf snapped, "Honestly Glorfindel! The children could be sleeping!"

Elrohir choose then to let out a tremendous roar that sent his younger sister and Legolas dashing to Elrond's leg.

"Sleeping hey?" Glorfindel grinned as Arwen jumped into his arms.

"Uncle Glory!"

"Hello princess!" Glorfindel hugged her back as he pushed his partner through the door.

"Uncle 'Tor!" Legolas wrapped his arms around his favourite uncle Erestor. The elf smiled softly as he bent down to the child's level. "I missed you!"

"I missed you also Green Leaf," Erestor smiled, allowing the child to embrace him.

"Where's Thrandy Randy?" Glorfindel asked, he listened for the elf; expecting to hear the elf tell him not to call him that.

"Out on a date," Elrond said, Glorfindel almost dropped Arwen.

"What?!"

"How the balrog did you convince him?" Erestor asked, his eyes widening.

"Arwen, Legolas go and play in the playroom," Elrond smiled, "I'll make some hot chocolate for us."

"Perks of being half human, hey Elrond?" Glorfindel chuckled.

"Your husband is the one who loves chocolate," Elrond smirked.

"Especially melted," Glorfindel smirked, Erestor smacked him across the shoulder.

"Who was the lucky elf?" Erestor asked.

"Uh, it's not an elf," Elrond said, nervously.

"Human, then?" Glorfindel asked, "I'm surprised he agreed at all to a blind date."

"No, not a human," Elrond shook his head.

"A hobbit?" Glorfindel asked, another shake of the head, "An ent?"

"An ent? Truly Glorfindel? An Ent has not been seen in centuries!" Erestor repeated, blankly. He and Elrond exchanged unimpressed looks for a moment.

"Who is it?" Glorfindel grumbled.

"Do you two recall Bilbo Baggins?"

"The hobbit? You choose the hobbit?"

"No, his friend," Elrond replied, rolling his eyes. "It's a dwarf."

Glorfindel tripped over his feet and fell to the ground. He looked up at Elrond and cried out, "What?! A dwarf!"

"I know! I'm an idiot! I cant believe I agreed to this," Elrond exclaimed, "He'll probably hate me now, his first date in years and I blow it by sending him on a date with a dwarf!"

"Why a dwarf!?" Erestor finally gasped.

"He shaved my eyebrow off!"

"You are a blithering idiot," Erestor sighed, shaking his head. At times he wondered about his friends. "Hurry up and make us some hot chocolate."

* * *

"Come on now Kíli," Glóin said, tiredly. "It's not that bad, uncle will be back soon enough. Come and play with Fíli and Gimli."

Fíli sighed, looking over his shoulder to where Kíli was lying under the table sniffing and shaking his head. The older sibling sat beside Gimli playing with the new Lego set that Uncle Bofur had given them a few days earlier. Fíli pulled himself to his knees and crawled under the table with his little brother, grasping his hand.

"It's alright, little brother," Fíli whispered, "Uncle's just gone out for a little while, he'll be back soon; I promise. Won't you come and play with me and Gimli?"

Kíli shook his head, curling into himself.

"Please, for me, Kíli," Fíli said, sadly. "I miss you and Gimli's becoming sad."

Kíli looked at his brother with dark, watery eyes and nodded. Glóin sighed in relief when finally Kíli emerged from his hiding place and toddled over and sat beside Gimli. The older dwarf smiled proudly when Gimli pushed a far share of Lego pieces before the sad dwarfling. Soon enough the three children were busy building together.

* * *

A few suburbs away in a double storey home, three adult elves and four elflings sat cuddled together before a toasty fire place, listening to Glorfindel retell the story of his battle with a vicious balrog. Legolas was snuggled up tightly in Erestor's arms, his little hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate (which was now warm), listening intently to the tale. Beside him and Erestor, sat Elrohir, his large brown eyes wide, Erestor's left arm was snaked around the elfling holding him close. To Erestor's right was Elrond with his oldest and youngest both seated on his lap, Elladan stared at Glorfindel with an intense stare- each word from the balrog slayer's mouth sinking in, as Arwen rested her little head against her father's chest.

"Just as I thought the blasted thing was going to finish me off," Glorfindel hissed quietly, his blue eyes full of fire, "Ecthelion pounced and defeated the fell beast with one well aimed blow- that bastard! I told him that was my balrog and I wanted to slay the fu-"

"Glorfindel!" Erestor snapped, "Language!"

Glorfindel let out a dramatic sigh; "You always interrupt me at the best part!"

"Yeah, shut up, Erestor!" Elladan snapped. Erestor glowered at the youth.

"Elladan!" Elrond said, firmly. "Do not speak to your uncle with such blatant disrespect!"

"What happened then, uncle Glorfy?" Arwen asked, smacking Elladan across the nose. A look from Elrond stopped Elladan from retaliating.

"Ecthelion and I thought the balrog was done for, but when we stopped arguing we realised we were surrounded by three bloody balrogs including the one Ecthelion thought he killed!"

"Then what happened?" Elrohir asked, pushing himself closer to Erestor. The elder elf held him tighter, knowing the child was in need of comfort.

"**And then I took out all three balrogs and saved uncle Glorfindel's rump**!" roared a newcomer, frightening the balrogs out of the four elflings.

Elrohir and Legolas squealed in surprised; Arwen hid her face in Elrond's chest as Elladan jumped onto Glorfindel in fright.

"Nice, Ecthelion," Erestor grumbled, covered in warm chocolate milk. Legolas was trembling in his carer's arms; Elrohir was no better, he grip tightened around Erestor's arms, quivering. "The first night Legolas spends the night away from his father, we send him home covered in chocolate milk and terrified because of _two idiotic_ balrog slayers."

"Oops," Ecthelion shrugged, frowning slightly. The ancient elf made his way to the young elfings gathering Elrohir into his arms and stroked Legolas' long blonde mane. "Sorry, pen-neth. I didn't think."

"I don't like balrogs," Legolas sniffed, shaking tensely. "Wh-what if they come b-back?"

"They wont," Glorfindel said, softly, "They've were defeated long ago; hundreds of years ago. The last balrog was destroyed by Mithrandir, during the War of the Ring."

"What about dragons?" Elladan asked, horrified at the thought.

"No, no more dragons either," Erestor responded, "No evil lurks in the dark any longer."

"Well, just the orcs," Ecthelion responded, pulling his ebony hair out of his face. "But they will never hurt any of you- we will keep you safe. Alright, time for bed."

"You know Elrohir?" Elladan slid out of Glorfindel's arms and walked to his brother. "The war of the ring occurred thousands of years ago."

"Aye," Elrohir nodded, taking his brother's hand, looking at his brother with some confusion in his eye.

"And the fall of Gondolin occurred many thousand years more," Elladan added as he led his brother towards their bedroom. The older elves stared at each other confused; what was Elladan getting at? "Our uncles and ada are very old- very old indeed!"

"Why you little!" Ecthelion snorted, "He gets that from Celeborn!"

"I think it's more his grandmother," Elrond chuckled, "Alright, my little Evanstar and Green Leaf, it is time for bed. Come I will tuck you in."

"Let me change Legolas first," Erestor smiled, "Lest he was up covered in ants."

"Yuck," Legolas giggled as Erestor helped him wriggle out of one shirt and into the next. Legolas planted a little kiss on Erestor's nose and took hold of Elrond's hand, "Good night!"

"Good night pen-neth," Glorfindel smiled. Elrond disappeared into the hallway with the children as Erestor crawled over towards Glorfindel and snuggled into his arms. Glorfindel greeted him with a loving kiss. Ecthelion smiled to himself as he sat behind his best friend and lover; waiting for his own to return.

Soon enough Elrond was resting comfortably in his arms; his head rested on Ecthelion's powerful chest.

"I wonder how Thranduil's date is going," Glorfindel yawned. "He hasn't called or anything."

"I'm surprised he hadn't barged in ready to murder Elrond hours ago," Erestor smirked, looking over his shoulder at Ecthelion. "Your dear husband set Thranduil up on a date with a dwarf."

"Are you on a suicide mission?" Ecthelion asked, eyes wide. Elrond rolled his eyes, "Don't roll your eyes at-what on earth happened to your eyebrow!?"

Elrond growled.

* * *

"He just dozed off a few minutes before you came," Gloin whispered, as Thorin closed the door behind him carefully. Kíli was asleep on the couch one arm dangling and the other resting under his head.

"How was he after I left?" Thorin asked, softly, "Did he cry too long?"

"No, but he hid under the table for a good half hour before Fíli convinced him to leave," Gloin sighed, "I love the dear boy, but he'll be starting school next year- he needs to be able to separate from you. If he gets this upset from being left with his own family, imagine being left alone with strangers."

Thorin nodded, "I was thinking of enrolling him in a Kindy or something, I cant keep taking him to work with me. It's not that I'm worried about him doing anything while we are there- he never leaves my side when he should be with children his age."

"How was the date?"

"The date was an elf," Thorin said, blandly.

"Bilbo, that little devil!" Gloin chuckled, "Tell me you didn't kill it."

"No actually, I quite enjoyed my date," Thorin nodded, pleased, "I'll be calling him this week to organise another one."

"With an elf!?"

"Yes, Bilbo set me up with a rather good-looking elf," Thorin smiled, "I'm still going to kill him- the fool told me his name was Thrandurin- I must have called him that seven times- each time he had to remind me it was Thranduil."

"That name sounds familiar," Gloin said, thoughtfully. "Thrand-Durin? Bilbo probably called him that intentionally. Made the name sound dwarvish. Are you sure about going out with him again- you and elves don't have great track records- you didn't forget about that last elf you dealt with?"

Thorin grunted, "Don't remind me- Thrandurin isn't like that- I mean Thranduil- damn it Bilbo!"

Gloin chuckled, when soft murmuring behind them caught his attention. Kíli was stirring on the couch, a moment away from falling flat on his back onto the tile underneath him. Thorin rushed over and caught the child before he fell to the hard ground; the sudden movement however awoke him.

"Hello," Thorin smiled, "Sleep well Kíli?"

The child nodded in his arms, snuggling closer to his uncle.

"Come on, I'll put you in your bed," Thorin smiled. "Did you have fun with uncle Glóin and Gimli?"

Kíli nodded again as Thorin carried him to his bed; Fíli's light snores filled the room as did Gimli's slightly louder ones. Kíli yawned, as Thorin slipped him into his bed, above Fíli was asleep in the top bunk, while Gimli was asleep in the spare bed beside them. Gloin stood over his son smiling proudly at the four year old.

"Do you want to leave him here tonight?" Thorin asked, "It's cold outside and you don't want to disturb his sleep…"

"Hhm, aye- come over tomorrow morning- Gin will have some breakfast ready for you and the children," Gloin smiled, he quickly cut his cousin off before he could argue, "Don't object- I have to invite you otherwise when I get home she'll have a field day!"

Thorin chuckled, "women."

"Women," Gloin agreed.

* * *

"Elrond, what is that?" Erestor asked, when Elrond returned with a bottle and a glass. "Wine?"

"Thranduil is going to get here any minute and before he tries to kill me I will offer him wine," Elrond explained with a triumphant smile. "Then, he wont kill me… I hope."

There was a soft rapping at the door; Ecthelion kissed Elrond on the forehead and made his way to the door.

"Oh Elbereth," Elrond whispered, "He is going to kill me."

"Where is that blundering buffoon?" Thranduil's voice came from the hallway.

"My children are about to become orphans," Elrond whispered. Glorfindel snorted only to be slapped across the chest by his lover. Thranduil stalked into the room; his robes billowing around him, Elrond shrunk into himself as Thranduil inched closer. "I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking! I should have never set you up with a dwarf- I'm an idiot! Here have some wine!"

Thranduil froze, a brow rose as Ecthelion slowly eased beside them; ready to shield Elrond if necessary. Of course he wasn't going to completely rain of Thranduil's parade. The prince deserved a little retribution- after all he was set up on a blind date with a dwarf.

"Give me that," Thranduil snatched the bottle from Elrond who raised his arms defensively. Thranduil responded by popping the bottle open, the blonde's eyes widened when the cork popped out, flew across the short distance and smacked Elrond right above his missing eyebrow. Erestor snorted as Elrond swayed on his feet slightly. "Uh… I didn't mean to do that, but I suppose you could call us even then."

"Wine glass?" Elrond squeaked, eyes rolling in his head as Ecthelion held him by his swaying shoulders. Thranduil shook his head and drank directly from the bottle.

"So how was the date?" Erestor asked, "And before you ask no, we had no idea Elrond set you up with a dwarf- he planned it on his own, and did not tell us. I would have suggested picking someone a little more well not dwarvish."

"Me too!" Glorfindel said, quickly- he didn't want a cork knocking him out!

"Then it is a good thing he didn't tell you," Thranduil smiled as he drank from the bottle again, "As he will call me sometime this week to organise another date."

The four elves sputtered, "What?!"

* * *

Kili's silence will be explained in later chapters. And yes, Ecthelion is alive! He sounds like a bloody dream!


	3. Chapter 3

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 3/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con in later chapters. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 3

* * *

"Do you have your lunch?" Thranduil asked.

"Aye," Legolas replied. Thranduil's brow rose. "It's in my bag, ada."

"And your homework?"

"I finished it all last night," Legolas answered, "Can I go now?"

"You know most children are not that excited to go to school," Thranduil smiled.

"I like school, Ms Applebee is nice," Legolas said, happily. "And I made a new friend last week- his name is Pippin! He has hairy feet!"

"A hobbit then… that's exciting," Thranduil laughed, his son's enthusiasm about hairy feet amused him. "Well, you better get going, Little Leaf, I will pick you, the twins and Arwen up this afternoon."

"Bye-bye ada!" Legolas grinned as he grabbed his bag and closed the car door. "I love you!"

"Love you more," Thranduil smiled. "Have a great day!"

* * *

Thorin sighed, organising the fortnightly payments of all the dwarves and men employed at the mines. Beside him, on the ground sat Kíli, currently drawing with a set of chunky crayons, his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth in deep concentration. Thorin peaked at the drawing to find it was of himself and his two nephews. For some reason he looked angry in the picture. The child had drawn bushy eyebrows that narrowed in towards two black dots that were eyes.

"Why am I angry Kíli?" Thorin asked as he finalised the payments. Kíli smiled at him cheekily. "Are you trying to say I'm always angry?"

Kíli giggled and then jumped, startled when Thorin leapt up at him and pulled him into his arms, tickling his sides. Kíli's giggling grew louder as he tried to grab hold of his uncle's wrists to stop him. Behind them two dwarves stood chuckling at the dwarfling's infectious joy. Thorin turned and froze, holding Kíli upright.

"Bofur, Dori," Thorin cleared his throat. "Is everything okay?"

"I like how he pretends we didn't see that," Bofur smirked, he ruffled the boy's hair. "Dori and I are going on a coffee run."

"Would you like some tea?" Dori asked, with a glint in his eyes.

"No I don't want tea," Thorin grunted. "Stop asking me if I want tea!"

Bofur chuckled, "Just the usual then?"

"Make sure its extra strength!" Thorin said, "Last time it was half-strength! Kíli, would you like a baby-chino?"

Kíli shook his head.

"Hot chocolate?" Dori asked.

The boy nodded, with a smile.

"We're going to meet Ori and Fíli at the school first and then get the coffee," Bofur replied, "and then you're going to tell us about your date!"

"What are we? Women!?" Thorin laughed, "Gossiping over coffee!"

"You're still telling us Oakenshield," Bofur snorted, "see you in twenty."

"See you," Thorin smiled; eying his Samsung Galaxy as the two dwarves marched off. He dropped Kíli to the ground gently; the boy returned to his drawing. Thorin contemplated calling the elf; but he wondered if perhaps the elf was at work or something- perhaps a text message would do better. He quickly typed up a message and sent it.

**Hello Elf. How has your day been? Are you free this Friday?**

* * *

Thranduil finished putting away the final file Erestor had given to him to organise for the day. The elf worked part-time at Erestor's Law Firm; the slightly older elf insisted he was the only person Erestor trusted near his paperwork. Apparently the last elf didn't understand the meaning of alphabetical order. Erestor was a little OCD about well, everything; even the pens on Erestor's table were colour coded! But Thranduil didn't mind- the work kept him occupied during the day while Legolas was at school- he hated Wednesdays and Fridays as he'd usually be home doing nothing but waiting for school to finish!

Thranduil also knew it was Erestor's way of looking after him. All his work for the day was done, he realised he had a good half-hour before he had to go and pick up Legolas, Arwen and the twins. His IPhone began to quack signifying a message.

Erestor's head popped in, looking around, inquisitively, "was that a duck?"

"No, I just got a message," Thranduil smiled, "It's from Thorin."

"Hmm," Erestor replied. "What does he say?"

"He's asking how my day has been and if I'm available Friday," Thranduil smiled, he frowned slightly, "Don't we have that thing in Rivendell this Friday?"

"Aye- Lindir would be disappointed if you didn't go," Erestor said, "You haven't heard him play in centuries!"

"Aye, I truly do wish to hear his music," Thranduil nodded, his decision made he began to type back a response. "I'll let Thorin know I can't on Friday- Perhaps Saturday."

"You seem keen on this man… well dwarf," Erestor smiled.

**I cant make Friday :( ****but how is Saturday for you? :)****  
**

"Aye, I don't know, something just clicked- I'm using a human phrase," Thranduil smirked; he sobered slightly, smiling as he recalled his thoughts towards the dwarf. "I just felt comfortable with him, after the initial shock of seeing a dwarf. He made me laugh, and to tell you the truth for a dwarf he is handsome- he doesn't have a ridiculous beard that's longer then my hair!"

"Thranduil, no one has hair as long as yours," Erestor chuckled. "A short beard on a dwarf is unheard of though. Just how short is it?"

"A little longer then stubble," Thranduil replied, "I'll see how this week's date goes; and then I'll add him on Facebook. I can show you a picture then- that is if he has Facebook."

"You and your Facebook," Erestor grumbled.

"Glorfindel is the one obsessed with it," Thranduil smirked, "Also he added a picture of you sleeping on that red beanbag. You were drooling."

"I'm going to kill him," Erestor said, deadpanned. "And I don't drool."

Thranduil's phone quacked again. The blonde elf checked the message and smiled;

"What kind of ringtone is that?" Erestor grumbled. "What does he say?"

"**Saturdays fine; I was thinking we could watch a movie. I hope you hate chick flicks," **Thranduil read, "Saturday's fine. I'll text him back and- Oh dear! I'm going to be late picking up the kids."

"You have ten minutes," Erestor replied, "Just text him back yes already! I'll get your lunchbox, keys and wallet."

"Thanks, Tor," Thranduil said; as he rechecked the message he had typed and pressed send.

"Don't call me Tor!"

**Fantastic, I hate chick flicks- unless if Sandra Bullock is involved. Do you want me to find out what movies are out?**

The phone quacked again as Erestor gave Thranduil his belongings and led him out of the building.

**Bullock has no movies out- how about GI JOE, retaliation? Saturday's movie times aren't out yet so I'll text you're the times later in the week.**

Thranduil waved goodbye to Erestor, and put his phone down as he entered his car. He sent a final response as he turned the engine of his car on.

**That sounds great! I will see you Saturday then! **

He finally drove off, heading in the direction of his son's school.

* * *

Thranduil watched as his son waved goodbye to an extremely small child- most likely a hobbit. He must have been Legolas' new friend Pippin. On the other side of the playground Arwen was talking to a taller blonde human girl while at the entrance of the school Elladan and Elrohir were bothering Orophin- an elfling the same age as the twins- one of the three boys that Galadriel and Celeborn had adopted several years ago. He was the middle child, a shy and polite boy; as opposed to his older brother, Haldir who was haughty and arrogant (Personally Thranduil loved his attitude!) and Rumil who was a cheeky little nightmare and a little bit of a halfwit!

His phone quacked yet again; Thranduil checked his phone to see a text from Elrond.

**Can you get Orophin? I forgot to call you earlier- the in-laws are over!**

Thranduil responded with an okay before he turned the engine off and exited the car. Legolas spotted him immediately and came running excitedly towards his father. Thranduil didn't miss the looks he received from everyone surrounding him; parents, teachers and children were eying him. The elf wasn't surprised in any way. He was an attractive elf, what with his long silky blonde locks, curvaceous hips, piercing blue eyes that stared into ones soul- or so that's how Glorfindel, Ecthelion and Elrond described him!

He was sure if he was them he'd stare at himself too.

"Ada!" Legolas pounced, throwing himself into his father's arms. Thranduil wrapped his arms around the youngster. "I missed you."

"I missed you more, Green Leaf," Thranduil sighed, placing a kiss on the back of the elfling's head. "Lets go and get Arwen, the twins and Orophin."

"Is Phin coming with us?" Legolas asked.

"Aye, you go and get Arwen and I will get the boys," Thranduil said, letting Legolas slide down to the ground before he took off running in Arwen's direction. Thranduil headed over to the twins, smiling at the boys' roughhousing with Orophin, "Mae Govannen boys."

Thranduil let out a grunt when the twins tackled him into a hug.

"Orophin, you are coming with us," Thranduil smiled patting his faux-nephews on the head. "We are all having dinner together tonight- Ecthelion is apparently barbequing."

The boys cheered in approval, following as Thranduil led them to the car- which he had borrowed from Elrond- his own car was good for himself and Legolas but Elrond's Jeep seated more children!

* * *

Thorin smiled when Kíli's face lit up when Fíli returned with Ori, Dori and Bofur. The youngster got to his feet and rushed towards his brother. Thorin chuckled deeply when Kíli pushed past his brother and reached up for his hot chocolate that was in Bofur's hand.

"Well, hello to you too," Fíli grumbled, his lip twitching in what looked to be a smile in hiding. Bofur handed the dwarfling the small cup of hot chocolate, which he took a sip from eagerly; once he decided it wasn't too hot he took longer slurps.

"How was school today, lads?" Nori asked when he and several other dwarves walked in eying the several coffee trays Dori and Bofur had brought with them. They currently sat on Thorin's desk, waiting for the right dwarf to come by and drink them. "Ahhh, sweet. Vanilla Latte!"

"Nothing beats coffee after eight hours of work," Bofur said, cheerfully. Kíli tugged on Bofur's shirt, shaking his head as he pointed at his hot chocolate, "You're too young to know how good coffee is- when you're older laddie and then you'll never want a hot chocolate again!"

Kíli looked scandalized as he shook his head.

* * *

The elves stared at the large piece of meat spun around slowly over an open fire.

"Ecthelion, what is that?" Elrond asked.

"Lamb Spit!" Ecthelion said excitedly, "The humans always have barbeques with lamb spits! I've always wanted to do that!"

"But it still has a head," Elladan said, his face contorted in disgust.

"That's not its head," Elrohir replied.

"I'm not eating from that side," Elladan said, bluntly.

"Is that blood?" Haldir asked leaning closer.

"Just wait until you try it and then you can complain!" Ecthelion huffed, looking annoyed. "I should have stayed dead! I cook for everyone and they all complain!"

"Oh quit your whining," Glorfindel chuckled.

"This is your fault!"

"Why's it my fault!?"

"You suggested the lamb spit!"

"No I said lamb cutlets, you dolt!"

"You said spit,"

"I said 'don't spit on me!'"

"I don't spit!"

"You just spat now!"

"I DID NOT!"

"Did TOO!"

"NO I DIDN'T!"

"YES YOU-"

"Will you two idiots shut up!?" Erestor snapped, "Honestly! Children! Both of them!"

"I can imagine this is why they died in Gondolin all those years ago," Thranduil smirked as Celeborn sat beside him, carrying two wine glasses and a bottle of his best wine. Thranduil's eyes perked up approvingly as he took a glass from the elder elf.

"So, I've heard you've finally started dating again," Celeborn said warmly. Thranduil nodded as he smelt the sweet wine and took a sip. "A dwarf?"

"Aye, his name is Thorin," Thranduil nodded, "We've only been out once- but I am going again this Saturday. He- he seems like a good man."

"I'm glad to hear that," Celeborn smiled, "I've been worried about you all these years, I've hoped you would find love again."

"It's still a little early to call it love," Thranduil blushed weakly. "Besides, he is a dwarf, ada will go crazy!"

"Oropher already is crazy, pen-neth!" Celeborn laughed at Galadriel's snarky comment.

"Besides, at the end of the day all he wants is for you to be happy," Celeborn said. "He knew you hated it in the palace; he did pay for that house-"

"-That accursed house," Thranduil shuddered.

"Legolas is safe, my beloved boy," Celeborn said, rubbing Thranduil's back gently. "Thanks to you-"

"No- thanks to Ecthelion- had he not been there…" Thranduil shuddered. He decided a change in subject was needed. "Will you be travelling to Rivendell this Friday?"

"Aye," Celeborn said, "I will be there. I haven't seen Ereinion in some time now, and it has been a while since I've heard Lindir sing and play. He stopped singing for a while after what happened…"

"He still hasn't found him has he?" Thranduil asked. Celeborn shook his head sadly. It was a depressing story that was unfortunately a common occurrence. Three centuries ago Lindir had fallen in love and married an elven maiden. She bore him a son, but an orc attack left him burying a wife and missing a son. No one knew where the child had disappeared to, whether he was alive or not. Both Celeborn and Thranduil knew for Lindir, the difficult part came in not knowing what had happened to his child. Both Celeborn and Thranduil were fathers; they understood his loss. Celeborn lost his only daughter, Elrond's wife and mother to his three children, to orcs years ago and Thranduil couldn't imagine his life with out Legolas in it.

Thranduil smiled back at his son who waved at him, a bright smile adorned his face.

The boy was his reason for getting up in the morning.

* * *

"You are late," Thranduil smirked when Thorin rushed up to him panting for breath as he rested his hands on his knees bending over as he breathed in roughly. "Can I assume you were lost again?"

"Shut up Elf," Thorin chuckled, "I had to try and escape my nephew- he wouldn't let me leave!"

Thranduil smiled; the fact that the dwarf was a family man and liked children was always a bonus. His smile deepened when the dwarf held out his hand for the elf to take hold of and led him in the movie theatre.

"I'll get the tickets," Thranduil said, reaching for his pocket.

"No! I told you already I have the beard, I pay!" Thorin said, firmly. Thranduil let out a sigh.

"At least let me get the snacks," Thranduil tried to compromise.

"No!" Thorin said, stubbornly.

"Please," Thranduil pouted, his lip quivering. The dwarf's face softened and Thranduil knew he had him. "I don't want to take advantage."

"Fine," Thorin sighed. Thranduil grinned; he would have to thank Legolas for that. No wonder the child always stared at him like that!

"What would you like then?"

"M&M's and a coke Slurpee will do," Thorin replied.

"Is that all? you don't want anything else?" Thranduil asked.

"Actually I'm_ starving_, I'll get some chips too," Thorin said, "Maybe after the movie we could go and get pizza."

"Sounds like an idea," Thranduil smiled, "Do you know a place?"

"Down the road," Thorin responded, as they separated. Thorin made his way to the tickets as Thranduil went for the food. Once he paid for the tickets and pocket them in his wallet he headed over to were he found Thranduil collecting the food. Thorin watched him from a distance admiring his date; this time the elf opted for something more casual, he was dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a deep blue dress shirt under a black blazer that did wonders for the god-like physique. The dwarf's brow furrowed when a man approached the elf, the look on Thranduil's face made it clear whatever the man was saying was not appreciated by the elf. Thorin slowly made his way back ready to defend the elf, all the while wondering how the elf was going to deal with the man; the dwarf flinched when suddenly the elf raised a hand and slapped the man angrily across the face. Thorin sped up.

The man stumbled and just as he was about to retaliate, Thorin threw him directly into a bin. Muffled protests filled the bin as his feet swung high in the air. Thorin and Thranduil eyed each other and chuckled. The two turned and headed in the direction of the theatre.

"What did he say to you?"

"He had the nerve to ask me _how much_!?" Thranduil said, outraged. The elf froze, his eyes widening as Thorin growled. "Do I look like a whore?"

"Of course not," Thorin growled, his eye twitched, suddenly he wanted to pull the man out of the bin and knock some sense into him! The elf did look a little like a woman, but most certainly not a hooker! "The nerve of some bastards! Unbelievable!"

"I can't believe you tossed him into the bin like that," Thranduil smiled.

"It's where trash like him belongs," Thorin shrugged, "Come on, lets get going, movies about to start."

"Okay, let me just pay for this- no- no!"

The dwarf had snatched what was in the elf's hands and sped of like an old man running from his wife and her wooden spoon towards the worker who eyed him oddly. Thranduil chased after him laughing.

"Come back here I said I would pay! Do not take his money!"

"Don't listen to him," Thorin said, as he handed another bill to the teen who stared at both males like they were insane.

"You're impossible," Thranduil sighed, as Thorin grinned dragging the elf along as he carried the food. "We are in cinema six."

"Where is that?" Thorin asked.

"Upstairs to the left," Thranduil said, "Here let me hold some of those-"

"No, I'm fine, lead the way elf," Thorin said, stubbornly. Thranduil ignored him and took the drinks from his hands. "Too many stairs."

"They are not that bad," Thranduil smiled.

"You have longer legs elf," Thorin smirked, as he stepped the final step and turned right. "Come on, we're going to be late."

"Especially if you go the wrong direction again," Thranduil laughed, turning left. Thorin turned and chased after the elf smiling. Soon enough the two were sitting comfortably with their drinks and snacks surrounding them. The cinema was half full, and full of commotion. The two sat in relative silence waiting for the movie to start; most of the talking came from Thorin complaining about the previews, that he was starving and asking for the food.

"I hate waiting for movies to start," Thorin mumbled just as the movie began. Someone in the audience shushed him. Thranduil giggled quietly when Thorin raised a certain finger in the direction of the person who had told him to be quiet.

"You are such a child," Thranduil whispered, leaning in closer to the dwarf. Thorin smirked as the two fell into a comfortable silence watching the movie.

* * *

Celebrian didn't take a ship to the undying lands cause there isn't any undying lands; she died If the undying lands remain the elves wouldn't… This fiction wouldn't work with them.

Just if you're curious the elves/dwarves/hobbits kids ages are as follow. Kili is 5, Fili and Merry are 8, Elladan/Elrohir, Orophin, Frodo and Sam are 9, Arwen, Legolas and Pippin are 6, Gimli is 4, Haldir is 14 and Ori is 10


	4. Chapter 4

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 4/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con in later chapters. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 4

* * *

Thorin sat comfortably between his nephews watching Sponge Bob Square Pants. Kíli had fallen asleep while Fíli was slowly dozing off; it was almost the middle of the night and both boys refused to sleep in their beds. Kíli had not let Thorin out of his sight all day, ever since he return from his date with the elf earlier. Thorin didn't miss the glares Kíli sent his way; the pre-schooler was angry with him. Fíli was exhausted, yet was forcing himself to stay awake, every so often he'd jerk himself up. Thorin let out an exasperated huff and arose carrying Kíli with him.

"Fíli, enough, you need to sleep and so do I," Thorin said tiredly. "Get up and go to your bed, I will carry Kíli in."

"No, you'll leave again!" Fíli whined, "I don't want you to go!"

"Fíli, I cant always stay with the two of you," Thorin sighed, "Sometimes I need to go out, I need to have a break."

"But you promised," Fíli whimpered, his eyes watering. "You promised you wouldn't leave us."

Thorin froze, their behaviour suddenly made sense. His stern look softened as he knelt before his nephew, "I did promise, and I still haven't broken that promise- I always come back- I'm always here Fíli. I don't leave you behind because I don't love you or don't want you. I go out because that's what adults do; they go on dates, they socialise. I don't want to be alone anymore, Fíli. I have you and Kíli but I need more, I need what your mother had with your father."

Fíli paled slightly at the mention of his parents but nodded, "Okay, but you wont forget us will you?"

"I couldn't forget you if I tried," Thorin said, warmly as he tucked Kíli in and then lifted Fíli up to his bed. "You and your brother are the most important people in my life. You always will be!"

"I love you,"

"I love you more," Thorin smiled. "Have a good night sleep, and I will see you in the morning."

Thorin switched off the main light, leaving only the night-light shining dimly in a corner of the room. He closed the door and headed to his bedroom, yawned and scratching the back of his neck as he went. He had another date planned with the elf, that Tuesday- he had managed to book a reservation in one of the best restaurants he knew of in the city- he had never been before and it was one of the most expensive places he knew- but it wasn't like he had no money- he had his inheritance from his parents and he did work in a mine after all. His thoughts were enslaved by the elf that was slowly entrapping his every thought; he was bewitched. The long blonde hair that flowed down his back like silky satin, those eyes, they reminded him of the arkenstone. Everything about the elf was bewitching; his walk, his talk, his manner, his smile and more.

Sleep didn't come until the early hours of the morning; and by then he had two rascal dwarflings jumping on his bed.

* * *

"Pancakes! I love pancakes!" Legolas said cheerfully as he sat himself before a plate of blueberry pancakes. "Thanks daddy."

"You're welcome, my little Prince," Thranduil smiled.

"Is Ata'da coming over?" Legolas asked, hopefully. Thranduil looked at his son, mysteriously.

"Perhaps," Thranduil smiled, knowingly. "What do you think?"

"I think you should just say aye or nay," Legolas smirked. Thranduil chuckled and nodded, "He's coming?"

"Aye, he's coming," Thranduil confirmed. Legolas squealed in delight as Thranduil sat beside him with his own plate of pancakes.

"When will he be here?" Legolas asked, "Will he come now? I hope he comes now!"

The doorbell rung, and before Thranduil could say a word, the child was bolting down towards the door screaming for his grandfather! Thranduil chuckled to himself as he bite into his pancakes. He could hear his father's voice coming from the door, as he greeted his overexcited grandson.

"My oh My! Look how much you have grown!? What on Earth has your father been feeding you, my little prince?!"

"I'm not fat!" Legolas said, outraged. Thranduil spat up his wine-laced tea in amusement; his father burst out laughing and from the sounds of Legolas's complaints had swooped the child into his arms.

"Come let's find that father of yours," Thranduil looked over his shoulder and smiled warmly at his father who strolled in chirpily. "Good morning, ion-nin!"

"Morning adar," Thranduil smiled, he held up the teapot as his father sat beside him; his grandson still in his arms. "Tea?"

"Is that wine I smell in it?" Oropher asked, his dark brow rising. Thranduil smirked, "Just like your mother."

Thranduil grinned at that statement. "How are things in Greenwood? And Ereinion, who is winning the chess game?"

"I am of course. I've left things in Silinde's capable hands," Oropher smiled, Legolas began to devour his pancakes again. "Ereinion came by the other week- he's still as charming as ever."

"I was in Imladris Friday night," Thranduil smiled, "It's nice how it only takes an hour to travel these days. Had you left Greenwood today, in the past, you would not have arrived until the next full moon."

"Cars, man's only good invention," Oropher said brightly.

"The internet and the telephone are nice," Thranduil smiled, "We do not need to send messengers anymore."

"Aye, Dínendal was complaining about the internet the other day," Oropher chuckled. "He no longer travels as much as he use to."

"If I remember correctly, he hated the travelling," Thranduil laughed.

"No, he hated the coming back to find out I forgot to mention something and having to return again," Oropher chuckled. "I did that intentionally after the first time."

"That's just cruel," Thranduil said, shaking his head. "No wonder he wanted to return to Loth-Lorien after that seven time you did that to him!"

"He loves me!" Oropher snorted, "Besides, its not like it came with out benefit, his heart was still in Loth-Lorien- every time he went he was able to spend sometime with that Aewenel lady."

"Who?"

"One of Galadriel's servants," Oropher smiled, a bittersweet smile. "The last time he went he finally approached her; when he returned back to Greenwood… he found out she had been slain by orcs. He was devastated; they had planned to marry there and she would return with him."

"These orcs have plagued our lives for too long, adar," Thranduil sighed, "It is a pity they have the same rights as we all do."

"Pity indeed," Oropher sighed, before he turned his attention to the pancakes and like Legolas, scoffed them down quickly. "Mmm, these are good, did you make them?"

"Aye," Thranduil nodded, "They are not too sweet?"

"No, perfect," Oropher replied, "How has school been Legolas? Are you studying very hard?"

"It's good, I coloured in a horsey!"

"He is in first grade, adar," Thranduil responded, "I'm not sure one can study the ABC."

"And how is that job of yours going?" Oropher asked. "Erestor pushing you hard?"

"Hardly, he's so organized I hardly do anything," Thranduil chuckled. "I told you he colour codes his pens right?"

"Sounds just like him- Ereinion was complaining that his latest advisor is a halfwit. And what is this, I have heard you are dating now?" Oropher said, his eyebrow rising, "Why was I not informed?"

"Well, it has only been two dates, adar," Thranduil blushed weakly. "I'm not sure what to make of this yet. There is definitely something between us that I would like to explore. He seems like a great man."

"He's a man?" Oropher asked, his brow almost popped off.

"Well, no, Thorin is a dwarf," Thranduil said quietly. He held his breath as his father stared at him from behind the teacup. He then did the only logical thing he could possibly do after learning his son was dating a dwarf. He sprayed the liquid out of his mouth in surprise. Thranduil winced.

"A dwarf?! My son is dating a undersized, hairy, classless ape of a dwarf!?" Oropher asked, his voice rising, Legolas eyed his grandfather with worried eyes. "What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"There is nothing wrong with me!" Thranduil said defensively. "I'm dating him! I'm not going to go and marry him! I've been out with him twice and I only met him last week!"

"Does he know you are a prince?!" Oropher asked, angrily. "I know of dwarves and their greed- he must know- _why else would a dwarf choose to date an __**elf**__!"_

"He didn't know I was an elf! It was a blind date!" Thranduil snapped, slapping his hand across the table. Legolas quickly slid of his chair and ran out of the room. "Oh thank you! You just scared my son out of the kitchen! Thank you very much adar!"

"Yes, imagine his fear when his father weds a filthy, gold-digging, _HAIRY_ dwarf!" Oropher roared, throwing the teacup across the room. It shattered, showering the wall with a red liquid. Thranduil flinched and backed away slightly from his fuming father. "Break it off with him at once! I will not have my heir gallivanting with a filthy dwarf! He is beneath you!"

"Excuse me," Thranduil hissed, "He is not- Do I look like some little elfling who you can order around now!? I will not-"

He was cut of when a harsh slap knocked him into the fridge. He stumbled, grasping his cheek in shock, his eyes wide as he eyed his father.

"Do not make me repeat myself," Oropher snarled, getting into his son's personal space. "I have given you much space and leniency but you continue to disappoint me! It is time to grow up, boy!"

Thranduil sunk to the floor, still grasping his cheek as his father charged out of the house, leaving him stunned alone and in despair.

* * *

Thranduil finally picked himself up of the ground and headed towards his phone. A single tear slid down his cheek, against his stinging cheek as he stared at Thorin's number. He had to call and cancel their date- the dwarf had surprised him with a reservation at Pallani's. It was one of the best restaurants in the area. And quite expensive… He knew from personal experience.

He put his phone down. His dwarf was _no_ gold digger.

Well at least not in the way his father meant.

The dwarf refused to let him pay for anything and was now taking him to one of the best places they could possibly go. Thranduil knew that the dwarf wouldn't let him pay again.

He was going out with the dwarf again. Oropher and his threats be damned!

* * *

Kíli's screams tore through the house as Thorin struggled to calm the pre-schooler down. The child had learnt Thorin was leaving for the third time, when he realised Glóin and Gimli had returned for the third time! He kicked and threw himself to the ground, screeching as Thorin and Glóin watched him bewildered.  
"Kíli! Stop!" Thorin ordered, trying to pick the boy up. Kíli responded by laying several smacks across Thorin's forehead. The dwarf dropped the child and backed away, grumbling in pain as Kíli grabbed a box of Lego and threw it directly towards Fíli and Gimli who watched nervously. Thorin knocked the box off course before it could collide into the children, sending several Lego pieces flying everywhere.

"KÍLI!" Thorin roared, grabbing the child by the arm, forcing him to stand still. "ENOUGH! I WILL NOT HAVE YOU THROWING THINGS AT YOUR BROTHER OR COUSIN! STOP!"

"Don't hurt him, uncle," Fíli whimpered when Thorin raised his hand at the child. Glóin poised himself ready to stop Thorin, if anything got out of hand. "He is sorry, he will listen."

Thorin lowered his arm, took a deep breath but made Kíli to sit in the corner of the room, "You will sit there until you calm down. I am leaving. I will be back tonight when I finish. You will both behave for uncle Glóin. If I hear otherwise you will be in big trouble! Is that understood?"

Fíli nodded immediately his eyes shining with unshed tears, Kíli pouted and sniffed sadly. Thorin knelt behind him and placed a kiss on the back of the head of the boy.

"I will come back Kíli," Thorin said, softly stroking his hair. "Please be good."

Thorin arose, gave Glóin a nod and left the apartment, closing the door behind him. He rested his head on the door for a moment and sighed. Kíli would be fine- he would be back soon enough to comfort the boy.

* * *

He met Thranduil outside of restaurant, the blonde look a little nervous, playing with the ring on his finger. Thorin smiled at the elf, who had yet to notice him; Thranduil looked like his mind was elsewhere. The dwarf frowned slightly; there was a small bruise on the elf's left cheek. As far as he knew elves healed quickly, so it must have been a really bad bruise that was going down or a very fresh bruise.

"Hey," he greeted, resting his hand on the elf's shoulder (He had to rise on his tiptoes but he wasn't going to mention that to the elf) Thranduil flinched slightly, concern built up in the dwarf. "You okay?"

"Uh- yeah, I just- I'm fine," Thranduil nodded. "Lets just go inside."

The dwarf looked at him sceptically, but led the elf inside anyway. The dwarf watched the elf; it was as though he felt like someone was watching him or something. Once he confirmed their reservation, Thorin took hold of the elf's hand following the waiter to their table, startled when the elf squeezed his hand tightly. The elf still wasn't looking at him, his eyes darting around, biting his bottom lip.

They sat in a booth that was hidden in the corner of the restaurant; they were able to see the rest of the people in the room but were not visible themselves. Thorin's concern deepened when he noticed the elf, relax slightly. He was still too tense though.

"Thranduil, what happened to your face?" Thorin asked when the waiter left to bring back water and the menus.

"Nothing, I just walked-"

"Please don't lie to me," Thorin interrupted the elf, gently, "I ask because I care. I do not know where our relationship is heading, whether we will be more then just friends; but I am your friend- I- if some one is hurting please don't let them."

Thranduil stared at his hands, his eyes downcast, "I don't really want to talk about it just yet- I- I'm sorry."

"Fine, but whenever you are ready I'm here," Thorin said, soothingly. "So have you ever been here before?"

"Thank you," Thranduil nodded, his voice soft, feeling relieved as he smiled delicately at the dwarf, "I came a few times with my mel- my friends. The food is quite nice- very expensive but worth it."

"Money isn't an issue- I work in a mine," Thorin chuckled, "My concern is always the food itself!"

Thranduil smiled; the smile Thorin was use to seeing; the elf was finally relaxing. The waiter returned and placed two menus before them as well as a jug of water and two glasses.

"May I get you a bottle of wine?" he asked, recognizing the elf. Thorin's brows narrowed as Thranduil nodded.

"Yes please, the usual thank you," Thranduil replied.

"I'll be back in a moment for your orders sirs," the waiter smiled.

"Thank you," Thranduil said, as he looked at the menu.

"Do you drink often?"

"If alcohol effected me I'd be an alcoholic," Thranduil said honestly. "I enjoy my wine."

"How did you get here?" Thorin asked. The elf's attention was on the menu he didn't notice the tense stare on the dwarf's face.

"I walked- I always walk here," Thranduil replied, Thorin sagged relieved. "I live a few blocks away."

"I'll drop you off," Thorin said, firmly, "Walking the streets alone at night intoxicated- what with all these orcs."

"I killed thousands of those orcs," Thranduil replied, smiling brightly. "One does not stay alive so many centuries with out learning how to kill an orc! And like I said, I do not get intoxicated, perks of being elven- otherwise my liver would hate me."

"You sound like you drink a lot," Thorin said, bluntly.

"Only wine. You sound like you don't drink at all," Thranduil responded.

"I like a cold beer on a hot day here and there. Do you know what you're going to order?" Thorin smiled at the elf; at least he was relaxing again. He didn't like seeing the elf tense; it was like the elf was scared. Perhaps the wine would do him some good.

"Aye, I order the same thing every time," Thranduil said.

"Is it a salad," Thorin asked.

"No, vegetables with steak- I rather enjoy their steak," Thranduil nodded, "My suggestion. Oh and by the way- I am paying for the wine- seeing as you wont be drinking any. Which is fine by me- I hate sharing my wine."

Thorin chuckled as the waiter returned. Thranduil ordered the same meal for the two of them- and Thorin added a few appetizers; garlic prawns, French fries, warm bread with dips and something called cuisses de grenouille. When the waiter left Thorin noticed the unease was returning to the elf- he was looking over his shoulder yet again.

"My nephew threw a fit before I left," Thorin said, deciding to ease the elf with his own personal tales. "He threw a box of Lego at his brother and cousin- I had to kick it across the room to stop it."

"Which one?" Thranduil asked, facing the dwarf again.

"Kíli, the younger one, my sister always joked he had my temper, though I don't recall throwing anything at her or Frerin," Thorin chuckled, Thranduil smiled warmly at him. "In all honesty I was ready to spank him. His brother came to his rescue- something I recall Frerin doing whenever Dís was a little too mischievous for her own good. Dwarf women are rare so my father spoiled her- of course this didn't sit well with my mother- she expected us all to behave at all times."

"Having a brother and sister when you grew up would have made your childhood easier," Thranduil smiled, sadly.

"You are an only child aren't you?" Thorin asked. Thranduil nodded, "Then you will never feel the pain of losing your little siblings. I haven't seen Frerin in years…"

Thranduil looked at the dwarf sadly. "I had a lonely childhood, you are lonely now."

"Was," Thorin smiled, "How can I be lonely with an elf like you to keep me on my toes, and that stupid fat hobbit setting me up with such terrible company!"

Thranduil snorted, "Oh, I'm dreadful!"

"Aye, what with the mesmerizing eyes, and that ridiculously long silky blonde hair, the rabbit food fetish-"

Thranduil spat up his water at that comment, causing the dwarf to cackle just as the appetizers came. As the waiter sat them on the table, Thorin's eyes bulked at the sight of something unusual.

"What the hell is that!?" Thorin asked, his voice full of surprise but quiet as he pointed at the offending appetizer.

"That's the cuisses de grenouille," the waiter said, smiling.

"Curses of what?" Thorin asked.

"They're frog legs, Thorin," Thranduil smiled.

"That's disgusting," Thorin whispered. "Why frogs?"

* * *

"A motorbike?" Thranduil eyed the offending vehicle uncertainly. Thorin pulled a spare helmet out and held it toward to the elf.

"That's my baby," Thorin smirked with a nod. He nudged the elf once more with the helmet, "Here, pop it on."

"I'm not sure," Thranduil said, hesitantly. He moved back slightly. "I-"

"It'll be okay," Thorin promised gently, taking hold of the elf's warm hand, placing the helmet in his hand. "Trust me."

Thranduil nodded, swallowing, as he slowly put the helmet over his head, his hands shaking slightly as he did. Thorin was already sitting on the bike, pulling the helmet on.

"Wrap your arms around my waist or chest," Thorin said. The elf nodded slipping his arms around the dwarf's chest. "Just hold on tight."

The dwarf finally started the engine and took to the street- Thranduil's grip tightened as Thorin sped down the street towards the elf's home. Thorin rested one hand above Thranduil's, affectionately squeezing the hand, soothingly. He turned into the next road, the turn startling the elf again. The dwarf smirked, until Thranduil squeezed him a little to tightly.

"Can't breathe, elf," Thorin gasped. Thranduil muttered at apology as finally they had reached their destination. He killed the engine and pulled his helmet off, Thranduil was yet to let him go. "We're here, Thranduil."

Thranduil nodded but still held on tight.

"You can let me go now," Thorin said, wedging the elf's hands apart. Thranduil nodded stiffly finally releasing the dwarf. "You okay."

"I think so," Thranduil whispered. Thorin smiled, spinning himself around so he could face the elf. He was yet to remove the helmet. Thorin gently lifted it up and over the elf's face, revealing the elven beauty. His eyes were big and bright under the moonlight; Thorin's breath hitched as he raised his hand, placing it lightly against Thranduil's cheek. The elf closed his eyes and leaned into the touch; Thorin's eyes widened ever so slightly when the elf leaned down, closer towards him. Thorin moved his hand behind the nape of the elf's neck, loving the feel of the elf's soft hair as he pulled the elf closer and closer until finally their lips connected. The kiss was soft, full of passion and need. They fought for domination but eventually Thranduil gave in letting the dwarf take control.

When the kiss finally stopped fireworks sounded in the distance- startling the two males. Thorin chuckled, planting another kiss on the soft lips.

"You're perfection," Thorin whispered, huskily. He pulled the elf into a third kiss.

"Your beard is tickling me," Thranduil moaned, "I like it."

Thorin responded by rubbing his cheek against Thranduil's. The elf shuddered.

"I better go inside," Thranduil whispered into his ear. "Will I see you next week?"

"If it was up to me I'd see you tomorrow," Thorin said, Thranduil blushed and looked away. Thorin made the elf look at him to kiss him once more. "But I will definitely call you."

"Good night," Thranduil smiled, he turned and made his way up to his home, looking over his shoulder to see the dwarf gazing at him, wonder in his eyes.

"Sweet dreams, elf," Thorin whispered as Thranduil finally disappeared inside his home. The dwarf drove away, looking forward to seeing his nephews.

* * *

Okay, maybe they're moving a little too quickly but that's okay! Sometimes it's the sooner, the better!


	5. Chapter 5

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 5/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con in later chapters. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 5

* * *

Several weeks had past and Thorin and Thranduil had just finished their fourth date. They had decided to have their fourth date in the same café as their first date. After they ate, the two decided to go on another walk, this time Thorin led Thranduil in the direction of his work place.

"Mines have changed in the last few hundred years," Thranduil murmured as he looked over the fence shielding the mines. There was a glass building to the left of the ground which Thorin informed Thranduil it was where he worked; he worked mainly administrate work as working in the mines was something he couldn't afford to do anymore- he had Kíli and Fíli to look after now so shorter days at work were a must for the dwarf. He didn't mind though; his boys needed him now. They were the only family he had left. Or at least the only family he had around.

The dwarf eyed the elf, as Thranduil strained his neck to get a better look at his surroundings.

"Just how old are you?" Thorin asked, curiously. Thranduil paled slightly; if anything scared the dwarf off it would be his age.

"Uh, over 6700 years," Thranduil replied quietly. Thorin made no sound as he took the number in.

"So you were around during the war of the ring?" Thorin asked.

"Aye," Thranduil nodded, "I uh, was living in Greenwood during that time."

"Green- oh Mirkwood, that's not too far from here," Thorin said, "So you're one of those wood elves! Do you hear trees talking?"

"Aye," Thranduil smiled, he decided not to mention that the trees were now silent; they had been for many centuries.

"What do they say? I bet they complain about birds a lot!"

Thranduil chuckled, amused, "Well how old are you then?"

"Turning 87, last day of November," Thorin yawned. The dwarf was still rather young in age. "All that food and walking has exhausted me."

"Really, I feel quite rejuvenated," Thranduil shrugged. Thorin smirked.

"Truthfully, I am surprised someone at your age doesn't require a walking stick," Thorin said, rather cheekily.

"I'm surprised someone at your age is toilet trained," Thranduil said, playfully. Thorin snorted, taking the elf's soft hand into his own. "What are you doing?"

Pulling the elf along behind him Thorin led him past the mines and up a hill, "Come, I want to show you something."

Thranduil allowed himself to be steered by the dwarf up a steep hill, past several tall oak trees. Until finally they stopped at the top of the hill, Thranduil looked over the dwarf to see the lights of the city, shining in the distance.

"Wow," Thranduil whispered.

"Wow is right," Thorin said, staring at the elf, swallowing nervously. In the light of the moon the tall elf looked like an angel. He was glowing, his long hair flowing down his back, shimmering against his pale skin.

"Where are we?" Thranduil asked as Thorin sat on the ground cross-legged. Thranduil followed sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head resting on his kneecaps.

"On top of the mine," Thorin said, "I come up here whenever I need to think or take a break. I've never seen in during these hours before. It's even more beautiful. The White Castle looks beautiful in the dark. It still shines white in this darkness."

"Aye, that it is," Thranduil smiled. "It reminds me of Eryn Lasgalen… Mirkwood; my father is still there."

"Really, I heard it was abandoned," Thorin said, in surprise.

"Some of my people remain," Thranduil replied, "I haven't been since the birth of my son."

"How old is he?" Thorin asked.

"He turns seven in a few months time."

"My nephews are five and eight," Thorin replied. "I have been looking after them for the past year- their parents; my sister died in a car accident. Kíli- the younger of the two- was in the car at the time; a drunken bastard ran them off the road down. Killed himself and my sister and brother-in-law."

Thorin's eyes narrowed angrily, his voice low as Thranduil took his hand listening intently and sadly. Thranduil realised suddenly why the dwarf wasn't too keen on the wine he bought that week. "I was in the mines that day; I checked my phone at around five just before I finished work and had two missed calls from Fíli's school- no one had picked him up. I knew something was wrong- Dís would have organised for someone to pick him up if she couldn't. I found Fíli sitting outside with one of his teachers who was still trying to contact my sister; he had tried calling her or my brother-in-law at least once every twenty minutes. I eventually dropped Fíli off at my cousins and tried calling my sister once more- this time some one answered. I could here my nephew screaming in the background- a paramedic answered the phone. My sister was dead; my brother-in-law suffered severe head injuries; he died on the way to the hospital. Kíli had been trapped in his car seat for almost four hours; he had a few bumps and bruise; I spent the night in the hospital with him; h-he hasn't spoken a word since- I-I don't blame him."

"The poor child," Thranduil whimpered, somewhere down the line he had snaked his arms around Thorin's waist, holding him near. The dwarf didn't protest but instead rested his head on the elf's knee. "I'm sorry…"

"I feel like I've let the boys down again tonight," Thorin murmured, "I shouldn't have gone out tonight, Kíli was so distraught when I left… He was screaming again."

"I know the feeling," Thranduil whispered, he felt like screaming whenever he left his son. "It's taken me five years to go out again- going out these past few weeks with you nights, has been the longest time I've been separated from my son- barring school. Although I was the one who didn't want to leave him-"

"-May I ask why?" Thorin asked, looking into the elf's astonishing crystal eyes.

"The last time I left him alone," Thranduil looked away, shamefully, "I failed him- his mother… she- she tried to…"

The elf drifted off, gasping for air. The dwarf gripped his hand tightly, forcing the elf to look at him; a rough hand caressed his cheek, adoringly. A voice in the back of his head told him he was moving too quickly. Again.

He chose to ignore it.

"I c-came home one day to find her holding him down in the bathtub," Thranduil whispered, his voice breaking. Thorin's eyes widened in disbelief. "My heart almost stopped; but I forced myself to move- I don't remember what happened next that clearly but I pushed her aside and took my son into my hands, he was blue in the face. She was screaming at me; hitting me with the baby shampoo bottle though my focus was on my son; he was unconscious. I think I punched or pushed her because she stopped hitting me- I ran out of the bathroom screaming for help; it attracted someone because a moment later a neighbour barged in brandishing a sword- screaming about balrogs and orcs- If I wasn't terrified for my son I would have started laughing- he called an ambulance and took my son from me- I tried to fight him initially but eventually he had Legolas coughing up the water he had swallowed. He started crying. When he was born all he would do was cry and cry for no reason- I hated it to be honest, but since that day I never loved the sound of my child crying more in my life."

Tears fell from his eyes, as the dwarf gripped his hands closely. "No one should ever be put through such heartache."

"I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy," Thranduil whispered, "I'm sorry, I should not have brought this up, you are mourning your own loss and I am being selfish-"

"No!" Thorin said, rather angrily, "You should not be sorry, I lost my sister due to a drunken fool- you almost lost your son to some one who should have cherished him- what on earth was running through her mind. He is an innocent child."

"I will never know, she was admitted into a psychiatric ward," Thranduil whispered, "She took her life a few weeks after that."

"Does the boy know?" Thorin asked, softly. Thranduil shook his head.

"I cant tell him- how can I?" Thranduil whispered, "He will be devastated. He believes his mother was slain by orcs- that she loved him. To learn that she tried to kill him when he was but a baby- no, he can never know."

"He deserves to know the truth," Thorin murmured, Thranduil flinched slightly. "Should he learn it from someone else- oh don't worry I will not be the one to tell him. I may not agree with you not telling him but I respect your decision. Honestly, I believe I would do exactly the same thing. The thought of someone hurting my boys."

"They are lucky to have you," Thranduil mumbled, snuggling into the dwarf's arms. He kicked his feet out and rested comfortably, his head resting back against the dwarf who was leaning against the tree. "I am glad I met you. Elrond did me a favour, setting me up with a stubborn dwarf. Then again he did owe me- I did after all introduce him to Ecthelion."

"Hmm, I owe Bilbo thanks too," Thorin smiled, kissing the elf's long mane.

* * *

The dwarfling's eyebrow rose, watching the blonde boy conversing with a small tree in the schoolyard. He had seen the blonde around a few times- and this wasn't the first time Fíli had seen the first grader talking with that one tree. The boy pulled a long lock of hair behind his ear revealing pointy ears- an elfling.

"It all makes sense now, Merry," Fíli laughed, "He's an elf!"

Merry, the little hobbit, looked up at his best friend with a raised brow, he was eating his second lunch. "Who the hell are you talking about?"

"That elf over there, talking to the tree," Fíli laughed, "He's been doing that for weeks, the little weirdo!"

"Oh, that's Legolas," Merry said, "My cousin Pippin likes him- apparently he shares his lunch with Pip."

"And that explains why Pip likes him," Fíli snorted, "Any one can become Pippin's friend, even an orc- as long as they share their food with him!"

"Orcs eat raw meat," Merry said, disgusted, "I don't think Pip likes raw meat."

"Ewww. I don't think anyone like raw meat," Fíli said, grossed out as well. "I wonder what the elf and tree are talking about?"

"Birds droppings?" Merry shrugged. Fíli started laughing, hard, holding his sides.

"Elves are weird," Fíli snorted, as two figures approached the elfling. "Oh no."

"Is that Lurtz and Grima?" Merry sighed, "This isn't going to end well."

From their corner in the yard they could hear Grima laughing at the elfling. Legolas looked confused however and turned his back to the other children - which gave Lurtz incentive to push the child to the ground.

"Ow, why did you push me?" Legolas asked, rubbing his grazed palm as he gazed up at his attacker.

"Why are you talking to the tree, freak!?" Lurtz asked, stepping on the elf's hand. The boy pulled his hand away from the offending limb and held it to his chest. "What a dweeb!? What were you asking him? Why it's covered in bird shit!?"

Grima began sniggering, hideously as Legolas's jaw dropped at the profanity. Lurtz snorted and gave the tree a kick for good measure.

"Hey! Leave my friend alone!" Legolas cried, trying to get to his feet. Grima shoved him down as Lurtz gave him a good hard kick in his side. The elfling cried in pain, as Fíli stormed past Merry and the crowd that had gathered to watch. Lurtz grabbed the elfling by his blonde locks and pushed his face hard into the trunk of the tree. The elfling sobbed as he tried to free himself from the grip of the bully.

"Your stupid friend is hurting you!" Lurtz laughed. He was about to throw the elfling into the tree again, but he was tackled to the ground by a furious dwarfling. Lurtz let out a cry of surprise when Fíli's fist collided into his stomach.

"Pick on someone your own size, you great big baboon!" Fíli roared. Grima jumped on him, pulling him into a headlock as Merry came running to Fíli's aid. Behind him Pippin came squealing- brandishing his pencil case in one hand and his bread roll in the next, he hit Lurtz with his pencil case just as the orcling was getting the better of the dwarf and then knocked Grima across the back of the head with his bread roll.

Legolas scrambled closer to his tree, watching frightfully as his little friend, and two other children came to his defence. Several tears were streaming down his face when a hand rested on his shoulder. He flinched but then threw himself into Orophin's arms.

"Are you okay?" Orophin asked. The cavalry arrived. Elladan and Elrohir jumped on Lurtz and Grima while two other hobbit children came to aid Merry and Pippin. Another dwarfling was helping Fíli to his feet; his nose was bleeding profusely. "What happened?"

"They hurt my tree," Legolas whimpered, he pointed at Fíli. "That boy, and Pip's cousin stopped them. My face hurts."

"I'm not surprised, you look like an Oliphant sat on you," Orophin whispered, "oh no, Principal Rohan's coming."

"**WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? CEASE AT ONCE!"**

The schoolyard froze as the principal took in everyone's appearance; Frodo, Elladan and Elrohir were piled on Lurtz while Sam the Hobbit had Grima in a headlock, Pippin stood beside Orophin who still held Legolas as Ori and Merry were checking Fíli's nose.

"You eight! March yourselves up to my office at once!" Théoden snarled. "Orophin! Ori! Take them to the sickbay! Then march yourselves to my office at once!"

"Orophin didn't do anything!" Elladan and Elrohir said at once, "He only helped Legolas because that orc hurt him!"

"MOVE!" Théoden roared. The twins yelped and raced off.

"Now go along, once the nurse sees to them all three of you are to come to my office- I will be informing your parents and caregivers!"

Orophin blanched, as Théoden stormed off. "Haldir is going to kill me!"

"Why would he kill you?" Fíli asked, his voice nasally. "Not like you did anything other than hide behind the kid."

"I wasn't hiding!" Orophin said, oversensitively, "Besides, there was two of them and nine of us. Legolas needed me more."

"Whatever, you elves are weird," Fíli said, following the two elves towards the nurses office. "He was talking to the tree- apparently trees talk now- what's next, they're going to get up and start dancing the tango?"

"The tree did talk to me," Legolas sniffed, "I heard it in my head."

"Trees don't talk," Ori said kindly.

"Yeah, they have hospitals for people like you," Fíli muttered.

"They did once talk to us," Orophin said, glaring at the dwarf. Fíli glared back until the elf looked back at the elfling in his arms, "How did he graze your face like that?"

"He pushed me into the tree," Legolas whimpered, "It hurts."

"Well, at least your nose isn't broken," Fíli grunted.

"I don't think its broken Fíli," Ori said, "It just looks a little bruised."

"Well it hurts," Fíli snapped.

* * *

"Good grief!" the nurse cried, she passed Fíli and went straight to the elfling. Orophin moved back as she led him to a chair and sat him down. "What happened to the dear's face!?"

"Lurtz pushed him into a tree," Fíli said, "And he broke my nose. I think."

"Good lord," she eyed Fíli's nose. She quickly checked the dwarf over and smiled, "I don't think its broken dear, take a few tissues and hold the tissues against your nose, until in stops bleeding. Orophin, can you please get Fíli an icepack. I will check on the little one first and then see to Fíli's nose."

"Here Fíli," Orophin said, handing the dwarf the icepack. "You should hold the tissue on the bridge where the cartilage starts. Right there, yeah!"

"Thanks," Fíli nodded, staring at the elf with a unimpressed expression. The nurse was gently cleaning Legolas's face. Every so often he would sniffle painfully.

"'Phin, I want my ada," Legolas whimpered. Orophin sat beside him and held his hand gently.

"Principal's probably calling him," Ori said, Legolas's eyes widened.

"I'm I gonna be in trouble?"

"I doubt it," Fíli said, "Unless if your dad thinks you talking to trees is crazy."

"Shut up," Orophin said, "Stop scaring him. Uncle Thranduil wont be mad with you- but I do feel sorry for those two lug heads. He's going to explode at them."

* * *

Thranduil was all a panic when Erestor came into the office; the elf was searching for his car keys and other belongings.

"Thranduil? What's wrong?"

"S-somebody hurt Legolas-" Thranduil hyperventilated. "Cant- cant find my keys!"

"Okay, calm down," Erestor said, grabbing hold of the pacing elf. "Breathe- he will be okay, I'm sure of it. I will drive you to the school okay. Let's find your wallet and things and we will go. I will close early today."

"Th-thank you," Thranduil whispered, allowing the elder elf to lead him. Deep down he knew he was overreacting, but he couldn't stop the panic from setting in.

* * *

Thorin growled as he hung up the phone and stood up.

"Oín, I have to go," Thorin growled, "Fíli has been in a fight. Come Kíli."

Oín raised a brow, as Kíli stood up, "No, I don't want to fly a kite."

"No I said Fíli has been in a fight," Thorin said louder.

"You're flying in which flight?"

"I don't have time for this!" Thorin grumbled just as Dori barged into the office.

"I just got a phone call from the school, Ori has been in a fight!"

"What? Not him too!?" Thorin snapped, "The school called me too!"

"Well you better get going," Glóin said, frowning. "I hope the lads are okay."

"No it's still April, not May yet," Óin answered. Glóin ran a hand across his face huffing out tiredly.

"It's not even April, you half-wit."

* * *

"There we go," the nurse smiled, after she finished with Legolas and checked Fíli properly. "You four should be fine to go now. Don't worry, I'm sure the Principal will be fair, after all you were looking after this little one."

Orophin nodded, but wasn't convinced. He followed Ori and Fíli out as he clung onto Legolas's hand.

"Are you okay, Little Leaf?"

"I'm scared," Legolas whimpered, "What if ada is angry?"

"Then feel sorry for that orc," Orophin smiled, "He wont be angry with you."

"My uncle is going to flip," Fíli muttered, still pressing the icepack to his nose.

"I'm worried about Dori," Ori mumbled, "Nori will most likely ask me how hard did I hit the orc, but Dori will be mad."

"You didn't do anything," Fíli grunted.

"They don't know that!"

Orophin giggled, "Are they your parents?"

"My brothers," Ori said, "My mother died after I was born and my father left us."

"Orcs killed my parents," Orophin shivered, trying to prevent his mind from travelling to the bloody past.

"I hate orcs, I hope Lurtz gets expelled!" Fíli said, as they finally reached the staff building. "Well, here goes nothing."

The four entered the building to find their friends sitting together on one side of the hallway and the offending two children on the other side of the hallway. Fíli glared at Lurtz and Grima as Elladan and Elrohir rose to check on their two friends. The principal's PA led Lurtz and Grima away from the larger group into another room.

"You okay, Leggy?" Elrohir asked; the elfling nodded.

"Thanks for helping him, Filling," Elladan said, honestly. "Pip told us you punched that jackass in the face."

"Stomach actually, and my name is Fíli," the dwarf responded, glaring at the orc.

"I'm Elladan and this is my brother Elrohir," the elf said, pointing at his brother.

"Yeah, I wont be able to tell you apart anyway," Fíli said honestly.

"Well if you look very closely," Elladan said, "You'll see I'm handsomer."

"And more brain-dead," Elrohir retorted. Fíli chuckled.

"Shut up!"

"Boys!" a stern voice sounded. The twins froze.

"Oh shit," they muttered together. "Hello ada."

"I- I do not know what to say," Elrond hissed, "I am utterly disgusted. I thought I had raised you better then this."

"Ada! That orc hurt Lego-"

"Do not insult a person by referring to them as an orc," Elrond growled.

"But-"

"-silence!"

"Mr elf-man sir, he _actually was_ an orc," Ori said, quietly. He didn't know that he had describe Elrond Half-elven correctly. "Like a real orc, Elrohir wasn't insulting him."

"I'm Elladan," the older twin hissed.

"Yeah, don't insult me!"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"Boys," Elrond growled, "You are wearing my patience thin at the present moment- be silent, I do not want to hear any excuses."

The twins pouted and sat down again, beside Orophin. Elrond knelt before the youngest child in the hallway, examining the child's bruised and grazed face.

"Are you okay Little Leaf?" Elrond asked, "Orophin, what happened?"

"Uh, um-" the eldest elfling in the group stumbled, nervously.

* * *

"Thranduil?" Thorin asked, as he and Dori came across the two elves.

"Thorin, what are you doing here?" Thranduil asked calming down considerably.

"We got a call from the school," Thorin said, "My nephew and his cousin have been in a fight- oh Mahal tell me that's not why you are here!"

"I- the school called, someone hurt my son," Thranduil murmured, Thorin looked at him sympathetically, while at the same time he prayed it wasn't his nephew. Kíli stood beside him holding his hand as he eyed the tall elf. "Is that Kíli?"

"Yeah," Thorin nodded. "Say hello Kíli or wave."

Kíli shook his head, and scrambled behind his uncle. Thorin shrugged helplessly at the elf.

"We should head to the office," Erestor said as he eyed the dwarf curiously. So this was the dwarf Thranduil was smitten by- he was no fool- he could tell Thranduil was falling for the dwarf. The elf decided he'd watch the dwarf, to see if he was worthy enough for his younger friend.

* * *

"Some bullies were picking on Legolas," Fíli said, bluntly. He glared at the half-elf that regarded him with a raised eyebrow. But before he could go on his uncle walked in followed by his uncle Dori and two tall elves, an angry looking brunette and another with the longest blonde hair he'd ever seen- it was as longer as his uncle was tall! "Uncle Thorin."

"What the hell is going on!?" Thorin growled, "Tell me you-"

"-I didn't do anything to him!" Fíli said quickly, Orophin nodded his agreement, ready to come to his new friend's aid.

"He was helping Legolas," Orophin said, before he looked back at his feet red in the face by the looks he got from the five adults.

"Oh Elbereth! What happened?" Thranduil gasped, seeing his son's face. The youngster jumped into his father's arms seeking comfort. "Are you okay Green Leaf?"

"Uh huh," Legolas nodded when the hobbit children's parents and guardians came in. Bilbo Baggins led the pack, looking rather grim.

"What the hell happened?" Thorin asked, staring at his older nephew.

"Some bullies were picking on Legolas. They pushed him into the tree. I punched the Lurtz in the stomach, Merry tackled Grima," Fíli said, "then Pippin jumped in to help, and the twins came with Frodo and Sam."

"Things may have gotten a little out of hand," Sam said.

"Just a little bit," Frodo shrugged at his uncle. Bilbo ran a frustrated hand across his face.

"Well we couldn't let them hurt a first grader now could we!" Merry snapped. The adults grumbled as Kíli hugged his brother around the waist, he turned back to his uncle whining slightly. Thorin sat beside Thranduil, holding his younger nephew on his lap. Fíli stood between; unaware he was conveniently blocking the view. Thorin squeezed Thranduil's hand tightly, smiling at the elf when the door opened again.

The entire room froze; a large pale orc entered the room. He eyed the elves, dwarves and hobbit disdainfully until his eyes caught Thranduil's- he smirked at the elf; sending cold shivers down the elf's spine. Thorin growled as he sat opposite of them; still eying the elf. Erestor and Elrond began to hiss quietly in elvish to each one another.

"Mr Azog, the principal will see you now," the PA smiled, "Lurtz is already in the office."

Azog nodded as he arose, still staring at the elf, perversely.

"I'm gonna kill him!" Thorin hissed, when the orc disappeared. "Did you see how he stared at you like a piece of meat! It was like he wanted to eat you!"

"He is an orc, I would not be surprised," Erestor said, as Thranduil shivered, thankful Thorin was still holding his hand- it was a small comfort.

"My skin is crawling," Bilbo shuddered, the other hobbit parents agreed, shivering.

"How do you think I feel?" Thranduil murmured, stroking Legolas' fine hair. "I'm going to need to shower in bleach tonight."

The adults chuckled softly as Thorin continued growling.

"Those monsters better be expelled!" Dori said, "Look at what they did to the poor boys!"

"They will most likely be suspended," Erestor sighed, "And unfortunately so will anyone who was fighting."

"That's bull," Thorin growled. "They were defending an elfling- and Pippin's six! What could he have possible done!?"

"He hit Lurtz with a bread roll," Merry informed. The adults struggled not to laugh, but failed miserably. However when the door reopened and Azog came out gripping his son harshly by the shoulder they all fell silent, again his eyes were on Thranduil.

"Was that the whelp you hurt?" he hissed. Lurtz nodded, biting into his lip. "Apologize. Now."

Elrond choked on the water he was drinking as Lurtz apologized to the elfling. Legolas eyed the larger orc with trepidation, but nodded, clinging tightly to his father.

"Your Highness," the PA stood before Thranduil bowing. "The principal will see you."

Elrond and Erestor did not miss the gleam in Azog's eye as he left the building. Thorin dropped Kíli; startled. The dwarfling growled at his uncle.

"Highness?" Thorin gasped. Thranduil smiled apologetically at Thorin.

"Please, call me Thranduil," the elven prince sighed, carrying Legolas with him as he disappeared into the office.

"Highness?" Thorin turned to Bilbo, "You set me up with a royal!?"

"That's Thrandurin?" Dori asked.

"I didn't know he was a royal!" Bilbo cried, turning to Elrond, "You didn't say!"

"Well, he doesn't like to broadcast it," Elrond shrugged.

"Bloody elves!" Thorin grumbled, slamming his head on the wall behind him. "Ouch."

* * *

"Was that him, father?" Lurtz asked, following his father to their van. He was rather excited, two weeks no school!

"Yes, you did good," Azog smirked, looking back at the building that currently housed the elven prince of Mirkwood. The young orcling let out a soft sigh of relief as he slid into the van; it was short lived though. "You got yourself suspended though."

"I-I-" the orcling was silence by a closed fist to his jaw. With the boy whimpering by his side, the pale orc drove off smirked.

* * *

There you have it- the reason for Kili's silence and Thranduil's fear for his son.

WooHoo! Azog's in- Azog is a little OOC in this fiction- but it's temporary. He turns into his nasty self in the sequel!

The Bird droppings joke was a little throwback to Gimli's comment in TT. and yes I know he says squirrels, but what 4 year old can say squirrel? hehe


	6. Chapter 6

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 6/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con in later chapters. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 6

* * *

"A week suspension isn't too bad- though he shouldn't have a one day suspension... _I'm sorry,_ I should have told you immediately," Thranduil whispered, as they walked down to their cars. The dwarf looked slightly miffed as he glared up at the elf. Thranduil looked away, unsure of what else he could tell the dwarf. He really didn't want to start a fight with the dwarf. Legolas was walking alongside Fíli talking about cupcakes while Kíli eyed the slightly taller elfling curiously. He startled Legolas when he gently tugged on a braid, revealing a pointy ear. Kíli made a sound of wonder as he poked the ear. The elfling giggled.

"It's just… it's not an important part of who I am anymore," Thranduil sighed, "I don't want to be a prince. I want to be a father; it was difficult being both. I choose the one I cherished more."

Thorin grunted.

"I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you," Thranduil sighed; his temper was being tried by the dwarf's silence. He had to keep himself calm though; the stubbornness of dwarves was something else.

"I can braid your hair if you like," Legolas said to the dark haired dwarfling. Kíli shook his head. "What about like your daddy's."

Kíli shook his head, rapidly, pointing at Thorin.

"He isn't our daddy," Fíli said, "That's our uncle, he looks after us now. Our mum and dad died in a car crash."

Legolas looked at them sadly, "My nana was killed by orcs."

Thorin growled, gritting his teeth. Thranduil eyed him nervously.

"I hate orcs," Fíli said, sharply. Kíli nodded his head, vigorously, his eyes narrowed in anger, as they reached their respective cars.

"Will I see you later?" Thranduil asked hopefully. His heart froze; he knew it would break if Thorin choose to forget about him. Thorin closed his eyes and sighed.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Thorin said, eying the elf. "In the car boys. I'll see you later,_ Prince_ Thranduil."

"Don't call me that," Thranduil murmured, "Please."

"That's what you are, isn't it?" Thorin replied, as he entered his car and drove off. Thranduil looked at the ground dejectedly. Legolas grabbed his hand and smiled at his father. Thranduil smiled weakly at his son before he helped him buckle in and drove home.

* * *

It was almost nine at night the next day, when his phone finally rang. Legolas was fast asleep and Thranduil curled up before the TV eating chocolate ice-cream directly from the container. He was watching Sex and The City, feeling rather sorry for him self. He also felt furious at the dwarf, it was not like he chose to be a prince- he was born one! Thranduil frustratedly rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index fingers as he checked his ringing phone, Thorin was calling- did he really want to speak to Thorin now- the dwarf had ignored him all day long. Perhaps he'd ignore the call and let the dwarf sweat.

Let him feel the same way he felt...

"H-hello?" Thranduil whispered, giving in. He didn't care anymore.

"Thranduil?" Thorin's voice sounded through the phone. "Hey, uh, how are you?"

"I- I'm good," Thranduil cleared his throat.

"You don't sound too good," Thorin said, concerned.

"I'm okay," Thranduil assured, feeling a surge of anger directed at him self. Why did he have to sound so weak for!?

"Okay," Thorin sighed, "I'm sorry I didn't call earlier. I had both boys today- I forgot how busy and crazy they make it when they are together."

"It's okay," Thranduil murmured.

"I was wondering," Thorin said, nervousness reigned over the phone. "I know a nice place for you and I to go out. It's about a fifty-minute drive from here. I was thinking we could go Saturday morning."

"I'm not sure…" Thranduil drifted off.

"I'm sorry, I know I fucked up yesterday… Look, uh I feel like a douche, how I treated you just wasn't on," Thorin said, his voice heavy. "I don't want to stop seeing you because I screwed up, I don't care if you're a prince- I like you for you and I guess I get why you didn't want to tell me. Anyway you shouldn't have to tell me anything if you don't want to and I should respect that."

"No- I should have told you," Thranduil whispered, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive, elf," Thorin said, sounding relieved, "I'm the one who needs to be forgiven."

"There is nothing to forgive, dwarf," Thranduil smiled. Thorin chuckled.

"I'll pick you up at around eight-ish in the morning," Thorin said, "Is that okay?"

"Uh- I'd have to get someone to look after Legolas-"

"I've already told Elrond," Thorin said, quickly. "I called him ten minutes ago…."

"You're organised,"

"You have no idea,"

Thranduil could hear the smirk over the phone. "I'll see you Saturday then."

"See you Saturday," Thorin smiled, "Good night, my beautiful prince."

"Don't call me-"

"You're my prince, get use to it."

Thorin's word was final and with that he hung up leaving a relieved Thranduil on the other end.

* * *

The weekend was not coming fast enough for Thorin; it was Friday morning but to him it felt like it was still Monday. He had taken the week off considering Fíli's suspension and was currently in the supermarket pushing a trolley through the aisle. Kíli sat in the child seat swinging his feet as he looked around. There was on good thing about Kíli being silent. Shopping was a breeze with him, although Thorin recalled Dís saying he was a nightmare at times. So far the dwarfling was a blessing.

Fíli on the other hand was driving him nuts.

"Can we get Snickers!? Pleaassssseeee?"

"No, put that back now!" Thorin growled, "Ask for one more thing, and everything that I've said yes to is going back."

Fíli pouted, returning the snickers bar.

"Now come and stand by the trolley, hold onto the bar and walk with me and Kíli!"

Fíli let out a sigh, but did what he was told.

"That's better," Thorin said. "Okay, we've gotten bread, cheese, tomatoes, Nutella, butter, washing powder, soup and pasta. Drinks, cordial, we still need ice cream and fruit. And I need a picnic basket."

"Are we going on picnic," Fíli asked, excited.

"No, I'm going on a picnic," Thorin said. "You're staying with uncle Glóin."

Thorin regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, for as soon as they did, Kíli screamed angrily, rewarded him with a kick to the chest.

* * *

"Hmm, that looks a lot better," Thranduil smiled when his son slid into the car along with Arwen and Orophin. The bruises on his son's face were going down. "How was school today?"

"Boring," Orophin sighed, "I didn't realise how dull school can be when Elladan and Elrohir aren't there."

"Pip and me played in the dirt!" Legolas said, showing his father his filthy hands. Thranduil winced but smiled at his son regardless. "And look ada, I found a worm! He's my friend!"

Thranduil screamed when Legolas dropped the wriggly creature on his lap! The elven prince opened his car door, scrambling out of the seat.

"Oops," Legolas whispered, guiltily.

"Legolas!" Thranduil cried as he picked up the offending creature by the tip of his fingers and ran towards the flowers and dropped the worm in the dry dirt. "Oh Elbereth, that is disgusting! Blagh! And Erestor said he made spaghetti- I don't think I'll be able to eat!"

Arwen and Orophin tried to stifle a giggle as they buckled themselves in.

"It's not funny master Orophin," Thranduil chuckled. One glance at his son, who was looking down at his hands dejectedly, he realised that he may just be overreacting a little. "It's okay, Little Leaf. Ada is being silly."

"Sorry ada," Legolas said, quietly.

"Don't be, pen-neth," Thranduil assured. "Do you have your belt on?"

"Aye," Legolas nodded.

"Okay, lets go then," Thranduil smiled. "Legolas, Arwen, guess what?"

"No, I hate guessing games" Arwen said, bluntly. Thranduil smirked.

"What?" Legolas on the other hand loved them.

"You will stay at Uncle Elrond's tonight," Thranduil said. The two children cheered happily. "I'm going out tomorrow, with Thorin, I will be leaving rather early so I thought it would be best not to wake you up and then take you to Elrond's."

"Mr Thorin is nice dwarf," Arwen commented.

"Ada Celeborn said that dwarves are very well-endowed below," Orophin said, thoughtfully. Thranduil blushed, furiously, he was sure if he had been drinking any wine, he would either choke on it or sprayed it all over his car, "I don't know what that means though, but Nana Galadriel smacked him on the shoulder and told him to be quiet."

"How the hell does he know?" Thranduil wondered.

* * *

"They are asleep," Erestor whispered, he had Arwen and Legolas resting against his chest. Thranduil smiled warmly at his friend. "And I can't be bothered getting up. I am comfortable."

"Here, let me get Legolas," Thranduil smiled, pulling his son into his arms. "I will come back for Arwen."

"And then I can carry you to our bed," Glorfindel said excitedly to Erestor. Thranduil chuckled when Ecthelion reappeared.

"Is she asleep?" Ecthelion asked, eying the sleeping elfling. He had a soft spot for his lover's only daughter. "I'll get her."

"Fantastic," Glorfindel grinned, "Then I can get my husband!"

"You only ever have one thing on your mind," Ecthelion scolded, "Poor Erestor!"

"Poor Elrond!" Glorfindel replied, "At least I put out! You old prude!"

"Huh, I have something to tell you that will make you both laugh," Thranduil smirked, amused at the reborn warriors antics. They were both older then many of the elves he knew but when they were together they fought like toddlers. "But let's get the children out of the room first."

Thranduil left the room, carrying his sleeping child, followed by Ecthelion and Arwen. Elrond met them halfway down the hallway, his hair wrapped in a towel, stroking Legolas' mane before he bestowed a kiss on Arwen's forehead.

"Are the twins asleep?" Ecthelion asked; Elrond shook his head.

"I let them pick a movie to watch," Elrond responded. "They are in the TV room."

Ecthelion nodded, chuckling, "Such a terrible punishment the school has given them!"

"They were only suspended for the sake of not causing more problems," Thranduil said, gently lowering Legolas onto his bed as Arwen was put in hers. "Théoden did not want to suspend them."

"At least it was only this week," Ecthelion said, "And that brat wont be back until another week. Little monster. I can't believe there is an orc in the school!"

Elrond shuddered, "It's disgusting."

"Come, let's play a game of Poker," Ecthelion said, dragging the two doting fathers along until they reached Glorfindel and Erestor in the Family room, of course being left to their own devices, Glorfindel was sitting on Erestor kissing him fervently. "Oi! Get a room!"

Glorfindel raised a finger in the general vicinity of his best friend. It was pointed more to Elrond.

"Terrible! There are children present!" Ecthelion said, "And Erestor, I expected better from you!"

"Ah, piss off," Erestor replied, pushing Glorfindel off him. Glorfindel whined snuggling up to his lover. "Are we going to play or what? I can think of several things Glor and I could be doing!"

"We don't want to know," Elrond quickly interjected.

"Thranduil- didn't you have something to tell us?"

Thranduil smiled, "Aye. Orophin must have overheard Celeborn talking to Galadriel about dwarves. Orophin's exact words were 'Ada Celeborn said that dwarves are well-endowed below'"

The elves roared with laughter.

"How the hell does he know!?" Erestor snorted.

"I bet Thranduil wants to know too!" Glorfindel smirked.

"Ah shut up!" Thranduil laughed.

* * *

Finishing the final braid, Thranduil dashed over to his wardrobe and grabbed his wallet, keys and phone. He was running a little late- the elf had called Elrond to check on Legolas who was still sound asleep. The phone buzzed again in his hand with a message from Thorin. The dwarf was outside waiting for him. Thranduil quickly headed to the door, locking it behind him. He was surprised to find Thorin standing before a red Toyota Prius.

"No motorbike?"

"Nope," Thorin smiled, "Ready to go?"

"Yes," Thranduil said.

"Good, because I'm starving," Thorin grinned.

"You are always starving," Thranduil laughed as they drove off.

Thorin managed to lose his way three times before they found their destination.

* * *

"A park?" Thranduil asked as Thorin sent a quick text.

"Yeah," Thorin said as he pulled out a picnic basket from the boot of the car. "I thought we could have a picnic!"

"Really?" Thranduil asked, amazed.

"Yes, really," Thorin said, smirking, "Come on. I have a nice spot set up for us."

"When did you-"

"I came with a friend, Bofur, he helped me set up and stayed until we got here," Thorin replied. "He's leaving now."

"Wow," Thranduil gasped. Under the shade of a large oak tree was a picnic blanket, and several large luxurious cushions.

"Do you like it?" Thorin asked, uncertainly.

"I love it," Thranduil replied, happily. He bent over slightly and kissed the dwarf of the lips. "You're amazing."

"You are worth it," Thorin smiled, dropping the basket on the ground and then him self onto a deep red cushion. He pulled Thranduil down with him, pulling him into a longer kiss.

* * *

"You packed a lot of food," Thranduil said, as he peered into the basket. They had spent almost an hour in each others arms, exploring one another until Thorin's stomach voiced its protest. "Why do I smell peanut butter?"

"I made peanut butter sandwiches," Thorin smirked, "Very romantic, isn't it?"

"Very much," Thranduil laughed, he pushed himself back into Thorin's arms after Thorin finished a sandwich. The dwarf stroked the long blonde hair, breathing in the smell of the elf deeply.

"Is that baby shampoo?" Thorin asked, Thranduil nodded, "And that explains why your hair feels softer then Kíli's!"

"I like the smell, I only started using it when Legolas was born," Thranduil chuckled, "He no longer uses it, I still do."

Thorin laughed, "Well I like it. You smell wonderful."

Thranduil smiled, pushing himself up to kiss the dwarf once more. The two were startled when Thorin's phone beep a message. The dwarf checked his phone and smirked.

"What is it?" Thranduil asked, gently kneading Thorin's elbow, between his nimble fingers.

"The other part of your surprise," Thorin said, he pushed the elf up and rose to his feet. He pulled the elf up to his feet and then led him back towards the car. Halfway there, Thranduil's eyes bulged; three little figures came running to them excitedly. He looked at Thorin, laughing delightfully in surprise. "We're at a park- with swings and a playground, we may as well have brought the boys with us!"

"You are unbelievable," Thranduil whispered, kissing the dwarf again.

"Ada!" Legolas said happily, he clung to his father's leg as Fíli and Kíli jumped at Thorin.

"Come on, lets go and eat our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches," Thorin grinned, "Hey Legolas, do you like Nutella?"

"What's nutella?" Thranduil and Legolas asked together. Thorin stared at the elves oddly.

"Boy have you two been missing out!"

* * *

"Oh Valar," Thranduil moaned in ecstasy. He had just finished the last nutella sandwich. "That was amazing."

"I told you," Thorin laughed, the three boys were playing on the playground, Fíli and Legolas were standing in the play gym, a few metres up above ground while Kíli was trying to join them, using the fireman's pole to climb up. "Kíli! Try to use the staircase, or the slide, or the net!"

"He chooses the hardest possible way to climb," Thranduil chuckled, before he cheekily added, "Especially for a dwarf with short legs."

"What?! I could climb that with ease," Thorin scoffed. Thranduil smirked, "All right I'll prove it!"

Thorin stood up only to be pulled back down by the elf. He landed between the elf's legs which quickly wrapped around his shorter legs.

"I was kidding," Thranduil whispered kissing the dwarf, his hands gripping tightly to the dwarf's ears as he kissed him hard. Something sharp collided with his shin, he let go of the dwarf rubbing his leg. "Ouch!"

"What's wrong- Kíli!" Thorin jumped at the pre-schooler who kicked the elf again, before scrambling out of reach. Thranduil started laughing as he continued rubbed his leg- the little dwarfling had quite the kick- Thorin was chasing after the dwarfling. Kíli was screaming as he bolted past his brother and new friend, who both stared at Kíli startled.

"Come back here!"

"Aahhhhhh!"

"**KÍLI!** When I get my hands on you- stop now!" Thorin panted, Kíli was making his way back to the picnic basket; giggling when suddenly, he tripped; he was sent flying over the basket, landing headfirst between two cushions. Thranduil gasped as he jumped onto his knees before the child; helping him to his feet. His entire forehead was bright red and covered in little pieces of pebbles and dirt. His lower lip quivered as several tears streamed down his face.

"Oh Kíli." Thorin sighed.

"Are you okay, pen-neth?" Thranduil asked, gently rubbing the dirt off the boy's forehead. Some of the pebbles left little tiny dents in his forehead. Kíli sniffled as Thorin sat beside him, taking his hand into his own.

"You really need to stop falling over your feet like that," Thorin grunted. Kíli glared at him. "It's not my fault!"

Kíli nodded, smacking his uncle across the hand. Thranduil struggled not to laugh when the dwarfling turned his head around, and stuck his nose up in the air; ignoring his uncle.

"Cheeky monkey," Thorin snorted, "See what I have to put up with!"

Kíli stuck his tongue out at his uncle, who feigned insult- his jaw dropping.

"That's it, now you need to be punished!" Thorin said, grabbing the boy close, his fingers tickling his side. Kíli's giggles filled the air as Fíli jumped at his uncle in defence of his brother. Legolas stood by his father watching the three dwarves battle. Both elves stared; heads tilted in amusement, unaware of how identical they looked. Legolas glanced at his father and smirked; he ran a finger across his father's side. Thranduil's squeal was exactly the reaction Legolas was after. The child giggled and did it again- Thorin noticed this time; he too smirked like Legolas. "Fíli, Kíli! Let us help Legolas!"

"No! No!" Thranduil screeched, when Thorin's fingers wriggled on one side and Legolas' on the other. Fíli giggled, diving onto the elf- knocking him back with a grunt onto a cushion. Legolas followed suit jumping on Fíli, laughing wildly. Kíli watched for a moment and before long all three children were mercilessly tickling the helpless elf. Thorin sat back and watched with an adoring smile. "S-s-s-stop - hehehe - staring at me and hehehe-help!"

"No, I think I like seeing you this helpless," Thorin grinned, evilly, "And against three babies."

"**Babies!?** They are not baba-babies," Thranduil giggled, "Fíli, Kíli, your uncle thinks you are babies! Quick tickle him!"

"I'm not ticklish!" Thorin lied quickly, but it didn't prevent his nephews from attacking him with squirming little hands. Thorin squealed, sounding rather un-dwarflike as Legolas hesitated to move and join his new friends. Thranduil gave him a little nudge and nodded with a smile. Soon Legolas had joined in, tickling the adult dwarf with the two dwarflings. Thranduil watched blissfully.

"Okay, that will do, go and play in the park again, you three rascals," Thorin chuckled, pushing his nephews off him. "Shoo!"

Fíli grabbed Kíli with one hand and Legolas with the other and dragged them back to the playground.

"He's a sweet little boy," Thorin said, pushing himself closer to the elf. Using his height as an advantaged he snuggled into the elf's chest, resting his head just below the powerful shoulder of the elf.

"As are your two," Thranduil whispered, running his hands through the thick black hair. As they watched the three children play, the elf began to braid the dwarf's hair into fine braids right behind his ear. "This was a wonderful idea, Thorin."

"Hmm," Thorin said, blissfully running a finger across the thin braids behind his left ear as his eyes began to droop. Thranduil's slow strokes through his hair were lulling him to sleep.

"I am glad I met you," Thranduil whispered. Thorin responded with a low snore. Peering over, Thranduil found the dwarf had dozed off. The elf smirked slightly, "Legolas, Fíli, Kíli come here a moment."

The boys came running over, Thranduil placed a finger on his lip to silence them, "He is asleep boys, he must be very tired, but I think he wants us to make him look pretty. Do you think you boys could pick me some of those flowers by the trees?"

"Aye," Legolas nodded.

"Yeap!" Fíli said. Kíli nodded his agreement and soon the three boys were collecting flowers. Kíli returned first with three flowers, two purple and one white. Thranduil laced them into his hair with a smirk, as Fíli and Legolas returned with seven flowers between them. One was purple, three were yellow, two were green and the final blue. Once he had laced them in Thranduil looked up at the boys.

"Do you think that is enough?" Thranduil asked. Kíli looked around and then grinned, he picked up a long ribbon- it was bright orange. Thranduil had no idea where it came from but carefully he pulled it under Thorin's hair, tying it up around his head like a headband. Thranduil was trying hard not to laugh as he pulled out his IPhone and took a photo of Thorin from the back. "Legolas do me a favour and take a photo of Thorin and I."

The child nodded as he took the camera from his father and prepared to take the photo. "One, two, three! Say cheese!"

"Cheese!" Thranduil grinned at the camera. Thorin was quite the heavy sleeper and snorer! "Legolas, Fíli, Kíli come, we will take a photo together. Here, Legolas, I will take the picture, come in close boys. Hold on let me switch the camera- ah that's better; we can see ourselves now. Okay boys ready; saying nutella!"

"Nutella!" the boys cheered as Thranduil took the photo.

"What?" Thorin shoot up startled, grumbling about orcs and pancakes. Thranduil giggled as Thorin ran a hand across his hair and felt his unusual hairdo. "What the!?"

"Taa-da!" Fíli grinned. The three children ran back to the playground before Thorin could react.

"I sleep for one minute and he turns me into an elf," Thorin grumbled, laying back down on the elf. "You know I will get you for this!"

"That's okay, and when you do I will just text everyone the pictures I took," Thranduil smiled. Thorin glared up at him but smiled anyway. "You do look handsome though."

"It's getting dark and cloudy," Thorin said, frowning as he looked over to were Kíli was being pushed on a swing by his older brother, "Maybe we should start packing, last thing we want is to be stuck in a storm. Kíli hates them."

"So does Legolas," Thranduil said, "Let the children play, while we pack away."

"Yeah, good idea," Thorin nodded, "I might start taking all the cushions to the car, then."

"That should give me enough time to pack everything away," Thranduil said.

"Yeah, I'll be back in a moment," Thorin said, as he rose and took the four cushions with him, holding one under each armpit and the other two in his hands. Thranduil giggled as he walked away, the flowers still remained in his hair. Thranduil quickly began to put the few things left over into the basket. Whatever rubbish accumulated he put in a plastic bag and put inside the basket. He then picked up the blanket, folded it and shoved that into the basket too. He looked up at the boys; Kíli and Legolas were on the swings as Fíli pushed them one at a time. The elf walked over and took another photo of the boys. He would have to remind himself to send Thorin the pictures.

The blonde elf examined the two dwarflings. The younger of the two had Thorin's dark hair, given it was a little lighter, but Fíli had Thorin's nose. Thranduil smiled warmly at the three boys, "We are going to go now so-"

The sound of thunder crashing silenced him; Fíli flinched, Legolas let out a startled cry and Kíli fell of the swing with a cry of terror, landing on the ground hard.

"Ada!" Legolas cried, dashing to his father, Thranduil held him tight as Fíli helped Kíli up. The younger of the two was screaming his little heart out looking for his uncle.

"Come pen-neth," Thranduil called holding his arm out to the child. Kíli looked at the elf unsurely but when another crash sounded the dwarfling cried running to the shelter the elf provided. Fíli followed, his eyes wide with fright, blocking his ears with his little hands. "It is okay boys, it is only a thunderstorm, we will find Thorin and head to the car. Fíli can you carry the basket? If not I will hold it and Kíli, but I need to you hold Legolas's hand."

Fíli nodded and tried to lift the basket, "It's too heavy, uncle."

"Okay, that's okay. Legolas, hold Fíli's hand," Thranduil said, softly. Kíli was holding onto him for dear life, his little arms wrapped around his neck so tightly Thranduil hardly breathe. Thranduil bent down to grab the basket with his free hand. "Come, let's head to the car. I'm sure Thorin will meet us halfway."

Fíli pulled Legolas close as he gripped the elfling tightly in one hand and the elven prince's robe in other. He rushed along, pulling Legolas as he did, squeezing his hand every so often. Trees surrounded them, Thranduil paused, suddenly unsure of where to go. How he wished the trees still spoke. Another crash sounded; the loudest yet, all three children cried fearfully, Fíli and Legolas threw themselves into Thranduil's robes, terrified as they tried to hide underneath the soft material.

"Thranduil!" Thorin cried as he came rushing towards them, "Here, let me take Kíli."

The dwarfling screamed in protest when Thorin tried to pry him from Thranduil's arms.

"I will take him," Thranduil said, "Take the boys instead."

Thorin nodded as he swooped both boys up and led Thranduil to the car. Thranduil popped the basket into the crowded boot and closed the door. Thorin buckled in the two boys as Thranduil tried to pry Kíli from his chest.

"Pen-neth, you need to sit in your seat," Thranduil whispered, as it started to rain, pouring buckets from above. Kíli sobbed shaking his head, Thorin looked at his nephew heartbroken.

"It was storming that day," Thorin whispered, Thranduil looked at Thorin compassionately. "I'll move his seat, he wont let you go now, not until the storm passes."

Thranduil nodded as he held the child closer, Thorin moved the child booster seat and threw it into the front seat, "You are safe pen-neth; your uncle and I will protect you. I promise."

"Here, get in," Thorin said, looking at the elf thankfully. Thranduil nodded as he slid in, he struggled with the belt, but Thorin leaned in, his hair saturated as he helped buckle the elf in. "Thank you."

Thranduil nodded as he ran a hand across the spiky cheek. Thorin kissed him once on those lips he loved and closed the door. He entered the little Prius and started the engine. Kíli's grip tightened when the car began to move.

"Drive slowly Thorin," Thranduil whispered, stroking the wet mane. "Legolas, Fíli are you two okay?"

"Yeap," Fíli nodded.

"Aye," Legolas said, Thranduil noticed the two boys were holding hands, comforting each other. Kíli was sobbing quietly as Thorin began to drive out of the empty car park. Thranduil started to sing in Elvish, surprising the dwarf; his song seemed to soothe the three children. Kíli's sobs lessoned to the occasional hiccup.

Thorin ended up staying the night over at Thranduil's. Nothing he said could pry Kíli apart from the elf. Eventually, when the storm passed, Fíli and Legolas had fallen asleep in the elfling's room, Fíli wearing one of Legolas's larger PJ's. Thorin rested beside Thranduil, in the elven prince's king-sized bed. With Kíli between them, not how he imagined his first time sharing a bed with Thranduil, but he was thankful nevertheless.

* * *

Thranduil awoke when the sun shone through his room; he was startled to find Kíli's rear-end so close to his face and when he turned he was met with Legolas's feet. Fíli had fallen asleep on Thorin's head, snoring louder then the older dwarf under him. Thranduil slowly pulled himself up, wondering how Legolas and Fíli had snuck into his room; and why hadn't Fíli's snoring awoken him. He slid out of his bed and grabbed his silken bed robe. When he turned back around he found Kíli sitting up, staring at him from behind tired looking eyes.

"Did you have a good sleep?" Thranduil asked, softly. Kíli nodded, "I'm going to make breakfast, would you like to help me?"

Kíli nodded and he carefully slid out of the bed, he tiptoed quietly to Thranduil and followed him out of the large bedroom. Kíli looked around amazed by the elf's home; it was so clean, bright and white. He scrambled after the elf as he turned a corner into the kitchen. Kíli's eyes widened even more; the kitchen was gigantic!

"What does your uncle like to eat for breakfast? And yourself and Fíli?" Thranduil asked, Kíli shrugged, "French Toast? Cereal, or perhaps cheese on toast."

Kíli nodded at the last suggestion, pointing to himself.

"You like cheese on toast?" Thranduil asked, the boy nodded enthusiastically. "And what about Fíli? Does he like cheese on toast?"

Kíli made a face, shaking his head.

"He doesn't like cheese?" Thranduil said, Kíli nodded making a face. "What about cereal? I have coco pops, it is what Legolas likes the most."

Kíli shrugged, but then pointed at the fruit basket, there was a large pineapple in the centre, surrounded by pears, apples and bananas.

"He likes fruit, well why don't we cut a fruit platter?" Thranduil said, Kíli nodded "Here I will get you a butter knife to cut the bananas, they wont be too difficult for you, and the knife isn't sharp. Climb on the stool and I will get you a platter and the knife. I will cut the everything else."

Kíli pulled himself up and waited until Thranduil placed a tray, knife and several bananas before him. The youngster began to peel the bananas as Thranduil made quick work of the apples and pears. Kíli had only just begun to cut the banana into uneven pieces as Thranduil started on the pineapple. Kíli waited patiently as Thranduil finished cutting the pineapple.

"Okay, let me throw out the rubbish and then we will start on the toast," Thranduil said, "Does Fíli like pancakes? I can make some pancakes too."

Kíli nodded, as he pointed to the picnic basket.

"What about it?" Thranduil asked. Kíli slid off the stool and scurried over to the basket. Thranduil laughed when Kíli pulled out a jar of nutella, "Your uncle travels with it?"

Kíli shrugged as he put the jar up on the bench.

"So pancakes and nutella," Thranduil nodded, "I suppose that chocolate melted would be rather delicious."

Kíli nodded, as Thranduil pulled out the bread from the fridge and the few ingredients he needed for the pancakes.

"Would you like to set the table?" Thranduil asked, Kíli nodded, "Okay, I will get what you need and put them on the bench; you can set the table up."

Kíli smiled as he took the first thing Thranduil put on the bench; the plates. Soon enough the table was set up and Thranduil had put toast with cheese on top into the grill; he also mixed the batter for the pancakes, when suddenly Kíli hugged his leg and kissed him right under the kneecaps.

"Kíli?" Thranduil asked confused, the boy looked up at him with a pout and hugged him again. "Oh, you're saying sorry?"

Kíli nodded; Thranduil's head tilted still confused, when Kíli pointed at his leg. "Oh you mean when you kicked me!"

Kíli nodded, enthusiastically but then frown again; Thranduil's heart warmed at the child, "It's fine, you didn't hurt me, but thank you for apologizing and kissing it better!"

Kíli hugged him once more and sniffed in deeply, Thranduil also breathed in, _was something burning?_ "MY TOAST!"

Thranduil rushed over and pulled the toast from the grill, he breathed out relieved, "Oh its okay, not burnt!"

Kíli pulled himself back onto the stool and watched as Thranduil made pancakes and cheese toast at the same time with ease. Kíli smirked, if this was his uncle the kitchen would be on fire! Speaking of his uncle, the dwarf stumbled into the kitchen, his hair messy and eyes bloodshot; Fíli and Legolas followed in behind him, both looking rather tired.

"Good morning!" Thranduil said, rather cheerfully. Thorin let out a few grunted words as Fíli groaned. "Did you sleep well?"

"I woke up with a dwarfling sleeping on my head, and an elfling kicking me in his sleep," Thorin grumbled, "Something smells good."

"I made breakfast," Thranduil smiled, "Pancakes, fruit, cheesy toast and orange juice- I squeezed it yesterday!"

"Why are you so happy? It's so early," Thorin moaned, running a hand across his beard.

"It's almost eleven,"

"Exactly," Thorin said, as he leaned up and kissed the elf, "Get down here! I'm glad you cooked. I could get use to this."

"Me too," Fíli said, "Uncle Thorin is a terrible cook. He cant even cut fruit right!"

"What? I can too!" Thorin said, outraged.

"You probably cut the bananas," Fíli said, looking at the unevenly cut bananas. Kíli smacked his brother, "What? Oh, did you cut them? Well that's okay; you're a baby!"

Kíli smacked his brother again.

"What!?"

"Come now, let's sit and eat," Thranduil said, pulling his son into a warm hug. "Did you sleep well?"

Legolas nodded, yawning. "Is that nutella?"

"Yeap," Thranduil said, "Kíli reckons its good with pancakes."

"He spoke?" Thorin asked, hopefully. Thranduil shook his head. Thorin frowned disappointed.

"He will talk, Thorin," Thranduil whispered, gently, "He will talk in his own time, do not worry for him; he is a strong little boy."

Thorin smiled at the elf, kissing him for the second time that day.

"I love you," Thorin said, coughing weakly. He reddened slightly in the face as Thranduil smiled down at him returned the kiss and whispered the same three words back as he stroked the fuzzy cheek.

* * *

Hehehe, the flowers weaved into Thorin's hair amused me- it seems to be a major fad now on the net to crown everyone a flower prince/princess! FLOWER POWER WOOOO!

I'm not a fan of Sex in the City, but I can imagine Thranduil watching it all sad and depressed. Also Celeborn's comment made me snort.

Next chapter will be up in a few days, also, in an hour(4th of July, Australian time) its my birthday! Yay! My favourite presents on the internet are reviews!

Ediva


	7. Chapter 7

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 7/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con in later chapters. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

An important character comes to play

Also because this chapter is short, I'm posting 7 and 8 today :)

* * *

Chapter 7

* * *

"Are you sure?" Thranduil asked, "I do not wish to impose!"

Elrond had just told him Arwen was having a birthday party in two weeks time; he insisted on calling Thorin as well. Thranduil was unsure though; he and Thorin had been together for almost four months but it was a little imposing on Elrond's family.

"Thranduil, Thorin is a good friend of Bilbo," Elrond smiled, "And I have called Bilbo; Arwen and the twins insisted on inviting their little hobbit friends. Besides, Rumil will be there- he is the same age as Kíli."

"I'm not sure Rumil is a good thing for Kíli," Thranduil said, "That child is the spawn of a balrog."

"WHERE!? **_I'LL KILL IT_**!" Ecthelion barged into the room, brandishing a hairbrush. Elrond and Thranduil exchanged sighs and raised eyebrows.

"Nowhere, go back and finish braid your hair," Elrond said with a sigh. Ecthelion left the room, "I really need to send him to a psychiatrist. Come now, Rumil isn't that bad."

"He fed Glorfindel laxatives when he was only three; who knows how he found them," Thranduil replied. "He put a live spider in their shower the same day. I heard Erestor screaming from my place!"

"Well that was two years ago," Elrond shrugged, "And it was a daddy long-leg, those spiders are pathetic!"

"Well to Erestor, all spiders are giant Dol Guldor monsters," Thranduil said, "Not that I blame his over-reaction. He was surrounded by several of those confounded things. He was rather lucky Glorfindel managed to find him in time. When they did finally get to the palace, he was barely conscious- he was bitten over nine times- Father was surprised he still drew breath. Actually, in his delusional state he spoke of returning to Imladris; something about paperwork."

"Of course he did," Elrond chuckled.

"Rondy, have you seen my silver hair clip?" Ecthelion asked. "The one with the dwarvish patterns?"

"Yes, you put by the nightstand," Elrond sighed, "If his head wasn't screwed on…"

Thranduil chuckled, "I better head off; Legolas! We are leaving! Thorin's coming over tonight."

"_Ooooooooooooh_," Ecthelion said childishly.

"Shut up," Elrond and Thranduil said together.

* * *

"Hello, beautiful," Thorin grabbed the elf by the collar of his shirt and pulled him down for a kiss, "You are too tall."

"And you are too short," Thranduil smirked, he knelt down to hug the two dwarflings, "Have you two been good for your uncle?"

"No," Fíli said, shaking his head, "We made a mess in our bedroom and wouldn't clean it up."

"Well at least you are honest," Thranduil grinned, Thorin snorted. "Come, Legolas is playing outside- dinner isn't ready yet- it will be soon."

"Yay! Uncle Thorin made us cereal this morning, he didn't put enough milk," Fíli complained. Kíli made an angry face, shaking his head at his uncle in disappointment.

"Oh, go and play! Be happy I made you something to eat!" Thorin snorted, as Thranduil chuckled. "I'm starving!"

"Oh don't start," Thranduil laughed as the boys ran off to find Legolas. "Oh, Elrond has asked me to invite you and the boys over for Arwen's birthday; will you come? I would like to show you off."

"What am I? A hand bag?" Thorin chuckled, he sobered up thoughtfully and continued, "I don't know, Thranduil- won't I be imposing."

"That's what I said," Thranduil shrugged, "But Elrond insists. Bilbo will be there…"

"Okay, when is it?" Thorin smiled.

"It's in two weeks time," Thranduil smiled back, "July 27th."

"Oh, I've actually got my cousin's son with me that weekend," Thorin said, frowning. "Glóin and his wife are going away on their tenth year anniversary. Gimli is staying with the boys and I that weekend."

"How old is he?"

"Four," Thorin said, frowning, "I can't come then."

"Yes you can, bring him along," Thranduil said, "I know Elrond will say yes if I call him, just ask your cousin. Text him now."

Thorin smirked, "Text Elrond then."

"Okay," Thranduil nodded, he quickly sent Elrond a message. Beside him Thorin did the same. The two stared at each other, moved closer and kissed as their phones chimed together. Thorin's beeped while Thranduil's quacked. The dwarf was not in the least bit surprised. "Fine by Elrond!"

"Fine by Glóin as well!" Thorin grinned, "Good, you'll love Gimli!"

Thranduil smiled, "I know I will- now, will you help me with dinner; you can prepare the salad."

"Okay, oh, by the way, I've got a whole heap of zoo vouchers," Thorin said with a big smile. "They were delivered to work by accident in this kids magazine- kids get in free when an adult pays. I have eleven of them. I was thinking we could go with the boys, Gimli, Ori, Elrond's twins and Arwen, and Bilbo's nephew- I still have two more tickets available and we need more adults- we have the vouchers so I ain't paying for no kid!"

"Well, I suppose there is Rumil and Orophin," Thranduil said, "And I suppose Erestor and Glorfindel could come- when do the tickets expire?"

"End of October," Thorin said.

"We can organise it during the party," Thranduil shrugged, "I will tell Galadriel and Celeborn too."

* * *

"Are you ready?" Thranduil called up standing by the stairs. Legolas strolled in from the kitchen. "Ah, there you are, I thought you were in your room. You ready?"

"Yeap," Legolas replied.

"Yeap? You have been spending too much time with Fíli," Thranduil chuckled. "Come now, we need to get to Uncle Elrond's. So we can help."

"Okay," Legolas nodded, he followed his father outside and waited until the older elf locked the door. Taking his father's hand he skipped alongside down the pathway. "What are we going to help with?"

"Everything," Thranduil smiled, "Balloons, streamers and more. Wait! We forgot Arwen's present!"

The two elves dashed back to the house, retrieving the gift before they made their way back to Elrond's. When they finally arrived they entered directly into the backyard- Erestor and Glorfindel were putting up streamers (Or rather Erestor was putting up streamers; Glorfindel was trying not to get tangled) the twins, Arwen and Orophin were blowing balloons up. He spotted Galadriel, through the window, inside the kitchen- cutting up salads; Rumil sat besides her watching quietly. Celeborn popped up behind his wife and began to nibble on her neck- a moment later he was dashing out of the kitchen; Galadriel looked rather angry as Rumil looked on amused.

Ecthelion was by the barbeque trying to lit the fire. The lighter in his hand wasn't cooperating.

"Here let me try," Celeborn said, Ecthelion handed the lighter to the silver-haired elf.

"Be my guest, I've been trying for minutes now," Ecthelion said.

"Do you smell gas?" Celeborn asked as he switched on the lighter with a blast.

The children screamed as Celeborn and Ecthelion (who of course screamed louder then the children) stood there covered in soot. Erestor slipped off the ladder in surprise but fortunately Glorfindel caught him; even in his own fright. Elladan's balloon flew around the backyard making an obscene sound as it went.

"You balrog slaying nitwit!" Celeborn snapped, when he recovered from the shock. "Why didn't you tell me the gas was on!?"

"You smelt it! Why did you lit it!?" Ecthelion said, his voice cracking. Thranduil started laughing as Glorfindel slowly made his way over.

"Well, at least the fire's going," Glorfindel said, pointing to the fire crackling. "I think the two of you need to be delegated into balloon blowing- Rumil would probably cause less damage with the fire."

The said boy was eying the fire, his eyes ablaze. A newcomer entered the backyard.

"Don't even think about it Rumil," Haldir said, sharply. Rumil pouted and ran over to his middle brother; "Have you been keeping an eye out on him, Orophin."

"Aye," Orophin sighed. Elladan made an obscene gesture in Haldir's general direction.

"He looks after him more then you," Elrohir said, rudely. "Jerk!"

"Don't you lot start again," Ecthelion warned. "Haldir, go and help Galadriel with the salads. You want to learn how to wield a sword; start with the mini-version!"

Haldir nodded, vigorously and took off; eager to please the darkhaired balrog slayer. Thranduil and Erestor exchanged looks, smirking. It was the world's worst kept secret that the young Haldir had the hugest crush on both balrog slayers! Erestor rather enjoyed tormenting the uptight teenager whenever he'd spot the teen staring at Glorfindel. The balrog slayers loved it though; the boy was so eager to please, waiting hand and foot at times for an order from the two. For Glorfindel it came in handy if he was thirsty or hungry!

"Will he stare at us all night again?" Ecthelion asked, facing Glorfindel.

"He will stare at you only," Erestor said, "For if I catching him staring!"

"Oh stop being cruel," Celeborn chuckled at the expense of his son. "It's his first crush!"

"I know, that's why I like to tease him," Erestor smirked.

"I'm sure he thinks you hate him," Thranduil said, "He never looks you in the eye."

"That's because I am terrifying," Erestor said, while behind his back Glorfindel nodded his agreement.

"Spider," Elrond said, bluntly. Erestor squealed and jumped.

"That's not funny!"

* * *

"You're late, I'm going to assume you lost your way," Thranduil chuckled as he kissed the dwarf.

"How'd you know? Thorin said earnestly.

"How indeed?" Elrond smirked, "Hello Fíli, Hello Kíli. This must be Gimli."

"Hello," Gimli's gruff little voice sounded. Glorfindel looked at the child oddly.

"Was that his voice?" Glorfindel asked, as Legolas hugged Thorin across the leg. The dwarf ruffled his hair gently. Thorin smirked and nodded, "That is the cutest thing I've ever heard! That's the deepest voice I've ever heard on a child."

"You should hear him sing, Twinkle Little Star," Thorin smirked. Gimli looked at his uncle and shook his head.

"You sing, I'm gonna go play," Gimli said, he grabbed a hold of Kíli and pulled him along. "Look a jumpy castle!"

"Wait for me and Leggy," Fíli said, dragging Legolas along.

"Me too!" Rumil came barging through knocking Glorfindel over.

"Oi! You oversized squirrel!" Glorfindel roared. "Aiya! That child!"

"Bilbo isn't here yet?" Thorin asked following Thranduil to the table. The elf shook his head and pulled the dwarf near as he sat down. "I miss you."

"It's only been three days," Thranduil smiled.

"I still missed you," Thorin smiled back. "And Fíli wouldn't stop asking about you or Legolas. I'm sure Kíli would say so as well. He practically dragged us to the car."

"His actions speak louder then words," Thranduil said.

"Obviously, considering the boy is mute," Thorin smirked. "Is that an art table?"

"Yes, Arwen loves painting," Thranduil smiled.

"Once Kíli sees it, he won't be moved," Thorin said, proudly. "He spends hours drawing!"

* * *

Rumil eyed the three newcomers, suspiciously. He knew Legolas, he saw him almost every week; he knew the twins; he hated them. He liked Arwen, his brother Orophin was a dork but he wondered who were the three shorter children; they weren't elves; they looked too messy, and hairy! Legolas seemed to like them; Elladan and Elrohir continued to talk to the smallest of the dwarflings; a red-haired deep-voiced child. Legolas played alongside Fíli jumping in the castle as Kíli sat with Arwen painting. Pippin, Arwen's friend had just arrived with his cousin Frodo and Bilbo.

Of course, his father, Celeborn sat by the barbeque smoking with Mr Baggins. The young elfling wondered if the white wizard would appear.

Glorfindel and Ecthelion sat with Haldir between them, listening intently to the past warriors retelling stories of old and boring, thought Rumil, as he stood up and walked over to Arwen, he sat beside her, opposite of Kíli and Pippin.

"What are you painting?" Rumil asked, looking at Kíli's work.

Kíli pointed at his work and shrugged.

"He doesn't talk," Arwen said.

"Why? Is he stupid?" Rumil asked, bluntly. Kíli glared at him, hotly.

"No, he doesn't want to talk," Arwen said, "Now don't be rude or I will tell Naneth!"

"Fine," Rumil grunted, "You're still a baby."

"I'm still older then you," Arwen growled. Kíli's eyes narrowed when he noticed Arwen's eyes watering, he delivered the blonde boy a swift kick under the table. Rumil yelped as Kíli feigned innocence, continuing his painting. "Don't start, Rumil. Stop being a jerk!"

"You better not be bothering our sister," Elladan said as he sat on one side of the younger elfling. Elrohir took the other side while Orophin sat beside Pippin and picked up a paintbrush.

"You're not gonna ruin her birthday," Elrohir warned.

"Unless if you want me to tell Nana Galadriel and Haldir what really happened to Ada Celeborn's tie," Orophin warned. Rumil pouted and glared at his brother. "Don't look at me like that. Be nice to your friends while you still have a few."

"Go away," Rumil said; "I have more friends then you. Animals don't count!"

He looked directly at the twins. Kíli smiled at the comment while Elladan poked the younger elf in the side, sharply. Rumil winced but didn't retaliate; the twins were more devilish then he was- they were the only people present he'd never clash with intentionally. Fíli and Legolas joined now along with Gimli; the children chatting comfortably with one another, Fíli seemed to be the only person who involved Rumil in the conversation; Everyone else was ignoring him again, and it was staring to anger the elfling; he was sick of being ignored. The elfling smirked as he stared at Elladan's painting of a dog. It was rather feeble; the dark-haired dwarfling was a better artist; and apparently Orophin agreed.

"Dan- he draws better then you," Orophin pointed at the child's painting of a house by a lake. "that's really cool! Do you like to draw?"

Kíli smiled, nodding, thankfully at the elf.

"All he does is draw and play with Lego," Fíli sighed, "I wish I could do that- no school."

"That would be the life," Elladan agreed, "Anyway, I'm going back on the jumping castle. You four coming?"

Orophin, Fíli and Elrohir nodded as they rose. Frodo followed but not before he grabbed a few lollies.

"I wanna come too!" Rumil said, but before he even finished his sentence the response was an overwhelming no. Rumil pouted and turned back to his half finished picture.

"Let's play hide and seek," Arwen said, rising from her chair. Legolas, Pippin and Fíli jumped up excited as Gimli turned to his cousin.

"Are you coming, Kíli?" he asked, Kíli nodded and ran after the group. Rumil sighed; he stood up and walked in the opposite direction of the group. He looked over his shoulder to find Celeborn engrossed in a game of chess with his son-in-law while Galadriel, being the only woman present, was arm-wrestling with Glorfindel. Haldir was watching intently, of course enthralled by the balrog slayer.

He quickly slid out of the backyard and made his way towards the front veranda. He sat himself down with a heavy sigh as he looked out at the setting sun.

* * *

"That kid just snuck out to the front," Thorin said, his eyes narrowing.

"Who?" Thranduil asked, concerned, the neighbourhood was safe; but all the children were quite young and defenceless.

"The one with the blonde hair, he looks the same age as Legolas,"

"Rumil, who else would disobey the rules and do whatever he pleases," Thranduil sighed, "I better go get him; before Galadriel or Celeborn notice and ground him. Or worse Haldir- he will overreact, cause a scene and frustrate Celeborn."

"I'll go- I forgot Arwen's gift in the car," Thorin said, "I'll draw less attention then you."

"Okay," Thranduil nodded. Thorin stood up and made his way towards his car.

* * *

Rumil sunk behind the bushes, his eyes widening in fright. There was a figure standing by his uncle's car trying to break into it, a crowbar in hand. The boy swallowed; willing himself not to make a sound, but failed miserably when a hand touched his shoulder; he let out a high-pitched scream startling Thorin and the intruder.

Whoever the thief was turned around and made an attempt to run but was thwarted by the uneven ground. Thorin watched as the body tumbled to the ground and let out a pained cry. The voice sounded youthful and scared.

"Rumil, stay there," Thorin warned as he advanced on the figure. "You! What do you think you're doing?!"

The figure gasped and scrambled to his feet only to be thrown into the car he was trying to break into moments before, Thorin's large forearms kept him at bay. Thorin got a quick glimpse of the person- a teenager, no older then eighteen.

"Let me go, please!" the teen pleaded helplessly.

"Thorin?" Thranduil came rushing out with the other elves who heard the youngster's scream. Galadriel picked the startled child up and held him close. "What's going on?"

"This little punk was trying to break into Elrond's car," Thorin growled.

"OH COME ON! HE SCRATCHED THE PAINT JOB!" Ecthelion roared, the boy shrunk into himself and into Thorin; using the dwarf as a shield.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, please," the boy panicked, "I wasn't after the car- I just wanted the burger!"

"What?!" Elrond asked, "Ecthelion did you leave your rubbish in my car again!?"

Thranduil looked over Thorin's shoulder and gasped, this was a face he knew.

"Aragorn? It is you!"

"What?!" Celeborn asked, startled. "Are you sure?"

"I'm the prince of Greenwood- don't you think I'd recognize the _prince of Gondor_!" Thranduil snapped, though he whispered the last three words.

"No, I'm not Aragorn!" he quickly denied, struggling even harder. "Please- I'll leave you wont see me again!"

"Get him inside now," Thranduil said, looking around, "Before we are overheard! Now!"

"No! NO-umpph!" Glorfindel covered the teenager's mouth as he and Ecthelion dragged him back until they were inside the house, they deposited him unkindly onto the couch- Ecthelion was still rather angry about the damage to the car. The boy looked terrified as he looked around nervously; trying to find a way to escape. Several large elves, a bulky dwarf and a startled looking hobbit surrounded him. There was no way out. "Don't hurt me."

"No one will hurt you," Thranduil said, soothingly, he knelt beside the boy but still kept a distance between them- he didn't fancy being kicked. "Do you not remember me? We met when you were around ten, maybe older; it was a few years ago. In Greenwood?"

Aragorn looked at the elf, slowly recognizing one of his captors- he recalled being enthralled by the elf- he was rather handsome- he still was.

"My name is Thranduil," he smiled, "These are my friends and family. No one here will hurt you."

"Are you hungry?" Elrond asked. The boy peeked up slightly; hope filled his eyes at the thought of food. "We're having a barbeque- you are more then welcome."

"Even after you ruined our car," Ecthelion said, bluntly. Aragorn looked back at his feet as Glorfindel slapped his best friend across the chest.

"This wouldn't have happened if you threw out your rubbish," Elrond snapped.

"Sorry I tackled you, I thought you were an orc," Thorin said, "I overreacted because I had a child with me."

"What was Rumil doing there?" Haldir said, angrily. "That boy-"

"-He was following me," Thorin said, interrupting the ranting elf-teen. "He was fine- just startled- I think he came to the same conclusion as I did."

"I'm not an orc," Aragorn growled, his eyes blazed with anger. "I hate orcs- they- they-"

"We know," Thranduil said, "We also know that Denethor has something to do with this."

"They were under his orders," Aragorn shook in his seat; his eyes looking haunted.

"You are safe here," Elrond said, "You are among allies, and family."

"Huh?" Thorin grunted, as Aragorn raised a brow.

"I don't have a family," Aragorn said, his voice hollow. "They were all killed."

"You do," Elrond said, "You are the descendent of my twin brother; Elros. We are half-human, he chose the life of a man- he perished but his bloodline lives. You are my family and you are more then welcome to stay here with my family."

Aragorn shook slightly; biting his lip. His eyes watered and his throat was heavy with emotion. He pushed it all back; he couldn't stay- he didn't know the elf. He could be setting him up- Denethor and his men could be on the doorstep. He had to leave.

"Aragorn," Thranduil said softly. "I know you have been on the run for some time now, alone and without a friend; why don't you stay the night, eat and get some rest before you decide on running again. You will be safe here, until we work out how to reclaim your throne."

"You promise I can leave in the morning," Aragorn asked, still shivering. "I wont have to stay if I don't want too?"

"You wont have to stay," Elrond said, though disappointed, "But you will always have a home here."

"Why? You barely know me! I fucked up your car," Aragorn said, bluntly. Elrond's brow rose. "Sorry."

"I have three impressionable children," Elrond said, softly, "Watch your language."

Aragorn nodded, and then looked up at the elf eagerly. "You promised a meal?"

"Come and eat outside with us," Celeborn said. "You must be famished, there is plenty of food, see we have a hobbit and a dwarf in our company and well, they eat more then all of us elves, combined."

"I'll have you know, that I skipped second breakfast today!" Bilbo said, wagging a finger at the elf, who grinned at him.

"Ada! Ada! Guess what-" Legolas came barging into the room, stopping before the prince of Gondor with a raised brow, "You look terrible."

"Legolas!"

* * *

Yes, I had to put that line from TT in the movie- It always made me laugh. Instead of "OMG Aragorn you're alive! I'm so happy!" its "You look Terrible!"


	8. Chapter 8

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 8/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con in later chapters. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

I have an issue with my fanfictions. Some how every multi-chapter fiction, i send people to the zoo.

* * *

Chapter 8

* * *

"A mini bus?" Thorin asked, as a small white bus was parked outside of Elrond's home. Glorfindel jumped out, swinging the key to the vehicle on his finger.

"It's better for the environment," Glorfindel said, "With so many of us going at once to the same destination we waste less fuel- and the best part is we don't have to pay for it- it belongs to a friend of mine; he leant it for the day- tank's full, all I have to do is refill it tomorrow morning before I return it."

"I'll give you-"

"Shut up, no," Glorfindel said, interrupting the dwarf, "It'll probably be less then twenty dollars."

Thorin grumbled, shaking his head muttering about stubborn elves. A car approached and parked behind the bus. "That's Glóin, ah and Dori is with him."

The said dwarves exited the car, followed by Ori and Gimli.

"Hello Gimli!" Glorfindel said excitedly. He had grown fond of the raspy sounding dwarfling. Gimli waved hello back. "How are you, master dwarf?"

"Sleepy, master elf," Gimli yawned, growling as he did. Thorin chuckled. "Hullo uncle Thorin."

"Good morning," Thorin said, ruffling the boy's hair, "Glorfindel, this is Dori, and my cousin Glóin, that's Ori and you've met Gimli."

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance," Glorfindel bowed, brightly.

"The pleasure is all ours," Dori and Glóin bowed.

"Ah, enough with the formality," Thorin snorted.

"Aye, you would think you are all apart of a royal family," Thranduil said, he strolled out to the front followed by Aragorn; the boy looked much better, Thorin smiled. Two weeks earlier he looked dreadful or _terrible_, as Legolas had described him; pale and thin, covered in dirt and who knows what other filth with a terrible odour coming from him. Now he was dressed in a simple elvish tunic and leggings; his hair was clean and it was black- Ecthelion suggested dying his hair to make him look a little different. The balrog slayer also suggested leaving the teenager's stubble as it made him look older then what he was; and when Aragorn both had said that he left the palace without the stubble it was decided the stubble was to stay.

Personally Thorin liked it!

"Glóin, Dori, this is Thranduil and Estel," Thorin said; the final change was his name and heritage. Aragorn was now an elf or at least a half-elf related to Elrond and his name was now Estel. The elves, dwarf and hobbit that were present during Aragorn's arrival decided the less people who knew the truth about him the better. Thorin trusted Glóin and Dori with his life, but he agreed with Glorfindel, the more people who knew who Aragorn was the more danger he'd be in. The children too thought he was Estel; Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen were fast accepting of their new 'cousin'.

"Hello," Thranduil smiled, "I am glad I have met you, Thorin has told me much about you."

"Likewise, master elf," Glóin smiled, "I do plan on sharing some tales on our mutual friend here."

Thranduil smirked as Thorin let out several noes!

"You look like a school student with that bag," Thorin said, eying the only adult (besides Dori and Glóin) who was shorter then he. Bilbo had a backpack on and for some bizarre reason a fancy walking stick. "And what's with the walking stick?"

"I'm going on an adventure!" Bilbo smirked.

"You're going to the zoo," Thorin said, bluntly. Bilbo glared at him and harrumphed. "Where's Frodo?"

"He ran inside- didn't you see him," Bilbo said.

"No," Thorin said, "We're just waiting for Celeborn and Gladwrapriel."

Elrond snorted, "Do yourself a favour and do not call her that to her face."

"I cant believe Thranduil did," Erestor said, shaking his head, "Is everything packed up? And do you have the vouchers?"

Thorin nodded, "Of course I have the- SON OF A! I'll go get them, I'll be back in ten minutes!"

"Don't get lost," Thranduil said, chortling.

"Shut up," Thorin said, dashing to the car. "Oh wait! Here they are!"

"He isn't driving is he?" Glóin asked, eying the bus.

"Of course not," Glorfindel said, mocking a frightful look, "I'd like to reach the zoo before Monday morning!"

"Oh shut up the lot of you," Thorin growled, pulling the vouchers out of the car. He handed them to Thranduil, "You take them. You're less likely to lose them!"

Thranduil smiled at the dwarf as finally the final five people arrived. Celeborn exited the car arguing with Haldir; the teen did not want to go. Orophin soon exited followed by Rumil- Thranduil chuckled- the boy had a devil-horned headband on. Ecthelion growled behind him as Glorfindel muttered something about it suiting the child, as he was a little balrog. Galadriel slid out of the car gracefully and said something to the youngest elfling, who pouted and nodded taking her hand.

"Sorry we are late," Celeborn said, moodily as he stared at Haldir. "But someone was being difficult and it wasn't the balro-"

"Celeborn," Galadriel said, warningly. She shook her head slowly at her husband. "Can you get the bags from the car please."

"Yes, dear," Celeborn said, pushing past a grumpy Haldir.

"Alright, everyone, put all bags in the back of the bus," Glorfindel said, "And then we will leave."

Haldir took a bag from Celeborn and threw it into the back of the bus, Celeborn growled, "Mind the food!"

"Sorry," Haldir muttered as he climbed aboard the bus. Orophin followed sitting by his brother; soon enough Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen rushed in followed by Ori, Frodo, Fíli, Kíli and Legolas, who was assisting Gimli up the stairs of the bus. "I don't know why I have to go for, it's a zoo, and I'm fourteen! I'm not a baby."

"Oh, stop whining," Orophin sighed; Haldir punched him in the shoulder just as Aragorn entered the bus. The heir of Gondor glared at him. Haldir looked down, reddening in the cheeks as Aragorn sat beside Elrohir and behind Elladan and Arwen. Glorfindel climbed into the driver's seat as Thranduil and Thorin sat behind Legolas and Gimli.

Erestor was the last on; he took one look and shook his head. "Is there something wrong with the front seats?"

"Aye, we don't want to be that close to you," Ecthelion said, smirking. Glorfindel looked over his shoulder and laughed. "Hurry up, and drive."

"Shut up," Glorfindel snorted, "I understand the children sitting at the back, but why are you there Galadriel?"

"Rumil is less likely to cause trouble here," Galadriel smiled.

"I wanna see the wargs!" he whined. The entire bus interrupted into groans of no.

"No wargs. If he causes trouble I'm leaving him in the monkey cage," Celeborn warned. Rumil made a sound of protest. "I'm kidding; but behave anyway, because I might just change my mind!"

The ride to the zoo was long but amusing. Glóin shared stories from his and Thorin's youth; Ecthelion retold stories of Gondolin, struggling to sit still as he told them, Thranduil retold the story of Elrond's shaved eyebrow and then being set up with a dwarf who couldn't find his way to a café he ate lunch at daily.

Soon they emptied out from the bus and entered the zoo. The group stayed together as they made their way around viewing the various animals and watching the few shows the zoo offered; the seal show was the favourite so far. Erestor made the mistake of allowing the twins to lead him into the insect enclosure- he came running screeching, startling everyone in a 10 mile radius.

Elrond threatened to make them wait by in the bus if they didn't behave which of course had them behaving like angels. Glóin and Thorin were amusing themselves by comparing the various animals to each other, while Gimli, Fíli, Kíli and Legolas ran metres before the group eager to see the next group of animals.

"Are there no elk here?" Thranduil wondered, Thorin looked at the prince with a raised brow. "I like elk. They are my favourite animal, aside from the lion; which remind me of you."

"I'm majestic like a lion," Thorin smirked. Thranduil laughed, "Boys don't go to far ahead- you will- Where's Kíli?!"

Fíli's eyes bulged, as he looked around for his little brother, "he-he was right here? KÍLI! KÍLI!"

"I'm sure he hasn't gotten far," Thranduil said, his elf eyes scanned the vicinity and frowned, the boy was nowhere in sight. Even his elven eyesight could not spot the boy.

"KÍLI!" Thorin roared.

"Okay," Elrond quickly took charge, "Erestor, Dori, Bilbo, stay with all the children, we will split up into groups of two, until we find him. If he returns text here Erestor, text us all, whoever finds him, text!"

"Celeborn and I will go to the head office," Galadriel said, grabbing her husband's arm. "Perhaps someone had found him and led him there."

"Legolas, Fíli stay here, we will find him," Thranduil promised, as he led Thorin away in one direction. Ecthelion and Elrond raced in another; Glóin and Glorfindel went backwards, retracing their steps. Celeborn and Galadriel gave Rumil a stern warning before they too headed down a direction. Erestor frowned, worried, the zoo was large, the boy could be anywhere; he just hoped the child was found soon.

* * *

"We will find him," Thranduil promised, "We wont leave until we find him; he will be okay."

"I should have held his hand- he cant speak- what if something happens to him- or something hurts him- he could fall into the lion den!"

"It was surrounded by glass," Thranduil said, stopping the dwarf in his tracks, he gripped the dwarf's face in his palms. "Look at me Thorin... We will find him, and he will be okay. You have to believe this!"

Thorin nodded, gripping the elf's hand tightly as they continued their search.

* * *

Haldir peered up carefully, eying the heir of Gondor. His silvery hair shielded his face as he stared at the dark haired beauty- Haldir swallowed; the last time he had felt like this was because of a beautiful she-elf in his class. She laughed in his face when he told her that he liked her. He threatened to shoot her in the head with his bow and arrow. He had been given a week of detention for that- and was grounded for a month by Celeborn. He was angry at the elder elf earlier, but now that he was able to spend time with Aragorn- or Estel as he had to call him- he didn't mind.

"Why are you staring at Estel?" Rumil asked, loudly as he sat beside his big brother, the five year old shook his brother's shoulder eager for attention. Aragorn looked over wondering why the boy said his name.

"I'm not staring," Haldir hissed, "He is merely in my line of vision. Go and bother Orophin."

Rumil glared at his big brother, and then smirked, "You like him don't you!"

"No I don't, you moron! Go away!"

"Ooohh, Haldir wishes Aragorn would kiss him in a tree!" Rumil sung as Haldir went bright red but not before back handing his little brother right off the silver bench. The boy let out a pained cry as Haldir stood up glaring down at the child who rubbed the back of his head that had collided with the wall behind them; his eyes stung with tears as Orophin dashed over, gripping his older brother before he could take out his anger on the small child.

"Dude! Get that stick out of your ass," Aragorn snapped, pushing Haldir away from the boy. "He's like two years old!"

"Just let it go, it's not worth it," Orophin hissed, glaring at Rumil. Haldir shook himself free and took off running away from the group. Orophin let out an exasperated sigh, shaking his head at Rumil who slowly stood up, wiped his hand on his jeans before he pulled up the black hood over his blond head. He was shaking fiercely as Orophin took off after Haldir. "Haldir! Wait! Wait!"

"Hey! HEY! You two get back here!" Erestor roared chasing after the two blonde elflings.

"That kid is a moron," Aragorn snapped when his twin cousins came over. The boys stared at Rumil and nodded in agreement. Rumil sat on the bench rubbing at his eyes, stiffly.

* * *

Erestor growled as he followed Haldir towards the men's bathroom; he found Haldir but not Orophin, "Where is your brother?"

"Who cares?" Haldir muttered, "I wish- I wish he was never born! I'm sick of-"

"I meant Orophin," Erestor interrupted, "Though do not say that to Rumil, he already thinks you hate him."

"I do hate him!" Haldir snarled, "He's an embarrassment- all he does is make me and Orophin look like fools. If nana and Adar were still alive they'd be so ashamed of him!"

"Do you think maybe the reason he misbehaves so much is because you mistreat him?" Erestor murmured, he waited a moment before he continued, allowing the elfling to ponder his question. "He is a child, Haldir, and after that blow you just delivered him I would be surprised if he ever lets you touch him again."

"I don't care, I don't want him!" Haldir said, frowning stubbornly. "Everything was fine with just me and Orophin- those orcs would never have found us if he wasn't crying. Nana couldn't even stand because of him-"

"Aye, she had just given birth to him," Erestor said, pulling the teenager outside and parked them on the nearest bench, "Sit, we are not having a conversation in the bathroom- especially not a public bathroom. I recall you told Celeborn she begged you to take your brothers and run- she would have sacrificed her self for all three of you again in a heart beat."

"It's his fault," Haldir whispered, his eyes watering, "I- she should still be alive and adar."

"Aye, they should be," Erestor said, holding the teenager's hand in his own, "But it was never Rumil's fault- it was those orcs; even if they hadn't heard Rumil they would have smelt the blood- they would have heard you sneeze or cough. They were the ones who killed your parents; none of this is Rumil's fault. Do you think it is fair to blame him- a defenceless baby, your baby brother? My own mother gave up her life to save my cousin and myself; this was over six thousand years ago. Lindir was a babe himself- older then Rumil was- he doesn't remember that fateful day. He was screaming because he was hungry. My mother silenced him with a bottle- her sister was a warrior- she left him with my mother to raise when she was away. We were travelling to meet her when they attacked. I was carrying a backpack of food for mother and myself and milk for him, she gave him to me suddenly- she sensed them coming. Told me to run as fast as I could and then to climb into a well-shielded tree. Lindir was quiet then, nibbling on the branch of a tree."

Erestor chuckled slightly; it was a bittersweet laugh. "I was alone with Lindir for more then six weeks when I was found by Gil-Galad and his men. They found my mother and the people were travelled with- one of them told Gil-Galad we had escaped before he too died. I broke Gil-galad's nose when he tried to grab Lindir. It is still crooked… Don't tell him I said that though… He adopted us, much like Celeborn and Galadriel adopted you- I had learnt that my aunt was slain only moments before my mother and our companions."

"What happened to the orcs?" Haldir asked softly.

"Glorfindel and Elrond happened," Erestor smiled, "I knew that day, Glorfindel had my heart. I was older then you were, almost reached my majority- and he had just been reborn so he was in some ways an elfling too. Although there are days I wonder if he is still an elfling. Now did you see where Orophin went?"

"No, why?" Haldir asked.

"Great, now two children are missing," Erestor sighed. He took out his phone and quickly typed up a message to send to every adult. "Come on, let's head back."

"Okay," Haldir nodded, rubbing away the few tears that escaped his eyes.

"May I ask have you cried for your loss yet," Erestor asked. Haldir shrugged. "It isn't weakness to cry. Let yourself mourn pen-neth, for then your pain will lessen and only your positive memories of your loved ones will remain."

* * *

"Kíli!" Orophin said, happily. He had lost sight of his brother but at least he had found the lost dwarfling. The boy was sitting on a red picnic bench crying into his hands. Kíli looked up as Orophin sat beside him. "Everyone is looking for you."

The boy pulled himself onto his knees and hugged the elf's arm, wiping his tears and snot on the elf's sleeves.

"Thanks," Orophin grunted, but he patted the child's head affectionately. "I'd say lets walk back but something tells me sitting here is better- I'll probably get us more lost."

Kíli sniffed, rubbing away his tears. He looked at the elf imploringly, pointing forward.

"What's wrong?" Orophin asked. Kíli continued to point getting up to his feet. He grabbed hold of Orophin's hand and pulled. "No, Kíli, lets stay here until someone comes and finds us."

Kíli whined, jumping slightly on the spot.

"I know you're scared, but I'm more scared of walking us into the crocodile cage or an orc's van!" Orophin said, "I promise someone will find us- everyone is out looking for you… and me now. Now come and sit next to me. Are you hungry? I have gum."

Kíli looked at him blankly. Orophin smiled but patted the bench.

"So why don't you like to talk," Orophin asked, "Or maybe you just cant."

Kíli nodded, "So you can't talk." Kíli shook his head, "I'm confused; you can talk?"

Kíli nodded, "but you choose not too." Kíli nodded again. "Hmm, I didn't talk either when my nana and adar died."

Kíli swallowed as his eyes watered.

"I had nothing to say," Orophin sighed, looking at the giant Oliphant before them. It was bathing in the water, spraying water up in the air. "Orcs killed them. Of course, who else kills people for fun? I was a little younger then Rumil and Haldir was my age now. Rumil- well Rumil had just been born- five minutes later my nana and Adar were dead; nana's screaming attracted orcs- and then Rumil was crying... Adar wrapped him in his cloak and gave him to Haldir and then he told us to run… We ran, until we found a tree, Haldir pushed Rumil into my arms and made me crawl under its roots- he couldn't fit- he climbed up on the tree and remained there looking out. I was terrified. Rumil fell asleep, he was too little too know we were in danger, so he was lucky that way."

Kíli shook his head; Orophin stared at the boy oddly. "_N-no, he isn't_."

Orophin's eyes bulged, but he decided not to draw attention to the boy's unexpected words, "Why do you think that?"

"I re'mber my mummy n'daddy," Kíli whispered, "He don't."

Orophin nodded. "No, he doesn't, does he."

"Miss dem," Kíli sniffed.

"I miss them too," Orophin sighed, sadly, "Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen miss their nana, and Legolas too. It isn't fair, but it just… I don't know."

"Isat why evvyone's mean to Rumil?" Kíli asked, "He looks sad all d'time."

Orophin frowned, "He isn't sad all the time."

"Yeah, at 'Wren's birday, he looked sad," Kíli said, nodding vigorously. "he di'nt follow us to play hide seek but he went to the cars by himself; then unca Thowin follow him."

"But Haldir said that Mr Thorin said… maybe he was looking out for him," Orophin said. The elfling noticed that for someone who chose not to speak, Kíli was quite alert to those around him. "He would have gotten into trouble otherwise- Haldir was angry with him when we got home anyway."

"Haldir's a jerk," Kíli said, bluntly. Orophin giggled.

"He's just a little high-strung," Orophin said. "I guess it comes with being a big brother."

"Fíli's no jerk," Kíli replied, proving the elf wrong with a smile. Orophin started laughing.

* * *

Almost a half hour past since Kíli's disappearance and Thorin was going into panic mode and to top it off they were sent a text from Erestor. Orophin had taken off and now they were looking for two missing children.

"Oh Mahal, what if I never find him?" Thorin whispered, "I'm a terrible uncle- I should have-"

"Enough, moping around will not help us find him or Orophin," Thranduil said, when his ears picked up a familiar sound, "Orophin... Orophin!"

"What?"

"I can hear him laughing," Thranduil said, "He is by the Oliphants. I can hear it trumpeting."

"Where are the Oliphants?" Thorin said, when he spotted a picture of an Oliphant and the arrow facing up a hill. "Look! the sign!"

"Come on, quickly, before he moves," Thranduil dashed forward, Thorin hot on his heels. The hill had them both panting when they finally reached the Oliphant. "Orophin!"

The boy's head turned to their direction and he smiled delightfully, "Uncle Thranduil!"

"Orophin! KIL-**IIII!**" Thranduil stopped in surprise, and then yelped when Thorin ran into his rear end. Thorin pulled himself back and looked past Thranduil's hips.

"Kíli! Kíli! My sweet boy!" Thorin ran past Thranduil towards his nephew who dashed forward grinning happily.

"Unca Thowrin!" Kíli called out as he reached his uncle. Thorin looked surprised but picked up the boy nonetheless and spun him around; delighted the boy was safe in his arms again.

"Oh, thank Mahal you are safe," Thorin said, "_And you're speaking again_."

"Aye," Kíli nodded.

"And you have been spending too much time with elves," Thorin said. Thranduil let out a hearty laugh texting to everyone that both boys had been found.

"Come Orophin, we will head back," Thranduil wrapped his arm around the younger elf. "Galadriel and Celeborn are probably worried sick. Are you okay?"

"Aye," Orophin nodded, "I found Kíli by accident- I was chasing after Haldir and then I lost him."

"Why were you chasing Haldir?" Thranduil said.

"Rumil upset him and he ran off," Orophin said, "Though Haldir really overreacted, like usual. Ada Celeborn!"

The group was finally in view again; Galadriel's hand was above her heart looking relieved as Fíli came running to his brother.

"KÍLI!"

"_Fíli!_"

"What!?" Fíli paused when he heard his little brother's voice; he jumped up in the air excitedly and then tackled his brother in an overly excited hug. "Oww Oww! Le' go!"

"You're talking! Why are you talking?!

"Why you talkin'?" Kíli retorted. Orophin smirked as Galadriel pulled him into a loving embrace.

"Are you okay, my dear?" She asked, as Celeborn ran a hand down his hair smiling, "What happened? Why did you leave?"

"It was my fault," Haldir muttered ashamedly. "He was running after me, he must have missed my turn or something. Erestor found me though; I'm sorry I didn't mean to run off."

"Well, everything is okay now," Galadriel said.

"But we will still be talking about this at home," Celeborn warned. The two boys nodded as they both searched for their younger brother. The boy was still sitting where he had been left, staring at his feet. Orophin and Haldir exchanged looks, agreeing silently to talk with their little brother at home. For now, they'd let Celeborn deal with him as he was already coaxing the boy to his feet. "Let's go and eat some lunch, and then we will go and see the big cats and whatever is left."

"Wargs," Kíli said, quickly.

"What?" Thorin said, "You want to see the- what for! They're terrible animals!"

"_**I wanna see wargs**_," Kíli said stubbornly, silencing the protests. He met Rumil's eyes and smirked slightly. Rumil's lips twitched slightly into a weak smile.

"Do we really have too?" Dori asked, with a sigh.

"Yes, made us watch stupid bird show," Kíli complained. "Wanna see wargs."

"Fine," Bilbo stated, "the boy has a point, that bird show was dull."

"It's was a bunch of birds flying," Estel murmured, walking between the twins following the adults, who now decided to hold the hand of each child, much to the dismay of the older children. "What do you expect?"

* * *

"Why couldn't we sit somewhere that has less of a stench?" Erestor grumbled, "Farm animals are terrible smelling."

"Hey, a goat," Glorfindel said excitedly, pointing up at the fence the goat was balancing on.

"Baaa," Ecthelion bleated; drawing rambunctious laughter from Glorfindel.

"Ecthelion, goats say maaa, not baaa," Erestor said, handing several sandwiches to Elladan. "Go and share them with your friends."

"Goats don't say maaa, that's sheep!"

"It's goats!" Erestor snapped, "Listen and see."

Erestor turned around slightly and let out a goatly bleat. "Maa-a-a-aa-a-a!"

The goat glared at him, trotting up the fence onto the roof of a shed.

"See I told you," Ecthelion said.

"That proves nothing! It didn't reply!"

"Ba-a-a-a-aa-a!" Ecthelion bleated.

"Maa-aaa-a-aa-a-a!"

"Baa-aa-a-a-a!"

"Maaa-a-a-aa-a!"

"BAA!"

"Maa!"

"This is going on YouTube," Bilbo chuckled, wiping tears from his eyes as he filmed the two idiots. Thranduil and Elrond were literally on the floor laughing.

"What!? No!" Erestor said, startled as the goat finally bleated.

"_Maaaa-a-a-a-a-a."_

"See I told you!" Erestor said, with a triumphant smirk.

"Oh, come on!"

* * *

"That thing is ugly," Thorin grumbled, "I cant believe Kíli wanted to see this."

"I don't think he did," Thranduil said, staring at the warg pacing the cage, eying them out. "Look at him, he's more interested in talking to Gimli and Legolas."

"Then why did he take us here," Thorin grumbled. Thranduil pointed towards Rumil discreetly. The blonde haired elf was eying the warg with wonder, beaming. "Oh- oh. Ahh Kíli; it wasn't for him at all."

"No, he saw that Rumil wanted to go," Thranduil smiled, "He convinced us on his behalf. He has a heart of gold, that boy of yours."

"That he does," Thorin nodded. "That he does."

* * *

This was the hardest chapter to write so far- my eyes are a little watery- I actually felt sorry for a fictional character…. After taking one glance at Rumil in the LOTR movies I saw this pretty baby face actor and I just thought, I bet anything Rumil was a troublemaker- probably drove Haldir crazy!

Kiil is talking, he just needed to find kindred spirits!

Thanks for the reviews!

Peace and chicken grease

afro


	9. Chapter 9

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 9/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con in later chapters. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 9

* * *

The gift shop in the zoo made a fortune that day when the group left. Each child had grabbed a toy or a book, Legolas choose an elk- Thranduil swore to Thorin he had nothing to do with the boy's choice. Both Kíli and Fíli grabbed bears while Arwen found herself a dolphin plushie. Elrohir found himself an encyclopaedia of animals while Elladan choose a toy penguin that pooped candy! Frodo choose an eagle while Ori like Elrohir choose a book.

Gimli and Rumil were left, Rumil insisted he didn't want anything which surprised his carers, he just whined about going home, while Gimli was just overwhelmed with choices. Eventually he gave up, closed his eyes and grabbed a pink pony. He returned it immediately and tried again, this time selecting a set of ten wild animals that came in a truck.

"Are you sure you don't want anything?" Celeborn asked, gently, he went to pull the hoodie down but the young elf held it firmly in place. "We are going home now, Rumil. It will be too late then."

"I don't know," Rumil shrugged, his eyes wondering to the corner of the shop. He shook his head slowly and walked outside ignoring everyone as he went. Galadriel exchanged a concerned look with Celeborn before she followed the boy outside. Soon the shop emptied, only Orophin remained, looking at the various books, Haldir stood beside him eying the same corner he noticed his smallest brother staring at.

"I think he wanted the warg teddy," Haldir whispered quietly to his brother. "I don't understand his fascination with them."

"I don't either," Orophin said, finally choosing a book, Celeborn took it off him muttering under his breath that it was about time as he went to pay for the book along with Haldir's keychain of a bat. "He didn't get anything did he?"

"No," Haldir said, staring down the warg ted. "I'm going to get him that stupid thing. I don't understand why he likes them, but if that is what he desires."

"Come on, boys," Celeborn said. "I much desire reaching home before the sun rises next June."

"We'll stay with them," Erestor said, "Glorfindel wants to get something too. The big baby…"

"Hey!"

Celeborn nodded, "Be quick boys."

"Aye," they chorused together, still focusing on the warg.

"You know you are only buying it because we feel guilty right," Orophin said, softly. Haldir nodded, "how much is it?"

"Thirty," Haldir murmured, frowning, "I only have 20 I think. Let me check."

"I have some loose change too," Orophin said, checking his pockets. He quickly counted his money as Haldir counted his own. "I have seven dollars."

"I have twenty-two," Haldir frowned, angrily. "We're a dollar short!"

"Here," Glorfindel said, giving him a dollar.

"That's not-"

"Shut up- take it," Glorfindel said, his eyes widened picking up a life-size cheetah. Haldir and Orophin shrugged at each other and walked to the register. "I'm getting this!"

"What for?" Erestor said, shaking his head, "Can you not get the cub instead!?"

"That's a good idea, I'll get both!"

"No- oh never mind," Erestor said rolling his eyes, "Here get me this."

"Ok-ahh!" Glorfindel dropped the mini balrog with a yelp. "_Verrrrrry funny_!"

Erestor smirked.

* * *

"Mmm, you smell amazing," Thorin said, breathing in the elf's scent. "Don't ever change your shampoo- in fact I'm going to buy it for myself. It's amazing."

"Okay," Thranduil said, amused. "I wonder what the boys are up to?"

"I'm sure they are turning my old gym room into a pigsty," Thorin chuckled.

"This is a nice bachelor pad," Thranduil smiled, "I bet it was an adjustment having two children running around."

"Well, considering my gym is now their playroom, and my old study is now their bedroom," Thorin smiled, "I've been meaning to find somewhere bigger. I'm just not bothered looking to be honest. And it's working out fine here. Even if it is a little crowded."

"I like it," Thranduil said, "It's homely, and it screams you. It may not be as big as my place but it has its own charm. And besides this is an apartment, I have a house."

"I'm still trying to get over the antler throne!" Thorin chuckled, "Where did you find that?"

"My father gave it to me as a joke," Thranduil said, laughing. "He caught me riding a wild elk once- in my defense I was perhaps a little tipsy; and oh, he also found a baby deer in my bedroom- when I was a little older then Legolas I found it abandoned in the woods, I was looking after it for weeks before my father found it!"

Thorin chuckled, "What is your dad like?"

Thranduil hesitated; "he is a good man, short tempered, and quick to anger, but he is fair and just. He adores Legolas- actually all children."

"Legolas is the perfect child," Thorin smiled, "I don't think I've been annoyed by him once- actually I can admit Arwen is an angel but Elrond's twins piss me off with their double speech- and I don't know who the hell is who!"

Thranduil laughed, "Elrohir is the quieter of the two, and wiser. I have to admit I have a soft spot for Gimli!"

"Gimli is the best! That voice of his," Thorin chortled, "I can speak to him for hours! And I noticed he and Legolas have grown close!"

"Aye, Legolas asked for him everyday since the first time they met!" Thranduil said, "And Kíli today! He amazed everyone!"

"I missed hearing his voice!" Thorin laughed, "He wouldn't stop talking in the car, when we were driving back, Fíli told him to shut up!"

Thranduil burst out laughing, "That did not take long!"

"Uncle Thowin, Leggy's asleep," Kíli's voice called from the playroom.

"Asleep? Its only seven," Thranduil said, confused, "He must be tired."

"He can sleep here tonight!" Fíli said, happily. Thorin and Thranduil smirked at each other.

"He must be exhausted," Thorin chuckled.

"It's clever," Thranduil grinned.

"I have a spare bed in their room," Thorin said, "if you want to stay the night?"

"Um, okay, but I might go home first, get some necessities, like PJs for Legolas?"

"And yourself?" Thorin said, smirking. Thranduil's smirk was more devious.

"I wont need any," Thranduil winked. Thorin blushed weakly, biting his lower lip as he looked down at his feet shyly. Thranduil grinned widely pecking the dwarf on the forehead, "I will be back soon, melamin."

* * *

"We'll give it to him later," Haldir said, eying the warg in the bag. He had to admit the toy was cute. "Let him finish his shower. I think maybe I should talk to him too."

"And maybe apologize for hitting him," Orophin said with two raised brows. Haldir's eyes widened when Galadriel walked into the room, eying Haldir with scrutiny.

"Hit whom?" she asked. Orophin jumped and mouthed an apology.

"I- I hit Rumil," Haldir said, quietly, looking at his feet.

"Is that why the back of his head is bleeding? His entire head was red with his blood!" Celeborn's voice sounded as he stalked into the room, his eyes ablaze. He faced Galadriel, "That's why he kept that hoodie up!"

"I didn't- I-"

"Be silent!" Celeborn roared angrily. "He has a black eye! His hair was drenched- DRENCHED- in his own blood! He was still bleeding! What did you do!? Hit him with an axe!? He is five years of age!"

"Celeborn," Galadriel noticed the small boy enter the room; his head bandaged expertly by his adopted father. His eyes were raised, eying Celeborn frightfully.

"You could have killed him! Is that what you want?!" He ignored his wife, continuing his angry rant; Haldir stared at his feet, his eyes watering, shaking where he stood. "_Do you hate him that much_?"

"N-no," Haldir whispered, wishing more then anything he could run and hide. He hadn't realised he hurt the child so badly; he _was a terrible_ person. No wonder Aragorn hated him; Celeborn probably hated him too. He didn't blame them though; he hated himself too.

"I don't know what else to say to you," Celeborn growled, stepping back before he did something he would regret. "I am beyond disappointed, in fact, get out of my sight. Go straight to your room- you are grounded until I say so. Unplug the TV, the computer and put that I_Pap_ and IPhone in my room. I do not want to see you until tomorrow morning."

"No- no- no- no-nonononono!" Rumil panicked, his voice rising two octaves high, "_Don't grou- he didn't_- I fell- nonono!"

"Rumil, calm down," Galadriel said, softly as Celeborn eyed him apprehensively.

"_I fell- I fell- wasn't him_- no-no!" Rumil gasped, tears streaming down his face. "Hate me- don't! sorrysorrysorry!"

"Rumil… breathe," Celeborn dropped to his knees before the child; holding his shoulders firmly. "It's okay it's okay- you're okay. You are not in trouble."

"Rumil?" Orophin asked fearfully. The elfling was gasping for breath, his heart pounding in his chest, trembling where he stood.

"Go to your room," Celeborn snapped, "Both of you! **Now**! Rumil, breathe my boy."

Orophin jumped and ran past his adoptive parents, dragging Haldir with him. The middle child was stunned to find Haldir's hands clammy and shaky. Dragging his brother up the stairs was a struggle, but he managed.

"It's okay, he'll be okay," Orophin said as he led his brother to his room. He pushed Haldir inside; the older sibling stood where he was; dazed. Orophin looked around his brother's room and quickly set about doing what Celeborn had told Haldir. He unplugged the television, computer and found Haldir's IPad. "Where is your IPhone? Haldir! Answer me- if ada comes up and sees you didn't do as he said he might explode. Literally."

Haldir still didn't move, Orophin let out an exasperated sigh and searched his brother's pockets until he found the phone. He left the room and dashed to his parents' room, putting the Apple products down on the nightstand before he returned to Haldir, who hadn't moved. Orophin nudged him once and then slapped him. Haldir let out a cry of pain.

"Snap out of it," Orophin growled, smacking him again. Haldir flinched and stared at his brother. "Change into your PJ's, and get in bed- I'm gonna see if Rumil is okay."

"This is my fault!" Haldir cried, two tears dripped down his cheek. Orophin quickly gave his brother a hug.

"No, it wasn't, it was an accident," Orophin said.

"I practically punched him," Haldir sobbed, clinging onto Orophin. "I could have killed him! It would have been my fault- I almost killed my baby brother!"

Orophin swallowed as he allowed Haldir to cry into him.

"It's my fault and now Ce-Celeborn will hate me forever," Haldir cried distressed.

"You're being a little meladramatic, Haldir," Orophin smiled weakly. "Ada's just angry now, he'll be okay tomorrow. So will Rumil, get in bed- I'll try and stay here tonight."

* * *

Down the stairs, Celeborn and Galadriel had managed to calm the child slightly. He was hiccoughing, but finally breathing a little easier. Celeborn sat him down on his lap, stroking the boy's mane careful not to aggravate the boy's head injury.

"I cannot believe Haldir did this," Celeborn growled, "I knew he held some resentment towards the child but this is outrageous."

"I do not believe he meant to hurt Rumil," Galadriel said, kneeling beside her husband, stroking Rumil's hands. "He was as surprised as I was."

"D-d-didn't do it," Rumil gasped.

"What?"

"Ha-Hadi d-d-didn't do it," Rumil sobbed, struggling to speak. "Fell- f-f-from chair w-when he h-hit me. Hit m'head on the-the- the wall. W-wasn't his-"

"Had he not hit you, you would not have fallen!" Celeborn said, moodily.

"D-don't pu-punish him," Rumil begged, "He'll hate me-me, m-m-more."

"Oh, my dear boy," Celeborn sighed, holding the boy tight. He and Galadriel exchanged a look of understanding; Rumil feared Haldir's reaction towards him now that he had been grounded.

"He doesn't hate you," Galadriel said, sadly. "He is just confused."

"He is a fool," Celeborn said, sharply. "If he cant see just how special you are."

"I-I don't want h-him to hate m-me more," Rumil cried, "No gro-rounding."

"He wont ground him," Galadriel said, exchanging a look with her husband.

"Aye, I wont, _for you_," Celeborn said. "I will talk to him tomorrow, when I am calmer. And he will apologize to you and treat you better. I promise."

Rumil seemed to relax a little after that comment. That night, the small boy slept in his adoptive parents bedroom; snuggled close to Celeborn. Galadriel went to see her two older boys, not surprised to find Orophin's room empty. Orophin lay awake in Haldir's bed, holding him close. The older of the two was asleep, shivering in his slumber. Orophin swallowed as Galadriel floated into the room.

"Is he okay?" Orophin asked, praying he wouldn't have to return to his room. Galadriel answered his prayer by covering the two boys with the blankets.

"He will be fine," Galadriel said, "How did he hit his head, Orophin?"

"Haldir smacked him across the face, he fell off the chair, I think he may have hit his head on the wall cause he cried and held his head…"

The boy drifted off, the memory of what happened returned, "_Then he wiped his hand on his jeans_; he must have noticed the blood- he didn't say anything. Haldir ran and I chased after him. I didn't think he was hurt, nana."

"It is okay, my dear," Galadriel said.

"Does Adar hate us?" Orophin asked, worry etched in his face.

"Of course not," Galadriel said, warmly. "He was just worried about your brother. It was a ghastly wound. Now why was Haldir so angry with his brother again?"

"Rumil was teasing him for liking Estel, who I think overheard," Orophin said, "I think it just reminded him of Merilee."

"Haldir can do better then someone who laughs at him. So that is how you were lost then?" Galadriel said, Orophin nodded. "You did find Kíli though."

"By accident," Orophin said. Galadriel smiled warmly at him, kissing Haldir on the forehead. She then kissed Orophin's forehead. "Good night nana."

"Good night, my dear," Galadriel smiled.

* * *

They were in the middle of a heated kiss; Thranduil took charged running his hands up and down Thorin's hairy chest, against the hard nipples. Thorin shivered, his arms wrapped around Thranduil's waist; his legs followed tightened around the elf.

Thorin moaned, shaking as Thranduil's hands gently raked his back until he reached the dwarf's round globes; sheathed in a pair of briefs. He squeezed, sighing as Thorin pushed himself closer, rubbing himself against the elf. Thorin froze though when Thranduil snuck his thumbs between the briefs and his skin and began to pull them down. Thranduil stopped sensing his tension; he brought his hands back up to the dwarf's cheeks and pulled him into another kiss.

"We don't have to anything," Thranduil whispered, "Having you here next to me is more then enough."

"Its just… well I've never been…"

"With another man?"

"No, I've never been with anyone," Thorin said, quickly his cheeks reddening. Thranduil's eyes widened.

"You're still a virgin?" Thranduil asked, startled, Thorin's blush deepened, feeling a little humiliated. "But- no it's okay, there is nothing wrong with this. We will move slow and at your pace."

"I want you now, I just- not sure how- will it- I'm-"

Thranduil silenced him with a kiss, part of him swelled with pride at the thought of being the dwarf's first. "I will guide you… do not fret. I will pleasure you and make you scream my name."

"Kids will wake up," Thorin blushed weakly.

"No they wont, I put wine in their drinks,"

"What?!"

"I'm kidding," Thranduil snorted, "I'd never waste my wine! After the day they had today, none of them will wake up, believe me. Now where was I- ah yes, that delightful neck of yours."

Thorin let out a pleasurable moan as Thranduil's teeth bit into his neck, "Please… please, show me wha- ohhh, Thrand- uilll, ooo…"

"All this from nibbling on your neck," Thranduil smirked, Thorin looked at him hazily; the usually calm and gentle elf was a tiger in the sack. He smiled; it worked well for him. Thranduil got back to work, licking and biting his way down the dwarf's chest until he reached his naval- he had the dwarf squealing in delight when he swirled his tongue around his belly button. Thorin whimpered, pitifully raising his hips as Thranduil began to slowly pull his briefs down. "If you need me to stop, say so."

"D-don't _you dare **stop**_," Thorin whispered, helplessly watching as his black underwear went flying across the room. Thorin's eyes widened when something wet ran across his rock-hard manhood, he arched forward, wanting- needing more! "Please… Unk- mmm."

Thranduil was a bloody expert with his tongue, Thorin thought, he was as hard as stone, and he knew he wouldn't be able to- Thorin let out another cry of pleasure; Thranduil's warm mouth engulfed half of his manhood before he came up sputtering, his eyes dazed.

"Bloody hell, dwarves are well-endowed below!" Thranduil muttered, "I think I'm gonna need a bigger mouth!"

Thorin smirked, though when Thranduil dived down again, the smirk disappeared into a look of desire. He didn't know how the elf did it, but he had swallowed him whole. With the elf's expertize he didn't last very long at all, panting hard as Thranduil came up licking his lips.

"You taste exquisite," Thranduil said, "Like a bottle of Vintage wine."

Thorin laughed, weakly as Thranduil leaned in and kissed him, deep. Thorin swallowed as he eyed the elf's hips.

"We don't have to go all the way," Thranduil said, "I can pleasure my-"

"no, I want to pleasure you too," Thorin said, his voice low and husky, "I want to go all the way…"

"You know what happens right? Would you like to top first?" Thranduil asked.

"No! I might tear you apart!" Thorin looked terrified at the idea. Thranduil chuckled, "It's not funny!"

"You wont hurt me, it's not like this is the first time," Thranduil said, Thorin's brow rose. "I have been alive for several millennia's, I had to entertain myself somehow."

"So… you usually bottom?" Thorin said, trying to push the thought of anyone else touching his elf out of his mind. "Wait! _Who dared to touch you_?!"

He failed miserably. He was jealous!

Thranduil smiled, "Nobody who is as important to me as you are."

"I like that answer," Thorin nodded, kissing the elf, "I can work with that. Now how do we do this?"

"I will prepare you first, and then we will find a position," Thranduil said.

"I want to be able to see you!" Thorin demanded, squealing when a finger probed him. Thranduil eyed him with a head tilt. "You surprised me, do that agi-oh Mahal!"

"That didn't take long," Thranduil smirked. Moments later he had the dwarf hard again and panting for more. After several minutes of trying to find a comfortable and easy position Thranduil let out a frustrated cry.

"Damn our out of proportion lengths! Why are you so short and why am I so tall?" Thranduil cried, his thick brows narrowed in a angry scowl. Thorin chuckled, shutting the elf up with another kiss. Thranduil suddenly pulled away. "I have an idea!"

"What is it?" Thorin watched in amusement when Thranduil spun himself around and rested his feet above the headrest, against the wall, resting his butt on the cushion. "Are you serious?"

"Can you think of a better way," Thranduil said, stroking himself, "here, get on."

"What? Do I use your feet as handles?"

"I'm flexible enough, do what you will," Thranduil said, Thorin shrugged and climbed above the elf, sitting on his lower stomach, "Lower yourself slowly, and easily. Do you want more oil?"

Thorin nodded, looking apprehensively at the elf, "Will you?"

"Aye, come closer, sit on my chest," Thranduil said, pulling the dwarf closer, stretching him out good. "Mmm, you look good enough to eat."

Thorin let out a pleasure filled moan when Thranduil brushed against something inside him, "O-oo-ooh, what was that?"

Thranduil brushed it again emitting another moan from the dwarf.

"Thrand-duil please, take me."

"Relax, it will only hurt a little, relax, meleth…"

Thranduil pushed himself further down the bed, until he was sitting up; he slowly lowered the dwarf onto himself. Thorin winced and let out a whimper, Thranduil held him still, nibbling on his ears as he allowed the dwarf to adjust. Thorin rested his head on the elf's chest listening to the strong heartbeat, he felt like he was stretched to his limit, but he wanted more, he craved more. He moved himself up slightly, moaning as Thranduil began to kiss him over and over distracting him from the pain. With the elf's assistance he was moving up and down the elf's engorged fifth limb. Thorin whimpered joyfully, his body was tense and on fire as Thranduil worked his magical tongue on his neck and ears. Thranduil groaned, Thorin's cries of pleasure were like music to his ears; they made him even harder; ready to explode.

"Thran- Thranduil," Thorin cried as his special spot was rubbed over and over and over. "Please- don't- stop- cum- gonna cum!"

Both elf and dwarf came together, elf filling dwarf while the dwarf's seed splashed against both their stomachs. Coming down from their high Thranduil continued to kiss and nibble on the dwarf's chin and jawline. He slowly pulled the spent dwarf off him; Thorin was barely able to move. He was exhausted; he allowed Thranduil to man handle him, lying him down on the bed before he wiped them up quickly, gathering the dwarf into his arms, holding him nice and close until the sun rose again.

* * *

Orophin was the first to wake that morning. Haldir was still fast asleep beside him; so he quietly tiptoed out of his brother's room. He wasn't surprised to see Celeborn making his way down the stairs, but he was surprised to see Rumil was awake and following him down the stairs one step at a time. Celeborn turned his head and smiled at the middle child.

"Good morning," he smiled, tiredly. Orophin followed them down the stairs smiling, "Is Haldir still asleep?"

"Aye," Orophin nodded, he smiled warmly at his baby brother who eyed him nervously; unsure of his brother's reaction. "You okay Rumil?"

"Aye," the pre-schooler nodded, moving down the stairs a little faster to catch up with Celeborn.

The three entered the kitchen together to finding it empty.

"Where's nana?" Rumil asked. Orophin wondered the same thing.

"She's working today," Celeborn said, "She got a call this morning- one of the staff is sick they needed her urgently. Now, what do you boys want for breakfast? Sandwiches or cereal?"

"Either's good, what do you want Rumil?"

"Sandwich," he said softly.

"Okay, Orophin, go and get everything out, I'm going to go and wake Haldir, it's midday- and we are all still in our Pyjamas," Celeborn yawned. "I wish I stayed in bed."

Rumil looked worried as Celeborn grumbled off.

"Hey Rumil, can you get the bread from the cupboard?" Orophin said, softly, sensing his little brother's discomfort.

"Aye," he responded quickly, stumbling over his feet to get to the bread. Orophin frowned; Rumil was usually a dawdler, doing things at his own pace. Orophin felt guilt course through him, Rumil was most likely trying to keep his brother happy to avoid another confrontation. Orophin that moment felt like the world's worst brother.

"Hey, Rumi, come here," Orophin said, softly. Rumil was surprised to hear the nickname; it had been some time since either brother referred him as Rumi. He slowly made his way over, refusing to look at his brother. Orophin knelt before him wrapping his arms around his brother, "I'm sorry I yelled at you yesterday and didn't notice you were hurt. I didn't mean to upset you. Haldir didn't either; he was really upset that he hurt you... No, please don't cry anymore, not because of us, we love you, we really do!"

Rumil sniffed, rubbing his eyes trying to stop any more runaway tears from escaping, "I'm sorry too, just don't hate me."

"We've never hated you," Orophin whispered, rubbing his eyes. He stood up, hand still on his brother's shoulder. "Have you ever had a rainbow sandwich?"

"No," Rumil said shaking his head.

"Haldir use to make them for me all the time when I was smaller then you," Orophin said, "I'm gonna make you one."

* * *

Celeborn sat before the teen that eyed him frightfully. The elder hated seeing the uncertain look in his eyes. "We need to talk."

"I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to hurt him like that," Haldir said, quickly. "I was so angry, I couldn't control myself- I- I'm an idiot."

"You are not an idiot," Celeborn said, gently, "Your actions however were foolish. I know how frustrating he can be, don't forget he stays with me 80% of the week. If I hit him every time he angered me he'd have brain damage. I know part of you feels he is to blame for what happened to your parents-"

"No, I don't blame him anymore," Haldir said quickly, eying his adoptive father. "Erestor was right, he's was just a baby. He told me about his mum and aunty. I remember he was a good baby, he didn't cry very much after…"

"Aye, I remember," Celeborn smiled, surprised to hear Erestor had shared his story with the teenager; he'd usually shut down about it. Celeborn made a mental note to call and thank the dark-haired elf. "It wasn't until he was almost three he became hard work. Probably because Galadriel hardly had time for him, helping you and Orophin with school work, I was working."

"I never played with him," Haldir said, his thoughts returning to the many times his little brother sought him out, holding a box of Lego or soldiers, he always turned him away, "I always told him to go away. Why did I treat him so wrongly?"

"You were angry," Celeborn said, "Angry at the orcs, Rumil was just the easiest person to take your anger out."

"But that wasn't fair on him," Haldir whispered.

"No it wasn't," Celeborn said, "But you have the rest of eternity to make it up to him. Do not linger in the darkness. He is still young; he will forgive you quickly. The longer you wait the harder it will be for him."

Haldir nodded as he jumped up and grabbed the zoo bag from his table. Celeborn raised a brow when he pulled out a warg soft toy. "Phin and I bought it for him yesterday- I saw him staring at it. I know it's not much- I've been a terrible brother, but at least I have somewhere to start."

Celeborn smiled warmly hugging his adoptive sun tightly, "He will love it, I am sure. But I do not know why. Nor do I desire to find out why."

Haldir snorted, running out of the room, amusing the silver-haired elf at his child-like excitement.

* * *

"_Red and Yellow and pink_," Orophin sung as Rumil stared him with a raised brow. "What did he use for blue again? Red was strawberry jam, yellow was honey, pink as raspberry. _And green, purple and orange and blue. _Green was… what on earth was green?"

"Green was blueberry jam and honey mixed together," Haldir said, as he entered the kitchen holding the zoo bag, he didn't miss the flinch from Rumil, who calmed down when he saw Celeborn behind him. "And the raspberry jam was red. Rumil, be prepared to eat the best sandwich ever!"

"You are mixing honey with jam," Celeborn frowned, looking disgusted. Rumil looked at his brother with wide eyes, surprised when Haldir addressed him. He often wondered if Haldir even knew his name!

"Move over," Haldir said, grabbing the bread from his younger brother, he pushed Orophin away playfully. Rumil watched in interest as Haldir spread three lines of raspberry jam on three separate slices. "Do you want one ada?"

"No, I'm going to eat cereal," Celeborn said, grossed out as Haldir added the yellow honey and pink strawberry. He threw up a little in his mouth when Haldir spread the blueberry jam and squeezed out a little bit of honey right above it. "That's disgusting."

"It tastes awesome," Haldir and Orophin said quickly. Rumil watched as plum and apricot jam was added and then completed with the blueberry jam. Orophin handed his brother another three slices, who quickly finished the sandwiched cutting them in half after he placed the bread slices down to complete the sandwich. "Here try this."

Rumil eyed it with a raised brow but brought the sandwich to his mouth regardless, Haldir was talking to him and wasn't angry, he would eat an orc right now just to keep his brother happy.. He bit down and chewed the mouthful before he swallowed. Both his brothers looked at him expectantly.

"Ish good," Rumil said, between two mouthfuls. Haldir grinned as Orophin grabbed his own.

"Why did you stop making these?" Orophin said, moaning through a mouthful. Haldir smiled sadly.

"Ada use to make them," Haldir smiled, "He wasn't allowed to do anything else- nana always yelled at him when he touched the oven or the stove or even the microwave."

Rumil's eyes widened, sitting up straight. Haldir was talking about their parents; their real parents. Sometimes Rumil felt like they never existed; his brothers hardly ever spoke of them before him. Haldir and Orophin noticed his sudden change in demeanour, he was more alert. Both brothers looked at each other sadly. They never told Rumil what his parents were like.

"Did he boil an egg in the microwave once?" Orophin asked, searching his memories.

"Yes, in a metallic pain with water," Haldir said, snorting. "The microwave exploded!"

Rumil gasped, as Orophin roared with laughter.

"What about when he came home with the puppy!" Orophin giggled, "Nana wouldn't let him inside the house!"

"That was no puppy!" Haldir snorted, "It was _warg_ cub!"

"What?" Orophin gasped.

"Ada was fascinated-" Haldir stopped and stared at Rumil, surprised by the sudden realisation, "Like you, he was fascinated with wargs like you, Rumil."

The boy stared at his brother with wide eyes as Haldir slide of the stool and made his way over to the bag he came in with before.

"'Phin and I bought you this yesterday," Haldir said, softly. He put the bag on Rumil's lap, "I'm sorry I hurt you yesterday and every other day. Open it Rumi."

Rumil swallowed as he pulled out a plush toy from its tail. Orophin and Haldir stared at each other briefly as Rumil turned it around to see the _cute_ face of the warg toy he saw last night at the zoo. His lips quivered startling both his brothers, especially when he slid of the chair and hugged Haldir around the leg, sobbing into his brother's thigh.

Celeborn came bolting into the kitchen but paused when he saw the three brothers embracing on the kitchen floor.

"I love you, Rumi, I really do," Haldir whispered, "I'm sorry for every thing I ever did to hurt you... I promise I'll look after you now. I promise I'll love you always."

Celeborn sighed in relief as he watched his three boys delightfully. He placed his bowl in the sink before he headed back out, but not before taking a bite out of the rainbow sandwich Orophin had eaten from. Celeborn's eyes widened as he left the kitchen with what was left of all three sandwiches!

* * *

Can you tell I hardly ever write sexy scenes. They're so fucking awkward! I think i might just try and avoid them from now on...

Also I don't suggest making the rainbow sandwich- it sounds gross, jam and honey don't mix, also you'd probably give yourself diabetes.

peace and chicken grease

afro


	10. Chapter 10

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 10/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con in later chapters. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date. I open with sex... Jessica Louise...

* * *

Chapter 10

* * *

Thranduil moaned slightly, shifting in his sleep. Something warm was engulfing him below; swallowing him whole. His eyes looked down to find Thorin between his legs, awkwardly trying to pleasure him. He smiled at the dwarf who was gripping a round hairless ball, massaging it gently and sucking ever so harder. Thranduil groaned as Thorin worked up more of an effort. He was as hard as stone and so close to erupting in the dwarf's mouth. Thranduil smiled as Thorin's cheeks, bloated by his meat went red, the dwarf was whimpering, resting his hands on the elf's hips and he raised himself slightly, unburdening his mouth for a moment, taking a deep breath before he took the elf back in. Thranduil thrust his hips, his shoulders tensing underneath him.

"So close, Thorin," Thranduil whispered, releasing a pleasurable moan when finally he shot his load. Thorin continued to suck, licking up every last drop before he pushed himself onto his knees and grinned at the elf. "That was amazing."

"Really? I wasn't sure…"

"I could wake up like that everyday," Thranduil smiled, pulled the dwarf into into his arms. "I might have to sleep over more often, or have you sleep over."

Thorin smiled, pleased as he cuddled into the elf, "Kids are still sleep."

"It's early, but I'm sure they will wake up soon enough," Thranduil yawned, squirming a little as Thorin's thick stubble tickled his chest. "Shall we go prepare breakfast? "

"All I have is cereal," Thorin shrugged, "Not much to prepare."

Thranduil smiled, "Well it's easier, that way we can stay in bed and cuddle!"

* * *

**_Several Months Later..._**

The summer holidays had ended. Last night was the first night Thorin had slept alone with out Thranduil in his arms; today was going to be a busy day.

Kíli was starting school.

Thorin found himself rather nervous, it would be the first time Kíli would be alone without himself, or Glóin, Thranduil or Bilbo caring for him. He wasn't sure how the boy would react to being alone- Fíli was starting 5th grade and wouldn't be with his brother most of the day. Legolas had just turned seven end of August and was now in the 2nd grade. Fíli's birthday was on the 1st of September, so Thorin and Thranduil decided to have a double birthday. Thranduil had met all of the dwarf's relatives and friends that day though he still stumbled on their names- he had blamed the rhyming! Other then Bofur and Bombur each name sounded more or less the same to him.

Thorin yawned stumbling over to his door "Fíli, Kíli, time to wake up."

When he opened the door he found both his nephews dressed and ready to go.

"You two are ready," Thorin nodded, pleased, "Well, let's eat and then we can watch some TV, it's still early…"

At least Kíli seemed to want to go to school.

* * *

"Rumil, you can not wear the devil horns to school, if it was a dress up day you could," Celeborn sighed, "But it isn't. Now hurry up because I am going to Gandalf's after I drop you both off! And you don't want to make him cross now do you!?"

Rumil shook his head, throwing the headband aside; the only person that scared Rumil was Gandalf!

"Adar! I cant find my school tie!" Haldir cried from the other side of the house.

"Check my tie rack, it may have ended up there again," Celeborn replied. Galadriel had done the laundry before the holidays started, so it was most likely she had mixed up the clothes again. It didn't surprise the four males to find her clothes occasionally tucked with their own, or finding underwear too big or too small in their rooms. "Did you find it?"

"Aye," Haldir called. He came rushing into the room, holding the tie out to the elder elf. "Help?"

"Seriously? You still haven't learnt?"

"I keep getting my hair tangled!" Haldir complained.

"So tie it back in a bun," Rumil said, rolling his eyes.

"Don't get suspended today!" Haldir said playfully. Rumil smirked, "I'm serious! Then you can't get into Rohan Elite High!"

"I don't want to! I don't want to wear a tie," Rumil said, making a face. "I'm sticking to the public school. where's Phinny?"

"Don't call me Phinny," Orophin said. He had his hair braided but one side was a little lopsided.

"Come here, Orophin," Celeborn said, "I'll fix your hair."

"I can never get the other side right!"

"They both look the same," Haldir muttered, Rumil giggled.

"Shut up!"

"Ai, why couldn't one of you be a girl!" Celeborn sighed. "Celebrian was so easy as a youngster and as a teen."

"It'd be Orophin," Rumil said, "He's the pretty one."

"I am not!"

"Sorry Rumi, but you have the pretty face," Haldir laughed.

"No I'm the sexy one!"

"You're six, you can't be sexy!"

"I'm sexy and I know it!" Rumil replied, "I'm a stud! It says it on my shirt!"

"Stud-Muffin? Who got you that?" Celeborn asked,

"nana," Rumil shrugged, "It was in my room."

"Nana said she found it on the ground by the washing," Orophin replied. "I don't remember seeing it before."

"Me neither," Haldir said.

"Perhaps it flew over from one of the neighbours," Celeborn said, shrugging. "Trust Galadriel to wash it and claim it as our own… Well, its time to go. Haldir I'll drop you off at Eomer's. Okay boys get your bags and let's go."

* * *

"Hello boys," Thranduil smiled as the twins entered the car followed by a grumpy looking Arwen. "Hello, princess. What's the matter?"

"Estel told me to get out of his room," Arwen grumbled, as she buckled herself in. "Not my fault if he doesn't know how to lock a door."

"Maybe you should learn to knock," Elladan replied.

"Maybe you should kiss an orc!" Arwen retorted.

"Oh yeah!?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay enough," Thranduil said, firmly. "Is your father inside?"

"No, he and Ecthelion had to go to the bank," Elrohir said. "We stayed with Estel- he's grumpy in the morning!"

"Well you would be to if you were naked and a baby walked into your- ow! Don't pinch me! And stop using your nails!" Elladan said, smacking Arwen across the shoulder. She pinched him back harder.

"Don't make me separate you! And Elladan, a man never raises his hand against a woman!" Thranduil said, sharply, "Nor does a woman pinch a man, Arwen!"

Both siblings pouted as Thranduil drove off. It wasn't that often Thranduil told them off.

"Sorry," both said quietly. Thranduil smiled softly.

"Its okay," Thranduil said, warmly. "Just be kind to each other."

"Yes Uncle Thranduil," both chorused obediently.

* * *

"Hello beautiful," Thorin smiled as Thranduil stood beside him during the school assembly. Their children were sorted by grade; Kíli and Rumil sat beside each other, not too far off were Arwen, Pippin and Legolas sitting and listening intently to the principal ramble on. On the other side of the assembly sat the Fíli and Merry with the fifth graders. The twins, looking bored, sat with Orophin, Frodo and Sam with the rest of the sixth grade.

"Hello handsome," Thranduil smiled.

"Hello vomit," Celeborn snorted. Thranduil gave him a playful push as Thorin chuckled.

"Smartass," Thorin chortled.

"Do they usually ramble this long?" Celeborn muttered, many of the parents nearby stared at him; he looked at Thorin trying to shift the blame to the dwarf. It didn't work.

"Last year was worse," Thranduil whispered, "It was raining."

"What is that little punk doing?" Thorin growled. Thranduil and Celeborn followed Thorin's gaze to find Orophin scrambling forward; still sitting on his rear. Behind him sat the orc that had terrorised Legolas the previous year. "Is he pinching him!?"

"He is," Celeborn looked ready to smite the orcling. Thranduil shook his head, grabbing hold of the elder elf.

"Elladan and Elrohir are bound to notice, they'll know to stop him subtly," Thranduil said. But by the time the twins realised what was happening a large pebble struck the orcling across the shoulder and skidded under Orophin who was clever enough to leave it there. Lurtz realised a pained yelp, and Thorin snorted.

"What the hell was that?" Celeborn said. Thorin had his hand over his mouth trying not to laugh.

"Ru-Rumil threw it," Thorin tried not to laugh as a teacher silenced the orcling's complaints; unaware of what had occurred. It seemed no one but the two elves and dwarf had noticed- that or no one cared! Rumil sat innocently facing his new principal. "That was a good shot!"

"Are you serious?" Celeborn whispered, "Oh God, Haldir was right! He is going to get suspended today!"

"No he wont, not the with his acting skills," Thorin said, "Give the boy a medal!"

"Serves that little brat right," Thranduil muttered, not ready to forgive the beast that hurt his son. "He deserved it! When Rumil is old enough, I'm going to take him out for a few drinks!"

* * *

"I think I left my phone at your place actually," Thorin said, "I just remembered."

"You did," Thranduil smiled, "Swing by during lunch if you like to get it. Or you can just wait until tonight."

"I'll come by at lunch, any excuse to see you will do," Thorin grinned.

"I love you," Thranduil whispered, bending down to kiss the dwarf, not caring who would see.

"I love you more. So what are you doing now?" Thorin asked.

"Spring cleaning," Thranduil smiled as they walked back to the cars. Celeborn had taken off right after the assembly and after giving Rumil a warning of behaving himself. "Are you working?"

"Yeah," Thorin responded, "You know it's autumn right?"

"Aye," Thranduil smiled, planting a kiss on the dwarf's cheek, "I will see you later, you do not want to be late."

"I wouldn't mind," Thorin smiled.

"Go on now! Shoo, and don't forget to come over tonight!" Thranduil said, pushing the dwarf away playfully as he headed to the car. "And do not lose your way!"

Thorin laughed as he watched the elf disappear down the road.

* * *

Thranduil rushed out of the car and headed to the front door. He unlocked the door and made his way towards the kitchen. He was planning on making a large dinner to surprise his lover. He was cooking meat and a lot of it! It was their 9-month anniversary, so far since their sixth anniversary they had celebrated with a fancy meal once every month. Yesterday he had gone out to purchase candles, ordered roses, bought steaks, and cutlets, and more wine!

He opened the fridge deciding to marinate the meat now, to allow it to absorb the flavour, before cooking it. Something creaked in the hallway leading up to the kitchen. The elf froze; the house was silent again. He straightened himself up and closed the fridge, making his way slowly to the archway. He poised himself ready to strike, waiting as still as a hunting cat.

As ready as he was he was still surprised when an orc, smaller then Thorin jumped out at him brandishing a dagger. The elf's quick reflexes disarmed the orc- the creature let out a gurgling sound as its knife was left sticking out of its neck. It slid to the ground dead as Thranduil gazed at it baffled. He stood in the doorframe staring at the dead orc wondering how it entered. Thranduil moved forward slightly, a strangled cry escaped him as he was grabbed by his hair and thrown into the hall way. He kicked a leg blindly as a large body fell of him and grappled with him. Thranduil struggled lightly and punched the attacker across the jaw.

"Get off-" the elf froze when he heard the cry of a child, his heart turned to ice when he saw a face he hadn't seen in a long time. A young elfling was being held in a vice-grip by a face Thranduil hoped to never see again- Azog. "Saelbeth!? No! Let him go! How dare you-_Adar!?"_

His father stood behind the orc eying him coldly. Thranduil's eyes were wide as he was pulled to his feet. Saelbeth whimpered, shaking in the orc's cold grip.

"What are you doing here with these orcs!? What's going-"

"Be silent, you filthy wench!" Oropher snarled, his hand met Thranduil's cheek, knocking his son hard into the wall. "You will call your son's school and tell them I will pick him up in half an hour. You are coming home. You will no longer see that dwarf."

"Ada you can not- ai!" Thranduil let out a pained yelp as his father's fierce grip tore strands from his blonde locks.

"_You will call your son's school and tell them I will pick him up in half an hour_," Oropher repeated, his a low hiss. "You will do this, or the child will die."

Saelbeth let out a petrified sob, as Oropher handed his son the phone. Thranduil stared at the terrified child and nodded, following his father's instructions.

"Kork, Dulg, pack some of their clothing and toiletries. We will leave once you are done," Oropher said, once the deed was done, "Bring the boy along unharmed. Move along Thranduil."

The elven prince followed his father, terrified of what was in store for him and his son.

* * *

"Ata'da!" Legolas said happily as he sat waiting patiently outside the principal's office. He slid off the chair and dashed over to hug his grandfather. He was startled when his grandfather pushed him back.

"You are not a child anymore, come along quickly," Oropher said coldly. Legolas nodded obediently, eying his grandfather's back suspiciously as he followed. Oropher was always excited to see him; he had never addressed him in such a manner. He hadn't seen the man in months though, his father had claimed Oropher was busy, but here he was picking up him up early, lunch was still a half hour away. Legolas had to run to keep up with his grandfather's long strides- they reached a large Jeep. Legolas could see his father staring at him; something didn't bode well with the elfling. His father seemed worried; scared even. The closer the elfling came he noticed his father's face was bruised. Legolas looked around scanning the playground for any life, something wasn't right.

"Ata'da, can I say goodbye to my tree first?" Legolas asked, nicely.

"Why the hell do you need to say goodbye to a tree?" Oropher snapped. "Move along! Hurry up!"

"Please, I promise I wont take long!" Legolas pleaded. The elder elf turned around glaring at the elfling. Legolas pouted, his eyes widening slightly as he tilted his head and whibbled his little lips... "Please ata'da, I always say goodbye to my tree."

"Oh, fine, Sauron would not be able to resist that face," the Elven King grumbled. "Quickly!"

Legolas dropped his bag and dashed over to his tree, he whispered to the branches, his hand resting against it's small trunk. "I need you help, mellon-nin, something is wrong with my Ata'da and I think my ada is hurt, please tell my friends that I went with my Ata'da but I don't trust him, he is being a meanie and I think he hurt my ada."

"LEGOLAS HURRY UP!"

"And he never yells at me either," Legolas said, his words quickened. "Please tell Arwen, Orophin, and Rumil and Elladan and Elrohir. And even Kíli and Fíli and Pippin. I better go, I don't want Ata'da to hit me too… bye mellon-nin…"

The boy ran back to his grandfather, "I'm sorry I took a little too long, he wanted to know why I was leaving early."

"Trees don't speak you idiot," Oropher snapped, "Now get your bag and lets go."

Legolas glared at the back of his grandfather's head but followed. His grandfather opened the car door for him and tossed his bag inside. It landed on an elfling that was sitting by his father's feet, shaking miserably. Legolas climbed in but froze when he saw his father's feet and one hand chained to a bar.

"Ada? What's going- oww!" Legolas yelped when his grandfather smacked him across the back of his head.

"Sit beside your father and shut the fuck up!" Thranduil and Legolas flinched. The elfling scrambled to sit beside his father, buckling himself in.

"Azog, is that half-wit of a son of yours here yet?" Oropher asked. It was then Legolas noticed the driver and two passengers at the front of the car.

"Yes he is," Azog said, from the driver's seat, between him and another orc he had never seen before sat Lurtz, looking sullen.

"Lets go then," Oropher snapped, the car left the school property and headed north towards Greenwood. "We've wasted enough time here talking nonsense to stupid trees."

Thranduil grasped his son's hand tightly. "Ada, what is going- augh!"

Oropher's fist caught him in the chin. "Did I not tell you to keep that whorish mouth of yours shut!?"

Legolas swallowed as he moved closer to his father. Thranduil nodded and looked at his hands, shivering slightly.

"You think I wouldn't have found out you were still seeing that dwarf after I told you not too?" Oropher hissed getting into his son's personal space, "That you were spreading your filthy legs for him!"

Thranduil opened his mouth to defend himself, "I-"

Legolas flinched when Oropher backhanded his father so hard his head bounced off the window behind him. The elfling by his father's feet started crying, gripping Thranduil's feet closely. Legolas intercepted the second blow, pushing his grandfather's closed fist away from his father, "Stop hurting my ada!"

CRACK!

His cheek burned like fire when his grandfather's hand collided with his own.

"Be quiet you dim-witted tree-shagging moron!" Oropher snarled. Thranduil roared angrily, using the only limb he had free to strike his father. His foot collided hard into Oropher's face; a howl of pain erupted from the king before he grabbed his son by his hair and pulled him close, snarling angrily in his face. "You wait until we reach Greenwood, you foolish child. You will regret ever crossing your father."

"He has some fight in him," Azog smirked, "I do like when they fight back."

Thranduil shivered at the innuendo and the stare he received from the pale orc.

* * *

"Hey where's Legolas?" Fíli asked, as he and Merry walked up to Pippin and Arwen who sat together with the twins, Orophin, Frodo and Sam the hobbit.

"He left class early," Arwen replied, "I think King Oropher picked him up."

"Why?" Orophin and Elladan asked together, surprised. Arwen shrugged.

"Oh, here come Kíli and Rumil," Frodo said, smiling as the two boys came running towards them, excitedly. The closer they got though set the realisation that the boys weren't excited but worried. "Are they okay?"

"PHIN! PHIN! THE TREE IS TALKING!" Rumil cried, jumping at his brother. Orophin held him tight as Elladan scoffed.

"Stop being an idiot," Elrohir grumbled.

"I am not! I heard it! It said that Legolas is in trouble!"

"Rumil," Orophin warned. "He went home with his grandfather, he'll be fine."

"But the tree said so!" Rumil pulled his brother by the arm, "Come and see!"

"Trees don't talk!" Sam sighed. Arwen suddenly screamed clutching her head in pain. Elladan ran to her side, holding her by the shoulders. "Is she okay?"

No sooner the hobbit asked, every elfling in the playground was crying out in pain, startling their friends.

"What the hell!?" Fíli asked, as Orophin doubled over in pain, Merry dropped to his knees beside the elfling grasping his shoulder. "What's wrong!? Elladan!"

The older of the twins, had tears streaming down his eyes, his arms still around his sister. "It hurts! The trees! They're- ahhh!"

"The trees? What about them!?" Frodo asked, wrapping his arms around Elrohir.

"They're screaming so loud!" Elrohir wailed, "It hurts!"

"They're warning us, Rumil… was right! Lego'as in trouble!" Orophin cried, he was on his knees clinging onto Merry. "I want my nana!"

Kíli looked around and stared up at his older brother, Fíli looked at him unsure of what to do; neither elf liked seeing their elven friends in such pain. Kíli pursed his lips as anger boiled within him

"**STUPID TREES! SHUT UP!" **

Every single elfling around them suddenly stopped. Orophin looked up at Kíli.

"They-they listened… They've stopped," Orophin said, quietly. He let Merry pull him up to his feet.

"We need to call ada and ata'da now," Elladan said, hugging his still crying sister close. "Legolas said something to the trees, his ata'da, the King, he wasn't himself- he is in danger and so is Uncle Thranduil."

"Let's go and tell the principal," Pippin said.

"No, we should just leave the school! They wont believe us," Orophin said, several of the other elflings in the school were walking towards them.

"What is going on? Why are the trees awakening?" a dark haired elfling asked

"Legolas is in trouble!" a petite red haired elfling said.

"He was right, the trees have come to life again!?" asked another.

"Are we all in danger? Do you think our families heard the trees?"

"Calm down!" Elladan snapped, things were getting out of hand. "Elrohir, take Arwen and Orophin take Rumil. Rumil, Arwen cry like you've never cried before. Rumil, I'm counting on you to make it look good. Principal Théoden wont believe us if we say the trees are awake, but at least if you two pretend you both feel unwell from food poisoning; we can try and get into contact with our parents."

"We can do it too!" one elfling said.

"No! We can't all go in! It will look too suspicious!" Elladan snapped, Elrohir and Orophin led their younger siblings to the office. "And we can't leave either, the teachers will try to stop us. This is the best thing we can possibly do! Rohir! Wait up!"

He ran after his brother and sister as Kíli and Fíli looked at each other. Both hoped the two elves that they had come to accept as their family were okay.

* * *

"Elf! Open the door," Thorin said, pounding on the door. The elf's car was in the driveway; he could tell someone was home as the television was on. Perhaps the elf was in the bathroom. Something didn't sit well with the dwarf. He made his way to the side gate, to try the back door. When he finally managed to open the gate (he was a little short trying to reach the lock) he found the back door wide open.

Thorin walked in, "Thranduil, are you in here? I'm coming in?"

The house was quiet, too quiet save the sound of the TV. A terrible smell lingered from the kitchen. The dwarf walked towards the kitchen and peered inside. He gasped when he found the body of a dead orc.

"Thranduil!?" Thorin called out racing around the house, kicking down each door, "Answer me! THRANDUIL!?"

The dwarf froze, there were clear signs of a struggle, the carpet was pushed against the wall of the hallway, a table was knocked over- the vase shattered on the ground. What worried the dwarf the most were the specks of red blood on the wall.

"THRANDUIL!" The dwarf ran to the elf's bedroom and let out a bellow when he found the drawers and cupboards empty, clothes strewed on the bed and floor- it was clear much of the elf's belongings were missing. On the night table was the dwarf's phone. He picked it up finding a message from Bofur and Oin. He didn't care though; he quickly searched for Thranduil's number. It rung until Thorin found the phone on the ground beside Legolas' room. The dwarf swallowed as he picked up the phone and entered the elfling's room. Like Thranduil's room it was a mess, much of the elfling's clothing was missing.

Had Thranduil packed away his belongings and tried to escape with his son. But he would tell him, wouldn't he!?

Thorin dialled Elrond's number, the moment he answered he told the elf to shut up and listen, telling him of orc's body and the mess he had found before he let the elf speak.

"I just picked up the twins and Arwen, and Celeborn has picked up his boys," Elrond said, "He had to pick up Haldir as well- he has been suspended though I am unclear as to why. They and every other elfling in the school claim the trees have reawakened. They claim that Legolas and Thranduil are in danger. Legolas asked his tree to warn everyone. I don't know what is going on Thorin but according to school, Oropher picked Legolas up after Thranduil called to let them know!"

"What does the king have to do with any of this?"

"Erestor only told me now," Elrond said, quietly. "The king disapproved of Thranduil's relationship with you. I believe he has taken the princes back to Greenwood. What I fear is the fact that an older tree whispered to Ecthelion that there were three orcs in the car with Legolas and his father and a second elfling."

"I'm coming over right now, and we are going to Mirkwood!" Thorin snarled. "No elven princess is going to have a hissy fit and take my elf and elfling away from me!"

* * *

In a few hours they had reached Greenwood. Thranduil was unchained and led out of the car, but before he was led back inside to his childhood home, Oropher stopped him gripping him roughly with one hand by his jaw.

"You and the boys will walk alongside one another, behind me," he hissed, "You will greet the elven guard and follow Azog to your chamber. And there you will be punished- if you disobey any of my orders, the brats will pay. Is that understood?"

"Aye," Thranduil whispered, Oropher squeezed his jaw harder and waited expectantly. "Aye sire."

"Mmm," he murmured approvingly. "Get moving! I have matters to attend to, I will see you in a moment."

Thranduil was thrown into the orc who gripped his left arm tightly and dragged him along. Legolas clung onto Saelbeth's arm following behind Azog as they were prodded forward by another orc. Legolas squeezed the other elfling's arm gently. The elfling looked a little younger then Haldir, his blonde hair was filthy, like it hadn't been washed in months. He looked thin and sickly.

"I'm Legolas," he whispered quietly. The other elfling didn't respond, his blue eyes darted nervously around the hallway Azog was leading them down. "Everything will be okay, my ada will protect us."

Saelbeth didn't look too sure as Azog tossed the elven prince into his new prison bedchamber, followed by his son.

"Wait! The child! Leave Saelbeth here!" Thranduil cried, reaching for the elfling who was being detained by two orcs. Thranduil noticed another thin, dark haired elf standing behind the two orcs, his hair covering his face. He was dressed in nothing more then rags. He looked like the saddest thing Thranduil had ever seen.

Azog chortled; his laughter sent chilly shivers down all three elves' spines. "Meet my oldest son, Thranduil. You have already met Lurtz, he is a disappointment but Bolg, he makes me proud. What do you think, Bolg? Should we leave him the King's whore's son?"

Thranduil blanched white at the words; what on earth had his father done to Silinde?

Several tears streamed down Saelbeth's face now.

"Well, we could always throw him back into the cage," the orc responded. The elfling began to cry shaking his head; he tried to scramble towards the elven prince.

"Please! He is a child! Let him be!" Thranduil cried, trying to push past Azog. Legolas watched from the door pane as Thranduil was suddenly thrown into him. The father and son landed on the ground as the door was slammed in their faces and locked. Saelbeth's screams terrorized the hallways until they died out into pitiful sobs.

Thranduil sat on the ground, holding his son close. He shook, wondering what had possessed his father since the last time he saw him. He wasn't sure how long he sat for, but when the door echoed open and his father stalked inside followed by Azog and two new comers Thranduil scrambled to his feet.

"Under the bed, Legolas," Thranduil hissed, pushing his son forward. The elfling was quick and he ran and slid under the bed with grace only he had. Thranduil moved back glaring darkly at his father and Azog. Behind him was Denethor; the steward of Gondor and beside him was Saruman, the white wizard. "Why is there a filthy orc in our kingdom ada?!"

His question was rewarding with a closed fist colliding into his jaw. The prince of Greenwood fell to the ground hard. Legolas screamed and made to crawl over to his father.

"Stay," Thranduil cried, "Do not move!"

Thranduil knew it would take at least ten elves to lift the bed, and no elf could reach under to grab the child, he would be safe there. It was where he would hide as a child when he did not wish to attend his classes.

Back when his home was his safe haven.

At the moment it was anything but. He had never thought it would be a place for his son to hide in fear. Legolas whimpered as Oropher began his assault on his son. Kick after kick landed against Thranduil's side. The prince bit his lip refusing to cry out. The wizard was silent, the orc looked bored but the man was chuckling.

"You… Will… Never… Disobey… Your… King… Again!" each word was a brutal blow connecting into his body. Thranduil felt himself slipping into unconsciousness as his father dragged him to his feet. "You will obey."

Thranduil whimpered as he was dragged towards the three other men. "Ada, saes… daro."

"Be silent, you insolent whelp," Oropher snarled. Thranduil whimpered when he was thrown into the orc who caught he before he fell again. "You will wed Azog and in turn unite our people. Is that understood?"

"No, saes, ada," Thranduil whimpered, unaware of what his father was saying. But under the bed Legolas was outraged and baffled. Why on earth would Oropher want his father to marry an orc!?

"Give him this to drink," Saruman said, "He will heal sooner."

The door slammed shut, Oropher left his son and grandson at the mercy of the orc.

The bed creaked slightly as Azog dropped the elf on the bed and lay next to him.

"Boy, unless if you want your father to feel more pain come out here now," Azog snarled. Legolas swallowed. His father told him to stay put, but he couldn't let his father be hurt even more then he already was. The boy slowly slid out and stood up before the orc. Closing his eyes, he waited for the first blow, but instead he felt a hand grab his arm and raise it. He opened his eyes to see the orc eying him curiously. "Scrawny and weak. How old are you?"

Legolas swallowed and whispered, "S-seven."

Azog snorted, "I'm going to be your new ada. I believe that's the term you stupid elves use."

Legolas shook his head, regaining his confidence, "No, he is my ada!"

"Huh, after I'm done with him, he will be your nana," Azog chuckled. "You shouldn't be too upset, you'll have a new father, and two new brothers. You already know Lurtz, I think he likes you; throwing you into a tree was his way of showing affection."

Legolas shook his head, "I hate him."

"Hate from an elf," Azog chuckled, "Well, your father and I will be busy in the next few weeks, you may have to stay with your new brothers. Don't worry, I'll tell them to take it easy on you. After all, I fear a push from Bolg may kill you."

"L-Legolas," Thranduil whimpered pitifully. He tried to sit up, struggling. The orc smirked as he helped the elf up; allowing him to rest against him, in a mock affectionate pose. "Get under…"

Thranduil coughed weakly, "Under the bed."

"Don't worry, my dear prince," Azog whispered in his ear, "I wont hurt him as long as you behave. Drink!"

Thranduil coughed as the liquid sloshed down his throat. It burned but quickly the pain subsided.

"You will make such a beautiful bride," Azog said.

"What?!" Thranduil gasped. His father's final words came back to him, he pulled himself out of the orc's arms. "No- no! I will not. I love Thorin! I will not marry you."

The elf rose, stumbling backwards, all physical pain gone, the bruises on his face slowly faded to Legolas's amazement.

"Perhaps you didn't hear your father," Azog chuckled, "You do not have a choice. He has already sent word to the High King of Imladris, our wedding will take place in two weeks time."

"No! No, this cant be happening," Thranduil whispered, "Why would my father do this to me!?"

"Because he wants what's best for you," Azog smirked, pulling the elf in closely, groping a round globe tightly in one hand. The elf squirmed at the personal intrusion. "I am what's best for you."

"Please, don't make me do this," Thranduil pleaded, he stared at his son brokenly. He couldn't marry this beast. He couldn't!

"Have you ever had an orc fuck you?" Azog asked, whispering in the elf's ear. Thranduil whimpered. "Don't worry, I'll send the boy away. Perhaps he can go and play with Saelbeth in the barrel! Or join Bolg and Lurtz with that stupid half-wit slave of mine."

"No! Please, wait!" Thranduil panicked, **his son**! _He had to think of Legolas_. "I will marry you, willingly and I will let you take me; but only after our wedding night and if you leave my son alone and bring back the child; Saelbeth. They stay here with me and I will be your willing servant after our wedding; just do not hurt my son or Saelbeth."

Azog looked at the elf thoughtfully as Thranduil recalled the beating he just took.

"And protect me from anyone who wishes to harm me, including the king," Thranduil murmured... he couldn't believe he needed protection from his own father and by an orc of all things! "And the elf slave; He will be left alone under my care."

"You mean that half-wit Fig? And what will I use to entertain my self in the next two weeks," Azog chuckled, "You make a lot of demands."

"You will have me in a fortnight," Thranduil whispered, "Am I not worth the wait?"

Azog grinned evilly at the elf, "You know what, I will think about it. Sleep tonight, my pretty future wife, and I will let you know tomorrow what I decide."

Thranduil nodded as Azog headed to the door.

"Are you hungry, elf?" Azog asked.

"Please do not call me elf," Thranduil whispered; he couldn't bear to hear that term of endearment sullied by the orc.

"Are you hungry or not," Azog repeated, "I will have food brought to you."

Thranduil felt to sick to eat, but he wouldn't not let his son remain hungry, "Aye, I am."

"I will let the kitchen staff know," Azog said, "I will see you tomorrow, my queen."

Thranduil let out a shaky breath and when the orc finally left several tears escaped his eyes. He was doomed to spend eternity caged and in a loveless marriage. All because of his father not wanting him to be with a dwarf. Legolas climbed up beside his father and wrapped his arms around Thranduil as the prince wondered what was wrong with his father; he was not acting as himself.

Oropher never raised his hand against a child in his life- the first time Oropher struck him he had past his majority by a millennia. And he apologized to his son, ashamed of his actions. And now he was keeping a child in a barrel according to the orc. His father was not acting like himself at all. It was like he was somebody else completely.

Thranduil paused, somebody else. Oropher was not Oropher. He could not be. His father would never hurt him in such a way.

Thranduil prayed someone somewhere realised what was happening and was planning to help him; because so long as his father was not his father, Thranduil would not risk his son or any of his people. He would stay put and if he had to he would marry the orc.

He hoped it would not get to that.

* * *

Blukh, marrying an orc. Like I said, no idea where this bloody idea came from, but yeap...

Thanks for the reviews!

Peace and Chicken Grease  
afro


	11. Chapter 11

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 11/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and **non-con** in **THIS CHAPTER**. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 11

* * *

"I thought you said he was suspended!" Elrond gasped, "Why has been expelled?"

"He beat up his bully," Celeborn replied, with a shrug. His concern didn't lay with the teenager, "It doesn't matter, we need to focus on Thranduil and Legolas and get them back. Haldir will be fine, I'll enrol him in the local high school."

"But if he was defending himself why is he the one who has been expelled!?" Erestor snapped, "I will look into this but right now we need to find out what is going on in Mirkwood!"

The doorbell rang.

Ecthelion stood and headed to the door. "It must Thorin."

"Legolas reawakened the trees," Erestor murmured, "It doesn't surprise me, considering his father talks to animals."

"It's not Thorin," Ecthelion returned followed by two dwarves; both looked much older then Thorin. The smaller of the two had a white beard, and the other had darker hair, bald on top with tattoos adorning his massive head.

"Dwalin," said the tattooed dwarf.

"And Balin," said the white bearded dwarf.

"At your service," they both bowed together. The elves returned the gesture a little slowly.

"I'm assuming Thorin sent you," Elrond said, curiously.

"Well, no, we were called by his cousins; Óin and Glóin," Balin said.

"Thorin's called our company for assistance, we dwarves take care of our own," Dwalin said. "Even if it means an elf."

The doorbell rang again.

"That'd be the door," Dwalin said gruffly. Elrond nodded, mouth agape as he followed Ecthelion to the door.

There stood six dwarves, two of which they both knew in Dori and Ori.

"Hello Master Dori," Elrond said, eying the dwarves with a raised brow. "Come in."

"Hello, though I wish it was under better circumstances that we meet again," Dori said leading the dwarves in, "This is my younger brother Nori, you already know Ori, and this is Bofur, his brother Bombur and their cousin Bifur."

"Come, join us in the living room," Ecthelion said, "We are awaiting Thorin before we work out what we will do. Ori, the children are in the playroom, down the hall way if you would like to join them."

Ori nodded and took off, leaving the adults standing in an awkward silence when the door rang again. This time it was Óin, Glóin with a dwarf woman who held Gimli (Or at least Ecthelion assumed she was female- a beard was present but her physique cried female) and Bilbo with Frodo, Pippin, Merry and Sam.

"The boys insisted in coming," Bilbo shrugged, "They wanted to check on their friends."

"Elladan was crying," Frodo said, "He never cries."

"I wasn't crying! Something flew into my eye!" Elladan called from the playroom.

"Go on," Elrond chuckled. "So now we await Thorin?"

"I'm sure he lost his way," Balin sighed.

"I didn't lose my way," Thorin said as he ushered his boys inside. "Kíli, Fíli, go to the playroom, we need to talk."

"Estel, you may go to," Elrond said, turning to his adopted son. Aragorn shook his head.

"I'm eighteen now," he replied, "I'm not going anywhere._ I'm helping_."

"Okay, we may as well begin," Elrond said, "Wait, where is Galadriel?"

"Gil-Galad just called her," Celeborn responded. "She is in the kitchen on the phone."

"What is going on?" Nori asked. "Where is this Mirkwood and how do we get there?"

"We can not just barge in," Elrond said, "we need to think this through tactfully, Greenwood is guarded by Oropher's soldiers. We do not know what has occurred and why Oropher waited so long to do anything."

"Innocent lives may be lost if we act rashly," Erestor said, "Including Thranduil's and the boy's."

"And orcs are involved," Thorin muttered, "I found one dead in Thranduil's kitchen."

"The tree spoke of three orcs travelling with Thranduil," Glorfindel replied. "It made no mention of the King, which is bizarre because three teachers including the Principal confirmed seeing him pick up Legolas."

"Trees are talking now?" Bofur asked, "What could they possibly talk about?"

"Bird's droppings," Gimli grumbled. The elves smiled at the little dwarfling. "Where's Leggylas?"

"With his father," Elrond replied, gently. "We're going to bring him home, don't you worry master Gimli."

"Run along Gimli," his mother said, "Go and find Kíli and Fíli."

"You must be his mother," Glorfindel said, happily. "Your son is a delight! His voice is the best!"

"Thank you," she smiled, behind her beard.

"This is my beloved wife, Gin," Glóin smiled warmly at his woman.

"Gin? You were named after an alcoholic bre- ouch!"

Erestor slapped Glorfindel across the chest angrily as Elrond's palm rested on his face frustrated. "Really!? Please excuse my idiotic husband."

"Husband? I thought he was a she?" Gin smirked. Erestor snorted as Glorfindel shrugged.

"Okay, I deserved that," Glorfindel said, chuckling. "Though I think Erestor looks more like a woman-"

"We are getting off track," Elrond sighed. Thorin looked ready to explode as Galadriel walked in looking pale.

"Ereinion has been invited to Thranduil's wedding," Galadriel said, softly. Thorin's eyes widened. "He is marrying an orc. Oropher blessed his union to an orc."

Thorin roared. "We are leaving now! There is no way in hell I am letting some orc hurt my elf let alone marry him!"

* * *

Thranduil awoke with a start when the door sprung open. He sat up quickly eying the intruder. His father strolled in like he had not beaten his son within an inch of his life, smiling perkily at the prince.

"Rise and shine," he chuckled. Legolas stirred. "Get up, we have plans to make. You are getting married after all."

Thranduil held his son close as he awoke abruptly.

"Ada?" the boy whispered, staring fearfully at his grandfather. He was terrified the king would hurt his father again.

"OUT OF THE BED NOW!" the king roared. Thranduil and Legolas jumped in fright.

"Quickly, Legolas," Thranduil said, pushing his son to his feet as he too stood up. He pulled the elfling behind him.

"That's better," Oropher smirked as he stalked closer to the elven prince. Thranduil stumbled back as his father glared him down. "You shamed our family, bedding a dwarf. And after I told you not to see the gold-lusting beast again."

"I love him," Thranduil whispered, "Ada please, I beg you. Do not make me do this. I cannot marry an orc. I will do anything but do not make me give up my happiness and my freedom."

"Perhaps that beating I gave you didn't suffice last night," Oropher hissed, gripping Thranduil's shoulder tightly.

"NO!" Legolas gave his grandfather a swift kick to the knee. "Don't touch my ada!"

Thranduil screamed as he was thrown into the night table, his side exploded with pain as he crumbled to the ground. Legolas' cries outweighed his pain however. The shrieks coming from the boy hurt Thranduil more then his physical pain.

"No! Please, ada! Leave him alone!"

The elven prince struggled to stand when suddenly the king was pulled off the babbling child. Thranduil was both terrified and relieved to see the orc he was to marry standing there.

"What are you doing?" Oropher hissed.

"Last night my pretty elven princess agreed to marry me," Azog said, "His son is now under my protection. No one will lay a hand on him, or the prince."

Thranduil scrambled over to his son and held him near as the child sobbed into his chest. Oropher huffed before he billowed out of the room.

"Bolg! Lurtz! Bring them in!" Azog called out. Thranduil looked up to see his son's bully pull a shaking Saelbeth inside, followed by Bolg who tossed the dark-haired elf in his hands to the ground. "Bolg! What did I say!?"

"I don't understand why the bitch stays with him!" Bolg roared, "He's my bitch!"

"You lay a finger on him, Bolg - and I will tear out your liver and eat it for lunch!" Azog snarled. Thranduil eyed the frail looking elf that stared up at him with big brown eyes, fearful and confused. "Now fuck off both off you. And Lurtz, I better not hear a word against you. Worthless shit."

Thranduil watched as the two orcs left the room, Saelbeth ran straight to him, practically diving into the elder's arms, sobbing heavily. Thranduil breathed in and made a face. The stench coming from the elfling was ghastly, and Legolas seemed to agree. He moved back, disgusted.

"He stinks," Legolas winced. Thranduil gave him a sharp look. "Sorry."

The older elfling looked humiliated. Azog chuckled to himself as he pulled Thranduil to his feet. The elf tensed as the pale orc ran a mocking hand down his face.

"Give them both a bath then," Azog smirked.

"You need to have a bath as well," Thranduil said, disdainfully.

Azog snorted before he landed a playful slap on the elf's buttocks. Thranduil growled at the orc.

"I am not kidding, I will not lay with you if I cant breath fresh air around you!" Thranduil said brusquely. The orc roared with laughter, startling the two elflings.

"I will enjoy you," Azog smirked, "I will see you tonight. I think its time we did things as a family. After all, your son will be my son in two weeks."

Thranduil narrowed his eyes as Azog left the room. The elf looked down at his son and frowned when he heard the door being locked, "There is no way out of these rooms, Legolas. We are in the caves, unless if I can find the… no they only lead to the dungeons as far as I know... Come Saelbeth, I will prepare a bath for you. Will you be able to bathe yourself?"

Saelbeth nodded, gazing intently at his feet as he followed the prince into the adjoining bathroom. The elfling waited beside the large bathtub, watching as the prince turned on the taps and waited beside him. Thranduil knelt beside the elfling, gripping his hand tightly. "You are safe now Sael, I will look after you I promise, but now I need you to tell me what has been happening here."

"Ada! The new elf is vomiting!" Legolas called out, "He doesn't look very well."

"Damn it!" Thranduil stood and turned the taps off, "Saelbeth, come. I may need help. I am not sure how this elf will react to me. If I am not wrong he has been a slave for that _bastar_- beast for a long time. He may be violent; if he is I will resort to knocking him out to protect you and Legolas, but I will need your help cleaning him."

Saelbeth nodded, "Yes my Lord."

"Also do not speak a word about what has been happening here before him," Thranduil said, "We do not know if we can trust this elf yet. The orcs may have just put him in here to spy on us. His behaviour could merely be an act…"

"Okay," Saelbeth nodded, following the elder elf out. Thranduil knelt before the dark-haired elf that was still coughing hard, struggling to breath as he gripped his sides, crying helplessly.

Thranduil placed his hand on the elf's back, running his hand up and down gently. "It is okay. You are safe now; those orcs wont hurt you ever again. My name is Thranduil, I am the prince of this realm, _although right now I am not to sure I wish to be_. This is my son, Legolas and Saelbeth, the son of my oldest friend. What is your name, mellon-nin?"

The elf shook, moaning painfully.

"Where are you hurt?" Thranduil asked, stroking the short black mane. The elf whimpered as Thranduil pulled him towards the bed and made him lie down on the soft mattress. Brown eyes watered up, fearfully as Thranduil sat beside him and gently began to prod the body, feeling up his thin legs to his gaunt thighs, up to his protruding hips and ribs. The boy whined slightly when Thranduil touched a sore spot. "You have a broken rib, and fortunately it is the only thing broken. You are far too thin, my friend. Today I will ensure you are well fed and cared for. We will start with a bath; Saelbeth, Legolas I will need you both to clean up this mess, before the room is filled with a bad odour. There was a mop and bucket in the bathroom- I'll fill it up and then you boys can mop this up. Here, use the paper towels to clean up most it up while I get the mop. Saelbeth, your bath will have to wait- He cannot wait, he should be in bed resting."

"Aye sire," Saelbeth nodded as he quickly followed the instructions given to him. In no time the room was cleaned as Thranduil led the squirmy elf to the bathroom.

"We need to take these rags off," Thranduil said, gently. The elf whimpered, "I will not hurt you, you have my word, but you can't take a bath dressed, nor will you wear these rags again. They are filthy and they do nothing to keep you warm. You are shaking and you feel cold to touch."

"I-I ha-have no c-clothes," came the shaky reply. Thranduil smiled, so he could talk!

"Well, this was my old room once; you can wear some of mine," Thranduil said, helping the elf pull his rags right off. He was not surprised to see the elf was naked underneath. He tried not to react to the old scars and new bruises, scratches, whip marks and bite-marks that marred the elf's skin. He ran a finger across one bad scar that disfigured the elf just below his belly button. "What have those bastards done to you?"

He didn't respond through words, his eyes told enough as they brimmed with tears.

"They will never lay a hand on you again," Thranduil whispered, "Come, sit in the water. Would you like me to help you bathe?"

He nodded weakly, immersing himself in the warm water. He sputtered slightly when the prince poured a bowl of water across his hair. "I'm sorry, but I need to wash you hair, I need it to be damp. Let me know if I am not gentle enough."

Thranduil started slowly adding a small amount of shampoo before he gently began to comb through the black knotty hair. He was gentle, careful not to pull the elf's hair. The water was growing murky with the dirt accumulated on the elf. Thranduil wondered if the elf had ever washed before.

"Fig? Is that your name?" Thranduil asked. "I heard Azog call you that."

"Master ca-calls me halfwit most of the time or Figwit," he replied, enjoying the feel of the warm water. He couldn't remember the last time he had a bath- in fact he didn't think he ever had. His masters were not known for their cleanliness. "I don't know why he calls me Fig. I am a useless idiot to him, o-only good for one thing."

"You are not a halfwit, you are not a useless idiot and you are not just good for one thing," Thranduil whispered, "You are none of those. I will prove you and he wrong. I know under this dirt there lies a beautiful, smart elf."

"I don't believe it," he replied, shaking his head sadly. "_Master's never wrong_."

"He lies to you. Orcs do nothing but lie, and do not call him master any longer!" Thranduil said warmly.

"Are you my master now?" Figwit asked, hopefully.

"Of course not," Thranduil said, firmly. "I am your friend."

"What do I call you?" Figwit gasped, he couldn't just call him by his name, could he?

"Thranduil," the prince replied, smiling. "If you can't do that, then call me sire, I am the Prince of this hell hole after all. Though I much prefer Thranduil."

"Thranduil…Sire," Figwit tried the word out. "Sire."

"Fig, how long have you been with these orcs?" Thranduil asked, washing out the shampoo before he added a second serve. Thranduil found that he hadn't cleaned much of the dirt from the submissive elf.

"Since I was an elfling," Figwit shrugged, his voice soft and broken. "Master said my family didn't want me, I was too stupid so they tossed me aside."

"That is a lie too," Thranduil said, firmly, "That is what he wants you to believe. He most likely killed your family and took you away from the life you deserved to have."

"Why would he do that?" Figwit sniffed when the comb bumped into something. The frightened elf froze when Thranduil fingered the chain around his neck.

"What is this?" Thranduil asked. Figwit held the chain tightly.

"Please don't take it, it's all I have left of them," Figwit sobbed, his nails dug into his palm as he clutched the chain tensely.

"I will not take it, but may I see it?" Thranduil asked, "I will remove it just to examine it properly and I will put it back."

"Please, don't take it away," Figwit whimpered as he snaked his hands around his neck and unclamped the chain. He handed it to the elder elf fearing he had lost it forever. "It's all I have left."

Thranduil let out a miserable sob recognizing the name engraved in ancient elvish, a she-elf's name; a name that had not been spoken in years. On the other side of the small metallic rectangle was another name; the child's name. "Oh Figwit, it has been centuries since your father first lost you. And he still mourns you. He will mourn no longer, for I will reunite you with him!"

"M-my father still lives?" Figwit whimpered, not even in his dreams did he dare to believe he would find his family.

"Aye, he loves you so much," Thranduil said, "Lindir never stopped looking for you. Never stopped hoping for your return. He will be overjoyed, as will Erestor!"

"My mother?!" Figwit wanted so badly to believe his family hadn't abandoned him.

"Oh, No, my dear boy. She was killed when you were taken, I believe the chain was hers, her name is still inscribed into it; Hinnorel, her name was Hinnorel. I do not know much about her though. Erestor is your uncle," Thranduil said, suddenly growing overprotective of the elf. This elfling was his family; he would die protecting him. "He is my best friend. He was there when you were born all those centuries ago in Imladris! We will escape and you will be reunited with your father and uncle."

"I cant!" Figwit cried, stumbling in the murky water, as he turned to face the prince. In his hastiness he accidentally splashed the prince; he was too shaken to notice and Thranduil made no mention of it. "They will be ashamed of me! I am nothing more than a whore for orcs!"

"No, they will not be," Thranduil assured, "They will be overjoyed you have returned to them. They will love you, Lothvaen."

"What?"

"Your name, it means Clever Flower, it is what your parents named you," Thranduil laughed. He was overjoyed. "Your family."

"What if they don't want me?" Figwit sniffed.

"They will want you," Thranduil promised. "If not, you can stay with me and my son. I will never abandon you. Come, lets get you dried up, dressed and in bed."

Thranduil helped the young elf out of the bathtub wrapping him in a warm towel before he helped him dress in a pair of sweat pants, and a jumper. Thranduil decided they'd be more comfortable then an elven robe or tunic.

"Are you really going to marry Master?" Lothvaen asked, sadly. His thin fingers twisted the fabric of the jumper; it was so soft and warm. It felt like nothing he had felt before.

"I must," Thranduil whispered. "Being a father means being ready to sacrifice everything for your child. I wont let them hurt him, or Saelbeth or you because of me."

"It isn't fair," Lothvaen muttered. Thranduil nodded in agreement.

"Nothing ever is," Thranduil sighed, "Come, I will braid your hair, which will be a difficult task- it is rather short... We will have to grow it out!"

* * *

The King looked down at the broken elf laying chained by the ankle to his bed. Long, dull blonde hair lay lank across the back of the elf, his head resting on a pillow as Oropher sat beside him on the bed. He closed his eyes and swallowed dryly as the King began to stroke his hair mocking the way a lover would.

"This would be much easier for you, Silinde if you stop trying to escape your King," Oropher smirked. Silinde closed his eyes trying miserably to stop any tears from escaping his eyes. The King's hand stroked lower and lower. "Your son is rather lucky, my son promised to whore himself to the orc in exchange for your son's freedom and the slave's. Azog agreed, tonight will be the first night Saelbeth sleeps in a bed instead of a cage or barrel. You failed him, didn't you?"

Silinde let out a miserable sob, the King's cold fingers rubbed against his lower regions, trying to gain access into the tight hole.

"I have to say, you are still as tight as the first day I tried your ripe fruits," Oropher chuckled. "Spread your legs, my little whore, I'm ready to take you again."

Silinde cried openly as he pulled apart his legs weakly; he no longer tried to fight the imposter. It was to no avail; he was stronger then any elf, which came as no surprise to the once Royal Advisor to the King. This King was not the true King of Greenwood. The true king was trapped in the dungeons with no one but an unconscious Dínendal to keep him company. Silinde failed his King, he failed his son, and he failed his people. He deserved this punishment from the beast that slide into him and began to thrust at an inhumanly rapid pace.

The broken elf felt another part of his soul shatter as the beast erupted inside him, filling him with his poisonous seed. Silinde's final thought before he lost consciousness was that Thranduil would look after his son better then he had.

The deceitful King pulled himself out of the elf; admiring the damage he had caused the elf's battered body. He quickly dressed, as he eyed his elven hands. They tingled, his white nails darkened as he smirked; a visit to the dungeons was in order. He needed to feed on the true King's essence; he craved the knowledge the King supplied him with. He slid out of the room passing the orcs that guarded his room; he smirked at them as he made his way to the dungeons.

The creature let out a slight sigh of annoyance when he came across the captain of the guard, a red-haired she-elf. Tauriel bowed low before the King; she and the entire guard had quickly asserted their loyalty to the king when he had brought the orcs in the heart of Greenwood.

"My liege, Saruman has returned," she spoke, her voice soft, betraying no emotion. "Also, a respond as come from the King of Imladris. He intends to come to the wedding."

"Good, good," the king nodded, "Inform Saruman at once that I will see him in my study. I have a smaller matter to attend to first. Off with you."

She bowed once more and disappeared. The creature slid into the dungeons where several orcs stood guarding the prisons.

"Open the door," he pointed his head towards the only door that was locked. One orc scrambled to open the door as the King's face crawled as though small wormlike creatures were under it. "Speed it up, I don't have all day!"

The door opened with a bang as the creature stormed past to face his two victims. Dínendal cringed and scrambled back towards the true King. Oropher stood; ready to defend his servant, as he eyed the beast. Gone was his reflection. In its place stood a grey skinned creature; eyes as red as fire, covered by a sleek black hair.

"I'm back, pretty boy. I'm feeling a little famished," the shape shifter smirked; he enjoyed taunting the King, tormenting physically and emotionally. "So I need a little snack before I retreat back to your chambers and re-join dear old Silinde in your bed. He's still as tight as the first time I tried him all those months ago."

Oropher growled, he started at the monster but was held in place by the chain around his ankle, "You fell creature! Leave him be! Where is Saelbeth? How dare you come into my kingdom and harm my people! You will pay-"

"Ahhh shut up," the shape shifter chuckled. "Oh I didn't tell you; our dear old son and grandson are back home."

Oropher's eyes widened, "No! no! You stay away from my boys!"

"Thranduil has already agreed to marry dear old Azog," the creature cackled. Oropher let out a roar of outrage and a string of curse words. "Its funny how simple it is to make a person bend to your will after you beat them and threaten to do the same to their spawn. Legolas's screams were like music to my ears."

The King roared in agony, anguished at the thought of his innocent, large eyed grandson being in any harm. Dínendal clung onto the king's arm, shuddering in disbelief when the shape shifter drew closer to the King.

"Don't worry Dínendal, he isn't as weak as you," the creature chuckled, "He doesn't spend weeks unconscious after I feed on him."

Oropher and Dínendal backed away helplessly as the creature's palms took hold of the king's face, gripping him tightly.

"No, no," Oropher whispered, feeling his strength weaken. The creature's hands glowed white as the king fell to his knees. The shape shifter disappeared; the artificial Oropher was back.

* * *

Yes that is apparently the meaning of Lothvaen- as you should all know by now Figwit is an acronym to Frodo is Great! Who is that!? It was then translated into elvish by some people online years ago to Melpomaen which translates roughly to fig wit. Then someone gave him an even nicer name of Lothvaen, which apparently means clever flower (Fig Wit… makes sense!) I do like the fact that a character from FOTR who had roughly same amount of screen time as Erestor(who looked so bored when everyone was arguing over the one ring) became so popular that they brought him back as an extra with a line and then as the Dark haired Lindir(I thought he had white/silver hair) Which is why I decided to make Lindir and Lothvaen relatives… because that one liner elf from ROTK and Lindir only looked alike, Lothvaen looked younger and more childlike in ROTK then Lindir in the Hobbit. Who knows maybe they're brothers….

Silinde and Saelbeth were both elves that were present at Elrond's very secret meeting(which was crashed by 3 hobbits and about a million and one humans) and Dínendal is an elf from Loth Lorien- he also happens to be played by Jonathan Harding- the bloke that plays Erestor. He's a sex bomb.

The shape shifter is well, my own creation, the next few OC's start here, all though there is only about 5 or 6 of them, all elves… The shifter hasn't got a name- I couldn't think of one other then creature and shifter. If you can come up with something let me know… Just know he is evil incarnate... He's the LOTR version of Lucifer...

thanks for the reviews!


	12. Chapter 12

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 12/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 12

* * *

Silence filled Elrond's home; everyone was too deep in thought to discuss what had transpired. Thorin was pacing up and down the room, barely able to contain himself. He couldn't imagine what was happening to his elf deep in the palace of Mirkwood. Who knew what the orc was doing to his love or the child he loved as much as his own nephews. The thought of Thranduil being hurt broke Thorin's heart. Orcs were not known for their gentle and loving natures. Thorin was scared; Thranduil might not ever be the same once he saved him. But Thorin decided he didn't care, he would never abandon his elf.

"Is there no secret way?" Nori asked, "There must be a way for us to sneak in."

"It is no dwarf cave," Thorin said, running a hand through his hair. "I doubt it has a hidden door."

"Thorin's right," Elrond said, "We need to contact someone inside the palace- but we must do it carefully. Should anyone find out we could risk many lives. Erestor, who would you suggest?"

"There are several elves, but one problem is we do not know where their loyalties lie," Erestor replied. "And more importantly we do not know if any, if all of these elves are safe. I will try emailing or calling Dínendal or Silinde; they'd most likely be my best choice. If not them, I would say Tauriel, the captain of the guard. We are far too in the dark to be able to make any plans. We do not know if Oropher is himself, or if a spell has been cast on him-"

"A spell must have been cast," Glorfindel interjected. "No father would agree to such beastly marriage. I mean if he was pissed off about Thranduil dated a dwarf, I shudder to think of Oropher's reaction to an orc!"

Thorin's teeth could be heard grinding over Glorfindel's words.

"It would most certainly explain it all," Elrond said, he squeezed Thorin's shoulder reassuringly. "But it does not solve our issues."

"When does this wed- Balrogs!" Ecthelion jumped up startled pulling out his sword at the sound of someone pounding at the door.

"It's not a balrog," Elrond grumbled as the dwarves stared oddly at the elf. "He gets a little jumpy."

"A little," Thorin grunted, "Where does he hide that sword? He's always ready to attack!"

"Your Highness!" Glorfindel stood up surprised as a dark haired elf by the name of Ereinion walked in demanding attention the way only a king could. A crown of mithril adorned his head. Glorfindel bowed low as did Ecthelion. Elrond on the other hand walked up to the king who opened his arms welcomingly to embrace the younger half-elf. Erestor walked past both elves smiling warmly at his younger cousin; Lindir threw his arms around the darker haired elf holding him close. It had been months since he last had seen his cousin. The dwarves and hobbits were unsure what to do as Celeborn and Galadriel welcomed Ereinion as equals.

"It is been too long," Celeborn smiled, "I am pleased you are here."

"I wish it was under better circumstance we meet," Gil Galad said, "We have much to discuss, but first, where are the children?"

"In the playroom," Elrond said.

"It is best they stay there," he responded, he turned to the minstrel who was still in his cousin's arms; Gil-Galad smiled warmly at Erestor. "Lindir, I left my briefcase in the car, would you please collect it for me?"

"Aye, sire," the minstrel quickly made his way out of the house followed by Erestor who stood on the porch watching his cousin as he retrieved the briefcase. Lindir stopped and looked up at his cousin, "You are worried about him aren't you?"

"Aye," Erestor nodded, "I have known Thranduil since we were elflings. I fear for him, we are so out of our depths; we cannot just barge into Greenwood. We know not what we are up against. We could risk the lives out countless elves."

"I think the best thing we can do is wait for the wedding day it self," Lindir said, "Not that we have been invited."

"We know right there that this is not of Thranduil's doing," Erestor said, smiling weakly. "Thranduil not invite _us_ to his wedding- preposterous. Come, let's go back inside."

* * *

"That potion works wonders," the shape shifter said. "Oropher feels no affect from my siphoning of his strength when I morph. His little advisor was ready to crock before I ambushed Oropher. He would not have survived another night."

"It healed the damage you inflicted on his son," Azog smirked. "I'm sure after our wedding night I will need some more Saruman."

The white wizard smirked, "Indeed, has the High King responded yet?"

"No," the beast responded. "I sent them after I had a little chat with Silinde. Apparently the king always writes little side letters to the High King that he adds to the more formal matters. I had our little king write him a personal letter. The things parents do for their children. I don't know why he bothers, they will both be dead once the wedding takes place."

"The king will be," Azog nodded, "I changed my mind about the prince, I think I'd like having him around a little longer."

"Is that wise," Denethor voiced his concern, "If I recall the prince was quite the stubborn and feisty one."

"I do hope so," Azog smirked, "I like when they fight and struggle."

"So long as you keep him under control," Saruman said, "We cannot have him ruining our plans, Oropher will die, Ereinion will die. We will rule this Middle Earth; all we have to do is reach out and take it!"

* * *

Thranduil pulled Legolas and Saelbeth behind him when Azog entered his room yet again. This time he came with Lurtz and Bolg carrying a few trays of food that were placed at the table. Bolg looked rather angry, glaring directly at Figwit who scrambled over to Thranduil, while Lurtz looked a little nervous and out of his depth.

"What do you want?" Thranduil asked, sharply. Azog smirked as he stalked closer towards the elf. Thranduil tried not to flinch when two rough hands gripped his face and pulled him closer to the orc's face. Azog breathed in deeply, disgusting the elf when he ran a rough wet tongue up Thranduil's cheek. Thranduil pushed the orc away from him, outraged, "_are you kidding me_!? That is disgusting!"

Azog smirked, pulled the elf close, squeezing a round cheek in his large hand. Thranduil winced when the fingers linger a little too long for his liking. "I want to have dinner with my fiancé obviously. We're going to be one happy family. A big one if we include the whore's son and the bitch. After all, the bitch is yours now, and the whore won't be seeing his son anytime soon."

"Shut up," Thranduil hissed. He heard Saelbeth sob quietly behind him. "How dare you speak to either of them!"

"Sit at the table now," Azog said, his demeanour changed from playful to cold. "Move it!"

He took hold of Thranduil's arm and threw him towards the table. The elf stumbled, but managed to keep himself from falling or hurting himself. Azog grabbed both Saelbeth and Figwit, tossing them both into a chair. He nodded approvingly when Legolas sat himself beside Saelbeth before the orc could touch him. His father sat beside him as Azog glared at his two sons who moved promptly. Lurtz attempted to sit beside Figwit but was tossed aside by his brother who sat beside his former slave, pinching him under the table. The elf whimpered weakly when suddenly a bread roll collided into Bolg's head. Azog, Thranduil and Bolg looked over at Legolas who reached over and grabbed another bread roll. Thranduil smirked, chuckling lightly as his son began to eat, ignoring the stares he was receiving. Saelbeth stared at the Princeling with a wide mouth as Azog rolled his eyes and sat beside the elven prince.

"Aren't you going to punish him!?" Bolg growled, glaring at Legolas who munched on his bread, a stubborn look in his eyes. Thranduil's eyes widened slightly as Azog arose, the elven prince panicked jumping to his feet to protect his son.

"Please, you promised," Thranduil whispered. Azog smirked as the elf, pushing him aside as he walked around the table. Saelbeth tensed when the orc stopped behind him; he closed his eyes and waited but the footsteps resumed then stopped right behind Figwit who shook fearfully. Thranduil held his breath as Azog rested his hands on the shaking elf's shoulders. Figwit whimpered as the orc painfully squeezed his nails into his shoulders. The dark-haired elf let out a strangled sob as he looked at Thranduil pleadingly. Thranduil moved to free the elf but before he knew what was happening Azog reached far over Figwit and grabbed an alarmed Lurtz by his hair dragging him across the table. The orcling screeched in pain as he was pulled across the table and Figwit's head, knocking back the chair the raven-haired elf was sitting on. Figwit let out a startled yelp as he landed with a thud, Thranduil was by his side immediately helping him to his knees, wrapping his arms around him protectively as the younger elf buried his face into his shoulder. Legolas and Saelbeth clung onto each other, unconsciously they both edged under the table as they watched in horror; the pale orc was reigning kicks and blows on the tiny orcling. His cries pierced the room as Bolg roared with laughter.

"Stop! Stop! You're killing him!" Thranduil cried. The pale orc held his youngest son by the throat- he hung limp, his feet barely touching the ground. "What is wrong with you?! He is your son!"

Azog tossed the battered body to the ground and growled, moving swiftly towards the elven prince. He grabbed a handful of the long blonde hair, pulling the elf near, his hot breath blowing against the elf's cheek. Figwit scrambled behind Legolas and Saelbeth, shaking like a leaf forcing him self to wrap his arms around the elflings as he pulled them right under the table. Thranduil stared at him defiantly.

"In two weeks he will be your son," Azog hissed, "And you better make sure he begins to behave."

"He did nothing!" Thranduil growled, "You overgrown ape!"

"You are beginning to piss me off!" Azog snarled.

"Get use to it," Thranduil said, pushing the orc off him, "If you think I'm going to just stand around and look pretty for you then you have another thing coming! I will not submit to the likes-huukkh!"

Thranduil gasped struggling to breathe; Azog's hand was clamped around his throat, choking him.

"Ada!" Legolas cried, trying to help his father, who was turning blue in the face. Figwit and Saelbeth both held him back. "LET HIM GO! Leave him alone-oofff!"

Thranduil was thrown unceremoniously into the three elflings, coughing harshly as he gasping as he tried to get oxygen back into his lungs.

"Bolg, let's go," Azog gestured to the door. His eldest son made his way to the unconscious orcling, "Leave him, I have no use for such a weakling! I will see you tomorrow morning and you better behave yourself!"

Legolas pulled himself up and began to gently rub his father's back as the two orcs left the room, locking them inside the room yet again. Thranduil smiled at his son, stroking the soft skin of his cheek.

"Are you boys okay?" he rasped, slowly getting to his feet. He helped pull Figwit to his feet as Legolas and Saelbeth stood. All three boys nodded quietly. "Sit down and eat, I have no appetite to be honest, but I do not want you to be hungry."

"I-I don't think I can e-eat," Figwit whispered, eying the orc child helplessly. Thranduil rubbed the darkhaired elf gently on the shoulder.

"I will look after him," Thranduil murmured, "Eat, the three of you. We don't know if we will be given food all the time, so eat as much as you can when we do. Saelbeth, after you eat and I tend to_ Lurtz,_ I need you to tell me everything you know. I need to know more about what it is we are up against, and we only have twelve days from tomorrow to fix everything."

"Aye sire," Saelbeth nodded, he followed the prince's instructions as Thranduil gathered the orcling into his arms. Thranduil stared at him sadly; the rage he felt for the boy only days earlier had subsided. The creature in his arm's attacked his son; bullied him and abused him. But the more Thranduil thought on it, he saw the child was not fault. After seeing Azog's explosive abuse directing at the boy, he felt a tinge of pity towards the child he initially loathed for hurting his son.

He tended to the child he watched his own son interacting with the former slave and Saelbeth; he nurtured his son into the sweet little boy he was. He thought back to his friends' children; sure they had their moments where they drove the adults crazy but they were all children that made their families proud. He hoped they were all okay; he hated being cut off from all the people he cared about. He missed them, all of them, especially a certain handsome dwarf.

Thranduil wondered, as he wrapped the orcling in a warm blanket, if an orcling was capable of growing into a good person.

"Elbereth, I need a glass of wine," Thranduil murmured, "Or just the bottle."

* * *

"The invitation is not addressed to me alone," Ereinion said, his eyes darkened as he handed envelopes to Elrond, Celeborn and Erestor. The three elves quickly opened and read the invitations before they passed them on. "It is several invitations; Oropher had them all sent to me, I suppose he expected me to deliver them to you all. The wedding takes place on a Saturday, in about two weeks. It will be in the Halls of Greenwood. I have spoken to Tauriel; the Captain of the guard, she knows something is wrong with the king but is not sure what."

"He's a crazy nutcase, that's what," Thorin hissed, "Can we leave now!?"

Gil-Galad stared at the dwarf, curiously.

"This is Thorin," Erestor introduced the dwarf, "he and Thranduil have been together for eight-"

"Nine!" Thorin interrupted.

"-Months now," Erestor continued without stopping, "He is worried for Thranduil, rightfully so, please excuse his impatience."

"I would react identically," Ereinion smiled, sadly gazing for a moment at the minstrel by his side. "Oropher's letter confirmed that Tauriel is correct. Oropher is not himself. When we send formal writings to one another we always write a more personal letter just to keep one another informed."

"Don't you have phones in the palaces?" Bofur asked, surprised.

"What? Well yes we do, but it's just a tradition that stuck," Ereinion replied, eying the dwarf. He rather like the beard the dwarf sported. "See, Oropher always addresses me as Blossom for a few years now so when he didn't this time… I knew something was amiss immediately!"

"Blossom?" Erestor repeated. Gil-Galad shrugged, he had no intention of delving into the details as to why Oropher referred to him as Blossom. It was embarrassing! "Really? That's how you know King Oropher isn't King Oropher. He didn't address you as Blossom so you know he isn't the true king."

Celeborn snorted, trying to hold his laughter, "Why Blossom?"

"Isn't that a Power Puff girl?" Aragorn asked, his brow rising. The King of the Noldor paled slightly and shook his head, vigorously. He hoped Celeborn was too drunk too remember… "Yes, it is! She's the little red one! The _commander and the leader_!?"

"No!"

"Wait a minute!" Celeborn eyed his friend, Gil-Galad who covered his face with a large palm "wasn't that the show we watched about fifteen years ago- you were drunk!"

"I wasn't drunk!" Gil-Galad said, haughtily.

"You spilled green cordial all over Galadriel and Oropher kept referring to her as Radioactive Queen! And then you fell off the couch and broke your crown," Celeborn said bluntly. "We had to call Lindir to pick you up-"

"I remember that!" Erestor snorted, he realised they were well off track but he noticed Thorin had sat himself beside Elrond and looked a little calmer then before. He looked almost defeated. "They demolished Thranduil's wine collection! There was over eighty bottles! He was ready to kill that day! Some of that collection was over hundreds of years old- and they drank it all!"

"Yeah! And you kept calling Oropher, Buttercup!" Galadriel laughed, recalling the events like they were yesterday. "And Celeborn became Bubbles."

"Why was I Bubbles!?"

"Why were you watching the Power Puff Girls anyway!?" Aragorn asked, with a raised brow.

"You look familiar," Ereinion said, trying to change the subject. "I don't recall Elrond having a cousin by the name of Estel."

"Yeah, I'm twice removed, or something like that," Aragorn shrugged.

"How do we help Thranduil?" Thorin was tired of the dillydallying. He needed Thranduil back in his arms now. Two days had past since, and he didn't want to spend second night with out the elf in his arms.

"We wait," Gil-Galad said, "Although I was thinking if we were able to send in a spy-"

"-I'll go," Erestor said. Before anyone could protest he continued, "Elrond, you cannot go, you need to think of your children. Thorin- you're a dwarf, you'll be thrown in the dungeons. Bilbo, you'd end up in the same position. Ecthelion you will overreact and try to smite an invisible balrog. I can at least go in and play the part of Thranduil's best man. After all, if he is getting married, he will need a best man."

"Maid of Honour," Thorin said, "When I marry him you will be the Maid of Honour. Bilbo is the Best Man."

"Man of Honour, I am no maid," Erestor smiled, weakly. Glorfindel shook his head. "I must. He needs a friend right now, Glor."

"I am coming with you," Glorfindel said, "There is no way I will let you go there alone."

"Glor-"

"No, I wont take no for an answer," Glorfindel said, before he turned to Ereinion. "My Lord, do you think you could inform the King of our arrival. We will leave in three days time."

"Aye, I will call," Ereinion nodded, looking at the Balrog Slayer directly in the eyes. "Look after him. Both of them."

"I will," Glorfindel promised.

* * *

"Legolas, stay with him and Lothvaen," Thranduil said softly, the orcling has awoken an hour earlier panicked but calmed when he realised he was alone with the elves. The young beast clearly didn't fear them or see them as a threat as he fell into a healing sleep immediately. "Lothvaen, if he awakens come and get me. Saelbeth and I must discuss what has happened here for the last few months, but I cannot do that with an orc present. Secrecy may be our key."

"Aye, ada," Legolas nodded, "Do you really think he will stay with us now?"

"Most likely," Thranduil sighed, "Though Azog is unpredictable... We will treat him kindly ion-nin, and it may just work to our advantage. Come Saelbeth, the bathroom will be more then adequate."

Saelbeth followed the prince into the bathroom, who immediately locked the door and sat himself as far away from the door as possible. Saelbeth followed suit, sitting beside the prince.

"At least the orcling has given us a reason to keep Lothvaen busy," Thranduil said softly. "I would love to trust him, but he has been in the company of orcs for all of his life. His loyalty may be to them simply out of fear. Now, the last time I saw my father was eight months ago or so. He was most definitely himself then, he exploded in a manner only my father would explode when I told him about Thorin. That was the last time I heard from him until Monday. Although I do not believe this is my father. He cannot be-"

"He isn't my Lord," Saelbeth whispered, terrified of being overheard. His father's knowledge was what had the person parading as the king capture his father so many months ago. "He came back that night quite angry, ada tried to calm him. I was in a tree outside of the King's study eating something I uh- took from the kitchen…"

The boy blushed slightly, and Thranduil smiled, "Let me guess, the cook's apple pie? We've all done that some point in our life."

Saelbeth nodded, "While I was eating, I was eavesdropping. Dínendal entered the study and instead of calming the king like ada, he fuelled his rage- well that's what ada said to him that day anyway. Dínendal hadn't been acting like himself for months. Ada and Tauriel discussed his change later that week, Tauriel felt as though he was not really Dínendal."

"Dínendal hates confrontations," Thranduil said, musingly. "For him to promote my father's anger is not at all Dínendal."

"A month or so had passed and the cook made pie again," Saelbeth mumbled, "I was in the tree again and this time the king and Dínendal were in the office, initially they were simply talking, but then the white wizard appeared. I didn't see him come in, he was just there."

"Mithrandir?"

"No, the ugly one," Saelbeth said, frowning in offense, "Gandalf is awesome, he has fireworks."

Thranduil smiled; he was most certainly talking to a child; one that had to grow up quickly but a child nonetheless.

"The king was surprised to see him," Saelbeth said, "He asked Saruman how he entered the realm without any of his guards alerting him to his presence. But before the wizard responded, Dínendal grabbed the king by his head. He- I don't know what he did but the King was unable to scream- but he looked like he was in pain. He fell to the ground- I- I thought he was dead! But Saruman said something about taking him to the dungeons that night, so no one would see him. Dínendal was gone, my lord. He changed after he hurt the king, because he was now the king- he changed- I don't know how but he changed. I had my hand on my mouth so I wouldn't make a noise- I noticed my father squatting under the desk- they hadn't seen him but he had seen what had happened and saw me as well- he motioned for me to be quiet as the fake person began to remove the king's robes and his crown. He dressed in them as Azog came in then; I almost fell out of the tree. I never saw an orc before my lord. I was scared. I'm ashamed-"

"It is okay to be scared, pen-neth," Thranduil whispered, taking in the new knowledge. "I am afraid now. I am worried about you, Legolas and Lothvaen. I now fear for my father- he could be dead for all I know. I also fear for Dínendal. This shape-shifting being must have taken Dínendal in surprise as well."

"The King is alive, my Lord," Saelbeth said, "I saw him the day before you were taken- I think the shifter needs him alive because every few weeks after I was thrown in the dungeons, the fake-king would come down and I'd hear the King screaming. I also heard Dínendal- I think he's been in the dungeons all this time too with the king and before."

"How is it no one noticed that people are in the dungeons?" Thranduil asked, outraged.

"The orcs guard the dungeons," Saelbeth said, "After they left the study my father left his hiding place and climbed out the window onto the tree I was on. He said we couldn't risk being seen by them, we climbed through the trees back to our rooms. That night ada looked for Tauriel but she wasn't in Greenwood- the fake king sent her on an errand or something that day. He came back and I slept. The next morning we woke up, Tauriel was back but her and ada had no time to talk. There were orcs everywhere! But they weren't attacking us, the new king said they were welcome and that they'd help protect Greenwood from outsiders- All the elves were ready to protest, but Tauriel silenced them quickly by saying that everyone was loyal to the king and they'd welcome the alliance with the orcs."

"No one argued?" Thranduil asked, startled.

"No, I think they understood what Tauriel was doing," Saelbeth said, "So far the orcs haven't hurt any elves, but that is because Tauriel made sure no elf was ever alone with an orc. She was given the task of assigning the orcs so she made sure elves always outnumbered the orcs. Most of the orcs stay in the dungeons though. Guarding the king."

"Now how did your father get captured?" Thranduil asked.

"It was a few weeks after the king was captured. He sent me to bed early that night, I woke up the next day when two orcs dragged me from my bed and led me to the dungeons. The fake king claimed that my ada was committing high treason- and I was to be punished too. Tauriel tried to defend me, but-"

The boy broke of with a sob; a few tears ran down his face. Thranduil pulled the boy into his arms.

"Sh-she was ordered out of the dungeons," Saelbeth shook, "I was chained to a wall, and then- I was- they used a horse crop- I couldn't stop them-_ it hurt_!"

"Shhhh, you are safe now,"

"I don't know how many times I was hit, but it hurt so much," Saelbeth cried, "After it was over I was thrown in a **barrel**- I felt drunk from the fumes left behind from the wine! They left me in there for so long, I don't know how long it took but after some time… I was put in a prison room, the king- the fake king said my father was paying the price for his treachery and that I would be allowed to remain in the room so long as I was quiet and I behaved. And that my ada behaved."

"I wonder where Silinde is… my father is in the dungeons then," Thranduil said, thoughtfully. "I may have a way to see him, but I will have to wait until past midnight, if I am caught I will endanger us all…"

* * *

"I just received a call from Gil-Galad," Azog and Saruman looked up at the shapeshifter that entered with Denethor. "One of Thranduil's friends wishes to come to assist Thranduil with the wedding preparations. The elf will arrive in three days times with his mate."

"Who?" Saruman asked, his eyes darkening.

"Erestor and with him, Glorfindel," the shifter replied.

"The balrog slayer," Saruman murmured, "Let them come, but once they are here, try to keep them separated. Keep Glorfindel with the elven guard. Let the other be with his friend. I am sure a few well-placed threats will keep Thranduil under control. Remove his son from his side if we must."

"I'll let him know tomorrow morning," Azog grumbled, "I think I might break him in half if I see him now."

"If you want I can beat him up again," the shapeshifter smirked, "I like his cries of pain, they're almost as good as my Silinde's."

"And I thought the orc was the bloodthirsty one," Denethor murmured. "I take my leave now. I need to tend to Boromir."

"Is he feeling better?" Saruman asked.

"Yes, the potion seems to be working," Denethor said, "The stupid boy that hurt him has been expelled. It's a good thing knowing the principal personally."

* * *

"Well, it's settled then," Thorin murmured. "I have to wait until the wedding unless if you two think another time is easier."

"We will bring him back home," Glorfindel said, positively.

"So I might as well go home then," Thorin said. His fellow dwarves had long gone; Bilbo had left with his little hobbits. Two days had past and tomorrow was the day Erestor and Glorfindel were going to leave for Mirkwood.

"You are welcome to stay here again tonight," Elrond offered. Thorin shook his head, "The door will be open for you whenever you return."

"Thank you," Thorin smiled, grateful for the support as he picked up Kíli who was sound asleep beside Rumil, who murmured in his sleep when Kíli was removed from his arms. "Come Fíli. Good night and thank you."

The older of his boys followed him outside quietly past Celeborn and Erestor stood discussing Haldir's expulsion, Estel stood beside them listening intently before he disappeared to the playroom to find the blonde teenage elf. Celeborn and Erestor fell silent waving goodbye to the dwarf who buckled both his nephews in and drove off. He didn't go far though; the dwarf parked his car in Thranduil's driveway. The orc body had been removed and taken care of thanks to Ereinion.

"What are we doing here Uncle?" Fíli asked.

"Staying here tonight," Thorin sighed; he needed to be close to the elf. Lying in his bed, breathing in his scent would have to do. Soon enough he had both boys tucked in Legolas's room. The dwarf picked up the elf boy's favourite bear and took it with him to Thranduil's room. He undressed and slid into the large bed, breathing in the scent of his lover as he held the bear close to his chest. "Oh Thranduil, I pray you are okay. I miss you so much."

* * *

Thorin- you big softie!


	13. Chapter 13

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 13/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 13

* * *

Haldir yawned; it was well past midnight but he couldn't sleep. Both his brothers were asleep on a sofa bed. The two were huddled up beside one another leaving enough room for him to sleep as well. His parents had left them at Elrond's for the night as both Rumil and Orophin had fallen asleep on the ground before the fireplace.

Celeborn and Galadriel agreed to leave them the night, rather then waking them up. So while Ecthelion and Haldir opened up the sofa bed, Galadriel gather Rumil into her arms while Celeborn grabbed Orophin under his shoulders and Elrond by his feet before the two carried him into the TV room, placing him comfortably next to his little brother.

He was surprised he was allowed to stay the night; he thought he would have been grounded for being expelled. In all honesty Haldir hadn't even thought of his expulsion until that moment. He supposed Celeborn and Galadriel were too concerned for Thranduil and Legolas at the moment. The teenager hated that Thranduil's plight worked to his advantage. He would rather be grounded for the rest of his immortal life instead and have the two elves that were part of his adoptive family safe.

The teenager stretched like a cat as he made his way in the dark to the kitchen to get a drink of water. Everyone was fast asleep; he could hear Elrond snoring. Most likely because he was a half elf, Haldir smiled to himself as he finally reached the kitchen. The light was on, and when Haldir entered, he was startled to find Aragorn sitting by the kitchen bench with a mug in his hand.

He shifted uncomfortably as Aragorn looked at him disdainfully. Choosing to ignore the man he found himself a glass and filled it with water. He slowly drank the refreshing water, still feeling Aragorn's eyes on him.

"I heard you've been expelled," Aragorn said, his voice low. "From R.E.H, and on your first day. Nice going. The best school in the district and you get expelled."

Haldir didn't reply. He put his water down, unable to finish it suddenly; he was desperate to leave the kitchen now.

"Beating someone up," Aragorn said, disgusted, "I don't know why I'm surprised. After what you did to your own brother. I can imagine, you're nothing but a bully."

Haldir froze by the door; he turned to face the heir of Gondor. "I didn't bully anyone. I was defending my-"

"Yeah, I'm sure you were," Aragorn snorted, "Just like you were defending yourself against Rumil, huh? Did this apparent bully of yours tease you for having a crush on me too?"

"Shut up," Haldir whispered, his body quivering. His mind was in turmoil, for months he looked up at the heir of Gondor, and here he was mocking him, teasing him. "You-you _don't know **anything** about me_!"

"I know you're an arrogant waste of space," Aragorn hissed, getting in the younger person's face. "And the fact that you actually have a crush on me makes me sick! I'd never waste my time with a stuck up, worthless bully like you!"

Haldir glared at the young man, shaking both in anger and despair. "That's fine, I don't want to waste my time with a hypocrite!"

Haldir flung his head around and made to leave but he found himself pressed into the pantry, his nose squashed against the door. He grumbled and grunted, struggling to push the older teen off him.

"Tell me exactly how I am a hypocrite," Aragorn growled is his ear, squeezing the elven teen's arm painfully. Haldir gasped painfully his ribs screaming in protest. "Your parents are probably so damn ashamed of you! No wonder they left you here!"

"You don't know anything about my parents," Haldir cried, several tears ran down his cheeks as he pushed the man off him, he quickly wiped a sleeve across his face, his breath shuddered as he stumbled away from the door, he fell out of the kitchen, clutching his stomach. "They didn't leave me because they wanted too! They didn't have a choice!"

Aragorn froze; perhaps he had pushed the younger teenager a little too far. He wondered why the smaller elf was getting so worked up. Haldir struggled to get up to his feet, his ribs protesting the vigorous movements. He made it to his feet, panting slightly as he shuddered with emotion.

"I- I hate you," Haldir whispered, shaking his head as his eyes narrowed on the man. "You're just like everyone else…"

"That's fine," Aragorn shrugged, pushing aside the pity in anger. "Like I said, I wouldn't waste a minute with someone like you."

Haldir glared angrily at him, refusing to rise to the bait. He walked away still clutching his ribs tightly in his arms.

"By the way, if I see you hurt that kid again," Aragorn warned, "I'll hurt you!"

Haldir answered with a finger as he quickly disappeared into the room his brothers slept in. He closed the door behind him and rested his head against the door, more tears threatening to slip down his face. He jumped in surprised when a hand rested on his shoulder, turning he found Orophin and Rumil both awake looking at him in concern. Orophin reacted quickly, wrapping his arms around his brother.

"Don't worry about him," Orophin whispered, leading his older brother to the bed, "Lets just go to sleep…"

"I can beat him up for you if you like," Rumil offered with a big yawn, Haldir laughed weakly but shook his head.

"S'ok," Haldir smiled, "I just want to sleep and forget about him."

He gathered Rumil into his arms, as Orophin began to run his fingers through his older brother's hair. Rumil was the first to sleep; Orophin soon followed his hand's movement stopped as he murmured in his brother's ear. Haldir eventually fell asleep; his thoughts still on the heir of Gondor.

* * *

"It's okay, I wont hurt you," Thranduil whispered gently. The orcling woke up with a start, falling out of the bed, which in turn had him crying in pain. He backed away from the elf, shivering, his eyes darting around the room, searching for his father. His eyes settled on the two young elflings and the brunette elf he had grown up with. "He isn't here, he left you with us."

Lurtz didn't respond, but Thranduil didn't miss the hurt look in the boy's eyes.

"Would you like to get back in the bed?" Thranduil asked. Lurtz shook his head as he struggled to get to his feet; he let out a cry of pain as he fell flat on his back. Thranduil knelt behind the boy and helped him to his feet. "Let me help you."

"I don't need help," Lurtz growled, but he still allowed the elf to practically carry him back to the bed.

"Now, I understand you are scared-"

"-I'm not scared!"

"Really? Then why do you keep staring at the door," Thranduil asked.

"Cause I want me dad to come back and get me out of here!"

"He w-wont let you out," Lothvaen said, quietly. "He… He told Lord Thranduil you're staying here. He doesn't want you anymore."

"SHUT UP! YOU STUPID HALFWIT!" the orcling roared. Saelbeth and Legolas jumped startled as Lothvaen stumbled and fell over the chest behind him. Thranduil stood up swiftly, glaring down at the boy who flinched, eyes darting around the room, seeking somewhere to run or hide.

"You will not speak to him, or my son or Saelbeth in that way again," Thranduil hissed. "You will treat them with respect. You forget _you and your kind_ are nothing more then guests here, overstaying your welcome! Is that understood?"

The orcling nodded, as Thranduil sniffed in disgust.

"Go and bathe yourself now," Thranduil said, "I will not have you stinking out my personal chambers, thank you very much! I don't understand what it is with you orcs and the lack of personal hygiene! It's disgusting!"

"Your dad's a bit of a clean freak," Saelbeth whispered to Legolas. The seven year old nodded as Lurtz got to his feet.

"What do I do?" Lurtz asked, genuinely confused.

"Fill up the bath, get in the water and scrub yourself with the shower gel then wash your hair with shampoo," Thranduil said, slowly. "It's the 21st century, even the humans are bathing everyday now! Get with the program! I'll be getting that disgusting brother and father of yours in the bath too!"

The orcling nodded and made his way into the bathroom.

"Lothvaen, can you fill the tub for him," Thranduil asked. The younger elf froze, biting his lip, unsure if he wanted to be alone with the younger orc. Thranduil placed both hands on the elf's shoulders and stared him in the eyes. Thranduil was not surprised when Lothvaen looked away. "Look at me Lothvaen... Do not let him push you around; he is but a child. Just go in there, fill the tub with warm water and come out. Should he say or do anything that makes you uncomfortable, raise your voice at him. Don't let him see any weakness in you. You are a strong elf, you have lasted for centuries with these animals and have not given up."

"I- I don't know if I can," Lothvaen whispered, "He- what if-"

"Did he ever hurt you?" Thranduil asked, gently. The elf shook his head.

"Sometimes he would help me, when no one was watching," Lothvaen whispered, "Mas-Azog didn't know though."

Thranduil smiled slightly. "Hmm, perhaps there is an elf hidden in him. We will bring it out of the shadow."

"Do you really think he can be good?" Lothvaen asked, his eyes widened at the comment, disbelievingly.

"I don't know," Thranduil said honestly. "We will wait and see. I would rather have him on our side; having to put up with his father and brother is enough. Now go- be brave! You are strong and courageous."

Lothvaen made his way into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Thranduil listened for a moment, only hearing Lothvaen' s voice speaking firmly with the orcling. Thranduil smiled as he turned to the other two elflings.

"Tonight, I will go down to the dungeons," Thranduil smiled, "But I need to put Lurtz to sleep, I hope those sleeping pills are still in my cupboard. I know they have most likely expired but here's hoping they will work."

"How are you going to get to the dungeons?" Legolas asked.

"And how are you going to feed it to him?" Saelbeth asked.

"Orcs eat like animals, he'll be fast asleep before he realises," Thranduil smirked, before a frown appeared on his face. "It's Lothvaen I'm concerned about- I know he is one of us, but he has been with those orcs for so long. I cannot trust him yet, not until these orcs are out of the picture. We will look after him either way."

"Maybe you could put him to sleep like Lurtz?" Saelbeth suggested.

"I cannot, not without him finding out," Thranduil murmured, "I do not want him to think we do not want him. He has been through enough as it is."

"I still don't get how you are going to go to the dungeons ada," Legolas said. Thranduil was unable to answer as both the bathroom door and the door to his room opened. Lothvaen exited the bathroom, and when he saw Azog enter the room he tripped over his own feet to get to the elven prince. Azog sneered at him before his gaze fell on Thranduil.

"Where's Lurtz?" he asked. He was carrying a tray of food that he set on the table. He looked at the three younger elves, "eat! Now!"

They ignored him, all three looked at Thranduil for permission. Thranduil pushed them forward, struggling not to smirk. Their defiance was quite amusing even if it was a slight bit childish. "Go on. Go have your breakfast."

"Where's my son?" the orc repeated.

"Oh, so he is your son this morning," Thranduil said bluntly. Azog sneered at him, "Would it hurt you to treat him kinder?"

"What do you care what happens to him?" Azog growled.

"He may be an orc, but he is still a child," Thranduil responded sharply, "I will-"

"-Shut up, where is he?"

"Having a bath," Thranduil smiled, brightly. The orc stared at him like he had grown two heads. "In fact, I would rather love if you would have a bath too. I have no intention of getting in bed with you, if you smell like dog droppings."

Legolas giggled. True to his nature, the orc growled at him but turned back to the elder elf, grabbing him by the wrist forcefully. Thranduil struggled to free himself from the painful grip.

"Let go-"

"Shut the hell up," Azog growled as he led the elf towards the door. He slammed him into the door and got right into the elf's face, "You and I are going to take a walk. You will walk by my side, you will hold my arm, you will make all the elves we pass believe you want me, because if you don't the elflings will be punished for your disobedience. Smile and do your princely duty."

"Where are you taking me?" Thranduil asked, swallowing.

"You'll see soon enough," Azog hissed, he let the elf go and held out his arm expectantly. Thranduil glared at the orc but snaked his hand around the orc's arm, allowing the orc to lead him out of his chambers for the first time in days. They turned to the right; Thranduil looked over his shoulder to see the two orc guards before his door lock it once more, chaining the elflings inside. "Move faster!"

Thranduil kept up with the orc's speed, walking down the hallway, getting further and further away from his son. The elf prince was fearful, what if it was some deliberate scheme to separate him from his child.

"Where are we going?" Thranduil tried again. The orc stopped in his tracks and glared the elf down. "I want to go back! I do not trust-"

The elf groaned in pain as the orc squeezed his hand painfully.

"Be quiet and walk," Azog hissed. Thranduil struggled but he obeyed letting the orc lead him once more until they turned another corner and ran across four elven guards. Thranduil looked relieved to see them and they him. The four bent down low. Calardan was a red-haired elf; lithe and short, while Dulinner was tall, dark haired and dark eyed, both Aniror and Fuin were blondes; their hair darker then his own and much shorter. Calardan was an elf he had grown up, Dulinner was originally from Imladris, Aniror was the elf who taught him much of his sword skill and Fuin was someone more personal then the other three. He was Legolas's grandfather- his maternal grandfather. He was always kind to Thranduil, kinder then his wife had been.

"Prince Thranduil, Lord Azog," they chimed. Thranduil tried not to throw up; from the looks of things Calardan and Dulinner were having the same problem. Both were elves younger then him, unlike Aniror and Fuin who were seasoned warriors, as old as his father.

"It has been many years since we last saw you, my Lord," Calardan smiled. Thranduil noticed the elves refused to look Azog directly in the eyes. He was still linked to the orc, and to his annoyance Azog squeezed his arm warningly. "I hope you are well. How is the little one?"

"He is well, thank you," Thranduil smiled, back at the elf. Fuin smiled up at him, looking relieved. "Well, we must be off, Azog wants to show me something, I hope it is a bath- because he really needs one."

The elves all bit their lips as Azog stared at Thranduil with a raised brow.

"I will see you all around," Thranduil smiled, brightly. "Come now, Azog, lead on!"

The dumbfounded orc pressed on until they were out of sight of the four elves.

"I hope Prince Thranduil drowns him," Dulinner whispered. The three elves hushed him, looking around nervously.

* * *

Orophin fell to the ground clutching his nose as blood flowed like a fountain, dripping all over his shirt and on the ground. Rumil was by his side, looking up at Haldir who tossed and kicked violently in the sofa bed.

"Haldir! Wake up!" Rumil called out, he reached out to his brother, but Orophin quickly pulled him back. "Leggo!"

"No- you'll get hurt," Orophin gasped, breathing hard.

"What's wrong with him, Phin?" Rumil cried, Haldir had curled into himself now and was sobbing quietly.

"Nightmare," Orophin said, as he allowed Rumil to help him to his feet. "Come on, I want to change my shirt and clean up before he wakes up. I don't want him seeing me like this- he'll freak out!"

"Holy shit! What the hell happened to you?" Rumil and Orophin yelped in surprise when Estel bolted into the room, followed by the twins.

"Nothing," Orophin said. Elladan rushed forward and helped Orophin, using several tissues to block the bleeding. "I fell out of the bed."

"He didn't," Aragorn growled, facing Haldir. "You piece of shit! I warned you!"

"_Get lost_!" Rumil growled, kicking the heir of Gondor in the leg. Estel let out a string of curse words, "He's asleep! He didn't mean it! And it's none of your business anyway! Now **fuck** off!"

"Rumil!" Orophin said; sounding congested. Estel and the twins stared at him dumbfounded.

"Did I just hear a five year old tell me to fuck off?" Estel asked.

"You're so going to get it when Ata-da comes back," Elrohir whispered. Rumil stuck his tongue out at him childishly.

"Haldir," Orophin pushed Elladan aside and made his way to his brother. Haldir was still in the same foetal position, shaking slightly. Orophin was about to rest his hand on the trembling shoulder, Haldir's eyes were screwed shut, his eyes darting under the lids; spooked by nightmares racing through his mind. _He was back in the woods again, watching his parents being slaughtered; hiding from orcs, trying to protect his two brothers, hurting his youngest brother several times, being pushed around and tormented at school..._ Someone's hand landed on his shoulder, he swung out blindly; suddenly he felt himself hurtled into a wall.

He let out a pained cry; he could hear his brother crying; his eyes remained shut. He wanted to reach out to his brother, to protect him, but he couldn't. He couldn't breath, someone had him pressed against the wall, struggling to move, a fist collided into his stomach, and another in his jaw. He cried helplessly falling to the ground; another blow came and another and another. But as quickly as the abuse started it ended. He gasped and gasped, struggling to breathe as he tumbled to the ground, his head colliding with the hard and cold tile. Rumil's angry voice sounded; his voice coaxed the panicking elf to open one eye, gingerly. Haldir whimpered; Rumil was standing before him shielding him; protecting him from Aragorn.

His little brother was protecting him; he was doing his job for him.

Haldir's eyes sought out Orophin, and he wasn't surprised to find his brother kneeling right beside him. Haldir gasped when he saw Orophin's face and shirt. He was drenched in blood! What happened to his little brother? He tried to get to his feet, but fell grasping his chest in pain. His ribs roared in protest; they felt worse then the night before- he was sure he wasn't hit that hard. What had happened?

Haldir found Aragorn glaring at him; his answer was before him. But why would Aragorn attack him unprovoked when he was asleep?! Haldir looked back at Orophin and found another answer. The blood on his face and shirt probably set the man off.

"Haldir!" Orophin dropped to his knees to the ground, pleased to see his brother alert. He had Rumil held tight in one hand. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

"What!? You're worried about him? After what he did to you!?" Estel snapped, "He had no right-"

"No! You had no right! How dare you!? You can't just come barging into our space and beating on my brother!" Orophin shrieked, surprising his brothers and cousins. Orophin was known for being the quiet and shy brother; his outburst was out of character, "Who do you think you are!? He was in the middle of a nightmare and you just pounded on him like an orc! You're no better! I heard you last night, picking on my brother! Get out now before I let Rumil go!"

"He just broke your nose!" Aragorn snapped.

"Yeah, what's wrong with you, Orophin!?" Elrohir said, jumping to the defence of his foster brother.

"Yeah! Both your brothers are morons anyway!" Elladan said, "Rumil is a psychopath and Haldir has a stick up his ass- Estel was right!"

"GET OUT OF THE ROOM!" Orophin roared; his voice heavy with emotion. Haldir struggled to his feet only to fall back again; he let out a whimper.

"This is our house," Elladan snapped, "You get out of our house!"

"_Fine_!" Orophin hissed, helping his brother to his feet. "Rumi, get our bags. I'm not staying here any longer."

"Can't we eat first?" he murmured, under his breath as he made his way to their bags.

"You're not going anywhere," Aragorn snapped, "Elrond said you stay here until they get back! Besides, he can barely stand, how is he going to walk home?"

"Yeah, and who's fault is that!?" Orophin hissed, "bad enough he was beaten up at school, he also gets beaten up, by the person who is suppose to be looking after him!"

"He didn't get beaten up!" Estel said, shaking his head, in annoyance. "I know people like him! Every school year as people like him, strutting around, pushing around everyone else, thinking he's better then everyone else!"

"You must have been that person in your year," Orophin said, sarcastically. If Haldir wasn't in so much pain he would have praised his brother for his sudden courage. He'd never heard his brother talk in such a way- Orophin was always quiet and shy. "You know for an adult you are really, _really _idiotic!"

"What's going - Woah," Arwen gasped, looking at the bloody elf, "What happened to your face?"

"Haldir happened," Elladan said, "He must have used the stick up his-"

"Enough," Estel snapped, "The three of you and Rumil, get lost and go to the kitchen. Orophin go change your shirt and clean up. I'll deal with him."

"no! I'm not-ow! Ow! Let go-"

Aragorn's patience had faded he threw all five children out of the room and locked the door behind him. Haldir looked at him cautiously. He could hear Orophin pounding on the door but ignored it. He was too tired and in pain to care.

"I'm sorry I hit you just now," Aragorn murmured, helping the younger male to his feet. Haldir let out a soft whimper as Aragorn led him to the bed, "_Piss off Orophin_! Lie down, I'll get you some painkillers and breakfast."

"Not hungry and I don't take drugs," Haldir whispered.

"It's panadol, it isn't a drug,"

"Yes it is," Haldir retorted. "I don't need any; I'll be fine."

"At least eat something," Estel sighed. The knocking stopped for the moment.

"I'm not hungry,"

"Elbereth, you are stubborn!"

"And you're a jerk," Haldir mumbled, "Just leave me alone."

"Your brother said someone beat you up yesterday," Aragorn said. "He said you were defending yourself."

"What do you care? You didn't believe me last night," Haldir muttered, "I'm not a bully. I was helping my friend. This jerk thinks he runs the school because his dad is the jerk of Gondor!"

"The what of Gondor?" Aragorn asked, his brow rising.

"The jerk of- the steward of Gondor, his dad is Denethor," Haldir muttered, Aragorn's eyes darkened at the mention of the steward. "It was the only reason I was expelled- the school didn't want to deal with his backlash. I gave that jerk a black eye and I think I broke his nose."

"Faramir or Boromir?" Aragorn asked. Haldir's eyes widened. "Heir of Gondor, remember, I know them. Though I never thought either would be a bully."

"Faramir is too soft to be a bully," Haldir offered, "I don't know what Boromir's problem is. He was nice before, now he's just become a jerk to everyone."

"You broke Boromir's nose?" Aragorn asked, Haldir nodded. "He's my best friend… or was… I don't know anymore."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Haldir said, sarcastically. "He broke a rib yesterday and you broke three more today. _Team work_! Who said there was discord in Gondor!?"

"I said I was sorry!"

"That doesn't get rid of my pain!"

"I'll get you panadol!?"

"I don't want panadol!"

"You're impossible!" Aragorn grunted.

"Can you please just leave, I want to be alone," Haldir muttered, "I really don't want to talk or see you right now. You really hurt me last night and I don't mean physically…"

"Look, what I said about your parents-"

"My parents are dead," Haldir muttered.

"But-"

"Celeborn and Galadriel adopted me and my brothers after they were killed by orcs," Haldir muttered. "I don't know why I am telling you this. Its none of your damn business."

"I didn't know," Aragorn said, softly. Guilt wracked through him, understanding the boy's tears and words the night before. "I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot. I swear I didn't mean to-"

"Save it," Haldir murmured, "Like I said, you're just like everyone else. You judge me by what you see but you never actually try and get to know me-"

"-I know! I know! I- you were right last night when you called me a hypocrite," Estel sighed, "Since I met you all I've done is ignore or harass you. That day at the zoo, when you hit Rumil, it reminded me of Denethor. I noticed for weeks you either ignored him or mistreated him- actually everyone seems to, I don't know… hate him or something. I mean, I know he is a little naughty, but he didn't deserve to be treated like that. After that, I just couldn't see past what had happened- I've seen you've been treating him much better, you stuck up for him at Fíli and Legolas's party when Elladan was picking on him. But I choice to ignore it- I think I made myself hate you simply because you reminded me of Denethor. I hate that man so much…"

"Why do I remind you of him?" Haldir asked, angrily, feeling genuinely confused. He felt insulted at the same time.

"Before my father was," Aragorn drifted off unable to continue. He swallowed and forced himself onwards, "Denethor has two sons, Boromir who's fifteen, I'm going to assume he was the one bothering you at school."

"It was Boromir," Haldir said, uncomfortably. "He wasn't like this before; he was nice before, but he's just become a jerk."

"I don't know why he's changed," Aragorn sighed, "But I'm sure it has to do with his father. He's a shit excuse for a parent."

"He hurts him?" Haldir asked, sadly.

"Not Boromir," Aragorn shook his head, "The sun shines out of Boromir's ass according to Denethor. He treats Faramir like utter shit. It pisses the hell out of Boromir; whenever Denethor would start on Faramir, Boro would always defend him and send him my way. They'd spend most nights with me when I was still home."

"Do you miss it?" Haldir asked, surprised when Aragorn tucked him in and sat beside him.

"I miss my dad, and the boys," Aragorn shrugged, "The palace was an added bonus. To tell you the truth, I loved my father dearly, but he was never really there for me- being a king, he was really busy- Elrond has been more attentive in the last few months then my father was in years. I still miss him though."

"I miss my parents too," Haldir sighed. Aragorn squeezed his shoulder warmly.

"Are you hungry yet? I'll get us something to eat," Aragorn asked, "I could eat a horse."

Haldir nodded this time as the man stood up. Before he left he room though, Aragorn smiled at the younger elf.

"I'm glad we spoke," Aragorn smiled, "I'd hate to waste another minute squabbling over nothing; especially when we could be friends instead."

* * *

Thranduil looked around the room Azog had led him to; it appeared to be a small living room. There was a small fireplace with two large sofas and a television. In a corner was a dining table much like the one in his current room only larger. A rich, dark red rug carpeted the wooden ground. The orc closed the door behind him and pulled the elf towards a closed door. Azog opened it and pushed the elf inside. Thranduil was surprised to find a bunk bed on one side and large queen-sized luxurious bed on the other side of the room inside; there was a small bookshelf and two small chairs and a desk.

"This is for your boy and the two other elves," Azog said, leading the elf back into the living room towards a third door. "The room next to them is for Lurtz and Bolg and the third-"

Azog opened the door and pushed the elf inside.

"-Is our bedroom," Thranduil looked around swallowing. There was a large bed framed by carved wood- the bed sheets were of green silk, there was several chests and cupboards of oak in the room. It was a romantic room; one Thranduil would not mind sharing with Thorin. His heart constricted; how he missed the dwarf. All he wanted was to hold the dwarf close and love him forever.

"This will be were you and me are going to become personally involved," Azog smirked into the elf's ear. Thranduil shuddered, "I personally can't wait. Now there are two bathrooms, one for us in here and the other is for the kids. And there is a little garden."

"Why are you showing me this?" Thranduil asked as he was led outside. Thranduil breathed in the fresh air; it was a beautiful little garden. A small pond, a huge oak tree to offer shade, a small playground with a jungle-gym, swing and slide, a picnic bench and gazebo. It was fenced by a stony mountain; a small one only ten metres high. The only way in or out of the garden was through the room, Thranduil realised.

"Tomorrow you and the boys will move in here," Azog said, "Under one condition."

"What is it?" Thranduil asked, fearfully. He was terrified the condition would include the bed.

"One of your dumb friends and his mate is coming to the palace in two days time," Azog said. "You and the boys move in here, you convince him you want to marry me- if you speak to him about anything that does otherwise; I send you to your father! Do you understand?"

"I do," Thranduil nodded, "But who is it and where will they stay? And what about my orc guard? How will you explain why you lock us inside a room?"

"You ask too many question," Azog grunted, "You wont be locked in anymore, the guard will remain though. We will simply blame rival orcs. They will stay in your current room."

Thranduil nodded, "Who is it?"

"Erestor," Azog responded, "and his mate, Glorfindel."

Thranduil felt relief flow through him. He wouldn't be alone anymore- Glorfindel would help him protect his son. And Erestor; Erestor would support him emotionally. Part of him ached for Elrond; his wise words would soothe him and another for Thorin.

"Fine, I will obey," Thranduil nodded, with little difficultly. His priority was his son's safety. His son and his two young charges under his care. "But there is one thing you must do first."

"What's that?" Azog growled.

"Have a bath!"

* * *

Hope everyone enjoyed!

Peace and Chicken Grease!

Afro


	14. Chapter 14

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 14/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 14

* * *

When he saw the doppelganger of his father exit his rooms, Thranduil found himself leaning closer to the pale orc. He felt disgusted by his cowardliness; but Thranduil realised he needed someone on his side other then an orcling, two elflings and a terrified ex-slave. He felt some relief that Erestor and Glorfindel were going to be by his side soon, but he had to be cautious of what he told them and when. He couldn't risk any harm befalling them or the three elflings depending on him. Lothvaen has long passed his majority; but his behaviour, his dependency was still that of an elfling.

"Good morning, my handsome son," the cheerful comment made Thranduil want to bring up his breakfast. He tried not to flinch when the doppelganger placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "Spending sometime with your husband-to-be?"

Thranduil didn't answer, he felt sick. He swayed on his feet, when his elven ears picked up a pitiful whimper from behind Oropher's bedchambers door.

Silinde, Thranduil thought, he looked at the fake king boldly; his fear forgotten. "I wish to see Silinde!"

"Do you now?" this Oropher's laughter sent chills down his spine. It was nothing like his father's laughter. He did not need a thirteen year old tell him that he was not his father. Thranduil jumped when the king's arm wrapped around his shoulder and pulled him near, "Are you really sure you want to see him?"

"Yes," Thranduil whispered, trying to free himself of the offending limb. He clung onto Azog's arm desperately. "I do."

"Well, Azog, I think I can take it from here," the shifter smirked, "I'll send him back to his rooms once he sees his little friend. Run along, check on the guards or something."

Thranduil's eyes pleaded silently with Azog not to leave him alone with the fake king. The pale orc seemed hesitant to leave his side too, eying the shifter mistrustingly.

"Go on, I'll bring him back in one piece," another chuckle shook Thranduil to his core. Azog nodded and shot the shifter a warning look. "So long as he behaves him self."

"He'll behave, you keep your fucking hands to yourself," the orc warned. Thranduil realised the orc wasn't worried about him being hurt, just merely spoiled. Thranduil shuddered; he didn't think he could survive the same abuse Silinde was enduring if his attacker wore his father's face. Thranduil breathed in deeply; trying to calm his nerves when Azog left him alone with the phony king. He was pulled into his father's bedchambers. Thranduil looked around, it had not changed in last few millennia. It was still as warm and comforting as it was when he was a terrified child seeking his mother and father during a thunderstorm. The being that stood behind him was the only thing out of place; it made the room feel unwelcoming.

"He's keeping my bed warm," Oropher the fake pushed him forward towards the bed. Thranduil slowly made his way towards the large wooden divider that hid the bed from sight. Thranduil swallowed as he looked over the divider; shaking his head disheartened. The elf he had grown up with was curled in a foetal position, quaking. His back and thighs was littered with slashes and welts. Thranduil's hand covered his mouth in despair; specks of blood covered much of his body. "He is still as tight as the first day I fucked him."

Silinde shivered as Thranduil glared at the doppelganger. "How dare you!? How could you have hurt him in such a way and to speak about it like you are talking about the weather!? You are not the king! You are not my father! My father would never harm a soul!"

The fake king chuckled, amused.

"S'not… S'n-not," Silinde whispered weakly. Thranduil knelt beside him, placing a gentle hand on the unmarred part of his shoulder. Silinde flinched violently. "N'more, saes, n'more."

"Hush, mellon-nin," Thranduil ran a hand through his damp sweaty hair. "You are safe now. You must endure, my old friend. I will keep Saelbeth safe for you, but you must stay alive for him. I am taking him back with me! I will not let you harm him any longer!"

"Yeah, good luck getting him out of the room," the creature chuckled, "He isn't leaving this room ever. I don't need an advisor any longer- I'd rather a concubine."

"You monster!" Thranduil hissed, jumping to his feet. "I will not leave him here! I wont- auegh!"

Thranduil cried in pain as the vile creature rammed a closed fist into his stomach. He was thrown with such force into the divider that it knocked the divider right over with a thud. Before the elf could fathom what was happening, he was dragged to his feet and thrown onto a wooden chair. Thranduil hissed painfully as he was forced to stare into the eyes of the king; an evil gleam unsettled the elven prince. "L-let me go, ada please."

"Am I your ada now, am I?" the beast chuckled, "Well, I think your ada needs to punish you. But since beating you doesn't seem to work, I'll beat him instead."

"No- please- do not hurt him- I will behave!" Thranduil whispered. "I have already promised to marry that orc- please just let him go! Please!"

The fake king ignored him as he pulled the broken elf to his feet. Silinde sagged in the king's arms, whimpers fled from his cracked lips. He dragged his prize to the prince and threw him before the prince's feet. Thranduil gasped when a small leather flogger was thrown onto his lap.

"You want him- then punish him for your insolence," the king growled. Silinde moaned on the ground. Thranduil let out a pained whimper when Oropher grabbed him by his long locks and pulled hard. "Whip him! Punish the whore!"

"Please, daro! I cannot," Thranduil cried, "I beg you, ada! Let him go! He had done nothing to deserve this- please! Please!"

"I'm going to give you one last chance," he hissed, drowning the prince in his hot breath. "Otherwise, you can go back to your room without him."

"Please- _aiya_!" Thranduil cried out in pain when the flogger was slapped hard against his cheek. His face burned in pain when the door shot open. Azog, followed by Saruman, stormed into the room, growling at the king. Thranduil stumbled to his feet and threw himself at the orc. He hid himself behind the orc's arm; overwhelmed by the situation. "Take me back- don't leave me with him. Please!"

"Didn't I say not to touch him," Azog growled. He eyed the elf over and growled at the four slashes that marred the elf's perfect face. "Fucking moron!"

"He never listens," the shifter shrugged, he was indifferent to the orc's anger or the elf's panic. "He wants his friend back, but he won't pay the price of his return. Either you flog the bitch or he stays here!"

Azog growled at the prince, he took the leather whip from the shifter and thrust it into Thranduil's hand. "You want him back! Then punish him!"

"I cant - please, do not make me harm my friend!" Thranduil whispered, "Please, just take me back, saes!"

"Fine," Azog grunted as he took the whip from Thranduil's trembling hands. Thranduil sighed in relief, but when the flogger came down on Silinde's already battered body, the prince's relief shattered. Silinde wailed and squirmed as he was whipped over and over again. The weapon drew more blood from his broken body. "Do as you're told, elf! You brought this on him! I told you to behave yourself, but you failed! You will learn to obey me, _Thranduil_ or you will be punished!"

Thranduil struggled to release himself from Azog's one-armed grip, overwhelmed by what was happening before him. The orc threw the whip to the ground and dragged the elf from the room, throwing him over his shoulder, carrying him to the room the elfings were locked inside. He was thrown unceremoniously to the ground by the orc.

Legolas fell to his father's side, holding his hand close to his chest. "Ada, it's okay, you're safe. I'll protect you!"

"I'm in the right mind to leave you in here and not let you see that friend of yours," Azog hissed, "You better start showing me you are an obedient little house wife!"

"Don't hurt my daddy," Legolas whimpered, wrapping his little arms around his quaking father. Azog growled at him. "Why cant you be nice to him!?"

"I'm an orc, you moron,"

"So, it doesn't mean you have to be mean," Legolas pouted, "You're hurting him and making him sad."

"M-master, I- I will take his p-punishment," Lothvaen whispered, putting him self between the orc and elf. "I will submit to you, tonight."

"No!" Thranduil cried, pulling Lothvaen away from the orc. "You promised! You promised you would not hurt them ever and you would not hurt me! If you are to marry me you must honour and protect me! You expect me to marry you- I do not love you and you do not love me, but the least you could do is treat me and my family with some respect and dignity. Please. It is your husbandly duty."

"You think you are my equal?" Azog laughed humourlessly.

"No, I do not think so, I know you see me as something to own," Thranduil said, his voice rising several octaves in anger. He was not the equal of the filthy orc- the orc was beneath him! "You will never see me how Thorin sees-"

He was silenced by a hard slap across the face, "I don't want to hear that dwarf's name again. Otherwise I will hunt him down and tear him limb from limb."

Thranduil clung onto his cheek, his eyes watered slightly from the stinging sensation.

"I will see you tomorrow morning," Azog hissed, "Lurtz, get up. You aren't spending any more time with these fools. The last thing I need is you to become as weak as them!"

Lurtz arose and followed his father out of the room, eying the elves. He did not want to leave; he felt safer with the four elves in a day then he had with his family for years.

Once the door was slammed shut and they were barricaded in yet again, Thranduil threw himself on the bed and broke down. He no longer cared about appearing weak before his son, or the other two elflings. He had enough- he had seen enough. He wanted to take his son home; he wanted to be in his own bed, he wanted to feel safe. But most of all he wanted to be in Thorin's safe and inviting arms.

He did not notice the three elflings climb up around him. Lothvaen sat behind him, running his thin fingers through the long blonde hair as Legolas slipped underneath his father's arm, holding him by the arm tightly, his little head resting on his father's shoulder. Saelbeth slid in behind Legolas following Lothvaen's lead braiding his way through Legolas's hair.

* * *

"Are you sure you've never used a sword before," Ecthelion asked, he moved to his left, blocking another blow from the dwarf. The balrog slayers agreed it was imperative for the dwarf to learn how to wield a sword. Fortunately the dwarf seemed to be an expert at wielding weapons- he began with a pair of red handled Sais blocking blow after blow Glorfindel delivered from various angles. He had moved on to a small sword now; learning different ways to disarm his opponent. He had succeeded in disarming both elves several times now.

"Positive," Thorin replied, panting. Unlike the elves he was slowly wearing himself out, neither Glorfindel nor Ecthelion looked the least bit tired. But he refused to give up. He was going to perfect the use of the weapon- he had to! "The axe is the closest thing I've had to a weapon."

"He is a miner, Thel," Glorfindel said, "The manoeuvring of a sword and axe isn't too different."

"Axe is heavier," Thorin said, disarming Ecthelion for the fourth time. "Much heavier then this sword."

"It all depends of the make of the sword," Ereinion said, he strolled down the stairs into the backyard followed by Lindir and Elrond, both of whom carried refreshing drinks. "You will need a more powerful sword then that; something that will pack more of a blow to our enemies."

"And I have just the sword," Celeborn said as he and Galadriel walked out. He then proceeded to overdramatically pulled a sword from its sheath; "Orcrist!"

"You name your swords?" Thorin asked, with a raised brow.

"Well yes," Ereinion replied, "It is the goblin cleaver."

"You can't talk," Bilbo chuckled, "You named your motorbike Minty!"

"Shut up," Thorin blushed weakly. The elves chuckled as Celeborn handed him the weapon. Thorin tested it, spinning it round the air several times. "It feels… right."

"Looks good too," Bilbo said approvingly.

"And it glows blue!" Ecthelion grinned, before he added sheepishly. "Well, when orcs and goblins are about!"

* * *

When Thranduil woke up hours later, it was well past midnight. The elven prince untangled himself from the two elfling that had fallen asleep holding him in a protective gesture. He gently kissed each elfling as he stood up, shivering.

"Lord Thranduil?" Thranduil turned to find Lothvaen staring at him. "Are you okay?"

"Aye," Thranduil nodded, hoarsely. "I- I'm going to have a bath, I might be in there for a while. Did he return after I fell asleep?"

"Yes, he brought dinner," Lothvaen said, softly. "I think he was angry still because it was only bread and cheese. We left you some."

"I will eat later," Thranduil murmured, "Go to sleep, Lothvaen; I will eat when I finish my bath. I plan on being in there a long time."

"All right," Lothvaen nodded. He headed to the bed and slid in behind Saelbeth, wrapping his arms around him warmly. Thranduil made his way into the bathroom. Soon the bath was filled with warm water and bubbles. The prince however as he waited for the bath to fill, searching the wall, examining the wall for the secret doors that led to the dungeons. His father had told him years ago it was the way the king would spy on prisoners. There was a passage entrance in nearly every chamber and the occasional extra entrance in the bathrooms. Thranduil hoped he was lucky enough to be in one of those chambers. The wall creaked suddenly when he pulled down on a lamp. Thranduil smiled widely when the wall opened wide for him.

"Thank the Valar," Thranduil whispered. He turned off the taps, quickly peeked into the bedroom smiling when he found Lothvaen was fast asleep, his arms wrapped around the two younger blondes. He locked the bathroom door behind him and made his way into the secret passages, armed with nothing more then wooden back scrubber as a weapon. He pulled the door shut behind him noticing there was a handle that made it easy to reopen the door.

Thranduil recalled his father said no matter where they began, the dungeons were always to the left and down a staircase. It was pitch black but eventually his elven eyes grew accustomed to the dark. Thranduil was relieved to find there were no cobwebs around. The prince quickened his steps until he realised there were words inscribed in the walls; each word was by another entrance- he was currently standing outside of his father's chamber. Did he dare go inside and take Silinde?

He couldn't! He couldn't risk the lives of many for the life of one.

Thranduil continued walking, he checked each word inscribed- each was a chamber for his various friends and allies; mistrals, advisors, guards, and more. Thranduil noticed each little inscription was engraved in a small metal stripe- they looked new, a little dusty but new. He wondered if his father had them updated often. He paused; he stood outside of Tauriel's chamber. He wondered if his old friend was in her chambers or if she was patrolling the grounds. He wondered if they were still her chambers; if his father was imprisoned for months chances were things had changed. Thranduil pressed his hand to the door, did he dare knock. Thranduil raised his middle finger, let out a hopeful sigh and then brought it back down on the wooden frame, thrice. He heard the sound of something dropping behind the frame, and a moment later the door swung open. Thranduil was not in the least bit surprised to find a sword held against his throat.

"Hello Tauriel," he whispered. The sword fell to her side and suddenly the prince found him self embraced by his childhood friend.

"Thranduil!" she gasped softly, her hand ran through his hair affectionately. "It is so good to see you, meldir! I was so worried; I heard rumours that you were forced to come here- and then Calardan and Dulinner confirmed seeing you. They said you were feigning happiness with the orc."

"I have no choice," Thranduil whispered, shame swept through his burdened soul. "My son - Saelbeth - Lothvaen - everyone is in danger- I had to obey to keep you all safe. This is my kingdom- I will not let anyone harm my people, regardless of the harm it causes me. I'm fighting alone but I-"

"Oh, Thranduil, you were never alone in your battle," she whispered, squeezing his shoulder's affectionately "We are all here, and now that you are able to travel we will be able to do more!"

"I need to see my father," Thranduil murmured, "I need to find out if there is a way in and out of Mirkwood-"

"Mirkwood?" Tauriel was surprised to hear the dark word that plagued their kingdom during the war of the ring.

"At the moment, yes," Thranduil whispered. "I need to be able to escape but not without everyone- I wont leave anyone behind."

"You cant free the king," Tauriel said sadly. "There are no secret passages into the dungeons. Just holes large enough to peep in, perhaps stick a hand in- but not break into."

"No, but I do know a few dwarves that are quite the miners," Thranduil smirked, "All I need is to wait for my new bedchambers. Once I am outside all I need is a pen and paper and a bird. I have to go- I don't have all night unfortunately."

Tauriel smirked, "I wish you luck my friend. And be careful!"

"You too," Thranduil said, "I will try and see you again."

"I have a question to ask first, before you leave," Tauriel's smirk was devious.

"What is it?" Thranduil was dreading the question. Tauriel was a snake at times.

"Are you being a _bridezilla_ for that fucking orc?"

Thranduil smirked, thoughtfully, "Tauriel, I knew there was a reason why I called you my partner in crime when we were elflings!"

* * *

Thorin was fiddling with something in his pocket, watching his nephews sit quietly with the elflings and little hobbits. The children were uncommonly quiet. Kíli sat with Rumil while Fíli was with Merry and Orophin. He was surprised to see the twins were sitting with Frodo and Sam away from Orophin. The three were usually inseparable. Arwen and Pippin sat beside Elrond playing a game of Snakes and Ladders. Ecthelion was having a nap, snuggled up in the branches of a tree.

Elves, Thorin thought to him self, chuckling. Ereinion, Lindir, Glorfindel and Erestor were sitting with Celeborn and Galadriel, smoking pipe weed. They had offered him and Bilbo some of the tobacco; Bilbo being the little hobbit he was, pulled out a pipe from his pocket and joined the elves. Something Thorin had learnt from his time with the elves was that Celeborn loved his pipe weed. Almost as much as Thranduil loved his wine! Thorin smiled, warmly at the thought of his beloved. He hoped beyond all hope his elf was safe.

Bilbo turned to his best friend, asking, "What have you got in your pocket?"

"Hands," Thorin replied.

"Really?" Bilbo asked, sarcastically. Thorin chuckled and pulled out a small velvet box from his pocket, he handed it over to the hobbit. The elves looked curiously at the box that Bilbo slowly opened. The elves gasped at the antique mithril ring inside the box, it held a bright blue diamond-like stone in the centre. "Wow!"

"I have never seen such a stone," Galadriel whispered. "It is beautiful"

"It is the arkenstone," Thorin replied, "My great-great-great grandfather found in mining hundreds of years ago. He used some of the arkenstone to create this ring for his bride. It's been passed down the family for years. I gave it to my brother-in-law to give to Dís all those years ago. I have the rest of the stone hidden in a family safe back home in Erebor. The most important thing about this ring now is that it reminds me of Thranduil's eyes. The stone, it is a globe with a thousand facets; shines like silver in the firelight, like water in the sun, like snow under the stars, and like rain upon the moon!"

The elves fell silent listening to the dwarf; smiling with admiration at the dwarf.

"I planned on taking Thranduil back to the café where we met," Thorin said, miserably. "I was going to propose this weekend. I can't imagine my life without him anymore, that stubborn elf has completed my life. I fear the thought of never seeing him again."

Galadriel was wiping her eyes as Celeborn complained about something being in his own eyes. Glorfindel held Erestor close, snuggling into him as Elrond gazed lovingly at Ecthelion who was still napping peacefully in his tree. None of the elves could imagine their own lives with out their significant other. Bilbo himself hoped he would find someone he could love the way his best friend loved the elf.

"We will bring him and Legolas home," Aragorn said, firmly. The elves, dwarf and hobbit were surprised to see Aragorn behind them, carrying pizza boxes. Haldir was struggling with several boxes of pizza behind him. "We wont leave them behind. We're a family now."

"We got dinner," Haldir said, stumbling down the stairs. Glorfindel took the boxes from the elf teen and set them on the table. "Thanks!"

"Good, I'm starving!" Thorin grumbled, inhaling the smell of pizza. "That's good."

* * *

Oropher the king of Greenwood sat with his back to the stony wall of his prison cage. Dínendal was fast asleep between his legs, held tightly by the king. The dungeons were silent; the only sound came from Dínendal's raspy chest. The wood elf had fallen sick a week ago; his chest was congested and his breathing noisy. Oropher frowned, the elf was making a recovery but his progress took a wrong turn again. The shifter's power had drained most of Dínendal's life-force from him; the day Oropher was thrown in the dungeons he had found the elf more dead then alive. Oropher did not know how long the shifter had infiltrated Greenwood, but however long it occurred, was the time frame Dínendal had been enslaved by the creature.

_Ada_

Oropher jumped up startled, accidently tossing Dínendal to the cold ground unceremoniously. The king looked around, he swore he heard the whispered voice of his beloved son. Dínendal looked up at him confused as Oropher helped him back into the hard bed.

"My Lord?" Dínendal whispered. Oropher placed a finger on his lip gently and smiled.

"Rest, my loyal friend," Oropher murmured.

"_Ada?"_ Oropher heard the voice again, and by the look on Dínendal's face he had heard it too!

"Thranduil?" He whispered, when it registered to the king. His son was in the secret passages. He made his way to the small hole in the centre of the wall. He could see his son's bright eye staring through at him. "Ion-nin! How I have missed you!"

He slid his fingers in the gap and soon he was rubbing his son's warm fingers lovingly.

"Ada! I knew that douche bag was not you!" Thranduil cried quietly. "I knew you could never be so cruel. I love you ada."

"I love you more," Oropher whispered, "I am so sorry you are going through all of this, I wish there was more I could do to protect you! My own home has become my prison. How is my beautiful grandson? Have they hurt him?"

"No, ada," Thranduil whispered, shaking his head. "I cannot stay long; I just needed to hear your voice. I- I have never felt so alone in all my life then these past few days."

"I am sorry, had I not left you all those months ago so angry," Oropher whispered. "We would not be in this mess-"

"It is not your fault," Thranduil murmured, "Ada, I need to know, is there a way into Mirkwood underground- through these passages?"

"Aye- I had them built all those thousands of years ago for such a purpose," Oropher whispered, "Though I never hoped to use them. I cannot explain the map to you, but there is a copy hidden in my office- have you seen the engravings on the walls?"

"Aye," Thranduil nodded.

"You must find my office- when you get in, you will find the map hidden in my desk- under the table directly, all you need to do is pull a small lever, it is difficult to find, but I am sure you will find it. But be careful my son. My office and my chambers are one- if you go in there you must be very careful- use the peeping holes I had installed for each room to see who dwells in the chamber."

"There are peeping holes?"

"Aye," Oropher nodded. "they are hard to spot as they are only a little thicker then a pencil- use a dull light to find it- but be careful it doesn't shine through to the other side."

"Aye ada," Thranduil nodded, "I must try tonight; tomorrow I will be moved to another chamber- I cannot risk there not being a way in."

"Each chamber has a way in," Oropher responded, assuring his son. "I had them created during the war of the ring for this exact reason- though I never thought this would happen now! My son... Please be careful. This shifting creature feels no remorse for his actions. He cares not for anyone's suffering. Dínendal was more or less dead when I first found him. He has still not recovered. Now go my son. But be very careful. I couldn't bear to lose you."

"I love you ada," Thranduil whispered.

"I love you too, my handsome boy," Oropher whispered, giving his son's fingers a final squeeze. "Kiss my grandson one hundred and one times for me."

"I will," Thranduil nodded, "Good night ada."

"Good night," Oropher whispered sadly. Thranduil made his way back through the dark, wiping away the few tears that escaped. He ran; knowing he had to be swift in the retrieval of the documents; the last thing he needed was the shifter seeing him and finding out his plans!

* * *

I realised when I was reading this that I wrote quacking instead of quaking! Had a laugh at the idea of Thranduil quacking like a duck! Also there are no guns in this universe, cause guns are boring in comparison to swords and bows! Besides, who wants to see an elf using a gun? Its like watching an angel use a gun- its weird...

Peace and Chicken Grease

Afro


	15. Chapter 15

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 15/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 15

* * *

"I'm not use to seeing your brother not hanging out with the twins, Sam and Frodo," Estel said, through a mouthful of pizza. Haldir nodded, looking at his brother worriedly. The only time Orophin didn't have two identical brunettes by his side was when he was home alone. "Are they still hung up about yesterday?"

"Seems like it," Haldir murmured, "I think he was really angry with what they said yesterday- tell you the truth I don't remember what they said."

"How do you not remember?"

"I wasn't listening most of the time, I was in too much pain."

"I'm sorry," Aragorn winced, "I'm an idiot."

"I know," Haldir shrugged, Aragorn glared at him playfully. "I should talk to him; I know he'd rather be friends with them but from the looks of things, he is going to be stubborn about it."

"He is your brother," Aragorn smirked. Haldir glowered at the elder teen, playfully. "I'll talk to the twins; but later, I'm still hungry!"

"Oh no, sit down Rumil!" Haldir winced. Aragorn found the youngest of the three was on his feet eying the twins rather angrily. Kíli grabbed him by the wrist and argued with him. "The last thing we need is him starting another fight with the twins! He is always outnumbered!"

"Your brother is a bit of an orcling- Rumil that is," Aragorn smiled, "he told me to fuck off!"

"HE WHAT!?" Haldir snapped, "RU-MMPPH!"

Aragorn silenced him with a slice of pizza, "Let it go, he was right anyway!"

"He's six, he shouldn't use that word!" Haldir said. "I don't use the "F" word!"

"What? fuck?" Aragorn smirked. "Its just a word- and he was angry- he's a tough little S.O.B!"

"What's an S.O.B?"

"Really?! Never mind," Aragorn chuckled.

* * *

Getting the said documents was easy; Thranduil was in and out and finally in the bath washing his hair. He left the documents hidden in the safety of the secret passages, unsure how he would take them along with out anyone seeing them. His other problem now was finding a bird strong enough to carry the documents; the garden was rather secluded so that did not help at all. Thranduil ran a comb through his silky wet hair washing out the conditioner. He took hold of his hair in both hands and squeezed out the excess water; the plug had been pulled and the water was draining. He climbed out and began to dry himself off before he slid into a bathrobe and began to dry his hair.

The knocking on his door disrupted him; assuming it was Lothvaen he opened the door and tried not to flinch when Azog walked in, eying him delightfully- he was basically naked barring the short bathrobe he wore.

"Can I help you?" he asked, tightening the robe around himself, relieved he had made it back in time. His relief was short-lived when Azog grabbed him by a round cheek and pulled him near. "Let me go!"

"You were a bad boy today," Azog whispered in his ear. "I want to punish you."

"Don't hurt me," Thranduil whispered, he could smell the alcohol from the orc's pores. "I think you should leave now!"

"I'm horny," the orc began to nibble on his ear. "I wanna fuck you."

"No," Thranduil pushed the orc off him quickly. "It is late and _I need to fix my hair_!"

If that comment wasn't bridezilla, Thranduil had no idea what was…

"I dun care 'bout your hair," Azog whined, rubbing himself impatiently.

"Why don't you dry and brush it for me?" Thranduil said, "It is rather long and I find it difficult to do alone."

"You want me to brush your hair," Azog repeated, yawning. "I have no hair."

"I noticed, it's unsightly," Thranduil responded. A drunken orc seemed rather harmless.

"Smells fruity in here," Azog said, stumbling on his feet. Thranduil gasped and clung onto the orc before he fell into the bathtub. The elf cursed his quick reflexes- the orc could have drowned and he would have been rid of him!

"Just how much have you had to drink?" Thranduil asked. Azog grinned a playful grin, or at least Thranduil thought it was playful.

"I dunno, I found a wine cellar," Azog yawned.

"Wait- where? Please don't tell me you drank from the wine cellar in the west wing!" Thranduil whined. "Why does everyone always drink my vintage bottles? First ada and Ereinion, and then Celeborn, Galadriel and Gandalf- on seven separate occasions might I add- Mithrandir is a bad role model- then there was Ecthelion, and Lindir and Erestor- Tor broke his leg that night-"

"-You talk too much," the orc said scratching himself. Before Thranduil could say a word the orc fell to the ground unconscious.

"No one can handle my wine," Thranduil smirked; he walked over the orc and quickly dressed himself. The elf sighed, staring down at the orc. He left the orc on the ground, hoping the orc would wake up the next morning with a terrible hangover- that would teach him to touch his wine. He slid into the bed and immediately his son wrapped his arms around him. He stroked his son's long blonde locks as his thoughts began to dissipate and he drifted of into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

"Can we go home?" Orophin muttered, "I don't want to stay here again."

Haldir rubbed his brother's shoulder sympathetically. "Just talk to them Phinny-"

"No way! I'm not crawling back to them! They can-"

"-Okay, okay!" Haldir said quickly. "Calm down. Sheesh- Phin I've never seen you this worked up before- I have to admit- I like it."

"I like it too!" Rumil said, sharply. "They're too bossy and they never listen to you – especially Elladan! He's a dick-"

"Rumil!" Haldir snapped, "Watch your language! I don't want to hear words like that from you again!"

"But he is!"

"I don't care, ada will kill you if he hears you use words like that!" Haldir hissed. There was a soft knock on the door, "Come in."

The door didn't open so Orophin made his way over and opened the door- he let out a squeal when he was suddenly drenched by a cold liquid.

"What the!?" Haldir gasped, he rushed to his brother's aid as Rumil bolted past them following the rambunctious laughter of the twins. "Those two buffoons- pouh! What is that smell!?"

"It's egg and mayonnaise," Orophin cried, shaking in anger.

"I swear they are such idiots, I don't understand how they are related to uncle Elrond," Haldir murmured, he noticed something suddenly. "Where's Rumil? Oh no!"

"Go get him, quick!" Orophin said, spitting out the white substance dripping into his mouth. "gahhh! That's disgusting!"

"No need," Aragorn led the child in who look rather pleased with himself. A moment later Orophin and Haldir understood why- Elrond came in dragging in the twins by their ears!

"Egad! What is that smell!?" Elrond frowned. "Orophin!? What- Elladan, Elrohir, what is the meaning of this? Did you-"

"It was meant for Haldir! He needed a cool down-"

"I do not care who it was meant for!" Elrond roared angrily. "This was an immature and cruel prank to play- and on Orophin- he is your friend-"

"No, he isn't," Elladan muttered, glaring at the ground. Neither Haldir nor Rumil missed the hurt look in Orophin's eyes. Haldir was glad Aragorn had a grip on his younger brother- the elfling looked murderous.

"That is enough! You are both grounded!" Elrond snarled, "It is late- apologize now for tomorrow I will decide what your punishment is!"

"But-"

"Be silent!" Elrond snapped, "Both of you bed now! Rumil, Haldir, bed! Estel bed! Orophin, go and bathe!"

The six youths followed the instructions given to them, but not before Orophin looked at the twins,. The middle child walked past them, his eyes full of hurt and betrayal before he made his way into the bathroom to clean up.

Rumil and Haldir remained where they were, as Elrond led the twins back to their room.

"I do not what has happened with you boys but tomorrow you will apologize properly to Orophin," Elrond said, "Your treatment of him is beyond acceptable!"

"But-"

"No buts!" Elrond growled, "You two are behaving like orcs. I do not know what is happening between the two of you and Orophin but I wont have you treating him so poorly. He is a very good friend to the both of you."

"No he isn't!" Elladan snapped. Haldir clung onto Rumil who raised both fists.

"Elladan! Bed! Now! I do not have the patience tonight for your childish behaviour," Elrond hissed, "_We have enough to worry about right now_!"

"Sorry ada," Elrohir said, pinching his brother before he could continue to argue. He pulled his brother into their room and waited until Elrond closed the door before he addressed his brother.

"This isn't fair- Orophin was a complete ass yesterday! It's not our fault his brothers are both jerks!" Elladan snapped. Elrohir nodded; he was easily the level-headed one of the two. He had to calm his brother down or else he'd be in even more trouble.

"Yeah, but they're his brothers, Dan," Elrohir said, "Maybe we were all a little too angry yesterday. I don't want to lose Phin as a friend. I like him."

"But he told us off! He's supposed to be our friend!"

"I'm tired, Dan, lets just sleep," Elrohir murmured, "Besides everyone tells you off. You're annoying!"

"Shut up!"

* * *

Thranduil awoke the next morning, when Azog came stumbling out of the bathroom, groaning quite loudly. The elf sat up smirking at the orc who covered his face with his huge arm. The two children and Lothvaen were already awake sitting at the table; watching the orc with worried expressions.

"Good morning!" Thranduil said, in a loud voice. The orc grunted as he made his way over to the bed. "Did you have a good sleep, dear?"

Azog growled proceeding to fall into the bed. Thranduil turned to slide out but an arm snaked around him and pulled him close to the orc.

"You're not going anywhere," the orc grumbled. "You may as well get use to sharing a bed with me, my little pet."

Thranduil squirmed, disgusted, "Get out of my bed! You could have at least cleaned yourself off- you smell repulsing!"

The orc responded by nibbling playfully on the elf's neck and earlobe.

"What are you doing?" Thranduil squirmed harder. "Let-"

"Relax, I'll wait until tonight- after all, we will have a room just for you and me," Azog smirked. Thranduil felt like throwing up. "But don't worry too much, I wont take you completely- I want our first time to be our wedding night too."

_Bridezilla_… Thranduil thought suddenly when he heard the word wedding. The elven prince talked a tirade startling the orc.

"Talk about the wedding, when are we planning the hall, and my robes, and yours, and the clothing for the best men and the outfit for Legolas, and the reception? Who will conduct the ceremony? Does my father really need to be there- I'd rather he jump off a cliff- and what about Erestor, will he be in the bridal party- he is my best friend after all and I need a best man- or perhaps he is a maid of honour- do not tell him I said that- he'd look wonderful in dark blue or a rich deep red- I think-"

"For the love of- Sheesh! You talk too much," the orc rubbed his forehead painfully. "Let me sleep. We can talk later."

"But we only have a week or so to get ready," Thranduil said, almost whining. "I need to prepare the flowers, and my crown, and the music, what kind of music should we have- a funeral march would be lovely! And what will our guest be eating. I believe a lovely salad for the entrée and we need to think of a cake- OH NO! Did you send an invitation to Elrond and Ecthelion? What about Celeborn and Galadriel!? I must have them at my wedding!"

To Azog's horror the elf began to cry; large tears streamed down his face- his sobbing was rather loud; doing the orc's head in.

"Okay! Okay! Calm down!" the orc cried, unsure of how to calm the elf down, patting him on the head awkwardly.

"DON'T TOUCH MY HAIR!" Thranduil screeched. The orc almost fell out of the bed, startled by the elf's anger. "It took me an hour to get it just right last night! That reminds me! I need to call my hairdresser- she must come and do my hair for the wedding- do you think I should put my hair up or down? Maybe I could have it braided- should I dye it brown?"

"Uh- um,"

"Hmm, I need to call my beautician too- I must pluck my eyebrows and I will need some makeup on the day- oh and I need new shoes and socks to match with my robes! Oh and I need something blue and something old and something new!"

"Wha?!" the orc's both stayed open.

"What will Lurtz and_ Bog_ wear? They cannot appear in those filthy clothes at MY wedding! And what will you wear!?"

"Um, this?"

"What!? Of course not! I don't want to look at your bare chest- you are no swimsuit model!" Thranduil snapped, he was struggling to hold his laughter. The expression on Azog's face was hilarious. "I'll call Gloria- she knows what's in style now. One for you and the boys too!"

"Okay- I'm goings back to my-"

"And we will need doves too! And an ice statue of me! And I want a throne for you and I to sit on at the reception- made from Elk antlers- oh and that reminds me, I want to be carried down the aisle by an elk- I think you should ride on a mule!"

"You're insane!"

"You want to marry me!" Thranduil grinned, crazily. The orc pushed him self away from the elf slightly.

* * *

"Are you two ready to leave?" Elrond asked.

"Erestor's still packing," Glorfindel snorted.

"That's because I am packing for the two of us, you lazy pig!"

"Someone's in a bad mood," Ecthelion smirked. Galadriel sat beside him with a sigh. "What's the matter with you?"

"Don't tell me they still are not talking," Elrond grumbled. "I told those boys to apologize and they wont say what is wrong- the mess they made in the room- it stinks!"

"Orophin wont tell us what is wrong with them either," Celeborn grunted. "Sometimes I wonder about children today!"

"They'll get over it," Erestor said, as he finally joined the group. "Thorin isn't here yet?"

"Yes, he is- he just went to the bathroom," Elrond said, "the boys are staying the night with their uncle Glóin."

"He said he wants to write Thranduil a letter," Erestor smiled, "I do hope we manage to help Thranduil out of his predicament. I've known Thranduil for so long, I don't remember him ever being as happy as when he is with Thorin."

"Mmmm," Elrond agreed, "He has been a good influence for Thranduil. He was starting relax - he was himself again."

The elves were unaware the dwarf was standing outside of the room, eavesdropping a little. He walked in and smiled weakly at Elrond as he sat beside him. He was thankful for the elves- never in his life had he imagined himself being so at ease when elves. They were however a source of strength and comfort for the worried and stressed dwarf.

"Aye, I miss seeing the Sassy Party Prince!" Glorfindel chuckled. Ecthelion raised a brow. "He is a dance freak- seriously, during the seventies he'd drag us to all these nightclubs- he brought a disco ball and hug it in the halls of Greenwood!"

"Oropher still has no idea where the ball came from," Elrond smirked. "Or who organised that party that trashed his halls! The nineties were even more amusing- the dance and techno music- and those stupid glasses he would wear!"

"The untzing killed me!" Erestor said, "He could do it for hours!"

"Untzing?" Thorin asked.

"The beat of good music," Glorfindel said, "Untz, Untz, Untz!"

The elf's head moved in time to the words spewing from his mouth. Thorin stared at him blankly.

"It's a lot better when Thranduil does it," Erestor chuckled. "Elrond- do you have that video still- the twins second birthday? Thranduil was untzing for almost five minutes before he realised Glor was recording him!"

"I think its in the attic- my VCR broke- so it's not like we can watch it," Elrond shrugged, "I should put it on DVD though. That video was a classic- didn't you fall into the cake that year?"

"No," Celeborn shook his head.

"Yes you did," Galadriel said, "You had three bottles of Thranduil's wine!"

"Yes!" Erestor snorted. "And Thranduil vowed to castrate the next person who touched his wine."

"And that was me!" Galadriel said. "He seemed annoyed by the technical difficulties of castrating me!"

Elrond roared with laughter, "I cannot believe I forgot about that! Wasn't Mithrandir with us- it was his idea to 'borrow' some of his wine!"

"Ah yes! And Thranduil was quite aggravated about the term borrow!" Glorfindel smirked.

"Lygil was in the video," Elrond murmured, "That is why I put it away."

"Who is Lygil?" Thorin asked.

"Legolas' mother," Erestor said coldly.

"Before she turned crazy on us all," Glorfindel muttered.

"In a morbid way, had she not gone crazy, I'd never had met you again," Ecthelion murmured, smiling sadly at his oldest friend. "Or met Elrond…"

"Or I, Thranduil," Thorin said, his eyes narrowed, "I am glad though that Legolas is okay- I love him as much as I love my own two boys."

"He is a sweet child," Ecthelion smiled.

"What do you mean by met him again?" Thorin asked, his brow rising. The comment had just sunk in.

"Oh, I died almost seven thousand years ago- so did Glorfindel," Ecthelion said, "Was given a second chance at life twenty or so odd years ago."

"My second chance came around five thousand years ago," Glorfindel smiled, "By a technical difficulty Elrond and Erestor are older then us both- had we not died we'd both be older in terms of years on Earth."

"So you were resurrected?"

"Aye," Glorfindel said.

"So are you the same age as Gil-Galad then?"

"We knew his father, aye," Ecthelion nodded, "Died before he was king."

"Balrogs, right?"

"Yes," both nodded.

"So why are you called Balrog slayers if you both died?"

"Because we killed all the balrogs there!" Glorfindel said outraged. Ecthelion on the other hand chuckled.

"He's just trying to stir you up," Ecthelion snorted, "Relax!"

"AHH! BALROGS!" Glorfindel cried, pointing over Ecthelion's head. Ecthelion shot up; sword at the ready. Glorfindel smirked, "Relax, hey?"

* * *

"Are we staying here ada?" Legolas whispered, he held his father's arm tightly while Saelbeth clung onto the other. Lothvaen had a grip on Thranduil's upper arm; the elven prince was sure his arms would fall off by the sheer tightness of their grips. The children were tense simply because of the King's presence; the fraud king had a hand resting on Legolas's shoulder. They were far more relaxed in the presence of the orc.

"Aye, aren't you excited?" Oropher shook the child's shoulder firmly. "Your own room, given you have to share with these two peasants but you have a play ground and your own bathroom!"

"Stop touching me," Legolas said, shrugging the hand off his shoulder. The shifter sneered at the elfling who was suddenly pulled behind the prince by Azog.

"Don't you have a kingdom to run?" the orc growled. The false king smirked and made his way out of the room. "Bolg and Lurtz will come and stay with you in two nights time- Lurtz isn't able to move right now."

"What did you do to him!?" Thranduil snapped. Azog smirked shaking his head in amusement.

"Nothing, he pissed off his big brother," Azog responded, "He had a shorter temper- just like his old man."

"And I can safely assume you didn't help the child?" Thranduil sighed.

"Why would I do that?"

"He is your son!"

Azog shrugged, "He'll get over it."

"No wonder you all grow up to be monsters," Thranduil murmured, "Perhaps if you raised with elves and not orcs you would understand."

The orc rolled his eyes.

"Now, about the wedding-"

The orc hightailed straight out of the room before Thranduil could say another word. The elven prince smirked. "That got rid of him. Now, why don't we go outside and get some fresh air?"

The two younger elflings dashed outside, eager for some sunlight- Saelbeth far more then Legolas- he hadn't been out in the sunlight in months. When Thranduil and Lothvaen came out Saelbeth was already lying by the small lake basking in the sun.

"How often have you enjoyed the sunlight, Lothvaen?" Thranduil asked gently. The sun's rays warm his tired soul. He sat by the water and patted the ground; Lothvaen sat beside him and shook his head. "You haven't enjoyed it have you. Which would explain the pale complexion…"

"It's warm," Lothvaen said, softly, running his hands through the blades of green grass. "Are they fish?"

Thranduil peered down at the lake and found several large gold fish swimming, he nodded, "Giant goldfish. Adar had them imported here a century ago or so."

"How do they breathe under water?" Lothvaen asked curiously. Thranduil looked at the younger elf oddly who immediately looked at his knees, embarrassed. "I'm sorry- I sound like an idiot."

"No, you don't," Thranduil smiled, "You sound like an elfling, curious about the world. They have gills, it helps them breath underwater- should we remove them from the water they will die. They cannot breathe air like us."

"So they have no lungs?"

"Nope, no lungs," Thranduil smiled; he rested his hand above the younger elf's hand and rubbed his knuckles gently. "There is something I need to tell you- don't worry, please, it is not something bad."

"Have I done something wrong?" Lothvaen asked, weakly. Thranduil shook his head. "Have I said something-"

"You haven't done anything wrong meldir," Thranduil said, smiling warmly at the darkhaired elf. "Do you recall Azog mentioning two elves coming to Mirkwood?"

"Yes," Lothvaen nodded, swallowing.

"They will be here tomorrow afternoon," Thranduil said gently. "They are two very good friends of mine- Glorfindel- the Balrog Slayer, and one of my two- well three now- best friends his husband, Erestor. Your uncle."

Lothvaen froze and shook his head, "H-he cant be coming. I cannot see him-"

"Why on earth not?" Thranduil asked genuinely confused.

"H-h-he will h-hate me!" Lothvaen panicked, his physique shaking miserably. "I am a nobody- he will see me and be disappointed."

"Hey! I've know Erestor for millennia's- I know him far better then you do," Thranduil said, his eyes narrowed. Lothvaen stared at his feet, helplessly. Thranduil's tone softened, "He will never hate you or be disappointed by you. He shall rejoice- he will want nothing more then to hold you tightly in his arms. I promise you he will be overjoyed to see you- he never had the opportunity to meet his dearest cousin's son before what happened... Erestor will love you like his own son."

"But w-what if he doesn't," Lothvaen said, dejectedly. "What if he hates me? What if I do disappoint him?"

"You wont, you may doubt yourself Lothvaen," Thranduil said, warmly. "But do not doubt your uncle's or your father's love for you!"

Thranduil stood up slowly, "I'm going to have a little nap in that tree- can you watch the boys for me?"

Lothvaen nodded, still uncertain about Erestor. At least he had Thranduil; he would never desert him. As Thranduil climbed up into the tree and lay across a large branch, Lothvaen turned to watch Legolas. The young elf was swinging happily on a swing set, while Saelbeth climbed up the jungle gym. He looked back to Thranduil and found the prince had a small black bird sitting on his knees. Oddly enough the prince was conversing with the bird, in an elvish tongue- Lothvaen had no idea what the prince was mumbling about but the words were soothing.

* * *

"For the love of Gondor," Aragorn sighed, "Were we that annoying when we were ten years of age?"

"I don't think anybody has ever been this annoying," Haldir muttered. He and Aragorn were in the middle of making sandwiches for the elflings- they were due to start school in two hours. The older elves and dwarves had left all the children under the care of Aragorn and Haldir. The elves were startled when an eagle landed by the front door carrying a large envelope, pecking at the door until Ecthelion came rushing out wielding a sword (of course screaming about Balrogs) The elf calmed down long enough to find the eagle staring at him in a way that could only be described as unimpressed.

The elves were beyond startled to find in the envelope a map of Mirkwood's underground secret passages, a letter addressed privately to Thorin and a letter addressed to Erestor and Glorfindel. Thranduil had finally gotten in contact with them; assuring them he and Legolas were fine. He had warned them of everything that he knew about the fraud king, about his father being imprisoned and about Azog's unwanted marriage proposal and his own personal plans to allow the orc to think he was giving up and marrying the orc. Glorfindel and Erestor understood that they had to play along with the charade. The elves and dwarves and hobbits all had a good laugh when Thranduil wrote that no amount of wine could wash away the thought of marrying an orc!

The elves had gathered in Glóin and Óin's mines to discuss strategy and prepare weapons- they now had a way to sneak in weapons into Mirkwood- the dwarves and the few hobbits were going underground Mirkwood halls with the weapons at the ready while the elves went in unarmed- it was dangerous and possibly a risk to their lives but it was something they had to do. The first thing on their agenda other then arming themselves was to free the King and any elven guards that were imprisoned.

Aragorn, however, was currently preparing breakfast for all the children while Haldir was preparing their lunchboxes for school- he was in the middle of spreading nutella on sliced bread. The heir of Gondor wanted nothing more then to join them and help- Denethor was going to be there and he wanted revenge.

Elladan and Elrohir sat with Frodo and Sam explicitly ensuring they had their backs to Orophin who had no choice but to sit right beside Elladan since he was the last in the kitchen that morning. Rumil sat with Kíli, Pippin and Arwen all waiting impatiently for their food. Fíli, Merry and Ori were sitting by the kitchen bench on the stools chatting quietly. Aragorn had to admit the two nine year olds and the eleven year old were probably the best behaved. Rumil and Kíli were too damn loud; Pippin was an idiot, Arwen wouldn't stop staring at him, and Elladan and Elrohir were tormenting Orophin quietly- Haldir hadn't noticed how they would interrupt him whenever he would try to speak to Sam or Frodo, but Aragorn had- it was annoying the heir that Orophin never said anything to defend himself. He'd just resign into himself and allow it to happen.

"Are the pancakes ready yet?" a little gruff voice asked. Aragorn smirked, then there was Gimli. While the other children were to go to school Gimli was going to stay with him and Haldir that day. Initially the youngest child in the room wasn't too happy to be left behind with Aragorn but he eventually warmed up to the heir of Gondor because of the promise of food. "I'm hungry."

"Yeah, I'm almost done, just two or three to go and then we'll all eat," Aragorn nodded. "Why don't you go sit with Kíli and I'll bring you the first pancake hey?"

"Okay," Gimli nodded, he toddled off happy at the prospect of food. Aragorn waited a little while as the final two pancakes cooked. Of course, the very last one burned a little so he tossed it in the sink and began to hand the children out a pancake each to begin with.

"Okay, one each for now, and when you want more just get one," Aragorn said, when he realised Orophin was missing- and the twins. "OH FUCK!"

The children all gasped as Aragorn took off.

* * *

The little blackbird returned the next morning and confirmed that the packaged had been delivered. Thranduil was relieved as he at his breakfast with his three elflings. The night before, after his message had been sent Lothvaen approached him and begged him not to tell Erestor who he was- he couldn't bare the rejection.

Thranduil didn't argue with the young elf; Lothvaen had only witnessed the worse in people. He needed time to adjust, Thranduil knew however that Erestor would immediately recognize who Lothvaen was- he looked identical to Lindir; given he was much younger looking and far more passive. But he knew Erestor would know on his own not to mention this to the young elf- Glorfindel on the other hand was a dolt.

Thranduil was excited- he knew the elves weren't due until the afternoon, after three at least but he knew Erestor- they would be here early. It still early morning, but he was sure Erestor would be here by midday!

* * *

"What do you want?" Orophin sighed, dully. The twins had cornered him and more or less pushed him into their room.

"We want to talk," Elrohir said, Elladan scoffed until Elrohir elbowed him.

"Oh, so now you want to talk," Orophin said, bluntly. "Did you run out of mayo and eggs- or maybe your getting bored with cutting me off when I try to speak to my friends, or ignoring me is getting a little dull!?"

"This is your own fault!" Elladan snapped, angrily. "It's not our fault your brothers-"

"-**Exactly**- my brothers!" Orophin hissed, furiously. "If anyone spoke to Elrohir or Arwen to you, like you spoke about my brothers to me, you would explode! They are my brothers! I'm not going to let you heckle them all the time! They might not be the coolest or best behaved, or sanest people but they are my brothers- they are my only brothers!"

"We're your brothers too," Elrohir argued. Orophin shook his head and laughed weakly.

"I'm **not** even your friend- you said that last night and… You- you told me to get out," Orophin whispered. "You both said to leave!"

"You said it first!" Elladan said, defensively.

"I said get out of the room! You wanted me to leave!" Orophin said; his voice went up an octave. "You promised you'd always be there _and_ you _told me to leave_! _You_ **lied**! _YOU BOTH LIED_!"

The twins fell silent, mouths slightly agape; Orophin quickly turned to leave the room but a hand held him tightly by the wrist and pulled him towards the elf twins. Orophin tensed when suddenly four arms enveloped him in a tight embrace. He relaxed slightly in the arms of the twins.

"We're sorry," both brothers said together. "We didn't mean to make you think that- we don't want you to leave- ever."

Orophin sniffed slightly as the door shot open and Aragorn rushed in ready to pull them apart. He paused though when he noticed they were hugging and not trying to kill each other. He sighed in relief.

"You three want pancakes!?" Aragorn grinned.

"Do you mind? we're having a moment," Elrohir said.

"Yeah, piss off!" Elladan said. Aragorn chuckled and pulled the three boys out of the room by Elrohir's shirt.

"Come on you three idiots," Aragorn smirked. "Lets go eat before the hobbits finish everything!"

* * *

Sorry about the late update- I've been working on the sequel. I was hoping I'd finish that before I finished uploading this but nope. The sequel will probably be uploaded around October/November, Xmas at the latest!

Peace and chicken grease

afro


	16. Chapter 16

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 16/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 16

* * *

"Mae Govannen, King Oropher," Erestor and Glorfindel spoke and bowed in unison. The fraud king smiled at his two new guests.

"It has been some time since I last ventured into Greenwood," Erestor smiled, "It is still as beautiful as I remember."

"Aye, that she is," Glorfindel said, "I am happy though that we have arrived this time during times of peace- no spiders."

"Thank the Valar," Oropher chuckled. "If I recall, Erestor vowed to never set foot here until all spiders were eradicated."

Glorfindel let out a hearty laugh, "I cannot blame him though for such a reaction."

"Aye, well those dark days are long gone," Oropher smirked.

"That is good to hear," Erestor smiled, "I am glad to hear Thranduil has chosen to remarry- surprised but pleased- I was worried about his previous relationship…"

"Indeed," Oropher said, frowning. "A dwarf- what a disgrace it would bring to our people! I do not know what my son was thinking, fraternizing with a dwarf."

"Indeed," Glorfindel said, "Although, I must ask; this orc- is he to your standards? I mean he is an orc…"

Erestor tried his hardest not to glare at his lover; the king however chuckled and nodded.

"I have known the orc for some years now- he is certainly more respectable than some dwarf," Oropher scoffed.

"Most certainly, I did not like that dwarf," Erestor murmured, "I felt as though he was using Thranduil for his own betterment..."

"Aye, I agree, Tor," Glorfindel said, wholeheartedly. Erestor had to hand it to his lover- he knew how to act. "The way he would leave those boys of his with Thranduil for hours on end."

"My son is the prince of Greenwood," the fraud king said, "His name and power speak volume, especially to a gold-digging dwarf!"

"Right you are!" Glorfindel said, passionately. Erestor had to force himself not to roll his eyes - Glorfindel was far too into the charade!

"Come, we shall sit and talk," Oropher led them into a private room, dismissing his elven guards who did not appear happy by the appearance of the two elves from Imladris.

"So, where is our dear prince?" Erestor asked, "And his fiancé?"

"In his rooms," Oropher said, slowly, "We had a security breach when he first arrived- an orc spy tried to killed him- Azog fortunately wasn't too far- saved him and my dear grandson. Tis how Thranduil met Azog."

"That's so romantic!" Glorfindel said, placing a hand over his heart. Erestor couldn't help himself, he started laughing- Glorfindel's comment killed him. A romantic orc was an idea absurd as an elf marrying one!

"So why hasn't he joined us?" Erestor asked, shaking his head with a smile.

"For his own safety he has agreed to stay hidden in his chambers with Legolas," Oropher replied, "We can go and see him soon- the chambers are the safest place for him- I do not trust these rival orcs. They do not wish for a union between Greenwood and Mordor and will stop at nothing to hurt my boy."

"We will help protect him your highness," Glorfindel vowed, passionately. "Erestor and I love Thranduil very much- we will die before we allow anyone to harm him! The idea of our to nations joining is a brilliant idea- much bloodshed may be avoided through this union!"

"I am glad to hear this," Oropher responded, "I was hoping I would be able to get you to help out the guard; Tauriel could use the extra help keeping our kingdom safe."

"I will be honoured your majesty," Glorfindel bowed, "But I would much like to see Thranduil now."

"He will be happy to know you have both arrived," Oropher nodded, "we shall go and see him now."

Erestor and Glorfindel followed the king quietly exchanging looks behind the king's back. Thranduil and Ereinion were right; this was not Oropher.

* * *

Thranduil sighed, combing through Lothvaen's hair, braiding the frail elf's hair out of his eyes. Saelbeth sat right beside him eying the three orcs that had joined them that morning while Legolas played by the tree, climbing up its firm branches, indifferent to the orcs. He was happy out in the sun and in the tree.

"Why are you bothering with his hair?" Bolg asked, "He still looks the same!"

"Shut up Bolg," Azog sighed.

"Who came up with that name?" Thranduil asked. "Bolg- it sounds like someone throwing up- although looking at you I am not surprised."

Lurtz tried to stifle his laughter- he yelped when Bolg punched him swiftly across the shoulder. He flinched, shielding himself from his brother's arm that was raised ready for another blow. Lurtz peered through his arms to find Azog had Bolg in a painful hold and was snarling at him in the black speech. Thranduil and Saelbeth flinched at the evil tongue but Lothvaen was not in anyway fazed- he was used to the wretched tongue. Bolg settled down still glaring at his younger brother as Azog turned back to Thranduil who finally finished with Lothvaen's hair.

"All done," Thranduil smiled. "Why don't you go inside and look in the mirror?"

Lothvaen nodded and got to his feet. As he made his way to the bathroom, he was surprised to see the door open; the king walked in followed by two elves he had never seen before. One was taller then the king, with hair only just shorter then Thranduil's, curled and as golden as the flowers in the garden. The other was shorter then the king; dark haired and dark eyed, handsome and mysterious. Lothvaen swallowed; it was obviously Erestor and Glorfindel. He was staring into the eyes of his uncle; who looked like he had seen a ghost!

Erestor sobered up and just in time as Oropher had turned to address them.

"This is- err, well I don't know his name," Oropher shrugged, "He is Azog's adopted son- I suppose that term would do."

Lothvaen felt sick to his stomach- he was sure he looked it. Erestor knew who he was- he knew! The look on his face- Lothvaen disgusted him. The young elf quickly made his way into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He leaned back against the door and slid down to the ground. He wrapped his arms around his legs distraught. Thranduil was wrong- his father would never want him! He was nothing but a filthy orc whore.

* * *

Erestor shook his head- the young elf could not have been who he thought he was. But he looked identical to his cousin. Almost identical; the elfling in the bathroom was much younger, and had an unhealthy look about him. He did however see Thranduil's handiwork in the young elfling's braids.

"He must be shy," Oropher shrugged, explaining the elf's sudden disappearance. "Come, let's not keep Thranduil waiting any longer."

The king walked straight out; Glorfindel hesitated when he noticed Erestor staring at the closed door.

"Come on, Tor," Glorfindel whispered, "The sooner we get this over with."

Erestor shook his head, trying to settle his nerves. "Don't forget your lines."

"Aye," Glorfindel led him outside, and as soon as Erestor was outside he was tackled by a small blond elfling.

"Uncle Erestor!" Legolas squealed delightfully. Erestor grinned lovingly at the elfling and pulled him up into his arms. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too, Little Greenleaf," Erestor said, adoringly. "Have you been a good boy for your adar?"

"Aye," Legolas nodded.

"And have you been a good boy for your new adar?" Glorfindel asked. Legolas stared at Glorfindel with narrowed eyes; a fiery anger brew in them. Glorfindel tried hard not to gulp- he was definently related to Thranduil.

"Of course he has," Thranduil said as he walked up to his son and best friends. Thranduil wanted desperately to throw himself into Erestor or Glorfindel's arms just like Legolas had. He looked at the two elves in relief, his eyes told the elves how thankful he was for their presence. "How are you my dear friends?"

"We are well," Erestor asked. "Are you happy mellon-nin?"

"As happy as any elf would be before their wedding," Thranduil grinned. Erestor and Glorfindel had to commend Thranduil on his acting; especially when Azog came up behind him and snaked an arm around his waist. They were expecting Thranduil to flip the orc into the small lake but instead he wrapped his own armed above the orc's and kissed the orc on the chin.

Legolas made a disgusted face that only Erestor saw.

* * *

Erestor and Glorfindel were ready to die of laughter. Thranduil was on a complete tirade about the wedding. His demands were giving both the orc and the Elven King a headache. So far he had sulked about his robes not being ready in time, the food and wine, the music, Azog's and the orcs outfits, the wine, Erestor and Glorfindel's outfits, the guests, the decorations, the wine, his wedding garter, Legolas's robes, doves and ice sculptures! And then the wine once more!

Oropher and Azog sat there; unable to get a word in- Thranduil silenced them with a raised hand every time they tried.

"Hmmm, I wonder if my Wild FM CD's still remain," Thranduil wondered, "Ada- are my CDs still here- and what about my disco ball? I must have the disco ball! A disco theme will be wondrous! Perhaps you could dress up as Tony Manero!"

"Who the hell is that?" Azog said. He looked equivalent to a stunned mullet.

"John Travolta! In Saturday Night Fever! Come ON!" Thranduil said before he began to sing Night Fever. Erestor bit his tongue; beside him Glorfindel was laughing so hard tears streamed down his face.

"Oh! Can we watch that tonight ada!?" Legolas asked, he was snuggled up warmly in Erestor's arms, while Saelbeth sat beside the Balrog Slayer staring up at him in amazement. The young elfling was awed by the presence of the legendary Balrog Slayer.

"My DVD collection is at home," Thranduil said, frowning. "You didn't by any chance swing by my house, Tor?"

"No," Erestor shook his head, "I could call Lindir and ask him to bring the DVDs with him when he comes next week?"

"Nah, I'll swing by later," Thranduil smiled, "I have many things I need to bring back here. Hmm, I need to go to the bathroom. I will be back, soon. I hope. I knew I should not have had that glass of orange juice with the milk. Terrible, terrible combination."

Thranduil stood up gracefully and headed inside; the mention of Lindir rang warning bells. Lothvaen had disappeared inside long ago- where had he gone? The elf entered, tried the door of the bathroom closer to the children's room and found it locked. He knocked on the door gently.

"Lothvaen, are you in here?"

"Aye," came the soft response.

"Open the door for me, pen-neth," Thranduil said softly. The door behind him creaked open; over his shoulder he found the fraud king enter the room eying him suspiciously. "What is it?"

"Two bathrooms and you choose to go to the one that is occupied?" the deceptive Oropher asked.

"Fig is in there," Thranduil said, slowly. "I want to get him out."

"I think it would be better if you just go back outside," hissed the fake king. "Now."

Thranduil glared at the face he had known for his entire life; he unwillingly obeyed, walking past the shifter back outside. He paused listening to the conversation, they had yet to notice his return and the conversation had steered to Thorin. He looked over his shoulder to find the shifter was leaving the room- he quickly bent down and pulled his shoelaces undoing them to redo them as he listened to Glorfindel.

"Thranduil was blind, he did not see how the dwarf was using him," Glorfindel said, his voice harsh. Thranduil was angered, but he forced himself to calm down- the balrog Slayer was simply trying to earn the orc's trust. He had to be, Thranduil hoped. "He use to leave his two nephews with Thranduil for hours on end- sometimes overnight, so he could go out and drink."

"Or worse," Erestor said, outraged. "One of our friends was sure he saw him with another man when he was with Thranduil! In fact since Thranduil has been here he has yet to call any of us to ask where he had gone. He was simply using the prince for his own benefit."

Now that was certainly a lie, Thranduil thought calmingly. Erestor was a lawyer- he was in his element right now- there was a reason he was once the chief advisor to Ereinion!

"And what, Thranduil didn't realise this?" the orc played along, still not trusting the two elves.

"In matters of love Thranduil is a little blind," Glorfindel said, Legolas looked at him oddly, Erestor kicked Glorfindel warningly, but the balrog slayer ignored it, continuing. "It took him years to realise his first wife was using him as well- she had no use for him or his son."

"What's uncle Glor talking about?" the boy asked quietly, his blue eyes wide and perplexed.

Thranduil's fists tightened drawing blood from his palms- how dare that overgrown oaf!? Legolas looked at his mentor confused. For years, Thranduil kept the terrible burden hidden from his beloved child and now Glorfindel's big mouth put his son's happiness in jeopardy.

"Nothing, Little," Erestor said, softly. The orc looked rather confused and curious as Thranduil walked over glaring daggers at the Balrog Slayer. "Glorfindel is an idiot."

"Why don't you and Saelbeth go and play in your tree," Thranduil said softly, ushering the two elflings away. Azog looked at the elf intriguingly but said nothing. The look on the elven Prince's face was enough to silence him.

"I am sorry, Thranduil, I did not think," Glorfindel winced; he had gotten a little carried away. "I apologize for my lack of tact."

"I am in the right mind right now to shave your eyebrows off right now," Thranduil hissed, "Or worse!"

Azog smirked; he liked the viciousness of the elf. Glorfindel on the other hand looked rather ashamed of himself.

"I take it your ex-wife is a sore subject," Azog muttered. Thranduil grunted moodily. Lurtz sneezed suddenly, sniffing deeply. Both Thranduil and the pale orc eyed the young orc surprised.

"I don't feel good," Lurtz said, rather nasally, rubbing at his red nose with the back of his hand. Azog looked uncertain but when the orcling suddenly threw up all he had eaten that day both he and Bolg shot up disgusted by the filth on their feet. Lurtz let out a pained grown as Thranduil blocked his nose, revolted. The smell was repulsing. Vomit always had a bad odour but from an orc- it was horrible.

Erestor and Glorfindel stood quickly and backed away as Azog growled at the boy.

"Go and get him some water!" Thranduil snapped angrily at the orc; it was a warning not to touch the youngest orc. "Fresh, clean water. _Blog_, go and get him a change of clothes, I will get him in the bath- what on earth did you eat!? This smell is sickening!"

Lurtz whined as he was dragged inside towards the free bathroom and just in time for the moment he was by the bath he threw up once more- in the sink. Thranduil ran the tap, riding the sink of the vulgar vomit.

"Hurts," the orcling whined, rubbing his throat as he coughed harshly, struggling to breathe.

"I know- here, strip yourself of these clothes- they are filthy," Thranduil paused and then added, "-er!"

The orcling nodded and obeyed, soon he was bare and in a bath full of warm soapy water. Thranduil kicked his dirty clothes to the corner of the room as Azog returned finally carrying a jug of water and a cup.

"Could you also get a rubbish bag or something for his clothes?" Thranduil asked, handing Lurtz a glass of water. "These clothes will not do!"

"Yes boss," Azog smirked.

"YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE ATTENDING TO HIM!" Thranduil more or less screamed. The orc was taken aback but instead of arguing he quickly moved to do the elf's bidding. Outside Erestor and Glorfindel listened curiously to the rants of the elven prince.

"I really pissed him off, haven't I?" Glorfindel winced.

"You are such a moron!" Erestor snapped.

* * *

Thorin watched as the elves worked hard forging various weapons; swords, daggers, bows and arrows. His own kind worked heavily making powerful axes and swords. They were in the mines- for once the dwarves were not digging but creating weapons like their ancestors of old. There were over 100 stout dwarves, 30 little hobbits, and over 200 hundred ridiculously tall elves- most from Imladris. And then there was Aragorn the only human who Bofur pointed out ate like a hobbit, was as tall as an elf and as hairy as a dwarf.

The dark-haired man stood by Ereinion and Ecthelion, both of whom were working on a sword for the young man. Haldir stood behind him, watching with amazement. The two dark-haired elves moved in unison as they moulded the sword into shape.

"Lunch is ready," called out Bilbo. Thorin wasn't in the least bit surprised to see half of the dwarves; most of the elves and all of the hobbits drop what they were doing and head outside where the food was set up.

Several picnic tables were set up around the grassy area outside of his office; his eyes roamed the table. The food looked delicious, which did not surprise him at all; Bombur, Bofur, Gin, Bilbo and several of the hobbits, and some of the elves helped prepare a lunch worthy for a king. Ereinion looked rather excited by the sight of the food- he had told Thorin inside the mines he did not often eat amongst people beyond his own kin or any food that hadn't been made by an elf.

Apparently he was sick of rabbit food.

Thorin wasn't sure he could eat; his appetite had all but disappeared with Thranduil. Elrond. Bilbo and Glóin took turns ensuring that he did eat- a reminder was enough. He would force himself to eat simply because he knew he would need his strength to save his elf.

"Uncle Thorin, we helped set up the tables!" Fíli said, excitedly. He stood before every child who looked at Thorin hopefully.

"Great, it looks great kids," Thorin smiled warmly. The children were all trying to help out in their own little way. He had to commend the children's behaviour- for days they behaved angelically; even Rumil. Which was actually scary- he had seen the child at work months ago during Legolas and Fíli 's party. He was like a elfling possessed by balrog, or a dragon…

Unbeknownst to the adults, Aragorn and Haldir had a firm talk with all the children. While Aragorn was considered an adult the youths saw him as one of their own; someone who they found it easy to communicate with. They all agreed, until Thranduil and Legolas were back home they'd do as they were told, simply not to stress the adults out further. They were able to see how worried each adult was and the adults were not the only ones worried. Fíli and Kíli were scared for their adopted brother. They had known Legolas for only a short time in their short lives but the elf was as much apart of their family as Uncle Glóin and Gimli were.

But as scared as the two young dwarfling brothers were, they knew Thorin would bring the two elves back home.

"Come on," Thorin smiled, "Let's eat. I'm starving."

"So how are we going with the productions of weapons?" Galadriel asked, sitting beside Ereinion and Celeborn.

"Good, we merely have to sneak them into the hall at Mirkwood," Gil-Galad replied. "Which I think will be the easy part. Oropher's under passage tunnels are a thing of genius. Once we are at the edge of Greenwood's forests we need only to find a cave- According to Thranduil's letter there is enough space for three van-sized trucks to park out of sight in the said caves. We need to mine our way in as it is sealed for safety, but I am sure our friendly dwarves wont have a problem with that. Which reminds me, we need to create a door into the dungeons- Thranduil informs me according to Oropher, there are at least a dozen orcs guarding the dungeons and there are some elves imprisoned with him in different cells."

"Where is Thranduil being kept?" Thorin asked, "Is Legolas with him?"

"Legolas is indeed with his father, in one of the chambers," Gil-Galad informed, "He wrote that he- uh labelled the doors to his chambers with glitter glue."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Elrond snorted, "I am actually looking forward to seeing the decorations in the hall."

"Why?" Thorin asked, annoyed. Any mention of wedding preparations angered him.

"The disco ball," Elrond replied. Ereinion burst out laughing.

"That was him?" Ereinion asked, chuckling. "Oropher was furious that night! He thought I had something to do with it! He hates that stupid dance music!"

"Yeah, it's Thranduil's favourite," Elrond replied.

"You can not tell those two are related," Gil-Galad said shaking his head in amusement.

"Until they get angry," Celeborn smirked, "Then they are peas in a pod."

"It's Legolas that is completely different to Thranduil," Elrond smirked, "Quiet, easy-going, loves everyone, perky-"

"Loud, short-tempered, doesn't like Elladan very much," Orophin added; contradicting the adults. They never saw Legolas during school when he wasn't in his own world talking to trees. "You don't see him at school."

"He does so like me!"

"Loud and Legolas don't mix," Thorin said, bluntly. "He is the type of child that screams with his mouth shut! I wish all kids were like that."

"Amen," Ecthelion muttered.

"And he is always confused," Elrohir said, "Points out the obvious!"

"The grass is green!" Fíli said.

"They took the hobbits to detention!" Pippin grinned.

"What detention?" Bilbo asked, looking at Frodo who shrugged.

"Or what about the Hello Mr or Mrs whoever it is," Sam said. "He got us out of trouble so many times with his innocent looks!"

"Yeah, especially after Elladan totalled the gym room," Merry laughed.

"You did what?!"

"Oh yeah! I remember that, the principal looked ready to kill," Elladan snorted, ignoring his father.

"And he came in with those bloody puppy eyes!" Frodo snorted. "Stopped Théoden in his tracks!"

"What is this about the gym room?" Elrond asked, sharply. "You two are such trouble makers- where do you get it from!?"

Ereinion spat out his beer, roaring with laughter. "Have you forgotten the trouble you and your brother caused when you were elflings!? Where did they get it from indeed!?"

"I recall that time we had that great feast- the King of the dwarves," Celeborn smirked, the dwarves looked at the silver haired elf intrigued. "Oropher gave the three of you a warning to behave; it didn't work. We were over swarmed with toads, frogs and salamanders!"

"That was Thranduil's idea!" Elrond said, defensively. "And the cockroaches were Elros's idea! I did find the mice though!"

"Just how did the guests take this?" Thorin asked.

"They were more amused then Gil-Galad and King Oropher," Elrond smirked. "They didn't flinch at the sight of any of the animals. I recall Galadriel was screeching on the table!"

"Celeborn wanted a dance," Galadriel said, nonchalantly.

"I love lap dances!" Bofur exclaimed, cheerfully.

"Children present, perve," Thorin sighed, the group chuckled though, their worries slowly fading.

"Now back to business," Gil-Galad smiled, "We will leave Sunday this weekend- we will drive the long way and through the back roads to get to Greenwood. This will take longer then using the highways; but using the highways will give us away. Some of us, who have been invited to the wedding, we will be going the standard way. I wish to get there at least two days before the wedding. Now the children will have to remain behind for their own safety. Nori, Bifur and Bombur have all offered to remain behind with the children and the hobbits and women who have offered to care for them. Tauriel has assured me that the side of Greenwood we will be entering will only be patrolled by elves- all of which will be chosen by her. She too will be patrolling around this time- this will allow us to get in Greenwood without being spotted. The only problem we may face is Saruman. The White Wizard has returned- I fear we may struggle against him-"

"-I have spoken to Mithrandir, he is aware of our plight," Celeborn said. "He will help us."

"That's reassuring," Thorin said, "But isn't he the wizard that does mushrooms?"

"No, that is Radagast," Celeborn said, before he added; "And don't knock the mushrooms!"

"Are you ever clear of mind?" Ereinion asked.

"Of course he is," Elrond said, "Mithrandir isn't here."

* * *

"That's revolting," Erestor said, holding his nose tightly as Glorfindel hosed down the vomit stained ground. Bolg carried out a bag full of soiled clothing and tossed them into the corner of the garden by the bin. Legolas and Saelbeth sat up high in the tree watching to orc disdainfully.

"I want to push him in the water," Legolas muttered. "I hate him."

"You'll get in trouble," Saelbeth sighed, "I hope they don't stay here tonight."

"Why would they?"

"Lord Glorfindel and Lord Erestor are here," Saelbeth shrugged, "Maybe to keep up with appearances."

"Why would they do that?" Legolas looked positively confused.

"Don't worry," Saelbeth sighed. "It's getting dark, we should go inside."

"Okay," Legolas began to swing his way down the branches swiftly as Saelbeth took a more cautious way down. "Uncle Erestor, are you going to stay with us tonight?"

"No, little leaf," Erestor said, sadly. "Glorfindel and I are in another chamber- but we will return tomorrow morning, after all you, ada and I need to try on different robes for the wedding."

Legolas pouted, wrapping his arms around Erestor's legs.

"Do you want me to tell you and Saelbeth a story?" Glorfindel asked.

"About balrogs?!"

"About balrogs!" Glorfindel confirmed, "Come, lets go inside and sit by the fire to warm up a little. I will tell you all about the time I slew several of those foul beasts."

The two orcs looked on intrigued and followed the four elves inside. As they walked inside Thranduil and Lurtz excited the bathroom. The young orc sat by the fire drying his hair with a towel as Thranduil headed to the other bathroom and knocked again on the door.

"Fig, open up now," Thranduil ordered. He was not in the least bit surprised that the door opened immediately. He slid inside and closed the door behind him, locking it. "What have you been doing in here this whole time? Its almost bedtime."

"He hates me," Lothvaen whispered.

"Who?" Thranduil asked, his eyebrows rising.

"My uncle," Lothvaen whispered, "He looked at me- he was disgusted by me!"

"Oh, Lothvaen," Thranduil said, softly. He pulled the smaller elf into his arms. "I think you misjudged his expression- Erestor could never hate you. The orcs or the king probably disgusted him. Not you… Never you!"

"How can you be so sure?" Lothvaen whimpered. "I don't want him to hate me- but look at me- I'm nothing."

"I disagree, you are everything to your uncle," Thranduil whispered, running a hand through the dark locks. "I have said this before, but I will say it again and again until you believe it to be true. He could never hate you- he will love you and so will your father. They will be proud of you and they will cherish you. Come outside with me; I need to check on Lurtz again. He is unwell, he vomited outside-"

"-Will he be okay?!" Lothvaen seemed surprised. "He shouldn't get sick- he-"

"He is fine my dear boy," Thranduil smiled, "Another reason Erestor will love you is because you are compassionate. Even against someone who has hurt you in the past-"

"He never hurt me," Lothvaen said, quickly. "I- I don't want him to be hurt more by ma-Azog."

"I know, neither do I," Thranduil sighed. "Come now, lets go outside. Don't forget, you don't need to tell Erestor who you are- perhaps he hasn't realised who you are at all."

"You think so?"

"Yes- lets go," Thranduil smiled. "I think Glorfindel is retelling the story about him slaying the balrog. Come."

* * *

Whoops

Forgot to update last week- my bad! So here, have three chapters!


	17. Chapter 17

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 17/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 17

* * *

"You know I think that's the first time I've retold that story without Ecthelion interrupting me in years!" Glorfindel said excitedly. Erestor rolled his eyes as he accepted the larger blond into his arms, holding him tightly. They were in their own bed-chamber unaware it was the prison Thranduil was locked in a few days earlier, lying in the same bed Thranduil slept in with his son and the two other elflings. The blond kissed him softly on the lips, snuggling into the smaller elf's chest; he loved how easily he fit in the other elf's arms. "Tor? That boy- the one that came out with Thranduil from the bathroom- he looked so much like-"

"I know," Erestor whispered, "He wouldn't look at me- as soon as we entered the room he went and hid in the bathroom. Thranduil had to coax him out of the room and even then he clung onto Thranduil. I hate the fact that I cannot even ask Thranduil- if we are right then we cannot risk the orcs or that thing finding out who the boy is- I cannot risk my nephew's life."

"He seemed so frightened," Glorfindel murmured. "It made me wonder what the child has been through."

"That thing said that he was the orc's adopted son," Erestor shuddered, "I am sure he never treated the boy as his son. He was terrified of Bog or Blog or whatever his stupid name was."

"Thranduil seemed quite protective of the orc-child," Glorfindel muttered.

"Yes, that took me by surprise," Erestor said. "I just hope Thranduil has not come to sympathise with his captors- he seemed to comfortable with the orc. I wonder how much of his behaviour was a façade."

"It is Thranduil- he does not sympathise with evil," Glorfindel said.

"Have you not heard of Stockholm syndrome?"

"Nn- what was that sound?" Glorfindel pulled himself up eying the bathroom door. "Someone is in the bathroom?"

"There is only one way into this- I heard that too!" Erestor said, sitting up beside his lover.

"Stay here, I will-"

"We go together, melamin," Erestor murmured, pulling his lover onto his feet. Glorfindel led his lover slowly to the bathroom, shielding him as he opened the door carefully. Both jumped startled when they noticed a blond elf on the other side of the door. "Thranduil? How?"

"Secret passages," Thranduil shrugged, hushing them with a finger to his lips. "Come in here and close the door."

"Why have you turned the water on?" Glorfindel asked.

"Take your clothes off and put on the bathrobes- should anyone come knocking you can say you are having a bath- I can quickly escape through the door."

Erestor and Glorfindel noticed the perfect hole by the wall that led into the dark tunnels.

"I'm not stripping!" Glorfindel muttered, undignified, turning to his lover. His expression widened. Erestor had already kicked off his tunic and wrapped himself with the bathrobe. "Fine."

"These tunnels are amazing," Erestor said sticking his head through the door as he looked left and then right "When were these built?"

"When we first came to Greenwood," Thranduil said. "And I am ever thankful for them. I would not have been able to see my father or Tauriel otherwise. Once the dwarves arrive to tunnel out my father and the other elves in the prison I plan on escaping- I just hope this is before the wedding as I will not leave until my father is free- I cannot risk his life or that of my people."

"We understand," Glorfindel nodded, "We can speak freely now, can we not?"

"Aye, we can," Thranduil said, "Dínendal told me that the this creature, while he absorbs the memories of the person he changes into he cannot absorb them all with out killing them- the memories he has absorbed from my father are all recent- the passages are a thing of the past. It was fortunate Dínendal never knew of the tunnels, my father said he was more dead than alive when he found him. My father also informed me that the bastard only goes down every few weeks- he was down there only a few days ago so he will not bother them until after the wedding. Hopefully."

"Just what is their plan?" Erestor asked. "Why have they gone through all this trouble?"

"Saruman wants to take over Greenwood and Imladris," Thranduil said, "He already has Mordor and Gondor. He has killed the king of Gondor, enslaved Greenwood's King and plans to have Gil-Galad slain at the wedding. Denethor uses orcs- claiming they are rival orcs. The orcs are too stupid to think for themselves after all."

"How do you know all this?" Glorfindel asked, "You have been cooped up-"

"I have spent all my nights in the passages; I overhear everything," Thranduil replied. "Azog does not spend all his time with me, fortunately and neither do his sons. I tell the boys that I am bathing."

"Huh," Glorfindel nodded.

"How is Thorin?" Thranduil asked, his heart pounding in his chest. "And the boys!?"

"They miss you," Erestor said, "In fact I have something from him to give you – read it and hide it- do not let anyone see it. Burn it if you must."

"I will keep it in the passages," Thranduil nodded. Erestor dashed out of the room and returned with a small envelope in his hand. Thranduil pocketed it, treasuring it.

"That boy! The dark haired one," Glorfindel said quickly. "He looks almost identical to Lindir… is he- can it be?"

Thranduil smiled weakly.

"It is him," Erestor said, "I can feel it in my bones. Thranduil- is he okay? What has happened to him? Why does he seem so scared!?"

"Oh, my dear Erestor," Thranduil said, sadly. "I cannot tell you much- for he has asked me to keep quiet. He made me promise not to tell you who he was- you worked it out so technically I didn't break any promise. He is ashamed of himself-"

"Ashamed about what!?" Erestor gasped. "Thranduil please! He is my nephew!"

"I know," Thranduil murmured, he hated himself for breaking his promise to the boy; but he couldn't and wouldn't lie to Erestor. "He thinks you hate him-"

"-What!? Why would he possibly think that?"

Thranduil looked down at his feet, sadly. "Erestor, he has spent all of his life in the presence of orcs- orcs who mistreated him for centuries. He has little to no confidence or self-worth. He is such a brave and compassionate elf though- in the few days I have known him I have come to care for him very much- he will make you proud."

"I want to come and see him!"

"Erestor- let him be," Glorfindel said, softly. Before Erestor could argue he placed a gentle finger on the soft lips he loved so much. "Thranduil will look after him for now- but once we are free of this burden we will take him home to Lindir and prove to him we all love him."

Erestor looked downtrodden but nodded, "For him, I will wait. Does he know you are here?"

Thranduil shook his head, "I fear his fear of the orcs – I do not wish to believe it but I am scared his imprisonment with these orcs will cause him to betray us out of fear alone. Please, do not be angered- I could not risk the orcs learning about the passages. I do not in anyway believe Lothvaen would betray us intentionally but he is petrified of those orcs- they've hurt him in ways you cannot imagine – they can and will manipulate him easily. He may have reached his majority long ago- but he is still a dependent child."

"You will look after him for me will you not?" Erestor said, despondently.

"Like he is my own son," Thranduil promised. "I should return and check on the children- I still need to see my father and Tauriel- goodnight my dear friends."

Erestor pulled the blond into his arms and squeezed him tightly before the elf could escape. Thranduil returned the embrace desperately.

* * *

"Shut up, Gimli," Kíli grumbled tiredly. He was lying between his brother and Gimli trying to sleep; but Gimli's snores filled the room. Fíli wasn't helping much either- he had fallen asleep, rolled over and was crushing his younger brother.

And drooling on him…

"Uncle Thorin," Kíli whined. He hoped his uncle was awake- if he wasn't Kíli would most likely spend the rest of the night like this. Nothing- not even a roaring dragon- could wake Fíli. Gimli wasn't much better. "Uncle Thorin!"

"What's wrong?" Thorin stumbled into the room, worried. One look at the younger's dwarf's predicament, the elder understood why he was called in. He moved to his nephew's side and gently pulled Fíli off his younger nephew. Kíli held his arms out and when he was pulled out of the bed he wrapped his legs around his uncle's waist and then rested his head on his uncle's shoulder. "I don't understand how Fíli can sleep through Gimli's snores."

"You could drop an axe on his head and he wont wake up," Kíli muttered. Thorin smiled; in the last few months ever since the young dwarfling decided to speak again his language excelled. Sometimes he could hear words and comments from his nephew that he had heard previously from Thranduil, or Legolas or one of the other elves. Anything he had heard would be repeated. And other times he would come up with his own little smart aleck statements. "Can I sleep with you?"

"Sure," Thorin smiled. "It's late, I'll tuck you in but I still have some work to do with Glóin and Óin. I'll come to bed later."

"Okay," Kíli yawned; he didn't mind. The last thing he wanted was for his uncle to sleep before him and snore as well. Or worse; drool on him. "Can you stay with me until I sleep?"

Thorin covered the small dwarfling with a warm blanket and nodded. "I will. Close your eyes."

"Can you sing _Blunt the Knives_?" Kíli said tiredly.

"No, that's not a sleep time song," Thorin chuckled. "And besides, Bilbo is not here. I only sing that song to annoy Bilbo!"

Kíli grinned at his uncle who kissed him lovingly on his forehead. "Good night, uncle Thorin."

"Good night," Thorin smiled. He slid onto the bed, beside the boy, stroking back his dark locks. A few minutes passed and finally the boy fell asleep, his breathing eased into a steady pace. Thorin had not noticed; his attention was turned to the letter from Thranduil. He had read it every night since it arrived. His elf was holding out for him; the dwarf longed to be reunited with the elven prince, he longed to hold him in his arms.

_My Dearest Thorin,_

_I hope this letter finds you in good health. I miss you so it hurts. Never in my life have I found it so hard to be separated from the one I love. By now you are aware of what is happening; never have I thought I would be imprisoned in my own home. Legolas is good- he has grown so much in the last few days. I am proud of him- I know you would be too. There are times he reminds me of Kíli when he defies the orcs. I do hope that Kíli and Fíli are safe and are happy- I miss them dearly. For weeks on end we have spent all our waking hours together and to be separated from you and those two boys it has made me realise how much I truly love you all. _

_There is so much I wish I had said to you before this nightmare occurred. I will not pen these thoughts down because I will see you again and then I will tell you everything. _

_I know you are probably wondering about the orc and his treatment of my son and me. To be honest, I have managed to weave him into doing my bidding- most times. He is an orc - not a dog; you can only train him so much. I am ashamed to admit that my first few days here I fell victim to my own apprehension. I promised him myself on our wedding night. I've never been so frightened in my life- but it was not my own life I feared for. Besides my own son's life, I am now caring for two other elflings. I fear I may have to bend to his will, should I find myself in a loveless marriage if this wedding commences. The last thing I want is to be disloyal to you- I hope you will forgive me. I do not want him to taint me with his touch- I do not want you to hate me._

_I am scared of losing you more then anything now… losing you, my son, my father and my people. I am terrified of losing you, of losing my father or my son- petrified really. I don't think I could possibly express how much I fear it…_

_I love you more then life itself. Keep safe and look after yourself and the boys. Please give them a kiss from me every night before they sleep until I can kiss them myself._

_Yours eternally,_

_Thranduil_

The letter was stained with a few wet patches, his elf had been crying when he wrote his letter. Thorin folded it once more and pocketed it. The letter arrived a few hours before Erestor and Glorfindel left so he had time to write a reply to his beloved elf. Unbeknownst to him, Thranduil was reading his letter at the same time, miles away in Mirkwood.

* * *

After he quickly checked on his boys who were all fast asleep and safe, Thranduil made his way to the dungeons checking on his father. The king was fast asleep but Dínendal was awake, unable to sleep.

"Shall I wake him?" Dínendal whispered. Thranduil shook his head and then realised the slightly younger elf couldn't see him.

"No, let him rest," Thranduil said, "I just came to check on you both. How are you feeling today- you look much better then a few days ago."

"My strength is returning," Dínendal replied, softly. He gripped Thranduil's finger through the small gap and relished in its warmth. "I am sorry- this was my fault- I should have fought it harder. I am weak."

"No, you are not," Thranduil replied, squeezing the fingers reassuringly "You have been very brave in all of this- we will win. Our friends will not leave us to rot here."

"My prince, if it comes down to it save the king," Dínendal whispered, "I am not worthy- and Greenwood needs her king."

"She also needs her most loyal advisors," Thranduil replied, "You and Silinde are more then worthy. I am sure my father feels the same way I do about the two of you-"

"How is Silinde? Have you seen him?" Dínendal asked, gasping. "He- that thing has hurt him too much. I am not sure he will survive this Thranduil. The day he had Silinde captured he brought down the bedsheets - there _was **so**_ much blood. I thought he had killed him. Perhaps it would have been a better fate then-"

"-No, Silinde will survive," Thranduil replied, "We will make sure of it. I will not let him give up. His son still needs him."

"Is Saelbeth still with you?" Dínendal whispered. Thranduil was about to reply when the door to their prison slammed open. Thranduil almost fell over it his surprise; Dínendal pressed himself against the wall terrified the prince had been overheard. Oropher's doppelganger stood by the door smirking at the frightened advisor. The real Oropher was on his feet, quickly moving to shield Dínendal from the creature.

"Good evening," the creature grinned, Thranduil swallowed, refusing to move. The last thing he wanted to do was make a sound and alert the creature of his presence. He watched through the darkness as the creature neared the two prisoners. "Did you have a good nap? Silinde has, in fact I've let him be now for a few days. See- I think I must have damaged it quite badly because he, well, wouldn't stop bleeding. And I thought I was being gentle with him."

Oropher growled, "Leave him be! He has done nothing to deserve what you are doing to him! You monster."

"It's funny though Dinny here never complained," the shifter smirked. Dínendal went a deathly shade of white. The look in his eyes told Thranduil, the advisor had no idea what he had been through with the creature during the months of his capture. "Of course, it might have been because he was out cold every time. Silinde's better though- Dinny here is way too loose- clearly over used."

"How dare you!?" Oropher roared, Dínendal struggled to keep the king back. "I will have you head for what you have done to my people!"

"They're my people now," the shifter smirked, gripping the king's red-fury cheeks in his hand, squeezing them between his fingers. The King let out a pained grunt as he was thrown to the ground; Dínendal was by his side, his shaking hands on the king's shoulders. "I'll do whatever I like with them – in fact I think I hear Silinde calling- he's a horny one! I've taken a new liking to making him come- he makes such sweet music when he pants like the bitch he is."

The fraud king chuckled, humouredly. "Or perhaps that's me! I've always been a little to sexually active for my partner's liking. For some strange reason they all like to pretend they are sleeping or unwilling."

Thranduil felt sick to his stomach. Whatever this creature was he was a vile being; not even the orc was as disturbed as the shifter. Thranduil walked aimlessly away from the prison, his thoughts dark. He felt so helpless; unable to assist anyone. The prince looked up and found he was finally back at his chamber; he pushed open the door, walked into the room- his eyes adjusting to the bright lights. He closed the door behind him and fell to the ground, his back against the now sealed entrance. He brought his knees up to his chest and let out a heavy sigh.

Thranduil slid his hands into his pockets, startled. He had forgotten about Thorin's letter. He quickly pulled it apart from the envelope, tossing the envelope aside as he opened the letter. He let out a weak sob as he took in Thorin's writing.

_My beautiful Thranduil,_

**_I LOVE YOU!_**

_There is nothing to forgive so do not ask me to forgive nothing! I will love you no matter what! Please do not ever doubt my love for you. You have completed my life; you and that sweet little boy of yours, and my two nephews have made my life complete. Nothing and no one will ever stop me from loving you. _

_We have only been apart for a week but I feel like it has been an eternity since I last saw those stunning eyes. I've wanted to storm into Mirkwood for days now, but our friends are right- I do not want to risk any harm befalling you and Legolas. I have been going through the motions; I am sure if it were not for our friends I would have fallen over from exhaustion and starvation. It is hard to eat when you are separated from the most perfect person on this entire earth._

_The boys are good, but they miss you and Legolas as much as I do. I am glad Legolas isn't taking the damn orcs' shit without a fight. I am proud of him!_

_I love him and I love you._

_I'm going to write those three words over and over, because well, I need you to know that I will not leave you behind. I will be there at the wedding- I promise to break down the doors and scream __**I OBJECT**__! _

_And no matter what it takes I will free your father; you wont lose him or Legolas._

_I also what you to know that it is okay to be frightened, I am afraid now. All I want is to hold you in my arms and love you; the fact you are so close to danger pains my heart. Please do not fear losing me; I lost my heart to you long ago- it is yours. Do not lose hope, I will come for you and we will be in each other's arms again. _

_I have no doubt that the two boys you are now looking after are well looked after- they are lucky to have such a wonderful person in their life._

_Thranduil, when this is all over, you, our boys and me are going to go on a nice holiday- I've always wanted to go to Disneyland. _

_**I love you**__, always,_

_Thorin. _

Thranduil smiled to himself as he read it once more. He rather liked the idea of Disneyland. He stood up feeling better; strength surged through him. He put the letter away, on the other side of the wall- hidden in the passages. He would read it again every night until he was reunited with his love. He then stripped, slid into the warm water and cleaned up quickly. He couldn't go outside with dry hair after an hour in the bathroom. Once he was dressed, he wrapped his hair in a towel and exited into the bedroom. Sitting by the mirror he began to dry his hair off, revelling in Thorin's love.

Thorin would save him.

Even if it was a little too damsel-in-distress-like for the elven prince's liking!

* * *

The next morning, Thranduil sat with Legolas to his left and Azog and Lurtz to his right. Bolg, Erestor and Glorfindel sat opposite of him while the fraud king sat between both small groups at the front of the dining table. Before them was breakfast; fit for a king. There was freshly cut fruits, waffles, pancakes, bacon and eggs, various loaves of bread, jams and honey, olives and different kinds of tree nuts and more.

Thranduil was a little disappointed though as he turned to one of the servants who looked quite tense in the presence of the king and orcs. It was clear to Thranduil all the elves knew what was occurring in their home; either fear held them at bay, or Tauriel. When Thranduil thought about it, Tauriel was rather scary.

He was sure the red-haired she-elf had something to do with everything. She was a brilliant schemer when she wanted to be.

"This looks wonderful, Finerie," Thranduil smiled, "But where is the nutella?"

"Nu-ella?" she repeated confused.

"NU_**T**_ella, brown hazelnut-chocolaty spread, with a white label, white lid," Thranduil replied, "Smells like heaven, tastes better then anything else, gives better pleasure then sex."

Everyone (baring the shifter who looked amused), including the orcs blushed and averted their eyes. The servant girl looked way out of her league, her blue eyes darting back and forth unsure how to answer.

"It may just be better then wine," Thranduil said, when something occurred to him. "Where is the wine?! I cannot have breakfast with out my bottle of wine!"

"Uh- I-I will go and get that!" the servant-girl said, at least she knew what the wine was!

"Can I have some wine too, ada?"

"No," Thranduil said, looking down at his son.

"Some wine will do him some good," Oropher smirked.

"_The bottle broken against your fucking head will do you some good,"_ Thranduil muttered, under his breath.

"What?" the fraud king asked. Azog was cackling with amusement, Thranduil's snarky comment wasn't missed by the orc.

"No wine, he is too young," Thranduil said, before he glared at everyone. "Besides, it is my wine! Get your own!"

"Sharing is caring!" Glorfindel smirked. "Although I think I like the idea of that nutella thing you were talking about. It's given me some ideas Tor!"

"Glorfindel!" Erestor gasped. Thranduil rolled his eyes; even around a king (or fake king) and two orcs the balrog slayer only thought about one thing- and it wasn't balrogs! "There are children present!"

"And when has that ever stopped him," Thranduil smirked when the servant-girl returned with wine goblets and a bottle of wine. The prince took the bottle and waved off the glasses. "They are not necessary- I will drink out of the bottle."

The servant girl stared at the prince wide-eyed as the shifter took several of the goblets and placed the on the table.

"He is kidding," Oropher chuckled, glaring at the heir of Greenwood. Thranduil smirked at him.

"Bring us another wine bottle," Thranduil said, he never listened to his true father when it came to wine. And this buffoon was expecting him to listen now! "My father seems to have forgotten I do not drink by the cupful."

"Yes, my Lord," the lady walked away quickly, eager to escape the strange royals. She already knew there was something wrong with the king- it was the latest gossip in the kitchen- but no one said anything about the prince!

"Make it a vintage bottle please," Thranduil called out, "I'm getting married, and I have a reason now to use my vintage collection!"

Legolas looked at his father, so confused by his behaviour but Glorfindel and Erestor were not in the least bit surprised. When Thranduil wanted to, he could be the most annoying spoilt prince on all of Arda.

This time when the wine came another servant arrived, an elder she-elf then the last- one who never took any rubbish from the prince. Thranduil recognized her as his once nursemaid. He still wasn't sure who was scarier, a balrog or Ruthel.

As a child he had spent most of his time with her; she was like a mother to him. After his mother had died his father was hardly around, Ruthel practically raised him when his father was not around. He loved the woman dearly but by the Valar he was scared of her. And rightfully so; she was the one person who he could never quite get away with his childish behaviour as an elfling. He noticed she was carrying a tray towards him. It held a bottle of wine and behind it a jar of Nutella. Thranduil grinned at the woman.

"Ruthel! It is a pleasure to see you again!" Thranduil grinned, "But I am certainly more happy to see my wine!"

The woman gave him an admonishing stare to which he blushed- he could never quite give her attitude. Her stare softened though and he smiled weakly at her. She had been sent out to assess him- no one in the kitchens doubted her ability to recognize him.

"Thank you," he smiled as he took the wine and nutella. Legolas looked eagerly at the nutella jar and soon was munching down on the sandwich his father had made him. Thranduil made several more sandwiches and passed them around; personally handing each sandwich to the person he had made it for, until he reached the king- he handed it to Azog and muttered, "Give it to him."

"So, uh what's on the agenda today?" Glorfindel asked trying to ease the tension.

"Wedding planning!" Thranduil said. "We have a wedding planner come in soon to help with the decorating of the hall, and I will see several robes- my clothes designer is coming by with some robes for me. She's also agreed to fit the orcsies into tuxedoes."

"I'm not wearing-"

"Yes, you are," Thranduil said, glaring at the orc, "You do not have a choice!"

"Best not to argue," Erestor said, to the orc with a smile. "When Thranduil says something, you do it."

"Agreed, unless if you want to be ignored for a month," Glorfindel said, "Tor is the same."

"Guess who's sleeping on the couch tonight," Erestor muttered.

* * *

"No-no, not black," Thranduil said, shaking his head as Bolg stood uncertainly in a black tuxedo. "Does it come in Royal Blue or even white, Gloria?"

"White is available, but not blue," his stylist replied, chewing obnoxiously on her gum as she measured the orc. "We do have a very nice cherry red."

"Hmmm, white would be nicer," Thranduil said. "It will bring out his-err, his nose, I suppose?"

Bolg checked himself out in the mirror, stunned. His father and brother stared at him with the same look.

"Lurtz and Legolas should wear something similar," Erestor said, "Or even the same suits?"

"I like that idea," Thranduil nodded.

"I'll have to measure them first," Gloria replied, "Now what will the groom be wearing-err who is the groom exactly?"

"Technically we both are," Thranduil replied with a grinned, "But I will wear new formal robes- Azog can wear a tux too- no one will be looking at him."

Lurtz snorted, and even Bolg chuckled slightly. Azog rolled his eyes.

"Although, I think the cherry red tux would be lovely on him," Thranduil smirked. Azog's eyes bulged but he chose not to speak.

"And what about the maid-of honour?" Gloria looked at Erestor.

"Man of honour," Erestor corrected.

Gloria looked at the elf perplexed and then turned to Thranduil, whispering not all too quietly; "That's a man-elf?!"

Thranduil burst out laughing and nodded.

"Don't you dare tell Glorfindel!" Erestor warned, his cheeks burning red with embarrassment. Thranduil laughed harder. "_Shut up_!"

"I've brought in some magazines and five robes for you to try on," Gloria said, her crazy brown curls bouncing as she walked over to grab the said items. "Two are Versace, Prada and Gucci and the final is Louis Vuitton."

"Wonderful, I'll see the robes first," Thranduil said, looking expectantly at Azog. The orc stood there dumbly. "You can leave now!"

"Uh- right, come on boys lets go," Azog muttered. The three orcs more or less bolted from the room. Thranduil let out a sigh of relief as he followed the stylist to the large suitcases she had brought with her. Thranduil waited impatiently as she pulled out the Prada robes first. They were pure white in colour, outlined by lace. Thranduil shook his head; it looked far too virgin-like for his liking.

One of the Versace dressed looked more or less identical to the first dress only it was an off cream. The other Versace dress was beautiful; it was a light teal webbed with an intricate design of silver silk. The Gucci dress was hideous; Thranduil had no idea why Gloria had even brought it along. The final robe was the Louis Vuitton. It was pale silver and like the second Versace dress was laced with darker silver patterns, it was perfect. Too perfect, Thranduil thought, for the wedding to an orc.

"I'll try the teal Versace robe first and then the Louis Vuitton," Thranduil said, he already knew both robes were coming home with him. The teal robes were gorgeous- and not only for a wedding. But the silver robes were wondrous. He knew exactly where he would wear them. Gloria handed him both robes and he disappeared into the bathroom. He first tried the teal robes, exiting the bathroom to show them off.

"Ada, you look beautiful," Legolas said, wowed.

"Aye, very handsome," Erestor agreed, smiling lovingly at his best friend.

"Thank you," Thranduil smiled, "I will try on the other robe too. Gloria just so you know I'm purchasing both robes either way."

He was already behind the closed bathroom door before he could hear her answer. He stripped and changed into the second robe. He swallowed, as he looked himself up and down by the mirror. It was beautiful- he looked breathtaking. He slowly made his way out to the room again and blushed when Erestor let out a wolf whistle.

"Thrandy! You look amazing!" Erestor said, happily. "I wish I had my phone with me to take a photo!"

"It looks good?" Thranduil asked, unsurely. He was second-guessing himself.

"It looks great, meldir," Erestor smiled, "Will you wear this one or the other?"

"Uh, I'm not sure," Thranduil lied; he was wearing the other robe. This one was too beautiful to wear before an orc. Azog couldn't appreciate beauty if it knocked him across the head wearing a leotard. "I will take both and work it out."

"Can I wear it too when I'm bigger, ada?"

"Yes," Thranduil nodded, smiling happily. "Of course you can!"

* * *

"I wasn't sure, ma'am," Finerie whispered, drying off the dishing that another servant had washed. "He just seemed… unusual."

"It is him," Ruthel said, "Tauriel was right. He is simply putting on an act; most likely to keep those scumbags under control."

"Should we help him?" the fourth elleth asked. "I don't know, perhaps we could feed the orcs and that fraud king laxatives- Rusgon was having some troubles some weeks ago. I had to purchase the pills- there is still an entire container full. I think I overcompensated how many he would need."

"Amarnaphel, do we really want to be cleaning the bathrooms after an orc has had the runs?" Helegel replied, turning off the taps.

"Good point," she replied, making a face as Tauriel walked in with Dulinner, who looked immensely upset.

"I'd advise not doing anything," Tauriel replied, "Calardan was just imprisoned- Denethor claimed he was planning to assassinate the king."

"My brother!" Finerie whispered; the she-elves paled.

Amarnaphel covered her mouth in shook, "But- he wouldn't-"

"-will they kill him?" Finerie asked, she was terrified at the thought. Tauriel shook her head, "Is it not considered high treason?"

"The king stated no one would spoil his son's wedding," Dulinner muttered, "His execution will be after the wedding. I don't understand where the accusations came from."

"I'm sure they were made up," Tauriel murmured, "They need someone to blame for what will take place after the wedding."

"We need to help him and leave the city," Helegel said, "And we need to take our Prince with us- more lives will be in danger if we remain."

"No, you will stay put and go about what you are doing," Tauriel said, "If we leave now, we risk everything- our prince is prepared- he knows what he is doing."

"What is his plan?" Dulinner replied, "and how is he able to do anything from behind closed doors- he plans to marry the orc doesn't he- he will sacrifice himself?"

"Oh, he shouldn't!" Finerie whispered.

"Hasn't he been through enough!" Helegel muttered

"Trust him," Tauriel said, "Thranduil has never let his people down before. He may have left us a few years ago but he will never desert us!"

* * *

"Be sure he doesn't escape," Saruman hissed at the two orcs guarding their new prisoner. The elf lay unconscious in small cage- barely big enough for a dog- arms bound behind his back, feet chained to the cage and mouth gagged. "He has a large part to play when the king dies."

"I don't understand why he isn't kept in the dungeons," Denethor muttered.

"I want people to think our friend here has escaped," Saruman said, "He will be the one after all to deliver the final blow to our dear king."

The shifter snorted, "Good, I'm sick of this form. I want to go back to being little old me!"

"Only a week left," Saruman replied. "And then all of Middle Earth is ours!"

Glorfindel and Tauriel eyed each quietly as they spied through the peepholes. Now they had to add Calardan to their list of people who needed rescuing. Glorfindel motioned to the smaller female to start moving down the passageways; they would discuss their new findings once they reached the rooms. Several days had past since the wedding planner had arrived- the wedding plans were running smoothly- Thranduil acted his part of a spoilt princely diva. He spared no expense- Oropher (the imprisoned one) was somewhat annoyed but according to the fake Oropher the media was willing to pay millions to be at the wedding!


	18. Chapter 18

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 18/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 18

* * *

Only four days remained to the wedding. In Greenwood, every elf was busy- trying to clean and prepare the halls- Thranduil had demanded the entire palace be spotless! He even managed to order several of the orcs he saw to clean! He had a little giggle to himself when he saw two of the most ugly orcs trying to clean the windows…

The hall where the wedding itself was to take place had been transformed from a standard dull hall, to a formal hall set up with several tables around a round dance floor. The bridal table was in the corner of the hall, on a small deck, looking on at the rest of the hall, and the Ceremonial Arch was set up against the wall, opposite to the large oak doors that led into the halls, and several metres to the left of a smaller door that led down a spiral staircase to the back gardens of Mirkwood- which were being tended to for the wedding. Part of the wedding would take place there- it was right beside the garages where Azog kept his ride- he insisted that they'd leave for their honeymoon as soon as the wedding was over. The idea of a honeymoon with an orc disgusted the elven prince.

Thranduil sat on the ground by the fire with Legolas in his lap, Saelbeth was trying to teach Lothvaen how to play Chess; he gave up and decided to teach him the simple game of Snap with a deck of cards. On the day he ordered his robes, Thranduil also had the two young elves fitted; Gloria had made the two elflings matching robes- Lothvaen was gobsmacked when the robes and tuxedos arrived that morning. He was in disbelief that the dark blue robes were his; Thranduil thought the young elf looked amazing; he chuckled telling younger elf he'd knock over many of the men and women present with his good looks. True to his nature Lothvaen didn't believe him!

Thranduil smiled, as he finished on braid in his son's hair. Gil-Galad had arrived that morning, with Lindir, and played his role perfectly; acting unaware of what was occurring around him. Lindir had remained away and had not yet seen Lothvaen- which suited the young elf. Thranduil had to calm the elfling down before he hyperventilated and passed out!

Elrond, Galadriel and Celeborn arrived that afternoon and they too acted the part of proud friends and cousins. He was glad to see them; they had only just left his chamber a short while ago. Celeborn had Thranduil holding in his laughter when the elf gave Azog the customary warning a father would usually give his teenage daughter's first date. Thranduil had shrugged at the baffled orc and stated it was Celeborn's prerogative as his adopted uncle!

Right now his dwarf would be making his way to Mirkwood along with his allies and friends. He would arrive in Mirkwood in a few hours. Thranduil found himself unable to stop smiling at the thought of seeing the dwarf.

* * *

"I want him dead!" Aragorn snapped, flinging a book across the room in his anger. "I don't care what it takes! He killed my dad! He destroyed my life! I am not staying here! I can't stay here!"

"Estel, you're letting your anger take control of you," Ecthelion said, gently. "You will get yourself killed – or hurt someone in the process. I understand-"

"-No! No you don't!" Aragorn hissed, "You were not there! You didn't see your father breathe his last breath! You weren't driven out of your home! You weren't on the streets for months on end – starving, scared and **alone**!"

Ecthelion held the younger human still, his hands resting on his shoulders as he murmured, "You are not alone anymore- you have a family. Elrond loves you like his own son- the twins and Arwen adore you and look up to you! If you allow seek out revenge and get it, nothing will change! At least nothing for the better! Killing Denethor will not bring your father back- it will not make the pain lessen! It will change nothing for the good! It will change you, but it will be a change you will struggle to live with! Taking a life isn't something that easy to do-"

"-It didn't stop _him_ from taking my father's life!"

"That's because he is not a good person!" Ecthelion said, firmly. "You are! You are a good person! But if you kill him it will change you!"

Aragorn let out a tired sigh as he flopped down on the couch, his hands pulling softly at his dark locks. "I just want my dad back."

Ecthelion sighed as he sat beside the boy, resting his hand on the boy's shoulder, "I know. You've been so strong these last few months. You've grown up so much. I'm sure your father would be very proud of you too because I'm so proud of you."

Aragorn smiled, weakly blushing. He needed to change the subject. "Why didn't you go with them? I thought you'd want to go- you'd kick ass."

"I do want to go," Ecthelion replied, "I'm worried sick about letting Elrond go on his own- but some of us have to remain behind to be with the kids. Galadriel feared leaving the children with only a few dwarves and the hobbits. So I agreed to stay behind; one can never know who might attack and when."

"I suppose you're right," Aragorn smirked, "Balrogs might attack!"

"Balrogs no, but I wouldn't rule out orcs," Ecthelion replied. "No one expected the balrogs all those years ago, Gondolin was a hidden city, but yet it fell. I'm going to check on Rumil and the twins- it's too quiet."

"That's a sign they're up to something," Aragorn smirked. Ecthelion exited the room as Aragorn made his way over to the window and peered outside. The dwarves, elves and the one hobbit left an hour earlier. They had spent most of the morning loading several small trucks with the weapons that they were going to drive out to the edge of Mirkwood's forests. The walk from the caves to the Palace itself was a long one- possibly a half day's walk. There was only two days to the wedding and time was running out.

Aragorn eyed Elrond's car in the driveway. Could he? He could drive down to Mirkwood himself- he had to go! He needed to finish Denethor off- even if he didn't kill him- he had to be the one to put the bastard away.

He didn't know the way to Mirkwood though; not that it was a problem. Google Maps would solve that problem. How could he sneak out though without Ecthelion seeing him?

Aragorn's eyes widened; Thorin's bike! The dwarf said that he had left it at Thranduil's place- sure, he had no idea how to ride a motorbike but it couldn't be that hard! He was quite skilled on his old bike and on his scooter as a boy.

The young man turned his attention to the computer and soon enough he had found a map to Mirkwood to print out. He would leave after midnight once Ecthelion was asleep.

"What's that for?"

Aragorn yelped when he noticed Haldir looking over his shoulder. That blasted elf was too quiet!

"What have I told you about sneaking up on me!?" Aragorn snapped, folding the map quickly. "It's nothing."

"Was that a _map to Mirkwood_!?" Haldir asked. His eyes widened. "_You're going_- but- but its dangerous! You can't go alone!"

"I wont be alone when I get there!" Aragorn whispered.

"But how are you going to get there?" Haldir said, his eyes shone with worry. "Everyone left!"

"I'm taking Thorin's bike- he left the key on the bench- I just have to walk to Thranduil's place," Aragorn said.

"Isn't that stealing?!"

"NO!"

"Can you even ride it?" Haldir asked, "What if you crash!? You could be killed! Or worse!"

"What's worse then dying?" Aragorn laughed.

"Its not funny! You could be a paraplegic like Superman!"

"Superman isn't a parap- oh you mean Christopher Reeves- he was a quadriplegic," Aragorn corrected. The younger elf was far too much of a melodramatic worrywart.

"See! That's worse!" Haldir gasped, "You can't go! Please! I don't want to lo…"

The elf blushed, drifting off. Aragorn smiled as he stood up before the shorter boy. He wrapped his arms around the elf and pulled him into a tight hug. The elf was tense- like he had never been hugged before- finally after a minute he returned the hug, wrapping his own arms around the man.

"Don't kill him," Haldir said, his voice muffled into the man's shoulder. "Ecthelion is right- he isn't worth it. Besides, you said Boromir and Faramir were your friends. Killing him will mean you will lose them. I don't wanna lose you either."

"I'll come back, I promise," Aragorn said, softly. Unconsciously he ran his hands up and down the elf's back, as he inhaled the elf's scent. "I'll be careful."

* * *

"You must be Thorin Oakenshield," Tauriel said, the sun was setting as the three trucks had finally arrived, "Prince Thranduil has spoken highly of you. You and your people are most welcome."

"You came out here alone?" Thorin stared at the red-haired she-elf. He slid out of the truck; she had halted them at the edge of Mirkwood forest.

"One of my men is staying behind as a look out," Tauriel shook her head as she replied, "There is a spy in our ranks- he is the only elf I truly trust at the moment. No one knows of your arrival. The cave is sealed- Prince Thranduil had told me that you would be able to park the trucks under its cover but there is no way you can fit the trucks under there- we will have to go by foot from here- just how many are there of you?"

"Three trucks full of weapons and men," Thorin said. "Those two trucks are all elves from your sister-city and the last truck are my brethren."

Tauriel whistled a tune that sounded much like a canary and before soon a dark haired elf came sliding down from one of the trees.

"No one has followed us," he said quietly. Thorin knocked on the back of both trucks and soon enough they both opened.

"We need to move swiftly- we should reach the caves before the sun disappears completely," Tauriel said, "It isn't that far, so long as we move quickly and as quietly as possible."

"Just how quiet can a dwarf be?" Dulinner asked, his brow rising. Tauriel let out an exasperated sigh.

"As quiet as you with my axe up your arse," Dwalin replied.

"Alright! Alright, that's enough," Thorin quickly cut in before the arguing escalated. Dulinner only smirked though, he was merely jesting; he had no plan to start a mini-war with the dwarf. Just rile him up a little.

"We should make our way back now," Tauriel said, she turned to her brethren who stood in formation behind the dwarf. Tauriel smirked slightly; the dwarves on the other hand were scattered haphazardly looking around impatiently. She wondered what had attracted her prince to the dwarf; she would keep an eye on him just to find out. "Mae Govannen, Faerveren."

"Mae Govannen, Tauriel," a dark haired elf smiled at her, "It has been many years since I last came to Greenwood; though I do wish it was under better circumstances. I see my dear little brother is making himself useful."

"Oh! Faerveren, my dear big brother! I didn't see you there!" Dulinner said excitedly. Tauriel stared at the elf oddly as he addressed the captain of the Imladris guard. "I thought that beastly scent was the dwarf- I should have known it was you!"

"Dulinner!" Tauriel hissed.

"Why you tree-shagging-" Dwalin growled- Balin grabbed a hold of his younger brother before he beheaded the snarky elf. Dulinner grinned at Faerveren who shook his head at the younger elf.

"Enough!" Thorin growled. "Get the weapons and start walking! Now! Tauriel lead the way!"

Soon enough they were making their way quickly through the forests. Nothing was said as Tauriel swiftly made her way over to the dwarf who led the pack.

"You are going the wrong way," she whispered, she recalled Thranduil mentioning something about the dwarf having a bad sense of direction. "Go left."

Thorin nodded as he took a left turn.

"I am sorry about Dulinner," Tauriel sighed, looking at the younger elf who now walked quietly beside his older brother, Faerveren squeezed his brother's shoulder's gently. "His lover has been imprisoned; he is merely worried for Calardan-"

"I understand how he feels, more then you know," Thorin sighed; the jokes and insults were a way for the elf to mask his pain. He slowed as they reached a fork in the path. "Which way now?"

"To your right, follow the path; we go straight from here until we reach the old oak tree, then we go left again," Tauriel said, softly. "Is that a hobbit?"

"Yeah, he is very good friend of mine," Thorin said, he smiled affectionately at the hobbit who appeared to be complaining about Bofur again. "In fact, it was his fault I met Thranduil- I owe him big time."

"Thranduil never told me how you two met," Tauriel smiled. "But he has spoken very tenderly about you. And your two sons?"

"They're my nephews, but yeah, they might as well be my sons," Thorin smiled, "They miss him as much as I do. How is Legolas?"

"He is well," Tauriel smiled, "I have not seen him since his birth. He has grown in to a delightful young elfling."

"He is so different to my boys," Thorin grinned, his pride of the boys shining through his smile. "Quiet and calm. Although I have to say, in the last few months he has spent with my nephews; he has come out of his shell."

"He threw a bread loaf at the orc," Dulinner pipped in quietly from behind them. "Or so we were told."

"Who told you that?" Tauriel asked, as Thorin started chuckling.

"One of the kitchen maids told Finerie," Dulinner replied, "You know women and gossiping. She overheard the dick telling the douche bag king."

"Dulinner!?" Faerveren gasped.

"What? It's not the real king, it doesn't count."

* * *

"Neither she nor Dulinner have been seen my lord," a elf murmured quietly to the white wizard. "Everything else however is prepared for tomorrow night."

"And what of the King of Imladris?" Saruman asked, eying his servant. "Are the orcs prepared?"

"Aye- they all await my command," Fuin replied, "Shall I send out some orcs to find the two-"

"No, Groch did not see either leave their bedchambers- they were most likely indisposed when you went knock–"

"My Lord-"

A raised bony finger silenced the elf; Saruman made his way over to the door but before he reached the door it flung open and a light haired elf was tossed to the ground by the false king.

"Found this thing spying on you," the shifter smirked.

"Fuin!? I- I don't understand? What are you doing!?" Aniror gasped, he pulled himself to his knees but before he could stand a hard boot collided with his jaw. Fuin gripped his blond locks forcing him to stare into the eyes of the traitor. "w-why?"

"Our king had my daughter killed," Fuin hissed, "It is only fitting I returned the favour with his life!"

"He didn't- she took her own life- Lygil tried to kill your only grandson!" Aniror gasped back, his eyes watered in pain. "It makes sense now – she was insane! Like her fath-"

He was silenced as a hand backhanded him back to the ground. His head collided hard with the stone ground, knocking him out cold.

"Tie him up and throw him with Calardan," Saruman said, coldly. "He can be another number to add to the list of elves our captive will slaughter."

"So what's this about you and your only grandson?" the shape shifter asked the furious elf.

"The prince's son is my grandson," Fuin replied, "I plan on taking the boy back- Oropher had my daughter imprisoned- she killed herself or so he tells everyone- I know the truth! Thranduil, that bastard dared blame my daughter; saying she had tried to kill her son! He cried to his father that he feared losing his son- he will lose more then his son!"

The shifter smirked as the elf stalked off. He picked the unconscious elf up and made his way to the room Calardan was squirming inside the dog-sized cage. The elf looked at Aniror with wide eyes as the shifter threw him to the ground, gagged him and chained both his hands behind his back to the cage.

"You elves… your lives are like Bold and the Beautiful," the shifter chuckled, stroking Calardan's thick red mane through the cage. The elf shivered and tried to shift away. "Don't worry, you'll be out of there long enough. Kind of like how I'll be out of this bloody meat suit soon; I just need to wait until you take a knife to the king."

Calardan shook his head, fervently.

"Oh, but you will," the shifter smirked, "Or at least I will, wearing your pretty little face… but you'll get the blame for it. Then I can finally leave this stupid joint. I'll take Silinde with me though, I like him- he's pretty- and perhaps I'll take that Dínendal fellow too- see we originally planned on using him as the fall-guy but no one would believe he could out manoeuvre a king- even in his sleep. You on the other hand; you're perfect. Strong, powerful warrior; swift and accurate. You know, it's a pity you'll be dead in a few days- your sweet little friend will be devastated- but I'm sure I could cheer Dulinner up. He and Silinde could get reacquainted."

Calardan released a string of curse words, muffled by the gag. He glared up at the shifter who smirked at him behind his king's face.

"I'll see you later," the shifter smirked, "Silinde misses me."

* * *

"We are here," Tauriel said, quietly as they slid into the hidden caves. "Dulinner and I need to return to our chambers immediately- before we are discovered to be missing. If you follow the arrows and signs they will lead you to the dungeons. I suggest though that most of you remain here- least you be overheard. I will see you in the morning, good luck."

"Be careful," Faerveren said, squeezing his brother's shoulder affectionately. "And stay out of mischief."

The younger elf said nothing but smiled at his older sibling before he followed his captain and made his way to his empty chamber for the night.

"Are we going to go down to the dungeons now?" Bilbo asked. Thorin turned to his kin and the hobbit.

"Tauriel's right, if we all go we'll make too much noise," Thorin murmured, "I think only a few of us should go first. Scout the area out; see how we're going to mine our way into the dungeons. I'll take seven of my men and the hobbit."

"The dungeons are to the left," Faerveren said, "And the hall to the right, perhaps we could begin to carry the weapons towards the hall in small groups. It will save us some time…"

"Yeah, maybe five elves at a time," Thorin said, "You lot are quieter on your feet."

"How will you break into the dungeons," a black haired elf asked, "It is solid stone."

"They work in a mine, Boridhren," a blonde replied, sarcastically.

"Still, they will make much noise," he said quickly. "Orcs are stupid but I am sure they will hear the racket of a wall caving in!"

"Well, this is where Thranduil has come in handy," Bilbo smirked.

"He will send his best wine down to the dungeons," Thorin said.

"We hope all the orcs will be drunk off their arses," Bofur finished, "That's when we get to the more louder part of the mining."

"We can mine quietly if we need to," Thorin said, they were skilled miners; he didn't doubt his peers ability. "Carving into the stone will take much longer but whatever works. By Sunday morning however we will be inside and the king will be free. I promised Thranduil I'd free his father so I'm going to do that. Even if the bastard doesn't like me all that much."

"We will head off," Faerveren said, ignoring the comment. "Shall we meet back here later?"

"We'll stay there until the king is free," Thorin said, "I will send one of my men back here in a hour just to inform you of what is happening."

"I'm sure he will love you after all of this," Bilbo said. Thorin grunted under his breath as the elves and dwarves separated into their separate groups. Thorin led the small group of seven dwarves and a hobbit down the dark halls, using torches to light their way. Bilbo walked directly behind him, Bofur and Bifur behind Bilbo, who were followed closely Óin, Glóin, Nori, Balin and finally Dwalin walked at the rear, like a fierce guard. The rest of the dwarves who had come with him remained behind waiting until their leader called them. "These are quite ingeniously designed passages; it must have taken a long time to finish them- and the fact that they remain hidden is amazing."

"We're outside Oropher's chambers," Thorin said, pointing at the plaque, "Thranduil said that his friend is in there- we will be breaking into there as well once we free the king."

"I wonder which way that other elf prisoner is," Bofur muttered, following his leader past the chamber.

"We can work that out later," Thorin said, when he suddenly froze. He let out a weak laugh; his company looked up at the wall and found what had caught Thorin's attention. It was a prettily designed paper labelled 'Thranduil' in glitter! "I will catch up to you in a moment- keep heading down until you get to the dungeons; do not do anything until I get there."

The other dwarves nodded and began to make their way down, Bilbo lingered a little.

"Be careful, you do not want to get caught," Bilbo said, softly. "Say hello for me?"

"I will," Thorin replied with a tiny smile. The hobbit scurried off unheard as Thorin turned to the door and tapped once with his nail. The sound was soft; Thorin was sure the elf could not hear the sound- but he couldn't risk hitting the door to hard and risk being caught. He went to tap once more but the door creaked open carefully. Thorin's breath hitched as he looked up at the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. There was his elf; dressed in nothing but a silk bathrobe of rich red, it framed his elegant body. The elf fell to his knees, letting out a weak sob, he was now looking up at his dwarf's deep blue eyes. "Thranduil?"

"Thorin!" the elf whispered, throwing himself into the dwarf's arms helplessly. "Melamin! How I have long to be in your arms!"

"Are you okay?" Thorin laughed weakly as he breathed in the elf's scent; he still smelt of baby shampoo. "Has he hurt you? Is he here? I'll skin him alive!"

"He has returned to his own chamber," Thranduil whispered, "He has been gentle the last few days- Erestor and Glorfindel's presence has helped, I think. He does not wish to attract attention."

"I hope you have been giving him hell," Thorin murmured, planting several kisses on the elf's neck.

"I've _mmm_-been exactly _- mmm_ like Bridezilla," Thranduil said, between kisses, tumbling back onto tile. He was sprawled on the ground the dwarf lying above him, between his naked thighs. "Take me, please! I need you now!"

"I-I cant," Thorin moaned, he was as hard as stone, no thanks to Thranduil's hand that had slid into his pants. "I want you to be back home safe before I make love to you- I cannot put my selfish wants before you needs. You come first, my beautiful elf- I love you!"

"Please- be selfish I don't care," Thranduil whispered, sitting up, "will you stay the night at least- please?"

"I can't," Thorin said, "There is nothing more I want to do then hold you in my arms all night long. But I need to help my kin free your father. I promise you though; I will not let that orc marry you- I will marry you- you will be mine forever, and I yours!"

"Aye! I do! I do! I do!" Thranduil whispered, each_ I do _was sealed with a kiss. Thorin slowly stood up pulled the elf back to his feet. "Please don't leave."

"I will come back for you," Thorin promised, "Just a few more hours and I'm going to take you back home; our boys miss you and they miss our little Leaf."

"He misses you too," Thranduil murmured, "He is asleep- he asks for you every night!"

"I miss him too," Thorin said, "I need to go, but I will be back for you. I love you."

"I love you too," Thranduil whispered.

"Go sleep, my love," Thorin whispered, "Get a good night's rest knowing you are safe now."

* * *

A warm hand ran up and down his back, stroking him in a caressing manner. Silinde lay helpless in the shifter's arms, his head resting on its chest listening to the strong heartbeat coming from the creature. He didn't think such a creature had a heart. He didn't understand what the shifter was up to; it was being almost kind to him. It had been almost a week since it had last taken him; all his wounds, cuts and abrasions were healing, and rapidly.

"I learnt something interesting today," it murmured, the vibrations from his throat felt against the elf's forehead. "I thought that Saruman scared our little spy into working for him, but in fact your king is the reason he so eagerly helps the white wizard. I didn't know that dear old Fuin was Legolas's grandfather- to be honest; the kid looks nothing like him, fortunately. Fuin is rather ugly for an elf; too butch looking for my liking."

Silinde's mind raced; this was all because of Lygil?! The once proud advisor wondered if Legolas' life was in danger. He wondered how the elf found out about Lygil's death- the king told no one of what he knew, not including himself and he certainly didn't tell Fuin.

"He plans on taking the kid once this is all over," the shifter shrugged, "To be honest- I think Azog will kill him before he can... There is something wrong with that fucking orc. Personally I can't wait to get out of here; it's too closed up, I need some of my old freedom back. Being a king is boring; although having my own personal bitch is fun, I'm certainly keeping you- and the best part is you're immortal, unless if I accidently kill you, which is why I plan on taking your little kiddie with me when I leave-"

"P-please don' hurt him," Silinde whispered his voice hoarse, the thought of his little boy being anywhere near the vile creature by his side petrified him. "d-do anything you want… just leave him 'lone. Leave him here."

"Oh dear me, you're going to abandon your son," the shifter clicked his tongue in disappointment. "You are a terrible father."

Silinde shook his head weakly, "I love him…"

"There, there, Thranduil's a better father to him anyway," the shifter chuckled. Silinde nodded tiredly; he didn't disagree with the creature's comment. "Lovely, a little more then two days until the big day. And then once this is over, I'm going to kill the king wearing Calardan's face and then you and I will live happily ever after. Well, I will, you'll live in my bed back home with your sexy long legs spread. Now where is that fucking wizard? He orders me not to fuck you for a week so you can fucking heal and he's late!"

Silinde's mind reeled. This was why the shifter had stopped taking him every waking moment. He was under Saruman's command… What on earth could the white wizard want?

His fears were about to be answered as knocking brought their attention to the doors. The shifter let the wizard in who was carrying glass of a thin, blue coloured liquid. Silinde swallowed as the shifter was ordered to hold him still. He lay still held tightly by the shifter as the wizard pried his jaw open with bony fingers. The liquid sloshed down his throat until nothing remained but a numbing aftertaste.

Silinde looked up at the shifter who watched him expectantly. The wizard smirked when suddenly Silinde lurched forward, feeling an excruciating pain in his abdomen.

"AIYA!" tears streamed down his face; he felt as though his insides were being torn apart. He let out a pain wail startling the shifter.

"What the hell is wrong with him?" it asked, trying to hold the writhing elf still.

"He is growing a womb," the wizard replied, so plainly. "And the necessary body parts he will need to reproduce and give birth."

"You're fucking shitting me right?" the shifter asked. His facial expression was one of disgust and revulsion. His hand gripped the screaming elf's mouth tightly silencing him, "Thats what this was all about!? Thats why I couldn't fuck him!? Why?!"

"To produce an heir of Royal Blood," Saruman replied, "Someone the people will accept; Thranduil will produce that heir, but I first need to see if this one can last the night. The last time I used this potion it was much different- it worked but it was only a temporary solution- this will last for years."

"You've done this before," the shifter grunted. The elf had broken out into a cold sweat. "Did your last victim survive?"

"Aye," Saruman smirked, his evil stare on the pained elf. "He gave birth a few years earlier and survived. We will see how Silinde goes. By tomorrow morning he should have a new hole for you to play with."

Silinde broke out into tears, his thoughts jumbled by what he had heard. He screamed a muffled cry into the shifter's chest. The shifter watched as the wizard left the room cackling like a madman.

"N-n-no-no-no, please, d-don't do this," Silinde gasped, struggling to breath, "I c-cant sire a c-child. Kill me- kill me please. Just kill me."

"Shut the fuck up," Silinde knew no more when an elbow collided into his temple, knocking him out cold. The shifter looked at the elf, pitying the miserable creature; a new feeling for the shifter. Even out cold the elf whimpered and moaned in pain. The night passed slowly for both the elf and the shifter watching him; for a while the shifter thought the elf had died- he had stopped breathing and went blue in the face. The shifter brought him from the brink twice. It wasn't until the sun rose did the elf finally stop squirming. The shifter eyed the elf quietly as he slowly came to, looking around helplessly.

"Morning," the shifter said. "You feeling okay?"

"W-what happened?" Silinde whispered.

"Ah- I see he is awake," both the elf and shifter jumped startled to see the wizard in the room. "Remove his robes, so that I may examine him!"

"He's naked, you nong," the shifter said, watching as the wizard poked and prodded the elf's nether regions, to the elf's dismay.

"It has worked," Saruman smirked, "You can go back to your usual business with him- in fact you have something new to play with and impregnate."

"About fucking time! I've only waited one damn week. Dunno why I didn't just play with Dínendal again."

Silinde shivered as the wizard left; the shifter eyed him hungrily as it slid above him. Silinde let out a helpless whimper as it began again, the creature did not care about the elf's pleasure or his pain.

* * *

"What do you want?" Azog grumbled as he let the white wizard into his own chambers. Bolg was fast asleep snoring, while Lurtz lay sprawled on the couch watching the latest Pokémon episodes. "Haven't you finished watching yet?"

"Still another episode," Lurtz murmured in a trance. The pale orc rolled his eyes as he turned his attention back to the wizard. He held a mug of something the orc recognized.

"Is that what I think it is?" the orc asked, eying the orcling who was unaware of his surroundings.

"It is," Saruman said, "It is for Thranduil. Make him take it today, for tomorrow after the wedding, when you-"

"What makes you think I want more fucking kids?!" Azog snarled, "I don't even want the ones I have!"

Lurtz growled, "Thanks, I feel loved!"

"You're an orc, you shouldn't be loved," Saruman smirked. Azog half shrugged and half nodded in agreement. "We need an heir- one that is related to Thranduil will have a greater claim to the throne- no one will be able to deny him."

"What about the boy?" Azog said, "Legolas-"

"-Will go with his grandfather-"

"-You're going to kill him?" Azog growled, "Why?!"

"No, I mean his maternal grandfather," Saruman replied, coldly.

"The kid stays with his father," Azog hissed, rising above the wizard threateningly. "It's his son's presence that keep him under my control."

"Then he will be the first in line for the throne!" Saruman argued, "He must go!"

"He doesn't have to go anywhere," Azog growled, snatching the mug from he wizard. "Thranduil will drink the potion, and he wont argue about it. Lurtz, get up, we're going now."

"But Poke-"

"NOW!"

* * *

"You want me to drink that," Thranduil said, eying the mug disdainfully. "And why would I do that?"

Azog glared at the elf, before he grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to the bathroom, sealing them inside. Thranduil didn't bother struggling for once the door closed the elf was released.

"Because you either drink this, and give me an heir," Azog responded, "Or Saruman takes Legolas from you."

"Stay away from my baby!" Thranduil hissed, slapping the orc hard across the left cheek. The pale orc growled as he closed in on the elf who refused to back down. "I have already promised to marry you! Is that not enough!? And now you want me to reproduce! I am a male- I don't reproduce! And how dare you threaten my son! How dare you use him as-"

"-I'm not threatening him! I'm trying to help you," the orc hissed, the elf's eyes widened; there was truth in the orc's eyes. The elf wondered what was going on in the mind of the orc. "Give me an heir and I keep the elfling safe- Saruman wants to give the boy to Fuin- is he not Legolas's grandfather?"

Thranduil paled his knees buckling underneath him. He held onto the sink, breathing out weakly.

"What has Fuin got to do with this?" Thranduil whispered, "He is-"

"Furious about what you did to his daughter!"

"I did nothing to her," Thranduil whispered, sharply, "She tried to kill my son- he was barely a year old! She killed herself after- I do not know why, but I have always hoped it was because she felt remorse about her actions. Why is her father doing this now!? He cant take my son away from me- what if he is just like her!? What if he hurts my baby!?"

"He wont, because the boy is staying with us," Azog responded, "Even if I have to kill that elf- just drink the potion."

"Do we really need more children?" Thranduil grunted. "I hate babies, they poop, and cry, and are gassy. They only sleep when you want to play with them, and they stay awake at all hours of the night!"

"Teens are worse," Azog grumbled, "We can always hire a fulltime nanny."

Thranduil stared at the mug in the orc's hand, "Just what does this do? Are you sure it works?"

"Yeah, it's a temporary thing," Azog replied. "Saruman tested it around 15 years ago on Fig. He was able to fall pregnant for about a week or so. Saruman had to cut the kid out of him though."

"The kid? Do you mean**- no-** that is barbaric!" Thranduil hissed. "He is half-elven?!"

"Yes," Azog nodded.

"And you are his other father?" Thranduil gasped.

"Yes,"

"Lothvaen did not deserve such treatment! How could you possibly agree to such a thing!?"

"I could have let him bleed to death," Azog shrugged, nonchalantly. "I made Saruman look after him. He was taken care of."

"You _raped_ him! You _impregnated_ him! You took him away from his family and you are keeping him from his son! You are a monster!" Thranduil cried, poking the orc in the chest. The pale orc stood there taking it with an impatient yet indifferent look on his face. "And you expect me to marry you and conceive you an heir! How dare you!?"

"Will you hurry up and just drink this," Azog said, with a sigh. He truly didn't care what the elf was saying. "He lived and so did the boy."

"Does he know that Lothvaen is his father!?"

"No- what does it matter!?"

"So you kept them apart all these years!" Thranduil whispered, "How could you do that to him? To both of them!?"

"Will you drink the damn potion!?" Azog snapped, Thranduil glared at the orc but took the mug from him. He drank down the liquid and made a disgusted face. Azog smirked at the disgusted elf, as something occurred to him, "By the end of the week, you'll have a little bun in the oven!"

"Get bent," Thranduil hissed, when just as quickly he doubled over in pain. He let out a wounded cry.

"Elf?"

Thranduil screamed painfully, as the orc moved quickly to his side. The elf gasped as he was pulled into the orc's arms and carried through the bathroom door towards his bed- in a bridal position. Azog placed the flaying elf on the bed as Legolas barged into the room his eyes wide and on his father.

"Ada!? Ada!" Legolas rushed towards his father, grasping the clammy hand, before he glared up at the orc, "What did you do to my ada!?"

Azog was not prepared to be kicked hard in the shin. Twice. The orc howled in pain as Lothvaen ran into the room followed by the younger blonde elf. The dark haired elf pulled Legolas behind his back, shielding him from the furious orc. Azog had to commend the elf's sudden act of bravery.

"Lemme go! I'm gonna kill him! He hurt my ada!" Legolas snarled. Thranduil gasped trying to reach for his son; he landed unceremoniously on the ground. Saelbeth was the first by his side grasping his hand. "Ada! What's wrong with him?!"

"I don't know," the orc growled, pulling the elf to his feet. Thranduil swayed helplessly, clinging weakly to the orc's arm as he was led back to the bed. His insides felt as though something was squeezing them forcefully, tearing them apart. "I'm going to kill that fucking wizard; stay here."

"Can't g-go anywhere," Thranduil gasped, shutting his eyes firmly, forcing his tears back. His son was in the room; he had to be strong for the child. Legolas climbed up beside him, stroking his father's long locks as the orc left the room in a furious rush. Saelbeth sat beside Legolas, placing a comforting hand on the elfling's back. "I-I'm okay."

"No, you're not," Legolas sniffed, "Please don't die!"

"Not dying, ion-nin," Thranduil whispered, wincing painfully. "This is what I get for… for drinking something other then wine…"

"What- what did you drink?" Lothvaen asked, nervously. He stood back a few feet away from the bed, eying the elf, a look in his eyes that Thranduil couldn't place.

"S-something made… by Saruman," Thranduil breathed out weakly. Lothvaen's expression changed from worried to an expression of anger- something Thranduil was not expecting to see on the timid elf's face. "I had to… I… take it… my son…"

"We need to leave now," Lothvaen murmured, "As soon as you're better, we need to leave. Maybe we could convince your friends to help us- no… the loud one, the balrog slayer he agrees with the king-"

"N-no, he doesn't," Thranduil coughed, looking over the elfling's shoulder to ensure they were alone. "They are here to help… trust me… we cannot leave yet… we will escape though…"

"Ada, what was it that you drank?" Legolas asked, Thranduil grunted weakly. "Was it poison?"

"N-no," Thranduil shook his head weakly. "It is merely a potion. I won't die, ion-nin. I'm sure I will be fine soon."

"What does the potion do?" Saelbeth asked.

"Not sure… other then it will make me conceive," Thranduil looked at Lothvaen who looked lost; staring blankly into the distance. "I know, Lothvaen. Azog told me."

"I never wanted anyone to know," Lothvaen whispered, ashamed. Saelbeth and Legolas looked at the dark haired elf confused.

"It wasn't your fault," Thranduil murmured, the pain lessened for a moment; but then returned causing the elf to wince weakly.

"No, of course not," Lothvaen said, laughing a hollow laugh. The two elflings shivered. "It cannot be my fault, I am too weak to blame. I couldn't protect him from his own family… but what does it matter he is an orc- he will grow up to be just like his brother and father. A monster!"

"He is a child," Thranduil whispered, "And he is an elf. Not a monster; we will keep him safe- he will grow up as an elf. He will be just like you-"

"Pathetic and weak," Lothvaen offered, helplessly.

"Brave and strong," Thranduil replied, smiling.

"What are they talking about?" Legolas asked, with a raised brow. Saelbeth shrugged.

"Are you feeling better, my Lord?" Saelbeth asked.

"Haven't I told you to call me Thranduil, or uncle?" Thranduil grumbled, "This is putting a damper in my plans. I need to send my wine to the orcs and elves; I wanted to have a celebration before tomorrow's wedding! This is bull shit!"

* * *

and this is how I'm introducing Mpreg into this wacky universe. And no I am neither drugged nor drunk. Maybe just drunk on power- I control these miserable elves lives.

Thank God I'm not God. Everyone would hate me.

I'll try and update sooner next time- I'm a bit of a slowpoke with updates sometimes!

Peace and Chicken Grease

Afro


	19. Chapter 19

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 19/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 19

* * *

"Mae Govannen Legolas," Tauriel smiled as she walked past the orc guarding the chambers of the two Princes of Greenwood. The young elfling smiled at her cautiously. "I am Tauriel, your father's friend. Where is he, pen-neth?"

"In bed," Legolas said, wearily. "He isn't feeling well. I think Azog poisoned him."

Tauriel's eyes widened, "Show me, where is he resting?!"

The elfling lead her down to the closed door and opened in carefully. Tauriel looked inside to find the elven prince lying, with his eyes closed, and on the bed beside him sat two other elves. The brunette she had seen once or twice with the orcs- he seemed terrified before, now however he looked more confident… and cleaner. The blonde she recognized and knew as Saelbeth. Her heart eased slightly at seeing the young elf she was use to catching out in the trees sneaking pies. It was the first time in months she had seen him; she smiled warmly at him.

Saelbeth grinned widely; he knew her as the she-elf that would often sit with him in a tree, and enjoy the pie he had taken from the kitchens.

"Tauriel!" he wrapped his arms around her pleased. "I missed you!"

"Saelbeth," she smiled returning the hug warmly. "Are you okay? I have not seen you in so long- I thought something terrible had happened to you!"

"I was in a barrel," Saelbeth shrugged, indifferently. Thranduil had rubbed off on the boy! "I'm okay now. Prince Thranduil has been looking after me, Legolas and Lothvaen."

"He is a great prince," Tauriel said, turning her attention to the prince. He had yet to stir and acknowledge her. "What happened?"

"The orc made him drink a potion or something," Saelbeth said, "But he seemed surprised that Prince Thranduil fell sick – he went to see Saruman."

"He shouldn't be sick," Lothvaen said, he quickly averted his eyes when Tauriel looked at him. Tauriel smiled and knelt before him. Gently, she pushed his chin up, forcing him to look at her.

"Tell me what you know," she said gently. "Will Thranduil be alright?"

"I-I think so," Lothvaen said, shyly. "It isn't a poison, just a potion. Though he shouldn't be in so much pain-"

"That fuckface changed the potion," Azog snarled, storming into the room. He glared warningly at Lothvaen who looked at his feet meekly. Tauriel carefully inched between the elf and orc; shielding him. "The change is permanent!"

"What?" Tauriel asked, her brow rising. He pushed her aside and rested his hand on Thranduil's forehead. The she-elf's eyes widened at the orc's display of affection. What the hell was wrong with it?! "What did you do to him?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" Azog growled; getting in the she-elf's face. She looked at him defiantly. "Get out!"

"Not until you tell me what you have done to our prince!" Tauriel snarled. "He looks like he is on death's door- he is pale and clammy-"

Tauriel gasped, painfully as the orc wrapped a hand around her entire throat and squeezed. He growled in her face in an animalistic manner - true to his nature - as she tried helplessly to free herself, struggling to breath. The orc yelped suddenly, releasing her- Legolas had kicked him in the back of the knee. He turned to the elfling and roared in anger; he lashed out but instead of hitting the elfling, Lothvaen took the blow, shielding the elfling. Tauriel was by the elf's side in a moment, he was bleeding profusely from his nose.

Thranduil sat up startled; he held his stomach weakly as he took in the picture. Tauriel held Lothvaen who was crying weakly in her arms while Saelbeth stood before Legolas who was quaking like a leaf behind him.

"What have you done!?" Thranduil asked, his eyes trained on the orc. "What is wrong with you!? Look at what you have done to his face!"

"I wasn't aiming for him, he got in the way!" Azog snapped, "I-"

"You tried to hit my son!" Thranduil hissed, getting to his feet weakly. "How dare you!?"

"He kicked me!"

"He's seven years old!" Thranduil snapped, "How much can it possibly hurt!? You must have done something to anger him- Legolas is a _sweet_ boy!"

"He is a devil child!"

"No, that would be Blog!" Thranduil hissed, "My son is an angel! Now, look at what you've done to poor Lothvaen's face! And the day before my wedding! He is going to look terrible with a black eye! And with all the cameras and TV personalities coming- what am I going to do with his face?!"

Tauriel squeezed the elf's shoulder; Lothvaen looked devastated by Thranduil's words.

"He is fooling the orc," she whispered softly into his ear as she cleared up the blood. "You look fine."

"He looks hideous! Just like Blog!"

Tauriel smiled weakly at Lothvaen. _Thranduil was not helping_.

"It's Bolg!"

"That's no better," Thranduil said, getting in the orc's face. The orc growled but when Thranduil moaned painfully, he clutched him by the shoulders worriedly. "Oh, my stomach- I need to lie down."

Tauriel watched in amazement as the orc led the elven prince back to the bed and helped him get comfortable.

"Sorry," the orc shrugged, "I'll get him some ice."

Tauriel felt faint- what sorcery was this!? Had Thranduil bewitched the orc!?

"What did that white asshole have to say for himself?" Thranduil asked, his voice low and gravelly.

"He changed the potion- it's a more temporary permanent change," Azog hissed.

"What the hell does that mean!?" Thranduil gasped, angrily.

"Around five-six years of having female parts," Azog growled.

"You have got to be joking," Thranduil hissed, "We are not having sex without a condom! Ever!"

Tauriel blushed as Legolas raised a brow, "What's a condom, ada?"

"Never you mind," Azog muttered, his cheeks reddened slightly, "You, elf-woman, take the children to maid of honour's chamber. Thranduil needs rest!"

"Her name is Tauriel," Thranduil said, "Where are you taking my children!?"

"Your friend, Rasputin's," Azog said, growling.

"Who's Rasputin?!" Thranduil asked, his overly dramatic eyebrow rose. He had no friends by the name of Rasputin.

"That friend of yours that looks like a girl- the one with the dark hair," Azog replied, "His husband is the balrog slayer-"

"-oh! You mean Erestor!" Thranduil replied, "Well, in that case, that's fine. Tauriel you may take them to Erestor and Glorfindel."

"Will you be okay alone?" Tauriel asked, she rested a hand on Saelbeth's shoulder.

"Yes, I'm going to stay in bed," Thranduil said, "Maybe have a bath later, when I'm feeling better."

"C-can I stay here?" Lothvaen asked, in a quick soft voice. "Please."

"No," Azog said, sharply. "He needs rest- not your whining! Now scram!"

Lothvaen looked at the elven prince pleadingly. Thranduil smiled at him weakly, "Go on, look after Legolas and Saelbeth while I'm away. When I am feeling better I will come to you okay."

Lothvaen looked down at his feet dejectedly, but allowed Tauriel to lead him out, Legolas gave his father a strong cuddle before he followed Tauriel holding Saelbeth's hand. Once they were out of the chambers Azog sat beside the elf, running his hand's through the elf's long locks, from the roots to the tips. Thranduil subconsciously leaned into the touch, the sharp claw-like nail's scrapped his head but it soothed the elf slightly. Thranduil was too delirious and in pain to care who was touching him. The elf shivered slightly as he pushed himself up and rested his back against the orc's muscly chest.

"I wanted to celebrate tonight," Thranduil murmured, "I wanted to drink wine and send some of my best wine to all the orcs and elves here… I'm too tired now… Do you think you could send wine to everyone if I told you were I kept all my good wine?"

"Err, okay," Azog nodded, "You want to celebrate?"

"I'm getting married," Thranduil shrugged, "Isn't that a reason to celebrate?"

"I thought you didn't want to marry me," Azog said, stiffly.

"I've resigned to my fate," Thranduil shrugged, his eyes tearing up. "No help is coming for me. Glorfindel could have been my saving grace- but he'd rather I marry an orc. Erestor told me about Thorin- he cares not for me. Otherwise he would be here right now…"

"You're right, he doesn't care about you," Azog said, smirking behind the elf. He sucked gently on the elf's ear; Thranduil felt bile rising up his throat. He swallowed deeply trying to keep it from rising any further.

"Tomorrow night you will have me," Thranduil said, his voice heavy with emotion. The orc wrapped his arms around the elf and held him tightly. "Will you be gentle?"

"Yes," the orc said honestly. "I've never been gentle but I'll try anyway."

Thranduil grasped the orc's hand in his own and squeezed, with his own smirk.

"Will you go and send my wine down to everyone?" Thranduil sniffed, "Please… All of it- we should celebrate… I want some too- Valar knows I need it."

* * *

"I want to go back," Legolas whined, stamping an angry foot. "Uncle Tor- cant we-"

"No, pen-neth," Erestor said, the elfling pouted. "If Tauriel is right your father needs some rest. He will come and see us soon. But if he is not here by sunset, we will go to him. After all we have a wedding to prepare for. Now, why don't we go and play a few games? Perhaps Snap, what do you think Fig?"

Lothvaen flinched when his uncle addressed him. Erestor smiled warmly at him, "Uh- o-okay."

"I reckon we should teach them to play Poker," Glorfindel grinned, "Or maybe-"

"Keep it PG, love," Erestor warned. "Let's just stick to Snap… I did see a hungry hippos board game in one of those games rooms. Why don't you go and get that, Glor?"

"Why do I have to go?"

"Will you just go!" Erestor grunted. Glorfindel pouted but nodded as he stomped off childishly, "Fig would you like to go help him. Perhaps you could pick another game as well?"

"Um," he nodded his response and quickly followed Glorfindel out of the room.

Saelbeth and Legolas looked at each other oddly.

"He couldn't get away from me quicker," Erestor frowned, sadly. "Now- what did Thranduil say about this potion? What was it for?"

"So he can fall pregnant," Saelbeth said, "The orc said so-"

Erestor looked dumbfounded, "How is that possible?"

Saelbeth shrugged, "I'm not sure, sir. But Prince Thranduil looked like he was in a lot of pain. He was better when we left though."

"I wanna go back to my ada," Legolas said, his lower lip fell as his eyes water. Erestor pulled him into his arms and held him tightly.

"I know, my little Leaf," Erestor said, "I want him to be here as well. I worry about him too, but your father is a brave and clever elf- he will be fine. I think he has that stupid orc wrapped around his finger."

* * *

"So, uh, Fig right," Glorfindel smiled at the smaller elf. He led the shaky elf to one of the chambers that stored various games, chess sets, board games, card decks and more. "How are you liking Greenwood?"

"Uh, it's um, nice," Lothvaen murmured as he followed the elder elf into the room. He flinched weakly when the door closed behind him.

"You ever played Monopoly before?" Glorfindel asked. The young elf shook his head. He had no idea what Monopoly was. "It's a good game- but if we're going to play with Erestor we need to find something that's easy- that way he will lose. He always wins if it's anything that requires intelligence or skill. I think he cheats. Just don't tell him I said that."

Lothvaen nodded, meekly as he peered closely at the Monopoly box. He picked up the box above the monopoly.

"Scrabble! Have you ever played that before?" Glorfindel asked. "That's a good game. Although overtime I play with Erestor, we fight. He makes up words, told me I was callipygian."

"What does that mean?" Lothvaen asked softly. He sat down on a chair deciding to let the elder elf pick the game. It was not like he could play, he wasn't even sure how to write his own name.

"I have no idea," Glorfindel smiled. "I think it's either an insult or a word he made up. Although knowing Erestor it's probably a real word. He's really clever; he was the chief councillor for the King of Imladris a few centuries ago. He decided to try suburban life with me. He's a hot shot lawyer now- one of the best!"

"How long have you known him?" Lothvaen asked. Glorfindel sat down in the chair adjacent to him.

"Since I was reborn, so about 4000 years," Glorfindel smiled, affectionately. "He was the best thing that ever happened to me- you'll like him a lot."

"I- do you think he will like me?" Lothvaen asked, looking down at his hands, which rested dejectedly on his lap.

"I know he already loves you," Glorfindel said. Lothvaen looked up swallowing.

"You-you know?"

"We do; you are a carbon copy of your father," Glorfindel replied, Lothvaen gasped panicky. "Don't- relax Lothvaen. He is so happy that he found you. He was crying when he first found out; it takes a lot for Erestor to cry. He wants to take you back home to your father- Lindir will be so overwhelmed- he never stopped looking for you."

"W-what if I disappoint them?" Lothvaen whispered, his lip quivering.

"You can never disappoint them," Glorfindel said, "You have no idea how much they both love you; for centuries neither has stopped hoping or looking for you."

"What if mas-Azog doesn't let me go?" Lothvaen said sadly. "And I- I cant leave Lurtz behind, Prince Thranduil's right."

"What about Lurtz? Is that the barfing orc?" Glorfindel asked. "The orc isn't your concern- he wont-"

"-He is my concern," Lothvaen said quietly. "He- he's… this is hard… um, about thirteens years ago… maybe longer… um the white wizard and my mas- Azog tried out a p-potion on me… it was the same one they gave Prince Thranduil… I… Lurtz is…"

Glorfindel knelt before the younger elf, placing a soothing hand on the shaking kneecap. Lothvaen was surprised when Glorfindel used his thumb to wipe away a few stray tears from his eyes. Lothvaen hadn't realised he was crying.

"Go on, what ever you tell me cannot be that bad," Glorfindel said, he had a feeling he knew what the elf wanted to say. "I promise I will not judge you or be disappointed in anyway."

"I fell pregnant. Lurtz is my son," Lothvaen said quickly before he gasped in horror at the sentences that escaped him lips. He never thought he would share this information with anyone. "Please don't hate me!"

But before he could plead his case further, Glorfindel was on his feet pulling the smaller elf into his arms. He held onto Lothvaen tightly.

"I don't hate you," Glorfindel said, "I am proud of you. I know that this was hard for you to admit; but you endured. Come, let us pick a game and we will return to the boys and Erestor. Your uncle loves you very much as do I."

Lothvaen quickly wrapped his arms around the elder elf, sniffling happily. Somebody loved him and it wasn't just Thranduil and Legolas… "What should we get?"

"Have you ever played twister?" Glorfindel asked. "Lets take that and Hungry Hippos. Erestor hates Twister- he always loses!"

The two elves left the room, closing the door behind them as out of the shadows, a small orc emerged, his yellow eyes wide. His thoughts were a jumble. The elf that had been there for him his whole childhood was his parent- the one who gave birth to him - Lurtz sat down in a daze in the chair once occupied by the elf that sired him.

His father lied to him- he said his mother was an orc. He wasn't a full orc- perhaps it was why Azog always called him a disappointment. Lurtz sniffed, rubbing his eyes. His entire life was a lie. Both his parents hated him; he was a child born from a loveless relationship, one of pain and control. No wonder Lothvaen never told him. He disgusted him.

Lurtz sighed, weakly. At least his father had found his family. A family that would care and love him no matter what he was. Lurtz wondered though; Lothvaen didn't want to leave him behind; perhaps he did care.

The orcling stood up; perhaps he could convince the elf to take him with him. He could talk to the elf and beg him to take him with him- to not leave him behind. The young half orc didn't want to spend another minute with his brutal brother and unloving father. Lothvaen was an elf; he would look after him. Lothvaen would love him.

He had to.

* * *

"How is it going?" Oropher whispered through the small hole. Dínendal stood behind him peering through the prison door, eying the orcs guarding them. One of them seemed to be swaying on his feet; Dínendal snorted slightly when he noticed the wine bottles scattered on the ground. The sun had finally set on Mirkwood not that they could tell the difference in the darkness of the dungeons. "Why are you so happy?"

"Thranduil must have spiked the wine because two of the orcs are ready to pass out," Dínendal replied, awarding his king with a rare smile.

"My boy wouldn't let us down," Oropher smiled, "Oi! Dwarf; how goes it?"

"We're getting there," Dwalin hissed through the hole. "If we don't want to get caught we have to mine quietly; which means slowly. Fortunately whomever built the wall we're working on wasn't a great builder…"

"It was a dwarf," Oropher smirked, Dwalin growled at him. "Mind you I had it planned that way. Now where is Thorin?"

"He headed back to the elves, they're preparing the weapons," Balin whispered. "How long until the orcs pass out?"

"If it's the wine I think Thranduil sent down, not long," Oropher replied. "He is the only person I know who can hold _that_ wine down and not even get tipsy. I have a glass and I pass out. It's ridiculous. When will Thorin be back?"

"I'm back now," Thorin answered, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing I just wish to talk to you," Oropher said, he heard Dwalin's heavy footsteps head back to the other dwarves. "It is about Legolas."

"What about him?" Thorin asked, worry etched in his voice.

"You need to get him away from his other grandfather as soon as possible," Oropher murmured, "I fear if Fuin has the chance he will take Legolas- Fuin is a skilled assassin and spy- he knows how to cover his tracks. If he gets away with Legolas we may never see the boy again… You need to protect my grandson-"

"He isn't laying a fucking had on my boy," Thorin said, "On either of them."

"You truly care for them," Oropher smiled through the hole. He couldn't see the dwarf on the other side of the wall. He wondered if the dwarf could even reach the gap. He stuck his finger through the hole and tried to feel around.

"What are you doing?" Thorin asked.

"Can you touch my hand or are you too short?"

"I'm a dwarf not a hobbit!" Thorin snapped, he was tempted to break the wriggly finger. However the elf's cries would alert the guard. "I'll have you know I'm considered rather tall!"

"A tall majestic dwarf," Oropher said, nodding to himself. "Perhaps I judged you too quickly. I have reconsidered. You are more then welcome into my family, Thorin Oakenshield. My son has chosen wisely."

"Thank you, you raised a great son," Thorin said, softly. "Given that he drinks more then seven dwarves combined…"

"He loves his wine," Oropher chuckled. "So how is the Hi-ho-ing going?"

"Was that a Snow White reference?" Thorin asked bluntly.

"Possibly,"

"Whatever Santa's Little Helper," Oropher could hear the smirk behind the walls.

* * *

"I feel so much better now," Thranduil said, with a smile. He led Erestor and Glorfindel back to the garden. Saelbeth and Legolas were sitting by the water watching the large fish, looking bored. "But now I'm wide awake and it's near midnight. Where is Lothvaen?"

"He went to return the games we took from one of those rooms," Glorfindel said, "He's a good kid."

"He isn't a kid," Erestor said, with a faint smile. "He won twister- though I think Glor let him win."

"Yeah, I figured he needed the confidence boost," Glorfindel replied, "I had to tickle Legolas and Saelbeth to get them out- Erestor sucks at Twister anyway."

"I'm sure it had nothing to do with you licking my ear and neck," Erestor said, blandly. "He is a terrible cheat and he knows it!"

"You still owe me that game of naked twister," Glorfindel smirked.

"Forget it, you're a cheat!" Erestor laughed.

"You two are hopeless," Thranduil chuckled, "Do you ever think of anything other then sex?"

"What more is there to life?" Glorfindel grinned, "We're married now, so that's it for us- making love and cuddling."

"I've always wanted a child," Erestor said, softly. Glorfindel smiled weakly at his lover. He squeezed the darker haired elf's hand affectionately.

"Would you like my womb?" Thranduil offered seriously. "You should adopt a child- you well both make wonderful parents. Whomever they are they will be the luckiest child ever. Legolas is the luckiest now with you both in his life."

Erestor pulled Thranduil quickly into his arms and held him tightly. Glorfindel on the other hand was blushing madly.

"You really think so," Glorfindel asked, "I mean its one thing to babysit Legolas for a few hours but to have our own child- I don't doubt Erestor at all- he was born ready for a child but…"

"Don't doubt yourself, my love," Erestor said, rubbing the Gondolian's cheek affectionately. "You will make a perfect mother."

"Wait- What!?" Glorfindel chuckled, "why am I the mother?! You're the one who looks like a girl!"

"You both look like girls," Thranduil smiled, "I wonder what's taking Lothvaen so long."

"I spoke to him earlier," Glorfindel said, "He knows that we know who he is. He thinks we worked it out completely on our own… He told me something about that young orcling-"

"-I know," Thranduil said, sadly.

"What is it?" Erestor asked, disliking that he was out of the loop.

"The potion I drank this morning, he drank few years or so ago," Thranduil said sadly. "Lurtz is his son… The child is half – elven. Azog is his other father."

"W-what?" Erestor gasped, his eyes moistened, "I did not want to believe he was violated in such a way- how could he do that to my nephew? I- I – What do we do? How can…"

"We be there for him," Glorfindel said, gently, holding his lover tightly. "He is a strong and brave elfling; just like his uncle and his father."

"What about the orc child? What do we do with it?" Erestor asked.

"Treat _him_ with love and respect," Thranduil replied, "He is half-elven. I know if we treat him how he deserves to be treated he will grow up to be a good person. He is after all related to two of the greatest people I know, a brilliant, strategic, talented and handsome elf and then you!"

Erestor chuckled amusedly. "Funny- tomorrow, I will pay you back during the Best Man's speech."

"I've told you, Bilbo is the Best Man," Thranduil laughed, "You are the maid of Honor!"

"So that makes you the bride?"

"Thorin has a beard," Thranduil shrugged. "why argue with logic?"

* * *

The dark haired elf jumped when he turned to find Lurtz standing before him, blocking his path to the door.

"L-Lurtz, what a-are you doing here?" he didn't sound as confident as he had hoped to sound.

"I- um… I was wondering," the young orcling struggled to get the words out, but then he blurted them straight out with wide eyes. "Please take me with you tomorrow- Please don't leave me with him anymore. You know what he's like! I'll do anything! I'll _bath _every night, and I'll- I'll be good. You wont even know I'm there! Please! I know you're my d-dad, please don't leave me with him- please!"

Lothvaen panicked; how did the boy find out!? If Azog found out that Lurtz knew he would kill them both. "You cant-"

"Please," Lurtz fell to his knees his arms wrapped around Lothvaen's legs. Tears streamed down his face. "I cant stay with them anymore- I- I hate them. He doesn't care about me- and Bolg hurts me all the time, especially now that you're not there- please don't leave me with them. I want to go with you- I'll be-"

"Shhh!" Lothvaen hissed loudly. "If Azog hears you; he'll kill me! You were never suppose to find out- he doesn't want you to know! I'm sorry, but I cant-"

"I'll be good! I swear I'll be good," Lurtz cried, sniffling. "Please don't send me back to them. Please- I l-love you."

Lothvaen fell to his knees wrapping his small arms around the sulking orcling. "I- I'll do my best. I promise. I'll l-look after you; just don't tell your father th-that you know. He doesn't want you to know-"

"Because he isn't my father- you are, you love me, right?"

"Y-yeah, I do," Lothvaen said, a little hesitantly. "I need to get back- so do you- I don't want him to get angry with you-"

"-I remember now," Lurtz whispered, "When I was really little- he'd hit me and you'd always make it better… I love you, daddy. Please don't leave me."

The orcling's voice was so child-like; Lothvaen struggled to not smile at the words.

"I wont, I promise," Lothvaen whispered, "I'm gonna go home to my dad, and you're going to come with me. I promise. Now come on- we need to head back- you need to go back to Azog- hey hey- don't cry any more. It will be the last time. When Thranduil has Azog distracted you and me are going to run away. Maybe we'll take Legolas and Saelbeth with us-"

The door began to creak open, Lurtz grabbed the elf by the wrist and dragged him behind the large sofa, "Shh!"

Lothvaen swallowed but obeyed; he didn't dare look to see who had walked in. Lurtz on the other hand used the darkness of the room to observe who had walked in; he turned to Lothvaen and placed a finger on his lips. Lothvaen nodded meekly; he recognized the first voice. A voice he was terrified of; one that always was accompanied with pain.

Saruman.

The other voice however he didn't know. It was cold and angry, hissing furiously about the prince and the king and of Legolas. Lothvaen bit his lip to silence himself before he panicked and gave himself away. A plot was being formed.

Thranduil would be distracted by the pale orc; and Legolas would be free for the taking. The boy would never see his father again. Lothvaen swallowed; he barely survived that fate. He couldn't allow it to happen to Legolas; the boy was a spirited individual.

He had to warn Thranduil. He would not allow Legolas to grow up with out his father. He couldn't.

Lurtz startled him slightly when he slid a hand into his own and squeezed. The elf wondered if the orcling knew what he was thinking of as he offered silent comfort. The door slammed again. Lurtz waited a moment before he peered up to find the room empty again.

"Come on- lets go and tell Thranduil," Lurtz said, getting to his feet. "He'll know what to do. He's smart."

"Hold on- wait until they move away from the door," Lothvaen whispered, he grabbed hold of the boy's shoulder. "They could still be outside talking- lets just wait a moment."

Lurtz nodded, leaning into the touch. "I cant hear anything."

"Shhh," Lothvaen said, softly, "I'm the elf- I have better hearing- I think they're moving away."

"Well, I have half of your hearing," Lurtz said, smartly. "I say they're gone. Come on- lets get out of here before some-"

The door opened again and Lothvaen wrapped one arm around the orcling's waist and the other covered his mouth. They slid behind the couch again.

"Lurtz?" the two in hiding looked at each other. "You in here, runt?"

Lurtz looked up to find his brother glaring at him. "I'm here."

"Where have you been? Azog's looking for you," Bolg growled. "You here alone?"

"Yes," Lurtz said quickly. He climbed over the couch and walked slowly to his brother's side.

"Why were you hiding behind the couch?"

"The wizard was here," Lurtz said. Bolg snorted.

"What? You scared of him?"

Lurtz shook his head, making a face, "_No_, I just don't like him. Are we staying with the prince tonight?"

"No," Bolg said, relieved. "From next week we're gonna be stuck with a bunch of elves I can't beat up."

"They're not that bad," Lurtz said, "And you can always beat up the other orcs. You always say they are idiots."

"Or I could beat you up," Bolg hissed gripping his younger sibling by the arm. The orcling whined painfully; struggling to free himself.

"Dad said you can't hurt me!" Lurtz whined, "Lemme go! Stop- you're hurting-"

A heavy book collided into Bolg's head knocking him over a chair. The orc grunted in pain as Lurtz looked at Lothvaen with a shocked expression. The elf looked at the book in his hands startled- he couldn't believe he had just done that. Bolg got to his feet, growling at the elf.

"You stupid fucking whore!" Bolg growled, "I'm gonna fuck-"

Lothvaen smacked him once more with the hardcover book knocking the orc once more to the ground. He finished by tossing the book on the orc's head.

"Come on, Lurtz," Lothvaen said, gripping the orcling's hand. "Lets go- quick before he gets up!"

Lurtz allowed the elf to drag him out, surprised that the elf had finally defended himself and the orcling from his abusive psychotic brother!

"Wow, that was awesome," Lurtz said.

"It felt awesome," Lothvaen smiled, before he panicked. "Oh crap! He's going to kill me!"

* * *

No I dont know why I made Fig Lurtz's daddy. But I dont care, the perks of fanfics is anything goes. Besides, I needed a way to introduce MPreg so, TADAA!

peace and chicken grease

afro


	20. Chapter 20

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 20/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 20

* * *

"You did what?!" Thranduil asked, startled. "Are you okay?!"

"I'm fine," Lothvaen said, his voice high-pitched from his nerves.

"Are you sure?" Erestor stood beside him examining the elf closely. Lothvaen nodded, shyly.

"It served the dickhead right," Lurtz said, he stood behind the elf with the biggest grin gracing his face; his fangs unnerved the elves.

"There's something else we need to tell you," Lothvaen said, softly. He looked around wondering where Legolas and Saelbeth were. "Where are they?"

"Asleep, it's late," Thranduil said, "Well past both of your bedtimes."

"Can I sleep here tonight?" Lurtz asked, turning to Lothvaen.

"Uh, I suppose so," Lothvaen turned to Thranduil for permission.

"Sure, go on, you have a room here anyway," Thranduil shrugged, pointing at the door. "Go to sleep- we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

Lurtz let out a passive grunt and headed towards the door. Once he disappeared inside, the three elder elves lead the smaller one outside. It a dark but starry night, the moon shone over the small lake magically.

"Your father arrives in a few hours," Erestor said softly. He gathered his nephew's hands into his own and squeezed them affectionately. "I am so sorry you had to grow up away from us. Not knowing whether or not you had a family, if they loved you or wanted you; but you will never, ever be alone again. I am so proud of you, and so full of joy that we have found you again. After tomorrow we're going to take you home. Those orcs will never go near you ever again. Any of them."

Lothvaen by now was wrapped up tightly in the elder's arms; he had never felt safer in his life. But something troubled him.

"Wait… what about Lurtz? I- I can't leave him behind," Lothvaen whispered. "Please don't make me leave him behind."

"You wont have to," Erestor said, before he added somewhat hesitantly. "After all, he is family."

"Th-thank you!" Lothvaen hugged the taller elf tightly, wiping away at the few tears that escaped his reddened eyes. Erestor held him even tighter, pleased by the reaction.

"There is something we have to tell you," Glorfindel said, "Before tomorrow and without anyone over hearing us."

"I have something as well," Lothvaen said, softly. "Its about Legolas."

The three elder elves froze and stared intensely at the elf. Lothvaen backed away slightly, unnerved.

"What is it, pen-neth?" Erestor said gently.

"Lurtz and I overheard the white wizard in that room- we hid behind the couch," Lothvaen said, "He was talking to another elf about Legolas- they plan on taking him after the wedding, when Azog has you distracted-"

"-Fuin," Thranduil replied, "We know, meldir. He has been playing our people for months now- he betrayed his people. And now he threatens my son."

"Why is he so interested in Legolas?" Lothvaen asked.

"He is Legolas's grandfather," Thranduil muttered, "From his mother's side. He blames my father and me for what happened to his daughter. She was Legolas's mother-"

"Why would he blame you? You obviously loved her didn't you?" Lothvaen asked, his brow rising.

"I did once," Thranduil replied, softly. "She was put in a institution after she tried to drown Legolas when he was a baby. She killed herself when she-"

"-you said she was killed by orcs," Thranduil gasped startled when he turned to find his beloved child staring at him with wide teary eyes. "Wh-why would she try to- she didn't love me?"

Thranduil's heart broke at the expression in his son's eyes. The boy looked devastated and heartbroken.

"Legolas-"

"-Shut up! I'm talking to my adar," Legolas held a stiff hand up at Erestor, who looked at the child with an expression of disbelief. "Ada! Tell me the truth! Why did you lie to me!? She hated me!"

"She was sick, Legolas- she never hated you- never," Thranduil said, quickly moving forward to his son. The boy moved back, shaking his head.

"She hated me- what did I do? Why did she-"

"You did nothing, do you hear me?!" Thranduil raised his voice slightly. He felt anger course through his veins; he wished she had never killed herself. At that moment he wished he was the one that killed her. The broken look on his baby's face distressed him. He pulled the boy forcefully into his arms, ignoring the boy's attempts to free himself. "You did nothing- she was insane- her father is insane. I wont let anyone hurt you- do you hear me. I love you more then anything on this earth. You are more loved then you know- your uncles all love you, your aunts, your cousins, your friends, Thorin and the boys adore you."

"I want to go back home," Legolas sobbed helplessly. "I want _ada _Thorin!"

Thranduil smiled, holding his son tightly. "We will see him tomorrow, I promise- this will all be over tomorrow-"

"-Don't marry the orc, ada, he's disgusting," Legolas hissed, "Marry Thorin- he's just hairy!"

Thranduil snorted weakly as Glorfindel burst out laughing. Erestor smacked him across the shoulder shushing him.

"I won't," Thranduil whispered, "I promise- tomorrow I need you to stay as close to Lothvaen and uncle Erestor and Glorfindel until everything is over. It will all finish tomorrow- we will go home back to Thorin and our boys."

"You promise," Legolas whimpered, snuggling into his father's arms.

"I promise," Thranduil murmured, "Come now- let me get you back into bed. We all need to be well rested for tomorrow."

"Love you, ada,"

"I love you more," Thranduil whispered. He turned to his friends, "I'll be back soon."

"It's okay, we will fill him in," Erestor said, he had his arm around Lothvaen who leaned in eager for the embrace. "Take your time, look after him tonight."

"He needs the extra TLC," Glorfindel said, gently stroking the boy's long locks. "Good night pen-neth."

* * *

"Everyone's out," Oropher said, with smirk, "That wine is brilliant, never a let down."

"Good, we can get out the drills and work faster- our door opened in an hour," Thorin said. "The wedding hall is currently being attended too. Bilbo has led the elves from Imladris down there- your servants are helping them hide the weapons under the table- good old masking tape."

"Good, good," Oropher said, "What about Calardan, Aniror, and Silinde? Are there elves ready to free them?"

"Yes," Thorin said, "Faerveren and a few of his men will free the two elves and a few of my men will attend to Silinde-"

"I wish to go there first- before we head to the hall, I need to see with my own eyes that he is okay," Oropher said, "That creature… He has hurt my most loyal advisor in ways you cannot imagine."

"I do not think I wish too," Thorin said, "In that case as soon as we let you out tomorrow we'll get him out first- Bofur can take him to the trucks and-"

"Thorin, we have a problem!" Balin's voice sounded. Thorin bite his lip. "The prince- that man-child- Aragorn followed us- he took your motorbike-"

"He took Minty!?"

"You named your motorbike Minty!?" Oropher asked, with a raised brow. He wondered about his son's choice suddenly.

"Where is he!?"

"I'm here, Balin's exaggerating! It's not a problem-"

"-You could be killed! Now we have to add you're to our list of worries!" Thorin hissed, gripping the boy's shoulder's angrily "What the hell were you thinking!? And what do you think you are doing riding my bike!? She isn't some toy bike that anyone can ride- she deserves special-"

"_Dude_! It's a bike," Aragorn growled, pushing the dwarf off him. "I had to get here- I didn't want to stay behind! You know what this means to me!"

"You wont get anything out of killing Denethor!" Thorin growled. "You're going to stay by my side do you hear me- and when we get those elves, you're going to go back with them to the trucks! You're going to stay there-"

"You're not my dad! You cant-"

"Be silent boy!" Oropher hissed, "We have not the time for the problems of a juvenile delinquent!"

"He killed my father!" Aragorn screeched.

"Shut up! You're going to wake the orcs up!" Dínendal hissed. "What's wrong with you!? We've all lost someone to the orcs!"

"He wasn't an orc," Aragorn muttered, his voice breaking in his fury. "He is the steward of Gondor! He-"

"Shhh," Thorin pulled the boy close and silenced him with ferocious hug. "He will be punished- he will not get away with what he had done to you or your father. There will be cameras everywhere tomorrow- do not be the king that punishes his people."

"Thorin is right," Oropher said, "Be a fair and just king. Make your father and your people proud."

"Reveal his treachery- let everyone see him for who he truly is," Thorin said. "Be the bigger man, son."

"Can I at least punch him?" Aragorn sniffed, stiffly.

"Break his nose if you want," Thorin shrugged.

"Has Ereinion arrived yet?" Oropher asked, "When he does arrive, do you think you could call him down here- I wish to speak to him."

"We can try," Balin replied.

* * *

"If that was truly Oropher I will eat that crown he had made for Thranduil's majority feast," Gil-Galad grunted.

"The pokey one?" Lindir asked. "With the red leaves?"

"Aye," Gil-Galad replied. "Oropher still denies it was his idea, blames Thranduil for the design."

"I would believe him, sire," Lindir smiled, knowingly.

"Get some rest, Lindir," Ereinion said; smiling at the minstrel, "We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

"You should rest too, sire," Lindir replied. The King arose and took the minstrel's hand in his own, pulling him along.

"Come now," Ereinion smirked, "How could I possibly rest with out you in my arms; you overgrown parrot."

"I resent that nickname," Lindir laughed, "I do not in anyway resemble a parrot!"

"You did after the twins drenched you in honey and feathers a few years ago," Ereinion chuckled; he pulled the smaller elf into his arms and fell back onto the bed. "The beds of Mirkwood- we have yet to christen them!"

"Ereinion!"

"What!? We have time," Ereinion said, nibbling on a pointy ear.

Something creaked behind the bathroom door.

Lindir sat up, startled by the sound, looking around, "What on earth was that!?"

"Hell if I know, stop changing the subject," Ereinion grunted, pulling the elf down again, he climbed above the minstrel, sucking passionately on his neck.

"No love bites! I'm preforming in a few hours- everyone will see them!" Lindir gasped, "Oh, that's good!"

"Will you two get a room?"

Lindir almost screeched, covering his mouth hastily as Ereinion fell flat on the ground. Both elves looked towards the voice to find Erestor shaking his head at them.

"How did you get in here!?" Lindir gasped.

"Passages," Erestor smiled, "I walked in on Tauriel in the shower a few minutes earlier- thankfully she didn't see me…"

"You perve!" Ereinion gasped, "I always knew you were a voyeur!"

"You told me to find you once you had arrived," Erestor said, "Here I am, in one piece- was everything okay when you came in?"

"Aye," Ereinion replied, "How are things on this end?"

"Everything is going swimmingly," Erestor replied, "The dungeons have been broken into- the wall Oropher spoke of has been fixed into a door so the king will be freed tomorrow morning. We can't do it any earlier-"

"-Not with out someone finding him gone," Ereinion nodded understandingly. "Once the ceremony begins everyone will be distracted. They will have an hour to get to the halls; Oropher will be there on time easily."

"Aye," Erestor nodded, "I hope so; our main concern after the king is free is to protect the prince- Fuin has betrayed us. He aligned himself with Saruman."

"We should have killed him during the war of the ring," Ereinion growled. "He will be dealt with tomorrow- he has plagued the good people of our world for too long."

"He had Thranduil drink a potion," Erestor said. "One that has given him a womb, he will be able to create life like a woman."

"Thranduil is going to kill the wizard himself," Ereinion grumbled.

"I know that look in your eyes, Erestor," Lindir looked at his cousin firmly. "No! It is not worth it- there will be a price to pay- Saruman will see to it!'

"I want a child, Lin," Erestor said sadly. The younger of the two wrapped his arms around his cousin holding him tightly.

"I know, I know better then anyone," Lindir whispered. Erestor's eyes widened, Lothvaen seeped through his thoughts.

"Lin, there is something you need to know," Erestor murmured, "You may want to sit down, though. My Lord, King Oropher wishes to speak to you- I'll show you to the passages; you just turn left and keep walking down until you get there."

Ereinion nodded and placed a kiss on Lindir's forehead as he squeezed Erestor's shoulder affectionately. "I will return soon."

* * *

"Buttercup!?" Ereinion whispered through the hole. Oropher lit up as he arose once more.

"Eri? My old friend, it is good to see you," Oropher said, trying to peep through the hole. "Sort of."

"Are you okay, meldir?" Gil-Galad asked, "Are you hurt?"

"I am fine, I just need to ask you a favour," Oropher said, "I am not sure what will be the outcome in a few hours but I know one thing, my son and grandson will survive and be fine."

"You will be fine too, Mellon-nin," Gil-Galad hissed, "I won't allow you to be harmed!"

"Are we alone?" Oropher asked.

"Aye," Ereinion said.

"Gil- my concern is my son and grandson- you know I love them both more then life itself," Oropher whispered, "I could not live with out them. Fuin has betrayed us; all because of his daughter; Legolas's mother. Please do not let him harm my son or take my grandson. I do not know what he wants with the child; but if he was what spawned that evil woman I will not take the chance and leave my grandson with him. She never loved my son or the child- all she wanted was the title. Thranduil's decision to remove them from the palace for Legolas to grow up away from the palace was what spurred her hatred of the child."

"She planned to kill him from the beginning?" Thorin's voice sounded horrified, "What kind of monster was she!?"

"Thorin has arrived," the dark haired King said, startled. He had not seen the dwarf- but he was there the entire time.

"The kind that felt no remorse," Oropher whispered, "I went to see her when she was locked up; I thought perhaps she was suffering from depression or I don't know-anything! But she threatened my babies again- she even threatened to harm Thranduil again if I did not meet her demands."

"Again?"

"I never knew what she meant by that," Oropher murmured, "I never told Thranduil any of this- I never wanted him to be hurt – if he every knew that she used him and never cared for him, he would be shattered. He still thinks to this day she killed herself."

"You killed her?" Thorin muttered. Ereinion's eyes widened; this was the first he had heard of this- he too was kept in the dark.

"No, but I had her killed… Only Silinde knew the truth and the man I sent to have her killed," Oropher muttered, "He caused her to overdose on drugs; it looked like a suicide. He died a year later so the secret died with him; Silinde's loyalty to Thranduil is unwavering, it was his suggestion. I regret taking a life but I know I would do it again in a heart beat to protect my boys."

"I hope you would too," Thorin said, "I cannot see my life without either anymore."

"I am sorry I misjudged you, Thorin Oakenshield," Oropher whispered, "I treated your relationship with my son like a disease before I even met you, simply out of fear. I apologize and I hope you will be able to forgive an old fool."

"Fool perhaps, but old?" Thorin smirked. "I will forgive you if you make sure you stay alive tomorrow. No one is allowed to die- do you hear me?"

"Aye," Ereinion smirked, "You are after all the most stubborn elf I know- if anyone can allude death it is you."

* * *

Once Erestor finished telling Lindir his tale, he looked up hesitantly at his cousin. He spared little detail; he knew his cousin would not rest until he knew every detail. Lindir looked distraught; his cheeks covered in streams of liquid, his eyes puffy and red.

"I've failed him, Tor," Lindir whispered, "All these years, the slave of a brutal orc; treated like an animal- Worse! I should have been there for him- I should have protected him!"

"This is not your fault," Erestor said, firmly. "If you are to blame anyone blame the orc- he is the one of took our child away! He is the one who hurt him and the orcling."

"The orcling!? _**It's an abomination**_-"

"-No, it is a child," Erestor whispered, "He is your grandson- he is my nephew- he did not choose to be born in such a horrendous manner. Lothvaen cares for him; he does not want to leave him behind."

Lindir breathed out weakly. "For my son then; I will house the orcling only because of my son. He has been through enough. I will not hurt him anymore."

"You never hurt him," Erestor said, sharply. "Stop blaming yourself- it is as much my fault as yours- I should have travelled with the guard and his mother too!"

"It would not had made a difference," Lindir gasped, "I would have lost you too, they were overwhelmed. You were never at fault!"

"And neither are you," Erestor said, "After today, we will take him home once more. No one will ever hurt him again."

Lindir nodded, "**Never again**."

* * *

In the darkness, a golden haired balrog slayer slide into a room; he had quietly walked through the passages until he made it to a sign that was labelled with glitter as _Sourpants_. Glorfindel entered the evil wizard's bathroom quietly looking for any sign of life; he found none as he crept through to the main room. He slowly opened the door to the bedroom; knowing well he risked everything being there now.

If he was caught in here, it was not his life only that would be in danger. He risked Erestor's life; he risked jeopardizing the entire plan. He had to do this though; it was something Erestor wanted; he couldn't risk asking the wizard, he would most certainly demand something in return; something that would be too high to pay. Finding the room deserted, he quickly began to search for his prize. He had no idea if the wizard even kept any available at all times or if it was something he brewed, as he needed.

He had to try though; so far he found poisons; many poisons and a potion to cure the runs. Glorfindel decided to put that one jar down; disgusted that he had even touched it. A small blue vial was all that was left; Glorfindel picked it up reading the old elven language inscribed on the bottle.

He found it! The wizard had some in stock! Glorfindel grinned to himself stupidly.

Given he had to mix it with a few more ingredients and checked by a wizard. He could ask Mithrandir or even Radagast.

No, he wanted to live; he'd ask Mithrandir!

The elf pocketed the vial and headed to the bathroom, as he opened the door and entered, the door to the room opened. Glorfindel froze frightened- he left the door to the secret passages wide open behind him. Acting quickly but carefully he closed the door as silently as he could. He scrambled over to the passage's door and entered quickly, he pulled the door shut behind him and rested his head against the frame of the door. He was safe now.

A cold hand rested on his bare shoulder; it took all his strength not to squeal in fright.

"Celeborn! Was that really necessary!?" Glorfindel hissed.

"You knew I was here! You told me to come with you!" Celeborn grumbled, they began to move away from Saruman's chamber. "Did you get it?"

"Yes! I think its this, is Mithrandir here?" Glorfindel asked. "I want to take it now!"

"You can't take it now you blithering fool," Celeborn hissed. "You said Thranduil was out of it for hours- we need you tomorrow!"

"What if it doesn't work after!? I lose my only chance," Glorfindel murmured, "I need to do this, for Erestor!"

"Do you think Erestor would agree to your idiocy right now," Celeborn snapped, "Why else would you ask me to come along and not tell him! Give it to me; I will take it to Mithrandir, he will fix it for you after this is over. We need you now, Balrog Slayer."

* * *

"Why's Ecthelion glaring a hole into the back on your head?" Orophin whispered to his older brother. "Rumil! Don't look!"

"What?!" the youngest of the three said, pouting.

"He's mad because I let Aragorn leave for Greenwood," Haldir shrugged, "It's not like he could have stopped him. Aragorn is a human- they're stubborn. Ada said so and when a human says something changing their mind is impossible! Something to do with their IQ levels."

"Didn't Nana tell him his IQ wasn't much higher," Orophin asked.

"Yeah, he wasn't happy about that," Haldir smiled. "Is he still looking at me?"

"Yeap, actually he's getting up and he's making his way over here now," Orophin said. Haldir's smile disappeared. "You're in trouble!"

"Shut up, goody two shoes," Haldir muttered, just as Ecthelion sat beside him. "Look! I said I was sorry! I'm fifteen- what was I suppose-"

"-Shhh, I'm not mad," Ecthelion said, quickly. "I do not feel safe here- something feels wrong about the mines."

"What? A Balrog?" Rumil asked, rolling his eyes.

"No, you smartass," Ecthelion said, "Something else- everyone who went knows we are here. That thing- the shifter- from what we understood from Thranduil and Erestor it absorbs the memories of whomever it shifts into."

"So?"

"_Everyone who went knows we are here_," Ecthelion repeated. "If that thing attacks anyone it can come here as anyone. It could come back as Elrond, or Thorin, or Aragorn or even Legolas- we wont know."

"So what do we do?" Haldir asked. "Teach Elladan and Elrohir to wield a sword?"

"No, of course not- they'd probably kill each other," Ecthelion said, eyes wide in horror. "Or whoever tries to train them- which would be me!"

"What do we do then?"

"We leave," Ecthelion said, "Take everyone and head back to our place- it's big enough to house us all and the backyard is big enough for the young ones to play."

"Yeah, but there is a lot of us," Haldir said, "There's the three of us, Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen- and all the elves from Imladris; there's about nineteen of them, there's Kíli, Fíli, and Gimli and the few other dwarves. I think there were ten of them. There's you and the four dwarves and the hobbits. Isn't Uncle Thranduil's place bigger?"

"No, some of the rooms are bigger but the house itself no," Ecthelion said, "Look, it doesn't matter where we go- so long as we are not here. I cannot shake the feeling that we wont be safe here."

"Should we go now?" Haldir said.

"Haldir, everyone is asleep but you and I," Ecthelion smiled, pointing at the two elflings who had fallen asleep in each other's arms. Together the elves manoeuvred the elflings down until they were resting on the mattress, covered in a warm blanket. "We will go tomorrow morning right after breakfast. You should get some rest too- I won't sleep until this is over."

"but-"

"I'll be fine, pen-neth," Ecthelion smiled, "I will talk to the others tomorrow when they awake. Sleep, I will keep watch."

"Good night uncle," Haldir yawned.

"Good night."

* * *

Thranduil sighed, as he looked himself in the mirror; his hair was braided for the first time in a thousand years. There was a reason he never braided his hair; it was far too long for him to braid on his own- it grew way past his hips. The braid behind his left ear was loopy and Thranduil felt his temper flaring; he was going to tear it out in a moment. He let out a huffed breath; while he knew everything would end today the outcome was completely out of his hand.

He had no idea if he'd even walk away alive; or if anyone would be all right by the end of the day. He was terrified and found himself taking out his fear on his hair. He smiled weakly at himself; he had to keep his faith. Thorin had come down to see him only an hour before the sun rose; he sat in the dwarf's arms for a few minutes allow himself to be comforted even if it was a short time. Thorin had assured him that Oropher and the enslaved elves would be freed in a few hours; but the dwarf's expression showed uncertainty.

Thranduil jumped when a gentle tapping on the bathroom door caught his attention. He opened the door to reveal Erestor who smiled at him, worriedly.

"Are you ready?" Erestor asked. Thranduil shook his head as Erestor placed his hands on the taller elf's shoulders. "Everything will be okay, meldir, you will see."

"You don't know that Erestor," Thranduil said, fearfully. "We don't have a clue what could happen today. What if that thing or Saruman know of our plans? We could-"

"Shhh, shhh," Erestor wrapped his arms around his friend tightly. "Everything will be fine; trust our friends. No one will let us down, everything will go according to plan."

Thranduil nodded, pushing himself away from the elf, "You are right, I am wrong to doubt our plans."

"Come on, lets get dressed," Erestor said as the three younger elves entered the bathroom, "I'll fix your hair, your braid looks as though a child braided it."

"Can you braid my hair too uncle?!" Legolas asked, brightly.

"Absolutely," Erestor nodded. "In fact, I think I might go and find Glorfindel; he can braid our hair the way the warrior elves of Gondolin once braided their hair. We are after all warriors today."

"What? You're going to hit everyone with your books," a familiar voice sounded from outside of the bathroom. Thranduil followed the three elflings and Erestor outside. There stood Elrond, in deep purple robes standing before his in-laws. Galadriel was dressed in a pale purple long-sleeved dress looking immaculate as her long blonde locks fell around her face; a smile looking at him adoringly. Celeborn and Glorfindel both wore tuxedos, their hair braided out of their faces.

"Elrond!" Thranduil laughed happily, hugging each elf in turn. "I have missed you! Celeborn, Galadriel! Are you well? How are all the children?"

"We're all fine, meldir," Elrond laughed. Even though a short time of two weeks had past it felt as though they were seeing Thranduil for the first time in a millennia. Celeborn pulled Legolas up into his arms holding him tightly as the boy wrapped his legs around the elder elf. "We saw the orc a few moment earlier- he seems… well, nervous."

"Thranduil has it wrapped around his fingers," Erestor shrugged, "Why I am surprised though, I don't know…"

"Did you braid your hair?" Elrond smirked, eyeing the wonky braid.

"I see your eyebrow has grown back," Thranduil replied dryly. Elrond glared at him as Thranduil stared back indifferently. "Nice robes, did you steal these from Galadriel too?"

Elrond chuckled, "I raided your wardrobes."

Thranduil smiled, "Yeah, its my drag queen attire."

"I think we should just fix your hair now," Elrond blushed slightly. "After all we only have a few hours and knowing you, getting ready will take more then what time we have!"

Thranduil nodded as he sat himself on a chair undoing his messy braid. Glorfindel ran his long fingers through the long locks.

"Warrior braids please," Thranduil said, relaxing into the touch.

"But it's a wedding!"

"No, it's a war," Thranduil corrected. "I want everyone to wear warrior braids."

"Wouldn't that kind of give us away?" Galadriel said, "You said there is a spy in our midst?"

"Aye, Fuin, my ex-father-in-law," Thranduil nodded, "I have Tauriel scouting him today. He will not get away with uprooting my life or my son's."

"Who's going to do my hair?" Legolas asked, resting his head on Celeborn's shoulder.

"I will, pen-neth," Celeborn said, softly.

"I will do Loth's," Erestor smiled as he squeezed his nephew's hand lovingly. The younger elf smiled at him as he sat down allowing his uncle's nimble fingers to make quick work of his hair. "This reminds me of when I use to do your father's hair; it felt as soft as yours does now."

Galadriel smiled as she pulled Saelbeth towards a chair, "I shall do you hair, pen-neth. You have grown so much since I last saw you. You are looking more and more like your mother every day."

Saelbeth smiled weakly, as she too began to fix his blonde locks. "I have my adar's eyes… I am scared for him."

"Your adar will be fine," Galadriel whispered, softly in his ears. "It will not be long before you are safe in his arms again, pen-neth."

Saelbeth nodded, his smile growing slightly. The Lady of Light was right; he'd be with his father soon enough. In the meantime, he and his fellow kin would prepare for a wedding.

A moment later all the elves were in awe of Thranduil. He excited his bedchamber dressed in silky teal coloured robe, a crown of silvery mithril and autumn leaves adorned his head.

"If your father was here this moment, he would be so proud," Glorfindel sniffed. Erestor ran a palm across his face.

"No, I'm sure he'd tell me to take the crown off," Thranduil smirked. "And besides, the wedding is to an orc- if this was a real wedding, my father would have my head, you half-wit!"

* * *

"Is everyone at their post?" Thorin asked. Behind the wall Oropher sat with Dínendal on the ground watching as the orcs, now awake and sporting hangovers, arose and peered into the cages looking relieved to find their prisoners still imprisoned. Faerveren nodded.

"All the elves are ready behind the walls of the Hall," Faerveren said, quietly. "Tauriel says her guard is at the ready; she has Dulinner in his chambers on lockdown. He cannot wait to free Calardan, but his hastiness may cost us. I suggested he should join us here; at least that way I can keep him in check."

"It might be a good idea," Thorin nodded, "He's a little hard-headed."

"I think my father dropped him on his head a few times," Faerveren smiled, "He means well though; he is just-"

"Worried about his lover," Thorin said, "I can understand his fears. Why don t you go and get him, uh melon-deer?"

"Meldir," Oropher corrected through the hole, chuckling in amusement.

"Stop spying on us!" Thorin smirked as Faerveren headed off with a smile on his face.

"How do we know when to go in?" Bilbo asked, "If we go in too early we might endanger everyone."

"The wedding starts at noon directly," Thorin said, trying to sound indifferent. "Bofur's sitting by the halls waiting to give us a word once the ceremony starts."

"Thorin, we will succeed today,"

"I know, Bilbo," Thorin smiled, at the hobbit. "I have my best friend by my side; what could go wrong that we cant handle- a stupid dragon sweeping down on us?"

"Don't jinx us!" Bilbo said, sharply. "That's all we need! A confounded dragon!"

* * *

Yay! New update!

I'm up to chapter 4 of BD2 and I'm also in the middle of writing a long fic about Erestor- I'll be posting that after I finish BD2 unless if I finish it first- its writing itself!

Only 5 more chapters of this left! Whoo Hoo!

Peace and chicken grease

afro


	21. Chapter 21

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 21/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

You **don't** under stand how hard it was not to write 'you fools' after Nori's opening sentence this chapter.

* * *

Chapter 21

* * *

"You think we should move?" Nori asked, "And how do you suppose we get there? Fly?"

"It isn't safe here," Ecthelion said, "Everyone knows we are here. Thorin, Aragorn, Celeborn, Bilbo- that creature is able to take the form of any of them- as well as their memories. We wont know it's here until it is too late."

"Then how will they find us if nothing happens?" Gin asked, "If we leave and nothing happens with that shifting thing?"

"They will work out we moved," Ecthelion said, "I was thinking perhaps we could head to the school? It is not too far from here, I could leave a letter behind to let them know where we are; I will write it in Quenya. Only a few elves know how to still read it."

"And if he touches one of those elves?"

"He absorbs memories," Ecthelion said, "I do not believe he is capable of absorbing languages."

"So what if he can?"

"We will deal with him then," Ecthelion said, "Staying here may be a massacre- we have nowhere to hide here- at least in the school we have access to many classrooms; places to hid the children while we deal with it."

"If we do leave, now would be the best time," Bombur said, "While everyone is occupied at Mirkwood."

"I think we should leave too," Gin said nodding. "And at least the school is closer to our homes. If we are under attack we could even have the children run to one of our homes while we keep our enemies distracted."

"Who will protect them if we're distracting?" Nori said, "Ori, bless his soul, is too naïve to be any use… A bit of an idiot at times too… Don't tell him I said that."

"Haldir will," Ecthelion said, smiling slightly. "It is his home that is closest to the school- all he has to do is lead the children through an alley way and a small forest- he has taken the route many times. He should be fine."

"We don't have much of a choice," Bombur said, "The mine could be turned into a tomb- we may have weapons here but the only way out is through the front gates or down into the mines- and that's too dangerous for the little ones."

"The school has several exits," Ecthelion said, "And no alarms, so we can break in easily. I thought of calling the principal but well, I don't have his number and we don't want attract any attention."

"Okay, okay, we better tell the kids then," Nori said, "we can pack up the weapons and start to make our way there."

"Alright," Ecthelion nodded, relieved. The darkness that plagued his mind eased slightly.

* * *

"The orc is in the hall," Bofur said, "I can see Celeborn, Galadriel and Elrond too. I think the wedding has begun; everyone is coming in. Send words down to Thorin, it's show time."

The messages were whispered through the secret tunnels, Aragorn and Dulinner were the last to receive the message only a few minutes later. Thorin nodded when Dulinner whistled softly at him. The dwarf tapped at the wall, capturing Oropher's attention.

"It's time, can you warn your elves?" Thorin hissed. Oropher nodded before he spoke a few loud words in elvish.

"Shut yer mouth," An orc growled at him from the door, a moment later it squealed and keeled to the ground; Thorin's sword collided with its throat; its head bouncing twice across the cold ground, as dwarves and elves and a hobbit barged through the opened escape route. Within minutes the orcs where overrun by their enemies and the King of Greenwood was free. Dinendal slowly followed his king out to where every orc lay dead or dying. The king's loyal subjects were soon freed, applauding their rescuers' as they were rewarded with weapons.

"Follow Faerveren through the hallways," Oropher commanded his troops. "Kill every orc you see; spare none. I will go through the tunnels to find Silinde, Calardan and Aniror with Thorin, Dulinner, Bilbo and Dinendal. Unless we are running late do not enter the halls until Thorin and I arrive, is that understood?"

"Aye," came the collective response.

"Be careful," Oropher said, gently, smiling warmly at his men, before he added with a cold voice. "Should you run across Fuin… I want him captured alive- he will pay for the pain he has caused my children!"

* * *

"Can we make them sandwiches?" Kíli asked his brother.

"Sandwiches? Why?" Fíli asked as Elladan and Elrohir raised identical brows.

"Cause orc foods probably gross," Kíli replied.

"Yeah, Kili's right," Rumil said making a face.

"Yeah, and Leggy loves nutella sandwiches," Fíli added. "And uncle Thranduil."

"We don't have bread here," Orophin said, "Or nutella."

"Maybe we could go to the shop and buy some," Elladan suggested. "But we'd have to sneak out-"

"None of you are sneaking out," Haldir warned, "Beside, we're leaving. We're going to the school, it's safer."

"From what?! I don't wanna go to school, it's Sunday!"

"From orcs," Haldir said, "That way we have somewhere to go if they find us. We have to keep in mind they might fail in Mirkwood today."

"They wont fail," Orophin said, "We have a lot of people there!"

"And they have a lot of orcs," Haldir said, "And it isn't just the orcs- there is a shape shifter- it can find us and be anyone. It might come back as ada or nana, or Uncle Elrond, or uncle Bilbo. We have to leave to somewhere no one knows where we are!"

"But how will Uncle Thorin, Uncle Thranduil and Legolas find us?" Kíli sniffed sadly.

"Uncle Ecthelion said he'd write a note and leave it behind in Quenya," Haldir said, "Only some elves can still read it; like uncle Glorfindel, or nana, ada and Erestor and I think Uncles Elrond and Thranduil."

"What if the shifter can read it?" Orophin said, "He can follow us here."

"We have more places to hid there," Haldir said, "I can also take us all to our place, we don't live that far."

"I wish we could still make sandwiches," Kíli pouted, sadly.

"Well, we do cross pass a corner store," Haldir smiled, "We could get bread from there, and a few spreads."

"Yeah, so we can make Nutella sandwiches for Legolas and uncle!" Kíli grinned. "Can we go now?"

* * *

"He's behind th-this door," Dulinner whispered, his hand rested underneath a glittery sign labelled 'Calardan/Aniror.' "We need to go-"

"-Wait," Oropher said, "You cannot barge in; we must go in quietly with the element of surprise if anyone is inside beside our two friends."

The young elf nodded at his King, his eyes darting around impatiently. Behind them Dínendal was kneeling by the wall; Bilbo holding him steadily.

"You okay?" the hobbit asked; the blonde nodded. "You look pale."

"I have not eaten well in a few months," Dínendal muttered, "I will be fine after today."

"Bilbo has the best pantry ever," Thorin whispered, with a smirk. "You should go over one day and help him empty it out!"

"I'm going to shave your beard off again!" Bilbo warned.

"You shaved off a dwarf's beard?" Dínendal gasped. "That's very brave."

"Or very stupid," Dwalin smirked.

"He retaliated," Bilbo shrugged, "Shaved my feet."

"I wondered why you had such a short beard," Oropher said.

"Oh, this was a year and a half ago;" Thorin said, "I just haven't let it grow- I like it like this. Bilbo's retaliation pranks always fail."

"That is an understatement," Bilbo grumbled. "My last prank ended up with him finding his soul mate."

"My son was a prank?" Oropher said, bluntly.

"So was I," Thorin said, "A prank that backfired on Elrond and Bilbo."

"Can I go in now?" Dulinner grunted. Oropher nodded, peering carefully through the small gap in the wall. "Is it safe?"

"There is an orc keeping guard in there," Oropher said, "We need to draw it closer to us, so we can kill it immediately."

"How do we-"

Oropher knocked on the door, still looking through the gap. He held three fingers up and slowly counted back to one. When his final nimble finger dropped he opened the door swiftly, knocking the orc to the ground with a grunt. Before another sound escaped the orc, Thorin ran Orcrist through its heart. Dulinner rushed over to the cage, sliding to his knees as he placed a warm hand on Aniror. The elf flinched weakly but then smiled at the sight of his comrade, the dwarves and his King.

"Thank you," Aniror murmured as Dulinner ungagged him. Dwalin unlocked the elf from his chain using nothing more then a bobby pin he pulled out from his beard. "Thank you… My Lord… Is that you?"

"Aye, meldir," Oropher smiled, kneeling beside the blond elf. Beside him Dwalin worked on freeing Calardan who looked up at Dulinner; his eyes watering. "All is well, are you able to stand?"

Aniror nodded; as he allowed his King help him to his feet. "Is that thing dead? Is Thranduil okay?"

"Not yet, they will be," Oropher said as finally the cage was opened and Calardan was pulled out of the cage, untied and ungagged. His arms wrapped around Dulinner's shoulders sniffling weakly.

"F-Fuin- he be-betrayed us," Calardan gasped, his voice uneven.

"I know, pen-neth," Oropher said, "He will be punished; Dulinner I need you to take them both back to the caves; Bilbo will go with you and Dínendal. They are not able to defend themselves now and the caves are the safest place for them."

Dulinner nodded as he carried his lover bridal-style. Calardan buried his face into his neck, the feeling of safety and freedom reigning in him.

"Dwalin, do you think you could go with them?" Thorin said, "I think Aniror might need help getting there and Dínendal wasn't too steady on his feet either."

"Aye," the older dwarf said gruffly, "What about that last prisoner though?"

"Thorin and I will go after him alone," Oropher said.

"You wont be alone," the group jumped as a new voice echoed quietly in the room.

"Bofur? What are you doing here? Are we too late!?" Thorin panicked.

"No, Thranduil just made his entrance," Bofur said, "He looks amazing."

"Of course he does," Oropher smirked. "He is my son."

"Always the modest one," Aniror mumbled. Oropher smirked widened.

"Go on you lot," Oropher smiled, they swiftly made their way back into the passages sealing the door. "We have an hour until the end of the ceremony- we shall go and free Silinde and then object to such a ridiculous union."

"Lets go," Thorin said. "Dwalin look after them?"

The tattooed dwarf nodded, "Be careful, old friend. I'll see you soon."

* * *

Thranduil took a quick look around, trying not to laugh at the disco ball hanging above the centre of the Hall. The hall looked absolutely divine; it actually looked much nicer then his first wedding. He definitely had more taste then his ex-wife then because it certainly wasn't Azog who planned anything or choose anything. He had not even chosen the tuxedo he was wearing. Thranduil eyed the pale orc; he smirked- the orc actually looked good. The red tuxedo stood out against the pale skin of the orc. Beside him Bolg looked as ugly as usual while Legolas and Erestor looked extravagant. Lurtz looked bored, but Thranduil had to admit looked slick in his tuxedo.

Lothvaen stood with Glorfindel, glancing over his shoulder to peer at the minstrel who was playing a beautiful tune on his harp. Lindir had his eyes closed, that didn't surprise the prince- Lindir always had his eyes closed when he sang or played. The music was enchanting as he made his way down the white-carpeted aisle. Around him elves, a few orcs and important men stood watching him; the elves, particularly the ones who had no idea what was happening looked disgusted.

Thranduil, himself, felt disgusted; even though he knew it was almost over and he would be free. The orc sickened him; his stare was intense. Eying Thranduil like he was nothing but a piece of meat.

Thranduil was going to sink a dagger into that neck the first chance he had.

He walked closer and closer to the orc and the celebrant; part of him felt as though he was walking to his doom. He was now forcing himself to continue down the aisle. He caught Elrond's eye and the elf smiled at him encouragingly. Thranduil smiled at him gratefully; his friends would give him strength now.

* * *

For the first time in months, he was unchained from the King's bed. The creature unchained him prior to leaving for the wedding ordering him to get dressed and be ready to make a quick get away. Silinde was tempted to head to the door and try and make his way out of the palace. He slowly pulled himself towards the edge of the bed, landing his bare feet on the ground. He shivered at the intense cold that ran up his feet and through his spine. The elf pushed him self up until he was standing; wobbling on the spot as he held tightly to the wardrobe nearest to him.

There were at least five wardrobes in the chamber and a walk in closet. His King had far too many clothes but the advisor right now was thankful. He slowly pulled open the top drawer and peered inside, pulling out the first thing his hand grabbed hold off. Silinde dropped the offending lacy item immediately blushing; that must have belonged to the King's beloved wife.

Who had passed thousands of years ago...

He closed the draw and opened the one underneath it; relieved to find a pair of black track pants and a grey jumper sitting above more clothing. He pulled them out slowly, his hands feeling strained by such a simple task. He stumbled back until he fell back onto the bed and slowly began to pull the pants on. Soon he slid into the hoodie, his body revelling in the warmth the clothing brought. He pulled himself to his feet and headed to the walk-in closet, he pulled the door open and let out a horrified squeal.

"Shh! Shh!" the shifter's hand covered his mouth as it pulled him into the closet, something short and hairy closed the door, sealing him in "Silinde! Calm down, it's me! It's really me."

The terrified elf pressed him self against the shelves refusing to look up at the creature. He buried his head into his arms shaking fearfully as two hands squeezed his shoulders firmly.

"Look at me, Silinde," Oropher whispered, "Look at me, meldir, look at me."

Silinde shook his head weakly, as Oropher spoke gentle elvish words in his ear, holding him tightly against his chest. That thing never spoke elvish to him; it was an uncultured creature.

"It really is you," Silinde whimpered, gripping Oropher's dirty clothes tightly. He could feel his King's warmth and love radiating off him; the shifter made him feel as though evil itself was encasing him. This was truly Oropher; he was safe.

"On your feet now, Silinde, we're going to get out of here," Oropher said, helping the elf to his feet. It was then Silinde noticed the two dwarves looking up at him, sadly. He looked away, his face burning with shame. He allowed himself to be led into a dark tunnel; unaware of his movements or where they were going.

"Bofur, will you be able to lead him to the group?" Thorin asked, feeling compassion towards the hurting elf. "We have to get to Thranduil now; I need to stop the ceremony; I promised him."

"Yeah, I'll stay with him," Bofur nodded. He gently pulled the elf towards him, not missing the flinch from the elf. "It's okay, I'm at your service."

"I will be back soon," Oropher said, gently. He pulled a few loose strands behind the elf's ear, noting it was much short then what it once was. "Bofur here, he will look after you until I get back. I need to go and see to my son."

"F-Fuin, he- he was the one," Silinde gasped, frightfully.

"I know, meldir," Oropher whispered, "I will deal with him."

"He- he wants Legolas," Silinde whispered, "And Sa-Sa-Saruman he made m- Thranduil drink a potion- he wanted him to conceive the o-orc's heir."

Thorin's grinding teeth echoed in the passages.

"We know, we have been keeping tabs on everything," Oropher said, he may have been imprisoned for months but he was not in the dark. "My only regret is not freeing you sooner."

"Fu-Fuin g-gave me to-to that th-thing," Silinde whispered, "He said I deserved i-it. I-I should have w-worked it out… He- he knows about her- wh-what happened to her. I d-don't know how he f-found out…"

"It doesn't matter- he will not succeed," Oropher said, he run a thumb down the elf's cheek, wiping away a stray tear. "Go on- go with Bofur, he will take you to Dínendal."

"Be careful," he murmured. Oropher smiled before he kissed the elf on his pale forehead.

"I will be back soon, with Saelbeth," Oropher promised.

* * *

"Relax," Dulinner said, watching his beloved pace the cave nervously, twitching. "Come and sit with me, Cal."

"Cant- that thing- he's going to kill the king- he has already changed into me for a moment, changed back directly into the king- it- it's barbaric- feels no remorse- even the orcs are not that evil- the king hasn't a chance- that thing can change into anything whenever it wants as quickly as it wants-"

"I thought it needed us close," Dínendal muttered, "He kept me caged under my bed."

"It kept you close cause it needed your memories," Calardan grunted. By the expression of confusion from the group he explained; "It told Saruman. It has a big mouth! Loves its own voice... It no longer had a use for you- I'm surprised it didn't kill you."

Dínendal shivered, the hobbit standing beside him squeezed his shoulder. "I was to be the scapegoat. They realised me overpowering a King- a hardened warrior killed by a small advisor is rather unbelievable."

Calardan stumbled slightly before he roared rather angrily. "Why are we sitting here!? We should be aiding our King!"

"Who's sitting?" Dulinner asked, his head moving in time with Calardan's swift and agitated movements. Calardan let out an angered cry before his closed fist collided into the stone. The elf let out a pained cry, clutching his most likely broken hand. "Cal! Enough! Calm yourself!"

"Egad! I think I broke my fingers!" the elf cried. Dwalin muttered under his breath about insane elves and what Thorin had dragged them into.

Dínendal turned to the hobbit, deciding to ignore his insane kin for the time being. "I am Dínendal, I do not believe we have been introduced.

"Bilbo Baggins," Bilbo said, "And if you tell me you are 'at my service' I will kick you!"

Dínendal looked at the hobbit, a blonde brow rising. "I have never met a hobbit before you, are they all as unusual as you?"

"No, it's just him," Bofur smirked. The company jumped in surprised but the three elves looked in relief when they saw Silinde leaning heavily against the dwarf.

"Meldir!" Dínendal stood up and made his way over, hesitantly. He knew what the creature had done to his friend. Dulinner on the other hand was clueless, his arms wrapped around the frail elf, not seeing the sudden reaction from the freed elf. Silinde flinched violently, shaking as the arms tightened. Calardan pulled his lover back with his good hand as Dulinner took in the elf's appearance. He looked gaunt and terrified.

"I am sorry, Silinde," Dulinner whispered. The smaller elf shook his head, looking at his feet.

"Here, why don't we go sit down," Bofur said cheerfully. "I've got a few pipes in my bag and some tobacco I stole from Nori- don't tell him though."

"I don't think these elves have smoked a day in their lives," Dwalin said bluntly as Bofur pulled the frozen elf towards a boulder, sitting him on it before he peered deep into his bag.

"Here, this will help cool our nerves while we wait," Bofur handed out the three pipes he had while Dwalin and Bilbo took out their own. "Anyone have a lighter? I think I've lost mine."

"So much for that idea," Bilbo sighed.

"These elves don't need matches," Dulinner said, with a smirk. The group stared as the elf picked up a stone and began to scrap it against the wall.

"Dul- stop that," Calardan sighed, "Seriously, it's the 21st century. No one -" Sparks ignited silencing the elf for a moment. "-huh… So what kind of tobacco is it?"

"How did you learn that? Girl Scouts?" Bofur chuckled as he lit up his pipe.

"He burnt half of Imladris," Silinde said, softly from his new comfort zone. He was leaning against Bofur, feeling himself relax for the first time in months. "King Ereinion sent him here as opposed to killing him."

"That was an accident," Dulinner grunted, "How was I to know dry grass and ale were highly flammable?!"

"That was the second incident," Dínendal smirked.

"I'm going to the halls," Dwalin shook his head and got up. He couldn't deal with stupid elves.

* * *

"Why are we making sandwiches again?" Frodo asked.

"Because everyone's scared," Haldir replied talking softly so that only Orophin, Sam, Frodo, Ori and the twins heard. "This way the kids don't panic- even Fíli's jumpy- he just shouted at Kíli and I've never seen them fight."

"But everything will be alright though, right?" Ori asked, innocently.

"I don't know," Haldir said, shaking his head. "We've just got to keep the faith."

"Isn't that a Bon Jovi song?" Elladan asked.

"Stop quoting Bon Jovi!" Elrohir smirked.

"Shut up," Haldir sighed, but smiled gratefully at the twins. "Come on- lets get this thing organised- otherwise we're going to end up with nutella and tomato sandwiches instead of cheese and tomato."

"Yuck," was the immediate response from all the children.

Standing beside the several hobbit and dwarf adults, Ecthelion smiled warmly at Haldir. He would make a great captain one day. If he relaxed a little…

* * *

Thranduil let out large yawn, his mouth wide as he released a grumpy growl. The celebrant stopped and stared at the prince. Thranduil stared indifferently; Erestor's stifled snorts amused him, however. The prince's thoughts wondered to his music collection; he'd go and find his dance music before the end of the day.

Thranduil looked around and smirked; by the large white wedding cake there was a bottle of wine. He wondered if it would be bizarre if he walked over, grabbed the bottle and walked back. The elf looked at the orc who was eying him suspiciously. Thranduil huffed and held his hand up to the celebrant.

"Just a moment," the prince said, poshly. Thranduil made his way over to the wedding cake to the surprise of the crowd.

"What are you doing!?" Azog hissed quietly. Thranduil smiled at him sweetly before he grabbed the bottle of wine.

"I'm thirsty," Thranduil said, smiling like a schoolgirl. He glanced at Elrond whose eyebrows looked ready to pop of his head. Galadriel was biting her lip as Celeborn had his fist stuffed in his mouth trying to prevent himself from roaring with laughter! Thranduil took his place beside the orc and tilted his head, still smiling. "Continue."

Thranduil popped the bottle open- the cork shot out. _Directly into Saruman's nose_; Lurtz burst out laughing as the wizard clutched his bleeding nose. The elves of Greenwood and Imladris adopted Celeborn's stance; fists blocking their laughter behind their hands. Even the shifter let out a chuckle.

"Whoops, this bottle has a mind of its own," Thranduil shrugged, indifferently.

"It's fine," Saruman hissed at the prince, before he eyed the celebrant. "Do not stop!"

Thranduil down the bottle as the celebrant reached the end of his dialogue. The orc growled as the celebrant reached the seven words Thranduil wanted to hear.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace," Thranduil held his breath, hoping beyond all hope that he would hear the two words from the mouth of his dwarf. The orc let out a snarky laugh at the silence; Thranduil closed his eyes disappointed when suddenly the doors screeched open.

"I-"

The doors slammed closed back on whoever opened them with a thump and a, "OWWW! DAMN IT!"

Thranduil, like everyone else in the hall looked at the door, no one moved a muscle. Azog growled beside him as the door opened yet again- this time slower. The crowd gasped.

"I object," Thorin pushed his way past the doors. Thranduil's head tilted to one side slightly as he watched in amazement as the dwarf make his way majestically down the aisle.

* * *

Faerveren panicked, his legion of elves from Imladris and the elves of Greenwood they had just freed stood outside of the Hall, surrounded by dead orcs. The celebrant had spoken the words and neither Thorin nor Oropher had arrived yet. He could not allow Thranduil to be married to an orc.

"I will object," he turned to his men, "We cannot wait any longer for the king. Be ready."

His men nodded but the elves of Greenwood quickly objected. He quickly silenced them.

"If we do nothing Thranduil will be married to an orc! We cannot allow that!" Faerveren said, "We only have- Thorin! Quickly! He has spoken those words already!"

The dwarf and the King of Greenwood finally showed up. Thorin rushed forward and before anyone knew what had happened the dwarf kicked the doors with his right foot, yelled "I" and then fell back promptly when the door backfired on him!

"OWWW! DAMN IT!"

"Yeah, they swing back when they are opened too hard," Oropher said, pulling the dwarf to his feet. "We will push it open- you just walk in there and object to that thing marrying my son!"

Thorin nodded.

Oropher watched as his son's dwarf walked through the doors, and spoke the words. The King smiled; the dwarf spoke like a majestic King.

* * *

Only 4 more chapters to go!

I would have updated earlier but I was distracted by Erestor...

peace and chicken grease


	22. Chapter 22

Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 22/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

* * *

Chapter 22

* * *

"ADA THORIN!" Legolas cried excitedly. His face lit up wanting nothing more then to run to the dwarf; but Lurtz held him in place. The boy whined slightly but stood still.

Thorin stormed down the aisle his eyes set only on Thranduil. Orcrist was in his hand, gleaming menacingly. Thorin almost stopped when he saw the bottle of wine in Thranduil's hand.

He didn't know why he was surprised though.

The elf kept a face of indifference, though Thorin could see through the blank expression. Thranduil's bright eyes said more then enough. They shone with both relief and love.

Thorin's eyes caught the pale orc's evil eyes glaring intensely at him. The dwarf glowered back with the same amount of ferociousness. Around him everyone in the hall arose, many surprised to see him; one group of people however were not in the least bit surprised. Ereinion nodded at Celeborn who slid quickly beneath the tables; several swords were held in place by masking tape. Celeborn's eyes widened; he tugged at one sword and breathe in relief; it was free and in his hand. He soon had each sword loose and placed by the feet of the elves standing around the table.

"Kill him!" Denethor's roar awoke the orcs from their startled daze.

Lothvaen acted quickly, making his way to Legolas and his son all the while dragging Saelbeth along with him, but as he reached for Legolas's arm Bolg's large fingers wrapped around his throat; Lothvaen gasped for air but was released by the sound of glass shattering. Red wine splattered everywhere after Thranduil broke the bottle of wine across the back of the head of the orc. The orc slid to the ground dazed and confused.

"Loth, take the boys and head for the exit," Erestor said, beside him Glorfindel caught a sword Ereinion tossed at him. Thranduil moved forward, eager to reach Thorin who was merely a metre away, however Azog was having none of it. The pale orc grabbed the elf by the wrist and pulled him into a painful grip, one arm wrapped around his throat, making it difficult to breath. Chaos rained in the hall as Oropher made a mad dash into the hall; followed by his loyal subjects. The King slew any orc that came near him; his eyes set on Thranduil who was being forced back along with the orc, Thorin following him; sword pointing directly at the laughing orc.

"Let him go!" Thorin hissed. Thranduil's eye sought out his lover's panicky; however when he saw Lothvaen leading his son right towards a familiar elf, panic turned to horror. Fuin backhanded the young dark haired elf knocking him hard into a cameraman bringing down both himself and Saelbeth. His once father-in-law grabbed his son by his long blonde locks. Thranduil struggled, crying out for his son; the child screamed for his father as he was tossed over the elf's shoulder and carried away from the chaos.

"Thorin help Legolas! Legolas!" Thranduil's cries were chocked out as he was pulled out of the hall, forced into the hallways. Thranduil felt some relief that Thorin had listened to him and turned to his son, abandoning the elf to the orc. Thranduil struggled helplessly in the orc's arms before he was thrown hard into a wooden cabinet. The elf let out a cry of pain as the orc's foot connected hard into his chest.

"I warned you, you little whore," the orc growled, forcing the elf to his knees by his hair. "You will lose everything by the end of today- we're leaving here now."

"Legolas… my son!" Thranduil gasped clutching at his nose. He let out another pained cry as he was punched swiftly in the face. Several more blows followed; hits to his chest, his stomach and ribs. The elf heard a crack or two; worse he felt them. His ribs cried in pain, as the orc's nail's dug into his shoulders, dragging him away from the hall. Thranduil realised the orc was heading towards an exit; directly to where many vehicles were kept. "let me go!"

"Shut up!" Thranduil's gasp silenced him as he was thrown head first into the side of a truck. He fell to the ground an unconscious heap as Azog opened the back seat and threw the elf in, closing the door behind him. The orc turned back; making his way back to the hall- he would find his sons first, and his slave and then the dwarf. He would break and defile both the elf and the dwarf.

* * *

Aragorn was the last of the group to enter the hall; he carried a sword in his hand. Eyes darting back and forth he found his intended victim. Denethor was yelling at the orcs to fight, behind him stood his two sons, Boromir stood protectively before Faramir, as the younger of the two looked on frightfully.

As Aragorn made his way over; his eyes full of fire Galadriel jumped on the steward holding him in a headlock as Celeborn used his wife's purse to head the steward across the head several times.

"Behind you!" Aragorn cried as the white wizard neared the couple. Celeborn turned around just in time to thump Saruman across the head with the same purse twice! Saruman retaliated tossing the elf over the fighting crowd directly into the cake. Galadriel kicked Denethor aside as she held her sword up to Saruman's throat, looking at him defiantly, but before either could move Celeborn came flying into the wizard tackling him to the ground. In the process covering the white wizard with cake and cream.

"Stay away from my wife!" Celeborn growled, punching the wizard across the face. The wizard let out a grunt of pain before he kicked the elf aside, directly into Denethor's arms. The steward gripped the elf around the throat unsheathing a small dagger from his side. He raised it above the elf's chest as Galadriel let out a gasp of horror. But before the blow could be dealt Aragorn thrust his sword forward; blocking the blow. The steward released the elf; Celeborn fell and scrambled quickly to his feet.

"You!" Denethor hissed. "You little bastard!"

"You killed my father!" Aragorn hissed. "He trusted you!"

"You will join him soon enough!" Denethor raised his sword at the boy only to be pushed aside by his youngest son.

"Dad! no!" Faramir cried. Denethor growled angrily at his runt of a son, knocking him to the ground.

"You filthy waste of space!" Denethor hissed, raising his sword to the child. What happened next was a blur to the heir of Gondor. Before he could fathom what had happened Denethor losing consciousness. Aragorn's sword had collided with the side of his head. Faramir cried out in horror as the elder sibling shushed his brother. Aragorn watched in stunned disbelief. He couldn't bring himself to kill the man responsible for his father's death; instead he hit him hard over the hard with the hilt of his sword.

"Ar? Are you okay?" Boromir asked, shaking the arm of the older teenager roughly.

"I- I think I killed him…"

"You knocked him out, served him right," Boromir said, glancing around quickly. He forced Aragorn's arm up when a figure approached them. The sword was held in the direction of the being. "Back off!"

"Aragorn? Are you okay pen-neth?" Elrond's soothing voice asked. He smiled assuredly at Faramir who peered through his brother's arms. Boromir still kept the sword at the ready, though Aragorn came to his senses, lowering the sword.

"Aragorn?!"

"He's my uncle," Aragorn whispered, pulling Boromir's hand down. "I killed him, Elrond… I killed a man."

Denethor choose then to let out a moan. Boromir forced Aragorn's hand and the sword in his direction.

"He is not dead, you merely knocked him out, you did what you had to do, Pen-neth," Elrond said quickly, "We will deal with him later, he isn't going anywhere. Take the boys to the caves- keep them safe."

"That's your uncle?" Boromir asked, with a raised brow.

"We're distantly related," Aragorn said, breathing deeply; "Come on, we're getting out of here- I don't want you to get hurt."

"Where are we going!?" Faramir asked. "And what's going to happen to our father?"

"Who cares?" Boromir muttered, "He just threaten to kill you!"

"Come on," Aragorn said, he picked up the steward's sword and handed it to Boromir. "This is yours now. Let's go."

* * *

Thorin charged down a hallway, clueless as to where he was going. He took after Legolas, though he wanted to follow Thranduil and the orc. Oropher stopped him, demanding he go after Thranduil making his decision for him. Oropher had a score to settle with the elf that took his grandson. Ereinion followed him swiftly refusing to leave the weakened King alone.

Thorin on the other hand was on his own, trying to work out where the orc had taken Thranduil. So far he was running blindly towards an unknown destination, hoping he his terrible sense of direction was working in his favour for once. The dwarf froze quickly when he saw the orc close the door he had just exited from. Thorin quickly slid behind a statue of a naked male elf, squatting behind the black marble that held the statue in place. The orc stalked passed and headed back in the direction of the hall. Thorin wondered where the defiler was going but stayed where he was; if Thranduil wasn't with him, then he was in the room the orc came from.

The orc was out of sight and Thorin made a quick dash to the room, sliding in and closing the door behind him. He looked around quickly finding himself in a large garage. The dwarf bit his lip as he made his way to each car, peering through the glass, until finally he found his elf lying, sprawled out across the backseats of a white truck. The dwarf quickly pulled the door open; he reached in to pull the elf out and as his hand rested on the elf's wrist he was kicked hard in the chest knocking him down to the ground. Thranduil sat up, clutching his ribs, looking surprised to see the dwarf.

"Th-Thorin!" he said weakly, trying to slide out of the vehicle.

"Ouch," Thorin grunted as he stood up rubbing his chest painfully, "I'm going to assume you thought I was that thing."

"I'm so sorry melamin," Thranduil whispered, dropping to his knees before the dwarf. He rested his head against the dwarf's chest, breathing out as the dwarf wrapped his arms around him protectively. "Legolas- did you get him?"

"Your father went after him," Thorin said, softly. Thranduil pushed the dwarf back, his eyes watering.

"Fuin still has him?" Thranduil sounded horrified.

"Your father will get him back," Thorin said, gripping the elf's face in his warm hands. "Now let's go we don't know how long the orc will be gone for- lets find passage way and then once you're with the group I'll go and find our son- okay?"

"I'm coming with you," Thranduil whispered.

"You're hurt," Thorin said, "You-"

"-I cannot abandon my son," Thranduil whispered, "He needs me! I need him!"

"I know, love, I know," Thorin said, firmly. "I wont abandon him either- he is my son now too remember?"

"Let's go-" Thorin covered the elf's mouth quickly. The door shot open as the orc barged in tossing Lothvaen to the ground. Lurtz ran in after him, clinging onto Lothvaen protectively as Bolg stumbled in clutching his head.

"I would find that fucking dwarf," Azog hissed, "But the elf is in the car. We're leaving for Mordor now, stop you're squirming, you useless slut!"

Thranduil flinched at the sound of a fist colliding into a cheekbone. Lothvaen's face rebounded off from another car as he dropped to the ground. Thorin dragged Thranduil behind a black car shielding them from the view of the orcs.

"Open the boot Bolg- the bitch can go in there," Azog hissed, pulling Lothvaen up by the hair. The elf swung out a closed fist, colliding it directly into the orc's cheek. The orc growled retaliating with a fist to the elf's stomach. Lothvaen sobbed painfully as Azog found himself tackled to the ground.

"Get the hell off him!" Lurtz roared, his nails carved Azog a new battle scar across his shoulder. Thranduil pushed Thorin forward.

"Help him," Thranduil whispered. "He's a good boy-"

Thranduil's sentence was cut off by Lothvaen's heartwrenching cry. The body of the thirteen year old orcling fell, his eyes wide as he gasped aimlessly for air. Lothvaen scrambled forward as Azog's eyes widened at the sight of his dying child. Bolg's expression was of disbelief but as the light left his little brother's eyes, he smirked.

"I told you I wouldn't be the one to kill him," Bolg shrugged.

"What-what did you do!?" Lothvaen gasped, "Lurtz- please- plea-"

"Get up!" Azog growled pulling the elf to his feet, forcing him to the car. Thorin stood up; glad he was a little shorter then the car- it kept him covered until he was close enough to strike "He was as weak as you! Get in the damn car before you-"

Thorin raised his sword and as he neared the elf, Orcrist at the ready. But before he could move Azog let out a pained roar.

A violin collided with the back of orc's head shattering the wood across his head.

Thranduil's eyes bulged- _Lindir had_ just broken an instrument across the head of an orc while Erestor jumped on Bolg, his left arm wrapped around the orc's head while his fist collided several times on the enraged orc's skull. He could see Glorfindel eying the scene with two raised brows having just run in after the two elves.

Thorin looked back at Thranduil and shrugged, but when Lindir was overpowered by the orc both Glorfindel and Thorin rushed forward, ready to behead the orc. However the orc fell to his knees dropping the elf- Lothvaen had kicked the pale orc right between his legs. Lindir looked at the young elf shocked before he turned his attention to his cousin who was struggling against Bolg. Glorfindel punched the orc in the face knocking him away from his lover as Lindir pushed Lothvaen towards his cousin and the Balrog Slayer.

"Go on, stay behind them," he whispered, and as he tried to follow them a set of nails dug into his wrist.

"Let him go!" Lothvaen cried out when Lindir winced painfully and was pulled towards the pale orc, thrown to the ground. The minstrel's eyes widened as a dagger gleamed above his head but before it was brought down against him the orc released a roar of pain. Lindir's eyes popped out of their sockets – Thorin had swung Orcrist down on the orc's outstretched limb- cutting off the hand that held the dagger meant for him. Azog let out a roar of pain.

Bolg, while he was stupefied, reacted quickly, his boot connecting to Thorin's head before he could do anymore damage- he dragged his father into the car. The car crashed through the garage doors leaving nothing but Azog's bloody hand and wrist behind. Thranduil limped over towards the knocked out dwarf and dropped to his knees beside him.

"Thorin? Melamin, wake up," Thranduil whispered.

"No! Not Minty," Thorin said, deliriously.

"Wake up, melme," Thranduil said, shaking him gently. Thorin's eyes opened slightly as he came to. "Are you okay, my love?"

Thorin grunted as before them Lindir pulled a bloody Lothvaen into his arms and held him tightly sobbing happily.

"My beautiful boy- how I've long to hold you in my arms," Lindir cried. Lothvaen snaked his arms around his father, breathing in the scent. It felt familiar; it was something he knew from long ago. "I am so sorry I did not find you sooner. I am sorry I failed you, pen-neth!"

"S'not your fault, a-ada," Lothvaen tested the new word on his tongue. He had never called anyone father before. He sniffled happily. "Please don't leave me!"

"I never will," Lindir promised. "I will take you home, my son."

Lothvaen broke suddenly falling to his knees by Lurtz's body. Lindir stood behind his son's trembling frame.

"I-I promised to take him home," Lothvaen whispered, "I- its my fault- I should-"

"Oh, Lothvaen," Lindir wrapped his arms around the mourning elf, "It is not your fault, my son."

"I should have protected him," Lothvaen broke in his father's arms. Thranduil helped Thorin to his feet who stared at the dead orcling in confusion.

"He was a good boy," Thranduil whispered, "He cared very much for his father. I could see it in his eyes- he loved you Lothvaen. We will honour him for his bravery, meldir."

* * *

Elrond fought through several orcs; they were overwhelmed by now. There were far more orcs then they had anticipated and while their number of causalities was low, the elves, dwarves and men were growing exhausted. Galadriel was amazing her son-in-law, tearing her way through the orcs easily, dropping double the amount of orcs then the any of the males.

Celeborn, still covered in cake, was struggling his way against Saruman. The wizard kept him separated from the crowd, using his powerful magic to overpower the elf. Elrond was struggling to make his way over to the elder elf- he knew if he didn't get there soon Celeborn would be overwhelmed- Saruman was merely toying with him now. He was barely able to stand, but still forced himself to his feet.

"I will not give up," Celeborn grumbled weakly. He bit his tongue trying to block his cry of pain as he was thrown again into the wall behind him- there was a cake print of his body against the wall. Saruman laughed, his evil laughter sending chills down everyone's spine.

"I tire of this," Saruman smirked, gripping his left hand together as though he was choking the neck of an invisible chicken. Celeborn gasped grabbing at his throat. The air was cut off- he couldn't breathe- he was go_ing to die_. The elf felt a wave of panic rush through him as he began to see white flecks of light and slowly everything darkened.

And then suddenly a_ flash of white light_ and he gasped for air. Celeborn looked up to his left, his heart relaxing in relief.

"Mithrandir," he whispered as the white wizard smiled at him before he turned his attention to the other wizard. "Took you long enough."

Gandalf gave the elf an annoyed look before he turned his gaze to Saruman.

Celeborn scrambled back and watched as the two wizards fought ferociously using nothing but their staffs and their minds. Slowly he made his way to his feet and rushed over to help an overwhelmed Elrond. He felt a sense of relief, Mithrandir was here now; all was well.

* * *

"What!?" the shifter's eyes reddened at the site of the empty bed. "Silinde, you better be in the closet."

The creature searched high and low, his eyes narrowing. Where on earth had the elf disappeared?

The door was locked from the outside, there was no way in or out through the door. He slid back into the chaos; two elves and a dwarf were making quick work of the orcs around them. The shifter leant the orcs a hand, slitting the throat of the nearest elf. He walked over the elf's fallen body smirking when the elf and dwarf moved back against the wall eying the shifter with fear and caution.

"Tell me, where is my conky?" he walked closer to the elf who raised a sword at the shifter. "Please, I asked nicely. I don't want to have to kill you both too. Well, actually I wouldn't mind."

The elf cried out in horror as his own sword was used to behead the dwarf. His breath caught in his throat as the dwarf's head rolled away from them. The shifter's grip hardened, squeezing the elf's wrist between his fingers until he felt the bones crack. The elf released a strangled cry as the shifter raised his hand above the elf's forehead. The elf gasped as the hand rested gently on his forehead, he gazed frightfully into the shifter's fiery eyes uncertain of what it was doing.

"P-please," the elf whispered, "What are you do-"

The elf gasped painfully, his eyes widening at the sudden strain coming from behind his eyes. He could see everything that had happened to him in the last few hours, days, weeks and months. "S-stop!"

"I'm going to suck out every memory in your system," the shifter smirked, "Until you are left with nothing but an empty shell."

The months turned into years and then into centuries. His mind played images of his three children; their birth, their childhoods, their school years and graduations, his eldest son's marriage, his own marriage to his beloved wife. The death of his mother and father during the war of the Ring, the marriage of his eldest sister, her children, her husband, his two younger brothers and their lovers. Arriving in Imladris a few centuries ago, serving under the High King. His memories were distorted, breaking in his own mind.

"Saes…"

"You don't have much stored in this head of yours," the shifter smirked, removing his hand. The elf gasped heavily leaning against the shifter. "But those passages, hmm, couldn't read that off Diney or Oropher at all. Perhaps I might just leave you alive; after all you are quite pretty. Shh, shh, shut up, no one cares what you have to say. Hmm, I can't carry you, all I want is my little concubine. After all, he might be carr- _**son of a**_-"

The elf fell to his knees as the shifter was thrown into the wall. Aragorn stood, his sword aimed at the demonic force. The elf weakly pulled himself towards the two boys that stood behind the prince of Gondor. Boromir helped him to his feet, all the while shielding his younger brother protectively.

"You little weasel!" the shifter chuckled; moving back. "Don't worry, I'll let you get away with that, but that's only because I'm not after you. I want my little treasure."

"Where's he going?" Boromir asked as the shifter slinked off into the shadow. Aragorn lowered his sword for a moment, but then swung it, beheading an approaching orc.

"I don't know," Aragorn said, "Lets go. You okay, Finol?"

The elf looked at him, nodding weakly. "The room is spinning. I feel nauseous."

"Come on," Aragorn said, frowning at the two dead bodies behind them. "We'll come back for them later, we have to get to safety. You're out of whack and Faramir and Boromir are too young- I have to get you all to the caves. We'll be safe there."

"I cant leave Ereon and the dwarf behind-"

"-I don't want to leave them behind either, but there is nothing we can do for them now," Aragorn said, "If we try and carry them with along with us we risk all of our lives. This will be over soon- we'll come back for them- I promise."

The raven-haired Imladris elf nodded, biting his lip as he frowned eying the two youths behind the Prince. He breathed out, "You are right, lead on."

"Boromir take the lead, I'm going to take the rear, Faramir stay between us and help Finol keep his footing," Aragorn said, "We just need to find the room we entered in and get to the passages."

* * *

"Stop squirming you little brat!" Fuin hissed, gripping the boy's shoulder in a vice grip. Legolas whined as they crossed another corner.

"I want my ada!" Legolas whimpered. "Let go of me. What do you want with me?"

"I'm going to take you home," Fuin said, "Your father has lied to you for so long- your mother wasn't killed by orcs- your grandfather had killed her!"

"She tried to kill me!" Legolas screeched, "She deserved it!"

"She never tried to kill you!" Fuin growled, backhanding the child so hard his head collided hard into the wall behind them. "Your father lied to you-"

"No, he _didn't_!" Legolas screamed, voice cracking at the end of the syllable. He tried to ignore the pain swelling in his head. "He told me the truth- I was a baby! She tried to drown me in a bath tub!"

"And your grandfather had her killed," Fuin hissed, "But it doesn't matter anymore- he will be punished for what he did to her! He or that filthy spoilt son of his will never see you again- let's g-uuuuuhhhh!"

The elf fell to his knees holding his privates as tears welled up in his eyes. Legolas punched him once more in the nose and then turned on his heels and ran. Rough-housing with Kíli and Fíli had finally paid off.

* * *

"Well, well," the shifter smirked gazing through the dark passages, eyes wondering back and forth. Hanging by his hair in the shifter's grip was Elrond, barely conscious. "I wonder which way is out, Rondy?"

The elf whimpered helplessly as the bizarre looking creature rested two hands on his prey, he fed on some of the elf's memories, enough to see Elrond talking to Thranduil and Thorin only a few hours earlier in the same place they stood now.

"Thranduil and Oropher did a great job hiding this place," the shifter smirked, he continued to dig into the elf's past. "Wow, you had a pretty wife, and the children, beautiful. The little girl's stunning and the twin boys; they seem rather mischievous."

"Stay aw…ay from them," Elrond murmured. He had no idea how he had ended up in the Royal chambers of the King. One moment he was fighting alongside his father-in-law and the next he was on his knees before a psychopath. He was unsure if anyone noticed his sudden disappearance.

"Huh, and here I thought Silinde was a pretty elf," the shifter smirked, "But the elf that's waiting for you a home- wowie! Exotic, dark hair, beautiful gem-like eyes, and that skin- he's dark for an elf, its a wicked tan. Let's see, tell me what his name is… huh Ecthelion- or as you like to call him Leo the Lion- I don't see it though, he's more of a panther. Ohh, but he's a tiger in the bedroom- and what a body!"

"Get- out of my mind!" Elrond blushed, angrily. Images of himself and Ecthelion tangled in bed invaded his mind. The hands squeezed his cheeks gently as it knelt before him. Elrond whimpered watching the creatures bizarre greyish-red skin change lightening, his facial features contorted until he was looking into a mirror.

"Don't worry, I wont kill you," the shifter smirked, "I'm not one for killing to be honest- unless if someone is in my way. I like my victims to feel their pain forever… I hope when I find Silinde no one gets in my way. Or any of those dear little children when I go for that pretty little jaguar."

"Don't hurt-" he was silenced by a swift kick to his head, knocking him straight out.

"Don't worry, I wont hurt myself," the shifter smiled, stepping over the half-elf. "Can't make any promises for anyone else though."

* * *

"Where is he?" Oropher asked. Ereinion shook his head.

"Where could he have taken Legolas?" Ereinion asked, "He doesn't know about the passages does he?"

"No," Oropher shook his head, "I kept them a secret for a reason. To be honest I couldn't trust Fuin after what had happened- he seemed too calm about what occurred- and then when I learnt the truth about his daughter, how she used my son- I've been wondering since that perhaps he was who put her up to this."

"All because of the throne," Ereinion sighed.

"Why is it nothing like this happens to you?" Oropher grunted, before he looked at his best friend, "Not that I would want any of this to occur to you."

Ereinion smiled weakly. "Oropher- wait, is that-"

"Legolas," Oropher whispered, the boy stumbled around a corner, and his lip bloody and eye swollen slightly. The boy smiled at his grandfather, and was ready to dive into his grandfather's arms but he froze.

"Stay away from me!" the boy hissed, stumbling backwards.

"Its me, ion-nin," Oropher said, kneeling before the boy. "It is really me, Thorin freed me, and he has gone to fine your father."

"Legolas, it is truly Oro-OW!" Gil-Galad was silenced with a kick to his knee.

"Legolas Thranduilion! Is that any way to treat your-" Oropher froze gasping, when the boy kicked right in the shin.

"He packs a kick," Ereinion winced.

"You don't say," Oropher squeaked, "Legolas- you're so grounded when this is over."

"Ata-da?" the boy sniffed.

"Now he believes us," Gil-Galad muttered. "You ground him and he believes you."

"He can't ground me," Legolas replied, quietly, looking over his shoulder.

"What happened Pen-neth?" Oropher said, rubbing his knees. "How did you get away from Fuin?"

"I kicked him in the balls," Legolas said, stiffly. Oropher choked on his breath as Ereinion smirked.

"I'll assume he heard that from the dwarf," the Noldor King grinned. "are you okay pen-neth?"

"Come," Oropher lifted the child into his arms, kissing the back of his head when Legolas snuggled into his neck sniffing. "We'll go find- gahhh!"

The King of Greenwood fell to the ground, dropping the boy unceremoniously. Ereinion spun around, his sword knocked out of his hand. The High King dropped to the ground, blood trickling from his temple where the offending weapon knocked him out cold.

"Fuin," Oropher winced, glaring at the elf standing tall above him and his grandson. The child clung onto him tightly, burying his face into his chest. "Get away from my grandson!"

"Shut up," a boot collided into his lower jaw, knocking him flat on his back. Legolas' scream was muffled into his chest as he squirmed and wiggled struggling to hold onto his grandfather, pulled forcefully by the malevolent elf. "Let go boy! We're leaving now!"

"Ata-da! Don't let him take me- don't want to go!" Legolas screeched. "LET GO! LET GO!"

"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID BOY!" Fuin roared, tearing the child away from his barely conscious grandfather. Legolas sunk his teeth into the elf's hand! He fell to the ground with a thud as the elf let out a string of curse words. "YOU WORTHLESS BASTARD! I'd kill you now, but I want you alive! I need you alive- Now come here!"

Legolas smacked the elf across the face and crawled under his legs, scrambling down the hallway; the elf hot on his heels.

"ADA! ADA! HELP ME!"

"Come back here you little brat!" Fuin growled as he grabbed hold of the child's long locks.

"ADA! ADA THORIN!" Legolas's cries echoed in the hall way as he was wrapped up tightly in a curtain the elf had pulled from a window. Fuin threw the boy over his shoulders; the curtain shielding him from the boy's rogue hands and feet. "No! No! Let me go! I don't want to go with you! Please! I want my ada! Don't hurt me! ADA!"

The elf carried him straight out into the sunlight, heading towards a sedan parked by several trees.

"Let go of my son!" Legolas looked up and let out a brief cry of relief at the sight of his father. Thranduil looked horrible, his face battered and bruised. "Legolas!"

"Ada!" Legolas yelped when he was suddenly dropped to his knees, a dagger held against his throat. The elf pulled him closed, dragging him closer and closer to the car. "Help me!"

"Let him go, you stupid tree shagging wanker!" Thorin growled. "I'm warning you- if you hurt one strand of hair on his head."

Legolas screeched when the elf pulled hard on his hair.

"What are you going to do?" Fuin hissed, "Either he and I enter the car and drive off with out you following us, or I slit his wee little throat."

"Ada!" Legolas sobbed, weakly. "Don't let him take me!"

"Please, let my baby go," Thranduil whispered, "Take me instead! Please let him go!"

"Send all your people inside, and follow them," Fuin said, sharply. "Two options, Thranduil- he dies or he lives. Either way you lose him."

"Please, don't hurt him," Thranduil whispered, gripping Thorin's hand tightly. Behind him, Oropher stood weakly, leaning on Glorfindel and Erestor while Ereinion stumbled beside him.

"You should have never had my daughter killed, King," Fuin hissed, Thranduil's eyes widened in confusion. "You should have known this would have backfired in your face."

"Your grudge is against me," Oropher said. "Release my grand-"

"-Enough!" Fuin tightened his hold on the boy, the dagger digging deeper into the boy's tender neck. Legolas sobbed weakly as Thorin growled, struggling to hold himself back. "I'm getting in the car- if anyone tries anything- the boy dies!"

"You hurt him and I'll kill you!" Thorin hissed. Fuin laughed, coldly.

"If the boy is dead, then I will die happy!"

"He is your grandson, you crazy fuck!" Glorfindel roared angrily.

"Be quiet you fool," Mithrandir hissed, smacking the elf with his staff. Saruman had disappeared after finding himself bested by the good wizard, so he followed his elven and dwarven brethren to the entrance of the palace. The entire population of Greenwood was drawn outside; desperate to protect their youngest prince.

"Ada," Legolas whimpered again, squirming helplessly in the curtain he was wrapped in. "_I wanna go home, ada Thorin_."

"LET MY SON GO!" Thorin growled, Thranduil held him back as the dwarf raised the sword in his hand. "You let my boy go now!"

The evil elf glared at the dwarf but then smirked. The look in his eyes had Thranduil's blood run cold. "I think I'd rather kill the boy- say goodbye daddy."

"NO! NO!" Thranduil screamed as the elf pressed the dagger to the elfling's neck. Legolas closed his eyes, taking one last breath; no one could help him. "LEGOLAS!"

* * *

dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Sorry about the extremely late update! I need a reminder to update more often. Or a good swift kick up the butt.

Peace and Chicken Grease!

Afro


End file.
